Love ? What means love …? I know it’s not just a word , I know is more than that . And I don’t know what love is . Everybody says is a feeling , like thirst or hunger … my heart is telling me is more , much more than that . And I think I believe my heart . Because I see her every day . I watch her , I look at her and I don’t know how to say this to her . How you tell a girl you are in love with her ? I think he just loves me like a brother … but I don’t love her like that . I want her to understand me , but she’s too stubborn . Every time I try to tell her about what is here in my heart , she just … she just treats it like a joke . She really think that I see a sister every time I look at her ? That I was joking when she told mew she wants to kiss me ? She really thinks he loves him … but she doesn’t . I just know she doesn’t . It can’t be possible , I mean he’s a good guy but not the perfect person for here … that person is me .
Why can’t she see a lover in me ? I am too immature , too crazy ? Why ? Every second they look at each other breaks my heart … I think I am going to die if they do that thing more . I’m jealous . For the first time , I’m jealous on my boss . Because he has the only person that I wished , that I adored like this in my whole life . My sweet Sara . My angel . Ah , didn’t she realized that I loved her ? I really thought she loved me when she said she came there for me … when she defended me in front of Grissom . Am I cursed ? Am I ugly ? Am I a bad person ? Why can’t she feel for me what I feel for her ? Why can’s she be part of my love life ?
She likes him … or that’s what she tells us . That she found the person to spend all her life with . Grissom , he likes her , but … I just stay here , in my bed and cry , thinking how unlucky I am … everything was taken away from me because she is everything for me . I am looking on the window to see the park that’s in front of my house … so many couples of lovers , and my heart is breaking that I’m not one of them . I am not and I will probably never be .
I looked her today at work . She was smiling , she was happy with him … she was kissing him and my soul was bleeding … Nick , Warrick , Catherine congratulated them ,but I couldn’t stand the view anymore . I just couldn’t . Why ? Is he the only person who can make her happy ? He broke her heart several times before , and she’s still with him . Is like she’s looking for sufferance , for disaster . She really can’t understand that he’s only using her ? That he is using her to help himself not feeling old ? I think she doesn’t understand this . I look at the bottle in my hand and drank it all . Is better . I think I am falling asleep . I drank too much today , I think , because there are three empty bottles of whisky on the table . I shouldn’t have drink them all … but the pain was killing me . I feel that I’m tired , probably the side effect of the alcohol . I am going to sleep , maybe , later . A long and sad sleep , and I wish that tomorrow this would be just a dream . That I’ll wake up with her sleeping next to me . That I will feel her next to me , I will smell her beautiful scent . That she’ll never be with him …
I love her I whisper into my head before opening another bottle and taking a sip of whisky . I love her and I would do anything to make her feel good … even give up on her , if this would be enough to make her happy . I’d rather die than see her sad or crying . I’ll give my life only to know she’s okay .
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Okay , i think I am out of my minds because i feel like writing all the time . Another lil' fic about Greg's love for Sara ... but she doesn't share his felings .