Jokes Thread

Don't worry, Laskari, I like your joke!
I also have one. I'm telling it because it's kinda simple to translate to English.

How was the Dutch language born?
-Drunk English seamen tried to speak German.
 
3 guys named bob bo and ron are wondering without food or water for 3 days in a field. they come to a farm and knock on a door. a farmer comes out they say hi sir we have been wandering for 3 days and are very thirsy and hungry can you help us? the farmer says yes i will under one condition dont go near my daughter or ill kill ya. they agree. that night at dinner the daughter comes out and is one of the most beautiful women they have ever seen. after their done they go to sleep. bob gets up and goes in her room they have sex then he goes back to sleep. bo goes in and they have sex then he goes back to sleep. ron goes into her room and they have sex he then goes back to sleep. the next day they wake up and go in the kitchen and the farmer puls a shotgun on them. he says you guys @#$$ed my daughter so now im gonna kill you. the guys beg for there life and the farmer says ok ill let you live just go fill these baskets up with fruit from the garden.
so bob fills it all the way up with blueberries.
the farmer then says if you can shove all of these up your but then ill let you live. he gets them all in except one then they all pop out and he dies. bo comes back with strawberries the farmer then says if you can shove all of these up your but then ill let you live and he starts lauging the farmer says what are you laughing for and he says ron is out in the garden picking watermelons :lol:
 
:lol: That's great. Now, imagine that substituted with pineapples...

Ok, mine isn't really a joke but instead a riddle. If you already know it don't spoil it, let the people figure it out:

The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one who uses it, never sees it. What is it?

Tell me if you guys need a hint.
 
Yeah, my dad tortured me with that one. He wouldn't tell me for days. When he coughed for the hint I was just as confused as I was in the beginning. I love that riddle.
 
Don't remember if this was here already.

A bear, a lion and a chicken met.
Bear said: If I roar whole forest is scared
Lion said: If I roar whole jungle is scared
Chicken said: Oh that's pathetic. I only have to sneeze and whole planet craps in their pants.
 
I get these bird flu ones a lot nowadays

NEWS FLASH!

In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu,
George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands.
 
That's a good mock News Headline.

Here's another mock news headline, this one is from the Onion

"Barry Bonds took steroids, reports everyone who has ever watched baseball."

This next quote is from Jay Leno

"The British government has asked people to conserve water. And today the entire country volunteered to give up brushing their teeth."
 
I don't know if this one has been said..but here it is(it is religious though...):

Saint Peter is standing at the gates of Heaven when nature calls. He asks Jesus to take his place and tells Jesus what to do.
After a while, an old man approaches the gates and Jesus proceeds to ask him some questions, "What was your occupation?"

The old man answers, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus asks, "Did you have any children?"

"Well," answers the old man, "I had a son, but he left me a long time ago. He had holes in his hands and feet."

"Father?" asks Jesus surprised.

The old man asks, "Pinocchio?"
 
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