Detective Daniel Messer died Wednesday, February 28, 2007 at 10:49 PM EST.
Detective Messer’s death was the result of a long illness that not even an amazing actor and fan outcry could overcome. Sadly, at this time there is no known cure for Lindsay, the disease that took Detective Messer’s life. It is believed that the fatal illness is caused by four smaller curable sicknesses that when converged lead to a slow painful and inevitable death.
The first of the sicknesses is network executives that can’t see the art through the field of green, no matter that viewership is up only slightly, no great hurrah considering Law & Order’s departure from Wednesday nights. The second sickness is a show creator that seemingly sacrificed his youngest to facilitate the greenlighting of the next failed network drama. The third sickness is writers who rely on Degrassi Jr. High, Saved by the Bell, and Beverly Hills 90210 for story ideas. The fourth and deadliest attributor to this fatal disease is an actress devoid of discernable emotion or charisma, an insidious tumor blocking the flow of blood to the heart and robbing the joy out of performances and the viewers’ enjoyment. Many fans feel that were this fourth part of the fatal illness removed in time Detective Messer would have experienced a speedy recovery. There were signs he had rebounded, but alas the three weeks were gone too soon and the Grim Reaper swiftly claimed him. More information on this deadly illness can be found all over the NY forum.
He remained beautiful even as death stole his heart, mind, and soul. Dr. Sid Hammerback, or so rumour states, is keeping Detective Messer’s balls in a glass jar should he ever rise from the dead and need them for his triumphant return to greatness. Unlike the rest of us, the good doctor is holding out hope and has employed a team of witch doctors to work a miracle, I fear his efforts are in vain.
This is indeed a somber day, a day we all hoped would never come, the day the infectious smile, lead by the heart, clever, brazen, intelligent, troubled, redeemed, and loved Danny Messer would die such a cruel and unnecessary death. Even worse, it appears Detective Messer’s death will be as painful as the final days of his life.
Detective Messer is survived by a resurrected mother, allegedly a father, and he may or may not have been preceded in death by an older brother, Louie. He will also be remembered fondly by his unshakeable yet neglected friend the usually unflappable Detective Don Flack, Jr. who is now be treated by a team of doctors for his unbearable grief. When asked for a comment Detective Flack muttered but a single phrase over and over, “I’ll kill her”. Though we all share the sentiment let us hope he does not follow through on the threat as it would be unfathomable to lose another great character to Lindsay, we must all simply learn to let go.
In lieu of flowers, the fans ask that you make donations to The Home for Great Characters that Once Were.
