Jokes Thread
- Thread starter glam_chic86
- Start date
heartagram69
Head of the Swing Shift
poor beckham haha, he is hot till he opens his mouth :lol:
I've got some hockey jokes for you.enjoy!
1- 3. All Hall Of Famers Go To Heaven :
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in Heaven. God is sitting in his chair and says to Lemieux - "Mario, what do you strongly believe in?" Mario replies - "I believe that NHL hockey is the greatest sport in the world and I am privelaged and honored to have been a part of it". To that god says - "take the seat to my left". God then adresses Steve Yzerman - "Now Steve, what do you strongly believe in"? To that Steve replies - "I Believe having the heart, courage and the will to go on through all adversity makes a good man great". To that god says - "take the seat to my Right". And you Wayne, what do you strongly believe in"? Wayne looks at god and replies - "I believe you’re sitting in my seat"
2- The Empty Seat :
Saturday Night, a man decides to go watch the Leafs play the Habs at the ACC.
He has pretty bad tickets, and notices an empty seat way down really close to the Ice Surface. Halfway through the game, the seat is still vacant, so he wanders down to it and asks the man sitting next to the empty seat if its taken. The man replies "Yes, I'm saving it in memory of my wife, She loved the Leafs and was supposed to come but she passed away a few days ago". The man nods in acknowledgment, but before he leaves he asks the man "How come you didnt just give the extra ticket to a friend or family member"? The man replies - "They’re all at the funeral".
3-So Gordie Howe dies of old age, and he's up in heaven, St. Peter lets him in, and is showing him around at all these nice restaurants, gyms, nightclubs, and all sorts of things to do to keep busy in heaven. Gordie says, "this is all nice, but do you have any hockey rinks up here?" St Peter, a little embarrassed not to show him the rink first says, "oh, yes. right this way." So they come upon a huge sheet of ice, and there in the middle of it, playing with the puck, stickhandling all alone is number 99 himself. "Oh my God!" says Gordie, "i didn't know Gretzky died too." To which St. peter replies. "Oh, that's just God. he only thinks he's Gretzky!"
4-A boy goes in front of a judge. The judge asks him, "Why don't you want to live with your mom and dad?"
"Because they beat me," is his reply.
"Well, do you have any aunts or uncles?" inquires the judge.
"They beat me too," responds the boy.
After continuing in this vein through ALL of the childs family members, the tired judge asks, "Well, who do you want to live with?"
"The Pittsburgh Penguins," he says. "They don't beat anybody."
5-Did you hear about José Théodore? After being humiliated once again with his broken foot, his positive test and his bad season, he decided to kill himself.
He thought something quick and easy was the best and since he was still living next to a train track, he decided to jumbed on the trancks when the train came along.
That plan failed, however, because the train just passed through his legs
6-In a recent interview with Alexander Ovechkin, the reporter asked him why he wears the tinted visor. Ovechkin replyed that it helped him see less. The reporter was confused, and asked why he would want to reduce his vision. Ovechkin replyed "Have you see our lineup??
1- 3. All Hall Of Famers Go To Heaven :
Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Steve Yzerman all die and meet in Heaven. God is sitting in his chair and says to Lemieux - "Mario, what do you strongly believe in?" Mario replies - "I believe that NHL hockey is the greatest sport in the world and I am privelaged and honored to have been a part of it". To that god says - "take the seat to my left". God then adresses Steve Yzerman - "Now Steve, what do you strongly believe in"? To that Steve replies - "I Believe having the heart, courage and the will to go on through all adversity makes a good man great". To that god says - "take the seat to my Right". And you Wayne, what do you strongly believe in"? Wayne looks at god and replies - "I believe you’re sitting in my seat"
2- The Empty Seat :
Saturday Night, a man decides to go watch the Leafs play the Habs at the ACC.
He has pretty bad tickets, and notices an empty seat way down really close to the Ice Surface. Halfway through the game, the seat is still vacant, so he wanders down to it and asks the man sitting next to the empty seat if its taken. The man replies "Yes, I'm saving it in memory of my wife, She loved the Leafs and was supposed to come but she passed away a few days ago". The man nods in acknowledgment, but before he leaves he asks the man "How come you didnt just give the extra ticket to a friend or family member"? The man replies - "They’re all at the funeral".
3-So Gordie Howe dies of old age, and he's up in heaven, St. Peter lets him in, and is showing him around at all these nice restaurants, gyms, nightclubs, and all sorts of things to do to keep busy in heaven. Gordie says, "this is all nice, but do you have any hockey rinks up here?" St Peter, a little embarrassed not to show him the rink first says, "oh, yes. right this way." So they come upon a huge sheet of ice, and there in the middle of it, playing with the puck, stickhandling all alone is number 99 himself. "Oh my God!" says Gordie, "i didn't know Gretzky died too." To which St. peter replies. "Oh, that's just God. he only thinks he's Gretzky!"
4-A boy goes in front of a judge. The judge asks him, "Why don't you want to live with your mom and dad?"
"Because they beat me," is his reply.
"Well, do you have any aunts or uncles?" inquires the judge.
"They beat me too," responds the boy.
After continuing in this vein through ALL of the childs family members, the tired judge asks, "Well, who do you want to live with?"
"The Pittsburgh Penguins," he says. "They don't beat anybody."
5-Did you hear about José Théodore? After being humiliated once again with his broken foot, his positive test and his bad season, he decided to kill himself.
He thought something quick and easy was the best and since he was still living next to a train track, he decided to jumbed on the trancks when the train came along.
That plan failed, however, because the train just passed through his legs
6-In a recent interview with Alexander Ovechkin, the reporter asked him why he wears the tinted visor. Ovechkin replyed that it helped him see less. The reporter was confused, and asked why he would want to reduce his vision. Ovechkin replyed "Have you see our lineup??
glam_chic86
Head of the Graveyard Shift
^Aahaha oh those jokes are funnier then the Beckham ones. The only difference is for number four it should be the Toronto Maple Leafs instead of the Peguins. Ahaha thanks though :lol:!
LoneWolf13
Lab Technician
Those were really funny and I don't even follow hockey :lol:
G
Guest
Guest
3 guys come to america to get jobs, but they cant speek english. the first guy gets a job at a theater and learns how to sya me me me me. the second guy gets a job at a resturant and learns how to say forks and knives forks and knives. the third guy gets a job at a candy store and learns how to say goddie goodie gumdrops goodie goodie gumdrops.
One day the 3 of them are walking and see a dead guy and a cop pulls up and says who killed this man and the first guy says me me me me. the cop says what did you kill himm with, the second guy says forks and knives forks and knives. the cop then says you 3 are going to jail the 3rd guy then says goodie goodie gumdrops goodie goodie gumdrops. :lol:
One day the 3 of them are walking and see a dead guy and a cop pulls up and says who killed this man and the first guy says me me me me. the cop says what did you kill himm with, the second guy says forks and knives forks and knives. the cop then says you 3 are going to jail the 3rd guy then says goodie goodie gumdrops goodie goodie gumdrops. :lol:
G
Guest
Guest
dumb blonde joke
a brunnette,a red head and a blonde get a chance to go to heaven. god says if you can listen to 1000 of the funniest jokes ever without laffing you can get in heaven. the red head gets to 435 and starts balling, the brunnette gets to 321 and starts balling. the blonde gets to 999 and starts laffing and god says you could have made it why you laff at the last one. she replies i just got the first one :lol:
a brunnette,a red head and a blonde get a chance to go to heaven. god says if you can listen to 1000 of the funniest jokes ever without laffing you can get in heaven. the red head gets to 435 and starts balling, the brunnette gets to 321 and starts balling. the blonde gets to 999 and starts laffing and god says you could have made it why you laff at the last one. she replies i just got the first one :lol:
LoneWolf13
Lab Technician
So you call Laskari's joke bad but you post really tasteless jokes that can be offensive to people? That makes a lot of sense. 
GilandSara
Lab Technician
needmorecsi,are you ok? you seem to have a little bit of an attitude.
