Mwahahaha.
Thanks for the reviews.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hummerhome
Katie: *sits down* Didn't find the DVDs.
Speed: *sits*
Anni: I think they're in the storage compartment.
Katie: Yeah I know, I found out from mister 'I like to read newspapers in the conference room for no reason'.
Carly: Anyone have batteries for the remote?
Missy: It ain't gonna work.
Carly: But...You guys told me it would.
Missy: Just give up.
Carly: That's positive.
Delko: Here. *grabs remote, smacks it against tv*
Tv stops buzzing
Everyone: *looks at Eric*
Lora: ...Did that scare anyone else?
Delko: What?
Colton: Dude, you just fixed the tv. That thing's been broken for like 2 years.
Delko: So? I'm not going to sit here and watch you guys complain about a metal box.
Ryan: THAT'S who he reminds me of.
Lilly: Look what I brought! JENGA.
Lora: YES! JENGA!
Colton: *whispers* Jenga.
Lora: *slaps Colton* Shut up, we get it.
Colton: *frowns*
Half hour later
Anni: *pulls block out* Okay no one move, no one move!
Calleigh: We can't really help the Hummerhome's movements.
Anni: PULL OVER! PULL OVER!
Horatio: We might have to, there's a patrol car behind us with his lights on.
Anni: Oh my God were you speeding?
Horatio: *looks down at spedometer* Um...Yes.
Lora: Way to go! *slaps Horatio's back* I knew you had it in ya.
Anni: Wait if we suddenly stop, I'll lose. Wrap it in BUBBLE WRAP! It should be easy to find right? I mean Horatio's made of it.
Calleigh: *looks out window* Everyone put your seatbelts on. No one here has a criminal record right?
Lora: I think we all do by now.
Horatio: Stay calm everyone. We were simply speeding. Nothing could go wrong.
Cop: *walks up to door, knocks on it*
Horatio: *opens door* Hello officer.
Cop: *chewing stalk of wheat* Huh. Where y'all headed?
Horatio: Russia.
Cop: *lowers shades* In this hunk a junk? What is this anyhow? Some kind of tour bus?
Horatio: It's a Hummerhome.
Cop: You guys a band or somethin'?
Lora: Yeah we're The Magnificent 13.
Horatio: Lora here's exaggerating. We're just some friends on a road trip.
Cop: Sir do you know how fast you were travelling?
Horatio: 14 over the speed limit.
Cop: Uh huh. *grabs out note pad* And since you were aware of your speed, why did you not slow down?
Horatio: I promised we'd get to Russia and we can't get there soon if we don't shag ass.
Lora: *lifts brows*
Calleigh: *covers mouth*
Cop: Sir, do you know how old you are?
Horatio: Yes.
Cop: You are aware you're not young enough to be saying 'shag ass' to
anything, right?
Horatio: I probably got that from one of the youngins.
Cop: Mhm. *writing* So, I'd just like to make sure y'all don't have any warrants or anything of that nature. You know, because a band of people in a giant tour bus might have immigrants, terrorists, sheep or exotic fruit.
Horatio: Sure. *hands over wallet* Everyone, hand over your wallets.
Everyone: *hands over wallet*
Cop: Thank you. I'll be right back.
Fifteen minutes later
Cop: *walks in* Okay. *sigh* Why don't we start from the top then.
Horatio: You found someone with a criminal record?
Cop: You all have criminal records.
Horatio: But we're also cops, well most of us.
Cop: ...You're cops with criminal records, trying to get to Russia.
Horatio: Oh no no no, we're not evading anyone or anything. We're on a road trip.
Cop: *writing* Mhm, I hear that a lot.
Horatio: *shows badge* I'm Lieutenant Caine from the Miami Dade Crime Lab.
Cop: Where's that?
Horatio: ...Miami.
Cop: Right.
Horatio: It's the truth.
Cop: Look, one of you has extensive drug charges, one of you has been kicked out of three different states and two of you went to prison for attempted murder and kidnapping.
Horatio: If it makes any difference, there are no hard feelings.
Cop: *places hands on hips* Mind if I take a look around?
Horatio: Not at all.
Delko: OH, but stay out of my closet.
Katie: *lifts hand* And my suitcase.
Colton: And the fridge.
Lora: And the glove compartment.
Calleigh: Not to mention behind the fake wall in the conference room.
Cop: ...
Horatio: *laughs* I know how bad this looks but really, we're good people.
Cop: *pulls out gun* Why don't y'all just have a seat on that couch right there.
Horatio: Sure. *sits*
Cop: Everyone.
Lora: Ack! *jumps onto couch*
Carly: Excuse me, but not all of us can fit.
Katie: No worries. *jumps onto Speed's lap*
Speed: *frowns*
Carly: Thanks. *sits on couch*
Cop: *opens fridge* ...You guys got enough beer in here to intoxicate an entire army.
Katie: Some of it's Vodka.
Cop: *opens closet*
Guns fall out
Cop: *looks down at floor*
Horatio: They don't look like exotic fruits to me.
Lora: Nope, definitely not.
Calleigh: And they aren't sheep.
Cop: *scratches head* Um...You know what, I'm just going to cuff everyone for my safety.
Horatio: There's a bunch in my closet if you need 'em.
Everyone: *looks at Horatio*
Horatio: They're for criminals.
Lora: The criminally sexy? *brows bounce*
Horatio: No. Regular criminals like you and me.
Ten minutes later--everyone in cuffs
Katie: I feel like I've been in this situation before.
Speed: *sigh* Jesus.
Katie: Yep, definitely been in this situation before.
Jess: This is fun! I haven't been arrested in...Wow, years.
Delko: Mine are kind of tight, can I get it loosened?
Cop: No.
Delko: Fair enough.
Lora: Does this mean we're STILL not going to Russia? Bugger.
Speed: KATIE!
Katie: What? What did I do?
Speed: Please stop whatever the hell you're doing.
Katie: My hand got itchy.
Speed: Uh, officer?
Cop: Yes.
Speed: Can she sit on the floor for her own safety?
Cop: No one moves.
Katie: HA.
Speed: *kicks Katie off couch*
Katie: AH!
Cop: *points gun at Katie* Don't move!
Katie: *screams*
Lora: Thank you. Please shoot her.
Cop: Get on the couch.
Katie: I can't, there's no room. Don't patrol cops know how to see basic shapes and spaces?
Ryan: I do.
Lilly: You're not part of this hun.
Ryan: I know.
Katie: *sits against couch* Is this good enough? I'm still touching the magical safety couch.
Cop: Don't move or I'll blow your head off, I swear.
Speed: *kneeing Katie in the back*
Katie: STOP IT!
Cop: *looks up at stairs* What's up there?
Horatio: Our mobile crime lab.
Cop: You have a crime lab in your Hummerhome?
Horatio: Yes. We're CSIs.
Cop: So you...Take over crime scenes in other states..Without permission.
Horatio: Oh no no, we had permission last time. See one of my people was being threatened by a Venezuelan man whose family was slaughtered by the men of a murdered police chief but the guy didn't actually kill the police chief so he decided to kidnap my people.
Cop: ...
Horatio: It was very touch and go for a while.
Jess: I was shot.
Cop: Anythin' else I should know?
Ryan: There's a Slip'N Slide on the roof.
Cop: *shakes head* I think I hear the patrol cars gettin' here. Everyone stays put. *leaves*
Katie: *cuffs fall off* Perfect.
Ryan: How did you do that?
Katie: Oh I know my way around these babies. Now let's bust out of here.
Delko: Aren't you going to un-cuff the rest of us?
Katie: Oh! Yeah.
Lora: Wait, if we're going to get to Russia, we need the Hummerhome.
Horatio: Um, I don't recommend a high-speed chase.
Katie: Nonsense, it'll be fun. We need some motivation to stay on the highway. *un-cuffs Horatio with bobby pin*
Horatio: *gets into driver's seat*
Katie: *un-cuffs everyone*
Speed: Katie.
Katie: What.
Speed: You seem to be forgetting someone.
Katie: Who?
Speed: *frowns* Me.
Katie: I didn't forget you, I chose not to un-cuff you.
Speed: Why.
Katie: That's what you get for kicking me so just stew in your juices for a while.
Jess: So what if the cops catch us?
Horatio: *turns key* They won't.
Jess: You seem so sure about that.
Horatio: I know the art of evasion.
Hummerhome pulls away
Delko: *looks out window* I think they're onto us.
Sirens are heard
Lora: *turns on tv* Oh look, we're on the 5 o'clock news.
Everyone: *looks at tv*
Lora: That was fast.
Lilly: I know how these chases work. Watch out for spike strips.
Horatio: These tires are strip resistant.
Lilly: Sweet.
Lora: Haha they're calling us The Magnificent 13. YES, something stuck and I created it.
Horatio: Turn off the television please.
Lora: No way, I want to see how this turns out.
Lilly: Don't tip us over, okay? I don't think 'Hummerhome rollover' would look well on our criminal records.
Delko: And I don't want to get kicked out of California.
Jess: *gasp* Alena might see me on the news. YES! I can wave to her and everything.
Lora: Yes because "Top story: Crazy lady in Hummerhome rollover waves to camera." will appeal to the kid.
Jess: It might.
Horatio: *looks out side window* Oh no you don't. Don't you Pit Maneuver me. *turns wheel*
Lilly: AH!
Katie: ACK! *falls over*
Horatio: Sorry. It's going to be a bit rough. We're in a farmer's field.
Speed: Can someone un-cuff me now?
Katie: Fine. I suppose you'll need your hands when we're dying a firey death. *sits on couch*
Hummerhome bumps
Ryan: *hits head on window* OW!
Katie: *falls forward* AH!
Ryan: Geez.
Horatio: Sorry.
Katie: *un-cuffs Speed* Ugh.
Hummerhome tips
Lilly: WE'RE GOING TO DIE! *covers head*
Calleigh: Everyone on this side of the Hummerhome!
Everyone: *runs to one side of Hummerhome*
Hummerhome tips back onto field
Calleigh: Whew. *wipes forehead*
Hummerhome tips
Calleigh: Everyone on the other side!
Everyone: *runs to other side*
Hummerhome tips back onto field
Calleigh: I don't think we can keep this up, Horatio.
Horatio: No worries, we're about to hit a tree.
Hummerhome crashes into tree
Five minutes later
Horatio: *touches head* Is everyone okay?
Carly: I sprained my ankle.
Horatio: How did that happen?
Carly: Tv fell on me.
Horatio: Is everyone else okay?
Katie: *holding head* Um...This Hummerhome needs more airbags.
Jess: *holding arm* Ow ow ow.
Delko: Are you okay?
Jess: Yeah, but the knives fell off the counter.
Delko: *touches Jess' arm* We'll get it cleaned up.
Ryan: *looks out window* I don't see the cops.
Delko: *grabs paper towel* Maybe they figured we died.
Ryan: Oh wait, there they are. Looks like they all smashed into each other.
Missy: Ah ah ah! Nosebleed! *covers nose*
Horatio: *stands* Everyone accounted for?
Jess: Yep. 13 brambled up road trippers.
Horatio: Excellent.
Lora: *sigh* So Russia's going to wait?
Horatio: For now.
Lora: Ugh. You'd better have a Hummercraft up your sleeve.
Horatio: I'm going to see if I can get it. *opens cellphone*
Katie: We are
so not getting back to Miami in one piece.
Delko: One of us might. *tapes Jess' arm*
Katie: Great, it'll be Horatio. He'll get confronted by Stetler and be all "by the way, don't look in the freezer."
Anni: Horatio wouldn't stick us in a freezer.
Katie: Where else is he going to keep our chopped up body parts? Under the bed?
Anni: Ew.
Katie: I know.
Light falls from ceiling
Speed: *grabs Katie*
Katie: *screams*
Jess: Anything else that can kill us in here?
Fireball explodes from engine
Jess: ...That about makes sense.
Delko: Let's go. *grabs Jess* Can you walk?
Jess: Yeah.
Delko: Everyone out.
Lora: But the fire's nowhere near us.
Delko: Move.
Lora: Can I at least take my time and gaze at my surroundings?
Delko: You can gaze at your surroundings outside.
Horatio: *closes phone* Agreed, move out people.
Outside
Jess: *sits on grass*
Hummerhome explodes
Lora: *sigh* Well there goes the last Hummerhome.
Horatio: Um...*looks down at ground* That's not entirely accurate.
Lora: Are you serious?
Horatio: I may have saved...One.
Lora: YES! *hugs Horatio*
Horatio: But still...My Hummerhome. *sigh*
Ryan: That was your fault though this time, H.
Horatio: I know. Pity.
Lora: At least there weren't like a thousand bullets being shot at it or anything.
Horatio: That's impossible.
Lora: Apparently not.
Calleigh: I left all of my shoes in there.
Ryan: Don't worry, you can buy new shoes.
Calleigh: But...It's not the same.
Ryan: The shoes didn't have names or anything like that, right?
Calleigh: ...No.
Ryan: Right.
Missy: We should really consider horseback riding everywhere. They don't explode as much.
Horatio: The Hummercraft is on the way so we can camp out in the field tonight.
Ryan: How are we supposed to keep warm?
Calleigh: ...The singed edges of the Hummerhome?
Horatio: If we stay close, we'll keep warm.
Lilly: We're in California. How cold could it get?
Night
Lilly: Okay I'm freezing.
Ryan: *wraps arms around Lilly* Better?
Lilly: You're cold too.
Ryan: Well my whole plan just got screwed over.
Katie: *clicking lighter* On, off. On, off. On, off. On, off. On, off. On, off. On-
Speed: *grabs lighter*
Katie: *frowns* I was keeping warm with that.
Speed: You were giving everyone epilepsy with that.
Katie: So what? Close your eyes and go to sleep.
Speed: I can't sleep with incessant clicking.
Anni: How about we all shut up. Good idea? Great.
Jess: *rubs arm*
Delko: Is that bothering you?
Jess: It's just a little sore.
Delko: Here, let me take another look at it.
Jess: Okay.
Delko: *unwraps bandage*
Jess: OW! OW!
Delko: Sorry.
Calleigh: *narrows eyes*
Delko: Looks like the same arm that recently had a bullet in it.
Jess: Does it look infected?
Delko: No, just a little swollen.
Jess: Perfect.
Delko: You feeling okay?
Jess: A bit nauseated.
Delko: *touches Jess' forehead* Slight fever. Could be shock from the crash.
Jess: As if I had enough problems.
Delko: Just lay down, Jess.
Jess: *lays down*
Calleigh: She seems fine.
Delko: I think we should get everyone checked out.
Horatio: I agree. We'll do that tomorow first thing.
Calleigh: *frowns* So what are you, Horatio now?
Delko: Excuse me?
Calleigh: You sure seem to have the 'situation' handled.
Delko: I just suggested we get everyone checked out.
Calleigh: And you're the one that 'suggested' we leave the Hummerhome.
Delko: You would have said the same thing if I hadn't.
Calleigh: You wouldn't have said it
at all if Jess wasn't there.
Delko: What's your problem?
Horatio: Guys...
Katie: Ugh does this mean my DVDs exploded?
Ryan: They were probably the most potent thing in there.
Katie: *slaps Ryan*
Horatio: Okay everyone, let's try and get some sleep.
TBC..............................
