The Rant and I Cannot Say This Out Loud #3

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To mom and the other ones of my so called "family":
Great, another weeked of hell for me...
Now it's not just that you're all not talking to me... you ignore me completely...
No mom it wasn't necessary to tell me about your plans to relocate and move into another flat... this has really nothing to do with me :rolleyes: Damn I still live with you... I still have my bed in your flat...
Well who knows... since the new flat is much smaller then the one we've now I guess I won't even have a bed in the new one...
Great that I get that info from my sister who was so happy to have her own room then... great that there will be NO room for me...
Thank you so much, I love you all too :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream:
And yes mom it's really not a long time I'm at home... just from Saturday to Monday... but of course that's not your fault... it's just because I forgot where I belong to... you make things so damn easy for you :brickwall: :brickwall: :brickwall: :brickwall: :brickwall:

To my friend:
Now it's one week... and you still don't think you need to apologize... great :rolleyes: That's what our friendship means to you??? Sad... really sad... because I really care about you... and that's really all I get??? Thanks a lot... :(

To my other friend:
Wasn't it nice from me that I stopped by on your birthday, since you haven't even called me on mine and since you never wanted contact for nearly half a year??? Well I guess if I hadn't been there on Sunday I would have never known that you quit your study because of health problems and that the docs think you have cancer...
Damn I'm your friend!!! I would have been there for you... Do you really have no faith in me??? Damn I'm so sorry that you have to go through that... but you don't need to do this alone... I will be there for you, no matter what... even you really treated me like garbage the past month... Damn you're only 24... and I'm so worried about you :(
You'll be the one I'll be drive to my mom's again this Friday... for you I'll be there, so don't push me away again, please....

To my "favourite" prof:
Damn guy you get on my nerves... If I wouldn't have the obligation to be there on every lecture I would have just packed my stuff... don't you have an other student you can tease the whole time??? I know I shouldn't have jelled on you today because it wasn't just because of you... it was my whole weekend... but you have no right to treat my like shit all the time... laughing about a wrong answer is mean but laughing about a student in general is disrespectful and shows that you're incapable of teaching... F*ck you you damn a** hole!!! :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream: :scream:

To self:
Man, what a weekend... you don't even have a clear head for the things you love right now... damn life sucks so much sometimes...
You need to get your shit together somehow, even it's hard now...
Dear Guys at that dance party,

Stop avoiding me. I know why. I suppose it's more of a reflection of our sad, stratified society than it is of you or I, but that doesn't make me any happier. Because I will dance with you, and I wish you would give me a chance, rather than waiting for me to make the first move. Because as soon as you see me dancing with another black guy, then you're all willing to dance with me. But why not before that? Do you think I wouldn't dance with you? Stop assuming that just because I'm white, I'm a rich snob who doesn't know how to dance or who wouldn't be willing to dance with a black guy. I'm from the east side of DC. I dance with guys regardless of silly things like that, and I hate that you'd assume that wasn't the case. It makes me sad that this problem is so much worse at my supposedly progressive, open-minded colleges. I thought this was supposed to be the best college in the world. So how is it that my sorry, poor high school was better and more open than here? It makes me sad that you seem scared of me until you see me dancing with another black guy. I thought this was the 21st century and we were past these things, at least here.

To Male Creatures-

Stop staring at me. Stop leering at me. Stop honking at me and catcalling me. Please stop taking photos of me on your freakin' cell phone just because my best friend and I choose to wear camis at the pool hall. Stop asking me disgusting questions that are none of your business. Stop asking whether I'm a virgin or other similar questions as if you think your attempts at subtlety are actually working. They're not. Stop faking and pretending you want to be my friend when you just want to get in my pants. Again, your subtlety is a dismal failure. Stop objectifying me. Stop asking other people if they're real. They are. If I were to get a surgery, it would be a knee replacement, not that. Stop assuming that I'm a sleazy, easy skank just because I look a certain way and try to dress in a flattering manner. I'm my woman, not your girl, and I'm sure as heck not your piece of meat. And maybe you'd have a chance at a decent real relationship and the real passion and joys that come with it if you actually learned how to respect women. Respect is a two-way street, and you don't respect nobody, and I hate you all. And if you bug me one more time, I will pepper spray your sorry ass(es).

To Trader Joe's,

Why do you make reduced-sodium soy sauce? Why do people actually buy reduced-sodium soy sauce? What is the difference between reduced-sodium soy sauce and reduced-sodium salt? Or reduced-sugar honey or reduced-fat cream? Reduced-meat hamburgers? It doesn't make sense. I love you, Trader's Joes, but this aspect of our relationship makes no sense. Please stop producing this product so that my dad can stop (foolishly) purchasing it. Because it just doesn't make any sense. I want my kikkoman back.

To V,

Stop complaining. Just stop. I don't care about how awful your 19% tax is. Poor you. The government is taking some of the money that your freakin' dad made for you. You've never worked a day in your life and you spend money like it grows on trees. And then you complain when I won't go spend money with you, insisting that all the restaurants you so need to go to are so inexpensive. Of course they are. Because your dad's a doctor and you're a rich, spoiled brat.

Stop making ridiculous statements and then getting mad at us when we argue with you. You can't argue that women have the right to hit men and then throw a hissy fit just because J and I point out the flaws in your argument. Seriously, you're at this school. We know how to argue here, and we aren't going to give up an argument without a fight. Just because you were smart and had the logic to get away with saying stupid shit in high school doesn't mean you can get away with the same thing here, because that's just not the way it works.

I have given you so many second chances, but you keep irritating the heck out of me. You've managed to isolate every single person in a very inclusive, friendly and nonjudgmental group of friends. Seriously, I have never met a group of people collectively and individually more inclined toward giving others the benefit of the doubt. And yet you have somehow managed to piss everyone off. You used to be my best friend, but now I'm honestly glad to know you're transferring.
To my friend:

Listen, you are a sorry ass, opinionated b with an itch. You are judgemental and critical. I'm sick of your opinions and your know-it-all attitude. If you can't handle me at my worst, you do not deserve me as a friend when I'm at my best.

So what if at 40, I'm finally coming into my own. I've had years of self-deprivation and years sacrfice to others. It's time for me. It's time for me to find my wings and fly away no matter how old decrepit those wings are.

I don't need a man to solidify my existance as a human being, get that straight. I am not allowing someone in who is going to expect me to sacrifice what little I have for him. I can raise my kid alone. I can bring the money alone. I can solve my own problems. I do not need a relationship to have all of this.
I bet you can myfuturecsi. You're strong and a caring mom :)

To my "favourite" prof:

So now you want to make it official, huh??? Great that you told me about it before the leading managerof the uni called me into his office... You don't even have the guts to speak open with me while teasing me to no end in the lectures... you're a sorry a** that you need to pick on people just because they don't have the money blown in their butt. Damn I know that people from a society part like me usually don't study at all but that doesn't mean that I don't know a damn sh*t about the things going on. You've no right to critisize my humble beginnings in any way!!! And I won't let you get away with that. You seem to have the better chances now that I let it slip and shouted at you but that will change as soon as I lay all the cards open on the table. I may have gotten a reprimand now but when I'm ready with you, you'll wish you would have stayed in your damn villa... I can give you that you a**hole!!!
Dear friend:

Why do you have to go around revealing my secrets to people? Just because you are concerned about their welfare? You don't care about me at all, do you?
Dear CA Supreme Court:

Separation of Church and State should work both ways! Religion should not dictate what rights people can and can't have! Government sanctioned hatred and discrimination is intollerable and will eventually be defeated!
To the people I work for:

It's been a long eight years. What can I say, I have finally reached the point where I am disgusted by this job. I don't understand the reasons you all have for making the decisions that you do. I don't understand how some people can get away with treating other people like crap. For someone who is supposed to be an authority figure you suck! You are rude!

I walk in and I want to walk right out. How is it that with over 50 agents I have nothing to do. I guess all that hard work I put in for so many years doesn't mean a thing. I need to go somewhere else where my talents will be put to better use.

To self:

Good job on getting the papers filled out so you can finish your bachelors degree, now get on it and get the hell out of here. 18 credits will be done in no time. Just keep believing in yourself and others will too.

To my stepfather:
How the hell did my little brother get a black eye? Why weren't you aware of what was going on.
It's been a while....sooooo.....

Please don't call on the phone and when I answer just simply say, "Is my check in?" Ummmm...sure, whoever you are....I'm sure it is!

Please don't walk up to the counter and put a check down and say "I want to deposit that in my account." You know those little papers in the back of your checkbook? Those are deposit slips!

Don't send three checks in through the drive up tube and when I send you your cash back out ring the bell and say, "I wanted to deposit $100 of that." Oh sorry...I left my mind reader hat at home today!

Don't come up to me and hand me your whole entire wallet! What the heck? I don't want to go digging through your wallet to find your bank business!

And don't hand me your whole checkbook and after *I* fill out your deposit ticket and *I* add up your checks and *I* subtract your cash back and *I* check your balance for you and *I* hand you your checkbook back...don't say, "Did you write my deposit in there?" For crying out loud! I'm not your mom!!
Get ready folks, here I go...

Dear customer service rep:

DON'T CALL ME STUPID!! I know what I'm talking about, I can do your job so much better than you can. When I say I'm having a problem with my internet you try to fix it. Don't tell me it's all in my head okay? It's been going on too long and all you can do is sigh say your normal crud and move on? How is that helping me? I've been a valued customer for over 5 years and not once have I ever complained. When I do have a problem I fix it myself. So please stop okay? Just stop.


Dear Dad:

I've been wanting to say this for a long time, but as you know I'm too shy to even begin. So here goes; do you love me? Do you wish I wasn't born? When you told me I wasn't yours it hurt, bad. Seriously, if you ever want to break a persons heart say that. Why, after all these years do you come back with open arms, expecting me to forgive you? You dissapeared! No letter, no calls nothing. And now you say you have this girl named Sarah who you've been helping out? Well, what about me? You know I need a new computer so mom and I will stop fighting, but do you even care? No, it doesn't look like it.

All I'm asking for is for you to admit you're wrong. Please, I'm being the better person but in all honesty I'm tired of lying to myself. If you don't stop ... I'll have too.



Dear Ex:

How DARE you break up with me on facebook? Do you know how embarrassing it is to see a message like that on my wall, in public view? What is it that I did wrong? I was loyal, I was fun right? Two years and you now decide to go our separate ways. I thought I loved you, but I guess I was wrong.


Dear life: Why do you suck right now?

Yes Smokey you're not his/her mom, you're mine :guffaw:
Sorry I couldn't help myself :lol:

Dear uni rector,

would you mind having a little bit understanding for my situation??? Damn I told you what's going on, so why do you act like nothing happened??? Is bullying students the new way of teaching them the stuff they need to know so they can attend positions like yours later??? You're a real sorry a**... you really are...

You know that I still study here and so you know that I have lectures during the day, so why do you summon me to you during an exam-relevant lecture??? I could have been there afterwards though... ohhhh but know I forgot you've lunch time then... sorry don't want to steal your valuable time...

When I should ever finish my study, I hope that I won't become such a damn ignorant person... showing people that they're not on your high position seems to make you feel good, well then kiss my :censored:
To my computer:

What the **** is the deal now? You haven't done this stupid freezing thing for the past 2 months. Why start it back up now. I thought one of those things they sent me back then was a patch that stopped that. My sanity's going fast enough. I don't need you screwing up too!

Hey Annoying Girl at Work. I'm talking to you. You're a right :censored: you know? Plus, you have hair on your face and your mouth looks like a monkey's. You laugh like a man and when you hum under your breath like that you sound like one too.

You have NO idea how often I have to bite my tongue around you. I can't stand you.

So now you blow up at me today, yelling at me because I've been quiet lately? I was only trying to help you know, preventing you from major backlash because you do NOT trouble the MD over something so stupid as to how to spell a word nor do you question his instructions. So you have to tell me you like it better when I'm not talking?

No I haven't opened my mouth to talk this week but how DARE you tell me to keep it that way. Whatever you think or feel about me that's no way to talk to a co-worker. You were nasty, bitchy, rude and downright out of line.

Oh. And you DO know that our boss keeps track of who is actually working and who is sitting around chatting all day. Like the 80 layoffs aren't motivation enough to get you to SHUT THE :censored: UP.

So :censored: off and leave me alone before I DO open my mouth and say something I'll regret.

Oh. And by the way. I told the boss I wouldn't be myself for a week or so and even told him why. He's 100% behind ME so when you go running to him to complain about me you're in for a big :censored: surprise.

You :censored: .
Dear student....

Are you kidding me. You were so caught up in punching the other student that you didn't realize you punched me instead?! Are you kidding me? Sorry I don't come even close to looking like an African American boy. Thanks to you my jaw is tightening up and my ear hurts.
Dear lose:

Gee, thanks for taking time to share your vacation shots with me. I'm glad I'm on your list of people to pity. Jerk.

You know, you're not exactly George Eads, dude, so why do you demand your women look like botoxed, bleach blondes!
To mom:

I thought it couldn't get any worse... but I think I was wrong...
You made my weekend a living Hell again and therefore I HATE you!!!
Damn I really did what I could to make it easier for both of us but I guess it's my presence which angers you the most... :scream:
Maybe you're acting like that because you simply can't stand to see me... I really don't know what else to think :(

You even got me that far that I got my hair cut just because the curls I get when I let it grow longer remind you on my dad when he was too drunk to care about a haircut himself... damn you even said I look like him scruffy and dirty... what more do you want??? Should I change my nose too???
Damn what else???:(

And then you threw my stuff away just because you move to another flat... damn and that without asking me!!! My photo's of my friends and all the things I loved are gone forever :(

Why did you do that???

And finally I got the freecard and you threw me out, just like that... without a word why... :scream:

Thanks mom... I guess I'll live a few years less now... just because of that weekend!!! :( I hate you you :censored: :(
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