MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
Good chapter, keep it up 
My First CSI story. CSI: Own Risk
- Thread starter RIPTimSpeedle
- Start date
Nicely done, have to admit that I thought, crap now Brass or Nick would up and disappear, I was waiting for it and it didn't happen, lol. I was like see this is why I said spoilers are rumors just when you think you know whats going to happen, its suspect cause you could be wrong.
Nice job keeping it close to the vest, descriptive and yet not over the top, don't rush while there is excitement for the next chapter take your time and keep your pace so that you keep going.
Nice job keeping it close to the vest, descriptive and yet not over the top, don't rush while there is excitement for the next chapter take your time and keep your pace so that you keep going.
RIPTimSpeedle
Witness
Back at the labs Gil Grissom was almost finished putting the glass fragments back together. They lab had quietened down from before. He had four peices left to put together. He had checked on the fingerprint running through the database but it had still not found a match. He was so focused on putting the glass back together he did not see Conrad Ecklie coming down the corridor and to the open doorway. Grissom continued as Ecklie watched him for a while. He put another two peices of the glass back into place and moving them round trying for different sides. Grissom then spoke up.
GRISSOM: What is it Ecklie?
ECKLIE: I was wondering if you had any new leads on the kidnapping case?
GRISSOM: Well Ecklie considering am now the only CSI working on it cause Nick is working on your Mayor's case. It's taking longer to work through the evidence than normal.
ECKLIE: Well where is Catherine?
GRISSOM: Catherine has a family emergency!
ECKLIE: Call her! Get her in here! We need all hands on deck tonight!
GRISSOM: And what will you be doing Ecklie?
ECKLIE: Making sure everyone is doing their work!
GRISSOM: Didn't you used to be a CSI once?
Ecklie smiles a small casual smile and turns. He begins heading back out the doorway. He shouts back to Grissom.
ECKLIE: Get Catherine in here now!
Grissom stops and takes off one of his Latex gloves. He takes out his phone walking away from the table and opens his phone pressing two on his speed dial. He put his phone to his ear and waited for Catherine to answer. After two rings there is a click.
GRISSOM: Catherine. I need you in work.......
Over the phone Grissom hears a message began to play. His heart sinks.
VOICE: Are you looking for Catherine Willows? Well she is a little tied up right now. Sorry Grissom.
Grissom freezes as the call cuts out. He stands there looking down at the phone. They had got them all. Catherine, Warrick, Greg, Sara and.....NICK! Grissom quickly speed dials 5. He puts the phone to his ear. After three rings Nick picks up. Grissom speaks quickly.
STOKES: Yeah Stokes!
GRISSOM: Listen to me carefully Nick you have to get out of there! It's a trap!
Grissom hears the phone cut off. He lost him. He lost Nick too!
TO BE CONTINUED.....
CSI CREDITS ROLL OVER THE SCREEN WITH WHO ARE YOU PLAYING.
GRISSOM: What is it Ecklie?
ECKLIE: I was wondering if you had any new leads on the kidnapping case?
GRISSOM: Well Ecklie considering am now the only CSI working on it cause Nick is working on your Mayor's case. It's taking longer to work through the evidence than normal.
ECKLIE: Well where is Catherine?
GRISSOM: Catherine has a family emergency!
ECKLIE: Call her! Get her in here! We need all hands on deck tonight!
GRISSOM: And what will you be doing Ecklie?
ECKLIE: Making sure everyone is doing their work!
GRISSOM: Didn't you used to be a CSI once?
Ecklie smiles a small casual smile and turns. He begins heading back out the doorway. He shouts back to Grissom.
ECKLIE: Get Catherine in here now!
Grissom stops and takes off one of his Latex gloves. He takes out his phone walking away from the table and opens his phone pressing two on his speed dial. He put his phone to his ear and waited for Catherine to answer. After two rings there is a click.
GRISSOM: Catherine. I need you in work.......
Over the phone Grissom hears a message began to play. His heart sinks.
VOICE: Are you looking for Catherine Willows? Well she is a little tied up right now. Sorry Grissom.
Grissom freezes as the call cuts out. He stands there looking down at the phone. They had got them all. Catherine, Warrick, Greg, Sara and.....NICK! Grissom quickly speed dials 5. He puts the phone to his ear. After three rings Nick picks up. Grissom speaks quickly.
STOKES: Yeah Stokes!
GRISSOM: Listen to me carefully Nick you have to get out of there! It's a trap!
Grissom hears the phone cut off. He lost him. He lost Nick too!
TO BE CONTINUED.....
CSI CREDITS ROLL OVER THE SCREEN WITH WHO ARE YOU PLAYING.
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
argh please post more soon!
ButterFlied92
Lab Technician
AHHHH! Gilbert Grissom to the rescue has a nice ring to it, eh? Well, the characters are right on target, the plot and suspense is absolutely perfect! Please update soon! I can't wait for more!
RIPTimSpeedle
Witness
OWN RISK PART 2
The Las Vegas skyline shown from five different angles in flashes. It shows some of the water features the Prymiad hotel, Athena's Palace hotel, and a sign board for tonight's show on one of the biggest Las Vegas stages. Back at the Mayor's house Nick Stokes is checking round the kitchen. He has not found any other evidence apart from the blood trail to the kitchen in the kitchen area. He has just finished checking the work tops for any signs of blood or blood splatter but there is nothing. He has already checked the rest of the kitchen floor. He turns back round flashing his small pen light over at the blood droplets. Right next to them is the bin. Nick Stokes walks over and crouches down putting his hand in the bin. He moves bits of wrapers and find a white dish cloth. He pulls it out and see's there is some blood on it. He opens one of his pockets on his CSI sleeveless vest and pulls out a plastic bag. He puts the dish cloth in and just seals the bag when is phone starts going. He pulls one of his Latex gloves off and reaches into his jeans pocket pulling out his phone. He see's it's Grissom calling and flicks the phone open putting it to his ear.
STOKES: Yeah Stokes!
Over the phone he hears Grissom in a panicked voice say.
GRISSOM: Listen to me carefully Nick you have to get out of there! It's a trap!
Before Nick even hears the last three words his mind is in action. He stands up turning quickly for the kitchen doorway. He flicks his phone shut pulls his Beretta. He holds the Beretta out at arms length as he walks for the doorway of the kitchen. As Nick steps through the doorway with the Beretta out infront of him a metal pipe is brought down smashing into the Beretta in Nick's hands. the Beretta slides out of Nick's hands across the floor. As Nick stumbles out into the corridor. Nick turns round and takes off running for the open front door. The masked figure running up the corridor right behind him. Nick's legs pumping to move him quicker faster. Just before Nick makes it to the doorway the lead pipe comes down on the back of his head. The blow sending Nick forwards through the doorway as Nick stumbles and falls onto the grass outside he shouts over to Brass.
STOKES: Brass! The killer's inside!
Brass has his weapon out ready and is by Nick's side within seconds. Nick is laying on the grass holding his head. As two other police officers come over to Nick with Brass. Nick pulls his hand away from his head to see a small amount of blood. Brass crouches down next to Nick.
BRASS: Nick are you ok?
STOKES: Yeah am ok!
BRASS: Get a medic over here now! You stay with him!
One of the officers stays with Nick and calls dispatch for medic. Brass and the other officer quickly head inside. Brass and the officer quickly bypass the front room as they hear a noise from the back of the house. Brass heads froward down the corridor stopping at the kitchen doorway as the officer moves over to the other side of it. Brass nods and they both head in swinging their weapons round. They walk in carefully checking everywhere. Brass walks over to the back door from the kitchen into the back yard. The door is partly open. He lowers his weapon looking out into the long back garden. The look on Brass's face showing the anger for not catching him. His phone begins to ring. He reaches in his jacket and pulls it out answering it.
BRASS: Brass.
GRISSOM: Nick's in trouble! The crime scene's a trap!
BRASS: It's ok. Nick got out. He took a blow to the head. But he's safe.
GRISSOM: What about the killer?
BRASS: He got away!
Brass closes his phone and puts his it away. He turns round putting his weapon back in the holster. Brass heads back through the house to the front door to see how Nick is doing. It goes to darkness as Who are you begins to play.
The Las Vegas skyline shown from five different angles in flashes. It shows some of the water features the Prymiad hotel, Athena's Palace hotel, and a sign board for tonight's show on one of the biggest Las Vegas stages. Back at the Mayor's house Nick Stokes is checking round the kitchen. He has not found any other evidence apart from the blood trail to the kitchen in the kitchen area. He has just finished checking the work tops for any signs of blood or blood splatter but there is nothing. He has already checked the rest of the kitchen floor. He turns back round flashing his small pen light over at the blood droplets. Right next to them is the bin. Nick Stokes walks over and crouches down putting his hand in the bin. He moves bits of wrapers and find a white dish cloth. He pulls it out and see's there is some blood on it. He opens one of his pockets on his CSI sleeveless vest and pulls out a plastic bag. He puts the dish cloth in and just seals the bag when is phone starts going. He pulls one of his Latex gloves off and reaches into his jeans pocket pulling out his phone. He see's it's Grissom calling and flicks the phone open putting it to his ear.
STOKES: Yeah Stokes!
Over the phone he hears Grissom in a panicked voice say.
GRISSOM: Listen to me carefully Nick you have to get out of there! It's a trap!
Before Nick even hears the last three words his mind is in action. He stands up turning quickly for the kitchen doorway. He flicks his phone shut pulls his Beretta. He holds the Beretta out at arms length as he walks for the doorway of the kitchen. As Nick steps through the doorway with the Beretta out infront of him a metal pipe is brought down smashing into the Beretta in Nick's hands. the Beretta slides out of Nick's hands across the floor. As Nick stumbles out into the corridor. Nick turns round and takes off running for the open front door. The masked figure running up the corridor right behind him. Nick's legs pumping to move him quicker faster. Just before Nick makes it to the doorway the lead pipe comes down on the back of his head. The blow sending Nick forwards through the doorway as Nick stumbles and falls onto the grass outside he shouts over to Brass.
STOKES: Brass! The killer's inside!
Brass has his weapon out ready and is by Nick's side within seconds. Nick is laying on the grass holding his head. As two other police officers come over to Nick with Brass. Nick pulls his hand away from his head to see a small amount of blood. Brass crouches down next to Nick.
BRASS: Nick are you ok?
STOKES: Yeah am ok!
BRASS: Get a medic over here now! You stay with him!
One of the officers stays with Nick and calls dispatch for medic. Brass and the other officer quickly head inside. Brass and the officer quickly bypass the front room as they hear a noise from the back of the house. Brass heads froward down the corridor stopping at the kitchen doorway as the officer moves over to the other side of it. Brass nods and they both head in swinging their weapons round. They walk in carefully checking everywhere. Brass walks over to the back door from the kitchen into the back yard. The door is partly open. He lowers his weapon looking out into the long back garden. The look on Brass's face showing the anger for not catching him. His phone begins to ring. He reaches in his jacket and pulls it out answering it.
BRASS: Brass.
GRISSOM: Nick's in trouble! The crime scene's a trap!
BRASS: It's ok. Nick got out. He took a blow to the head. But he's safe.
GRISSOM: What about the killer?
BRASS: He got away!
Brass closes his phone and puts his it away. He turns round putting his weapon back in the holster. Brass heads back through the house to the front door to see how Nick is doing. It goes to darkness as Who are you begins to play.
ButterFlied92
Lab Technician
Oh my gosh, what a relief! Phew! Yay, it's one of those moments where I can proudly say I was wrong. Update soon, as fast please!
okay so Catherines family emergency is definitly an emergency now. I wouldn't mind knowing a bit from each about whats going through their heads (the ones taken), maybe they are asleep and dreaming it, or they are quietly thinking it.:lol: Poor nick this dude can not get a break when it comes to injuries, I don't want to hear from his insurance company lol.
Otherwise nicely done, moving on to chapter two like that with the credits. staying with details, and the small flash back to the end of part one. Patients is doing well for you.
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
please continue!
