The Rant & I Cannot Say This Out Loud Thread

To my mother:
Why can't you see I can never be what you want me to be? I can never live up to your standards. I became what you never wanted me to me but I am OK with it. Why can't you just see that? Why do others have to tell me I looked good and sexy? Why do you just tell me I am overweight?! You never tell me I am beautiful.
I am not your perfect daughter. My sister is. She's tall, skinny, goes the university and she is straight..

To CatherineWillows
I just wanna give you a big hug!

 

To who wants to hear it:

I feel like shit. I dont care about myself anymore. Life sucks. I dont know what to do any more and asking myself the question why things always turn out so bad, after feeling so good for a while. Why does everyone punnish me so much, why is it such a problem that i feel good and love the life i have. And why do they trow me out of my own house. I hate this stress and life. I dont want to live it like this. I want to feel myself better & good love the things around me. I dont want problems and i need help. I cant do it by myself all the time. I am not that STRONG. Please listen to me and help me!! I need you all. I need a arm around me or a hug. I need to be loved. I dont want to leave my house I love it here and it hurts so much. Why does things go this way and why do i feel dumped? Why all these questions? I dont get it anymore, I am so confussed on the moment.. Help.. I do care about everyone, thats not it. I am just very very sad & even a bit depressed on the moment.

to my little Sister Sanne:

Sweety I love you. It hurts to hear that there is something wrong with you. I wish i could change my heart with you, take it away. I will be nice to you and never leave you. I will be here for you. Dont forget that I Love you..
(I just heart that she is having a a leak at her heart, it hurts to hear it, dont know what to do.)

 

TO: MY COWORKERS

I JUST STARTED! When I ask you a question, don't look at me like I'm a fucking idiot. HELP ME!! I don't know how to do half the crap, so show me! I don't expect you to bend over backwards, but helping me will satisfy me.

please be better tomorrow.

 

To my classmates:

You sorry pieces of sh*t! Why do I hear you guys are talking behind my back? Seems nobody wants (or can't!) understand how I changed the past few months. But nobody bothered to ask. Nobody bothered to ask about the hell I had to go through cause nobody cared.
But now I changed and you all dare to call ME fake? When was the last time you all looked in the mirror?

I am confident. I am no longer depending on anyone. I am stronger but I had to suffer before I came this far. You guys dare to call me arrogant? And you dare judge without knowing me? I guess its true then. Fools are blind! You guys really are.

And I know I shouldn't care about whatever you say behind my back but it annoys me that people like you will graduate in a few weeks and are supposed to guide people who need help! Well, you suck!

Those who speak, don't know
Those who know, don't speak

 

To the guy who still keepis emailing me:

Ok, I told you how I feel and why I don't reply to your emails.Is it so hard to understand? No, I don't want to see you, no I do not want to stay in touch with you, no I don't want to reply to your emails because I don't have anything to say.

Now I am mostly annoyed that I actually linked my blog to my website and you go and read it.Just keep emailing me and I'll write an entry about the stupid people who don't get the hint.

Leave me alone.

 

To Dr. Y, the evil broadcasting professor:

You get on my damn nerves possibly more than any other human being I have met. I get it, the whole class gets it, you have a freakin PhD. That does not give you the right to make us look like idiots every time we open our mouthes. You bitch because our class doesn't have deep conversations about society and the media but you don't realize that we actually do...but we stop when you walk in because you have this amazing ability to twist anything we say into something a 4th grader would think. Thanks alot Doc...I'll just pick up my self-esteem from the floor on my way out!! You are a hipocrit and competely self absorbed. I don't recall paying 3 grand a semester to hear about your trip to California or your trip to Vegas. Big freakin deal, lady! And if you aren't making us looking stupid or tearing all of our thoughts and theories to shreds then you're complaining about Kentucky. YOU chose to live HERE! No one held a gun to your head and said 'Move to Kentucky or you'll get a lead salad!' That also doesn't mean that you are better than us because you aren't from here. I don't remember hearing about the law that said Florida is better than Kentucky. Its just ignorant to think that you're better because you're from a differant state. One last thing, you pompous ass, stop scrutinizing us because 90% of the class is wearing something with a name brand on it and we all look the same. Thats very superficial of you and I don't appreciate it. Do I ever say to you 'Wow Dr. Y, looking at your purple feather boa, green bowling shoes and fishnets is going to cause me to have an aneurysm!' No, I do not. So step off, bitch.

 

To my ex-girlfriend:

I tried. I send you an email in which I carefully asked if you wanted to talk to me. Sometime when you feel up to it. I left it all up to. I said I'd understand if you said no. I was open and honest. And I didn't ask you to do anything. Just to give it some thought. And you email me back with this?

Accusing me I never listened. Some part of that is true. You say I don't wanna hear what you have to say. I do. You just don't wanna see or believe it. Yet. Or ever.
You have things to say but you won't say them cause it will ruin possibility of us ever being friends again.
You said you did everything I wanted you to do when we were still together. I know I was demanding and I know it was wrong. But you're not innocent now. And you won't do now what I ask. That's ok. But please put in better words.

My email was friendly but you attack me in any way possible. I was warned you're still hurt. I am hurt too. The past few days I cried more tears about how we are acting towards each other now than ever before. You said I ignored you in school. I did not. I just don't know how to act around you cause I don't know how you want me to behave.
Seems all I do is wrong. Shame. For both of us.

You want me to leave you alone. You'll contact me if you want to talk. Like I suggested in that email. But from the way you wrote, you hurted me again. And that sucks.
You said you don't wanna close all the doors on us, don't leave it here to bleed to death. But it seems to me you just did.

You said I turned down our last chance to talk and you had to hear it from our best friend. What was I supposed to do? Tell you.. you already said you didn't want to talk to me. Than who was I supposed to tell? I want to talk to you. Alone. With no one else present. I wanted it than, I wanted it yesterday. But no more today.

Don't bother contact't me at all when you feel ready. It has already died. There is nothing left. Just my tears of which I wished I no longer felt the pressure to cry. You and me are truly history. There is no chance to bring anything back. Don't bother. We have died.

 

To Kara: I realize that you are a baby, and you cant even read this, or well you probably couldnt understand this if i said it to you. But umm, maybe can you try to not throw up everywear, like i know your a baby and eveyrthing, bit its kinda gross. But hey, i still love you i mean you are so cute! You are just soo precious!

 

it rained today and as a result a bunch of baseball games were cancelled. i announced this on the air multiple times and for some reason people just kept calling asking the same damn question "are the baseball games cancelled today?" well lets see...one, its raining. two, i just freaking said so! and there wasn't just one or two calls, NO! they called all day long, its like the phone never stopped ringing. i even got calls while i was on the air announcing that yes, in fact the games were cancelled. i KNOW that all those people called just to piss me off. the idiots told on themselves. before they would hang up they would say 'thank you stephanie and the ONLY way they could know my name is if they listened to me read the news because at the end i say "this is stephanie ____ reporting" and then they would know that the friggin baseball games were cancelled!!

i HATE HATE HATE that godforsaken town. i hate their stupid radio station, i hate their stupid weather and i especially hate whoever organizes their baseball games.

 

To my body:

WHY do I have to get my period now?! I freaking hurts! This stomach ache is soooo not funny! And my back is killing me and I just hate the fact I am a woman!
Screw my hormones!

I need chocolate

 

Aww i know how you feel SaraSidle_girl, being a girl IS really crappy sometimes. But hey think on the bright side, it doesnt last forever ( i mean your "womenly issue" :lol: )
So ya, just go get some chocolate and lay down, you'll feel better *HUG*

ok so here we go. To sister: As much as a i love you, really i do sometimes you just get on my nerves. I hate the fact that you are alwyas stealing my clothes and then ruining them!! It bothers me that when i come home you are randomly sitting in my room going through my stuff! i mean i call it my room for a reason, ITS MINE.

Hmm, thats better.

To Ali : My Dress wont fit you, you just had a fricken baby...no offence but your kinda waay bigger than me. So no you cant wear it. I really dont think it would fit ovre certain large parts of you body, if you catch my drift...

 

TO my mother: What in the WORLD makes you think I can wear an EXTRA SMALL size shirt. I this your delusional view of how perfect I must be for You.?? Do I have to be 'the perfect size SMALL daughter all the time? ???
AND--- Why do feel so INSULTED when I help others??? I help my neighbor by watching their son so MAYBE they would do it for me. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND???? I'm being nice just like you taught me [sarcasm intended]

PHEWWW that feels better

 

To my ex-girlfriend
I want to burn every letter, every card you ever send me. I want to tear up every picture I have off you. I want you out of my life. Nothing should remember me of you.

But I can't.

 

Just want to say:

Why am I so scared of things. Why am I scared of my own girlfriend, she is not scary at all.I like her so much and love her ofcourse. I am scared for my own body its not working the way I want it to. I am scared that i will never have childeren. After years of medication I dont have my period any more and that scares me the most on the moment. I need it even i've get terrible sick of it with pain, headaches and so on. I hope that there is nothing wrong with me or my body on the moment. It is just so ..... I dont know how to call it. But it knocks me out of my shoes.. I need some help...

 

Email me when you get the chance.. I recognise the story about not having your period and I got help from the doctor.. Email me and I'll let you know what mine said!