My First CSI story. CSI: Own Risk

I like to wait a couple to get further into it. Okay details, Context, suspense, surprise, is nicely done, you have kept to the story, only straying enough to keep the suspense going and folks on the edge of their seats.

Though I wonder if "Tbone" is any reference to our great Admin "TBonz"? If not I second the question how it is we remember him? Otherwise the story has kept me reading.
 
(I don't actually know where people know Tbone from. It was just a idea i had in my head. Anyway glad you are all enjoying the story. Time for the next scene.)

Outside Sara Sidle's apartment down the hallway Jim Brass stands his weapon raised with another officer. Behind him is Nick Stokes. Stokes also has his weapon raised. Grissom is at the back of the group Grissom has his silver CSI kit in his hand. Brass nods over to the officer and they both head over to the door. The officer stands at the side of the doorway as two more officers come down from the other side. One office covers the other side of the doorway with his weapon as the third officer swings a battering ram at the door. The door smashes open. Brass instantly scanning the room and heading inside. The two officers follow him in Nick Stokes comes in behind them weapon raised. One of the police officers checking the kitchen as Jim Brass and the officer check the front room. The officer from the kitchen shouts.

OFFICER1: Clear!

The second officer checking the front room with Brass shouts.

OFFICER2: Clear!

Both Brass and the second officer aim their weapons into the bedroom. Nick Stokes heading in closely behind them. They all hug the walls as they see the bedroom is empty. Brass nods over to the Officer and Stokes then over to the bathroom door. They both head over. Stokes covers the right side as the officer covers the left. Brass steps inbetween them and pushes the door open. The bathroom is small but empty. Grissom is heading into the front room as Brass comes out to him.

BRASS: She's not here! Who ever got her she's gone!
GRISSOM: Ok Brass. Clear the crime scene.

Brass points to the other two officers to leave as Grissom steps past him and looks round the front room. He walks over to the table looking down at it. The table completely tipped over. All the items on the table are all over the floor. Grissom crouches down putting his CSI kit down next to the table. He flicks on his small light and begins to pull a set of Latex gloves out his kit putting them on. He shines the light over table at the mess on the floor. Then he turns shinning it into the bedroom. Nick Stokes is standing there with his hands on his hips next to the bathroom door.

STOKES: God damn it!

Grissom stands up and walks over to Nick Stokes. Holding his pen light down as to not blind him.

GRISSOM: Nick?
STOKES: We was so close Grissom!
GRISSOM: I know Nick.
STOKES: Now he's got Sara too!
GRISSOM: Nick i need you with me now to process this scene. Can you do that?

Nick Stokes takes a deep breath fighting back the tears forming in his eyes. His face a little red from getting so emotional. Grissom nods at him. Stokes reaches into his CSI Sleeveless jacket and pulls out his small pen light. He turns off heading into the bathroom to look round. Grissom turns back round to the table and heads back over. He reaches down picking up the wet report from Los Angeles. A glass has smashed on the floor and there is also some see through liquid on the floor aswell. Grissom takes out a swab and swabs the water once he has put the wet report into a brown paper bag. Nick enters the bathroom and begins scanning the room with his pen light. The sink, shower and toliet are all empty. He turns to walk out when he spots something on the tiles on the floor. He crouches down. It's a see through liquid. He pulls a swab out his jacket and swabs it. The liquid is right next to the shower curtain. Nick Stokes comes out the bathroom to find Grissom at the bottom of the bed. He is swabbing a small blob of white goo on the floor.

STOKES: I found some clear liquid on the floor of the bathroom.

Grissom turns round he spots Sara's mobile phone laying on the bed. He walks over to it remembering it had been cut off about a minute after they had heard Sara Sidle scream. Grissom steps over picking the phone up. It's still open. Nick Stokes walks over and takes out a small finger print brush and a tub of powder. He opens the tub and rolls the brush in it. He then lightly brushes over the buttons on the phone. Grissom and Stokes watch as the powder doesn't pull up a print. Both their hearts drop. The person must of wiped the phone clean. Grissom turns the phone over to find some of the powder has stuck to something. Nick Stokes brushes over the side of the phone to bring up a print. It's only a partial print but both Grissom and Nick are sure it's the print they were after.
 
Excellent chapter. The concern shown by Nick is greatly felt by the reader, and Grissom trying to calm him down to work the scene was a really great addition. The details are fantastic, and the plot is still holding strong. Great job, keep it up. :)
 
Gawsh. I hope they find all of them soon. This was a really good chapter, as always. Please continue soon!
 
Back at the labs Grissom is inside the lab area. He is stood up holding the phone in his latex gloved hand. He is trying to bring the fingerprint up more. He is very carefully adding more powder to the weak partial on the side of the phone to try and strength the fignerprint before they can scan it through the system. The lab is busy with activity as workers are walking round talking, exchanging files and notes. These people have been working round the clock to asisst the Crime Scene Investigators in any way they can. Meanwhile on the other side of the labs Nick Stokes is trying to reform the glass that must of been smashed during the struggle in Sara's apartment. The job was slow and painstaking but he had to do it. Once the glass was fully reformed he could try and dust it for fingerprints. The glass itself had smashed into at least 40 peices. He had managed to put about 10 of them back together. He had started from the bottom of the glass which was always the most thickest part and very rarely broke in a fall.

Grissom had finished with the fingerprint on Sara's mobile phone. He took the phone over to the desk and placed it down. He then took out a tape lifter and carefully pressed it over the finger print. Once he pressed it down enough he carefully lifted the tape off and placed the card under it pressing it down. He turns and heads over to the finger print scanner and opens it up. He places the finger print down on the scanner and shuts the scanner lid. Grissom sits down and clicks the computer screen to upload the new print. He watches as the print is carefully scanned over onto the computer. Once the print has completely been scanned across. He then clicks on find. As Grissom takes off his Latex gloves and puts them in the bin the computer takes 7 points of refence from the partial print and begins scanning through the thousands of people on the database looking for a match. Grissom quickly gets up and heads out through the doorway and round the corridor over to where Nick Stokes is processing the glass.

Nick Stokes takes another peice of glass and begins to try and fit it into the broken glass as Grissom walks through the doorway.

GRISSOM: How are we doing?
STOKES: It's going to take me a little while longer. How about the print on the mobile?
GRISSOM: It's still scanning through the database. No hits yet.

Grissom takes a pair of Latex gloves and begins to put them on as Conrad Ecklie walks through the doorway. Conrad Ecklie is in his late 50's and bald on the top of his head. He has short brown hair on either side of his head. He is wearing a grey jacket with matching pants and black shoes with a brown t shirt.

ECKLIE: Grissom! We have a problem!
GRISSOM: And what problem would that be Ecklie?
ECKLIE: I need a CSI for a 419 that has just come in!
GRISSOM: Well Ecklie were short staffed! You take it!
ECKLIE: I have to be hands off this one! And i have been ordered to send a CSI!
GRISSOM: Why Ecklie?
ECKLIE: Because the person dead is the Major!

Grissom stops for a second. He lifts up his head looking over at Ecklie.

ECKLIE: Grissom! I don't like this anymore than you do!

Grissom then turns looking over at Nick Stokes. He shakes his head.

GRISSOM: Nick. You find out what happened to the Major and get back to me as soon as you can. It's your case!
STOKES: Son of a.......

Nick Stokes turns looking at Ecklie. He rips his gloves off and storms out the room. Ecklie turns to Grissom.

ECKLIE: You need anything? Call me!

Ecklie turns round and heads out of the room Grissom finishes putting his Latex gloves on and heads round to the other side of the table where Nick stood and begins working through the glass fragments.
 
Really good chapter.

One thing that caught my eye is Ecklie's age. I was thinking he was more in his late fourties, verus fifties. :p But I'm not sure, so don't quote me on that. Other than that, really good chapter. I'm interested to see what this next case brings. :)
 
Just read the last two chapters, Very nice, I agree with the emotions coming through, and keeping people guess while wanting to smack you for not giving them more clues is very good. :D

I love the fact that you are separating the paragraghs a bit more it is getting much more easier to read and at the sametime making a person want to read more. That is smart because of the fact that with a paragraph break like that it makes the story sink in, feel like a real episode, and allowed the reader to really feel what you are writing.

Keep up the good work. :)
 
The way you show emotion and cleary recreate the characters as close as someone can probably get them is fantastic and the way you leave us wanting more is a gift to you, burden to us, in a good way. More updates soon please!
 
Good job showing the anger....one of those cases where they'd all like to be on the one case but they simply can't. *Vounteers to join Nick throtting Ecklie* LOL
 
oohhh the suspense killing me...
great job,,, and i think nick is worrying of what happen to sara just to have another case with a dead mayor..
hope things get better...
 
(Hi. Sorry about taking awhile but here is the next scene. Hope the suspence didn't do to much damage. Hope you enjoy it.)

A large house on Cormwell Street. It's one of the areas for the rich and famous to live. Outside there are a bunch of Police Patrol cars. Most of the officers are holding people back from trying to get in. Also the T.V reporters have gotten wind of the murder of the Mayor and have come down to try and get some story and pictures. There are two officers talking by one of the police cars as Jim Brass walks away from them as he see's a CSI black Land Rover pull up. Nick Stokes gets out the driver's door and heads round to the boot. He opens the boot pulling out a camera he puts round his neck and his CSI kit. He turns round looking at the house. The Mayor's house is massive with large greek style pillars either side of the front door. Most of the building looked like it could of been built in the Greek times. Nick had been in Las Vegas long enough to know that if rich people wanted to live in Greek buildings they could afford too and they would. Nick Stokes shut the boot and began walking up past the Land Rover towards the front of the house. All the camera flashes going off behind him from the photographers. Jim Brass got to him just before he got to the steps. Nick turned to Brass.

STOKES: I can't believe this! Greg, Warrick and Sara are all missing and Ecklie has got me working a different case!
BRASS: Hey i hear yer! He forced me to take this one too.
STOKES: Well Ecklie's a pain we know that. Lets see if i can't close this case soon and get back to Grissom.

They enter inside the house walking through the open front door and into the front room. The body of the Mayor is laying face down in his blue silk robe. He has a wound to the back of his head. There is blood under his body from the head wound. Nick steps forward takes pictures of the body as Bras talks.

BRASS: All we have is his wife says she woke up to find him missing from the bed. This was roughly 1:30. She put her robe on and went downstairs thinking he had gone to get himself a drink. As she entered the front room she found him like this.
STOKES: Did she go to or move the body in any way?
BRASS: She says she ran up to her husband and lifted his head off the floor and held it in her arms before heading to the phone and calling 911. She also has some blood on her robe.
STOKES: Am going to need her clothes too.
BRASS: She is outside with the officers. I'll go and see to it.

Brass turns round and heads out the front door. Nick takes a couple more pictures of the body then opens his kit and puts his Latex gloves on. He crouches down looking closely at the body. He pulls out his little pen light and clicks it on flashing it over the body. He gets out a swab and takes a swab of the blood on the carpet. He then shines the torch light round the sides of the body. He spots some tiny droplets of blood heading away from the body. He takes a couple of markers out his kit and places one down next to a small tight pattern of three blood droplets. He takes a picture then steps past it spotting two small round blood droplets ahead. He puts the second marker down taking a picture. He heads down the corridor spotting five more closely grouped blood droplets halfway down the corridor. He places another marker down and takes another picture. There are two small droplets on the kitchen floor leading to the waste bin. He places another marker down taking a set of more pictures. He turns round flashing his pen light round the kitchen looking for anymore droplets.
 
Great chapter!

I'm kind of running short on time here, but I will say that you kept true to the characters, and the details were as excellent as ever. Keep up the great work!
 
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