Dear People Who Can't Handle This:
I will first start off by saying that I don't like my recent diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder any more than any person who has it does. Being Bipolar SUCKS!!!! GOD it sucks. Your brain is the FIRST thing to wake you up and hte LAST thing to turn off at night (if it ever does). Your mind feels like it's going to overheat from the racing thoughts- the mood swings suck...although none of you who claim I "can't possibly have Bipolar" and "You're not bipolar" haven't been around to see these things, NOR are you living in MY HEAD!! GOD if you KNEW what it was LIKE!!! If you only could live in MY head for 48 hours...you'd beg to be let out.
Secondly, Lithium isn't an evil drug. It's a BLOODY MOOD STABILIZER!!!!!! It will HOPEFULLY keep me from going from MANIC to DEPRESSIVE in minutes or hours...It's NOT MY FAULT I have Mixed Cyclythmic Bipolar Disorder!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS AND I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thirdly, WE HAVE TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST! I want an absolutely official diagnosis. Yes, Dr. Byatt diagnosed me, but I can only get an official diagnosis (and better meds) from a psychiatrist, who has an MD degree AND at least a Master's or PhD in Psychology. I want a diagnosis so I can get BETTER meds and treatment for a disorder that, apparently, I've had for months and nobody knew.
Fourthly, when we 'talk' about this, I will NOT justify or convince you of anything-I will state the facts, and that's it. The SECOND I feel llike you are being dismissive (mother) or negative, I'll end the conversation and refuse to talk about it. Seriously. I've JUST been diagnosed, I'm STILL struggling with the mood swings and manic/depressive, hyperactivity, etc, and I am in NO shape to act like a lawyer and DEFEND my disorder, my illness, to ANYONE.
Have you ever cried but felt elated? Have you ever been in a great mood and unusually happy, and then an hour or so later (sometimes sooner) you're in tears for absolutely NO reason?
Have YOU ever been SO low you're suicidal? Have you ever been so euphoric you're freaking Oprah!? NO. But I HAVE.
So STOP trying to tell me I don't have Bipolar...STOP trying to take away the puzzle pieces of my life that connect with this diagnosis, and make PERFECT sense to me, and throw them out as worthless. STOP trying to tell me that I should suddenly "get off all of my medications, quit my job, and start over" when YOU are on 3 antidperessants AND take Valium.
I AM Bipolar and I HATE IT....so support me, love me, understand....but STOP being the way you are being....it's bad enough living with MYSELF.