Quotes you WON'T hear - Pt 2

(The scene opens in a Vegas Hotel's Karaoke Bar. Bass lines from a Rolling Stones song are playing. The camera zooms around and we see Conrad Ecklie at the mike.)

Ecklie: (Singing) I can't get no... Satisfaction.... I can't get no... Girlie action... though I try... and I try... and I try.... and I t-t-t-try...

People in the Audience: WE'RE NOT SURPRISED!!!
 
Hankster said:
(Greg is lying asleep, then wakes up to see a weird Alien creature with a Giant head covered with eyes reading from a scroll that says "The Sins of Greg Sanders" standing over him next to his bed.)

Alien Creature: These are the Sins of Greg Sanders. They will be read one at a time. It will continue without end. Age 2, kicked his baby sister in the stomach. Age 3, stole a piece of bubble gum from the 7-eleven, pooped on the bathroom floor after taking off his diaper...

Greg: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET TO AGE 12 WHEN I DISCOVERED SELF-PLEASURE!!! :eek: :devil: AIIIIYYYEEEE!!!
Click to expand...

You owe me a new keyboard (and a Diet Coke) for that one!

:lol:
 
Grissom: (Sits down next to Greg in the brak-room and gives him a suggestive look) Greggy, do you like Gladiator Movies?

Greg: NOOOOOO!!!! :eek: (He runs out as fast as he can muster.)
 
Catherine Willows: Why is there a ring on your ring finger?
Warrick Brown: Because I'm married.
Catherine Willows: What?
Detective Vartan: Congratulations. How much did you pay her?
Warrick: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em. ;)
Everyone: :confused:
Ecklie: Excuse me, I speak jive.
Everyone: :eek:
Grissom: What, like it's hard? :rolleyes:
Ecklie: (about Warrick) Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!
Grissom: What a pisser!

Ecklie: It takes so many things to make love last. But most of all, it takes respect, and I can't live with a man I don't respect.
 
Catherine:You know we have a good relasionship in work.
Grissom:Really?
Cathrine:Hey,I Don't pay Greg to get tied up and put liquid latex all over him
Grissom: Good Becuse he'll like it
 
myfuturecsi said:
Nicky Stokes-The Demon Barber of Vegas

Nick has been fired from the Lab,so he takes Mandy with him and they open up a barber shop.

He gets a visit from Ecklie, who threatens to blackball him through the US.

So Nick invites him for a shave and the proceeds to ...well..you know..

Nick tosses Ecklie's body into a chest just as Mandy walks in with tea and cookies for them.

Mandy: Mr. S, you didn't!
[looks into the chest and sees Ecklie's dead body. Shuts it]
Mandy: You're barking mad! Killing a man what done no harm to ya!
Nick: [polishing his razor] He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.
Mandy: [relieved] Oh, well that's a different matter then. For a moment there I thought you lost your marbles.

Nick turns away from Mandy and smiles evily.
Click to expand...

I love this one! It's really good! :lol:
 
AcidQueen said:
Hankster said:
(Greg is lying asleep, then wakes up to see a weird Alien creature with a Giant head covered with eyes reading from a scroll that says "The Sins of Greg Sanders" standing over him next to his bed.)

Alien Creature: These are the Sins of Greg Sanders. They will be read one at a time. It will continue without end. Age 2, kicked his baby sister in the stomach. Age 3, stole a piece of bubble gum from the 7-eleven, pooped on the bathroom floor after taking off his diaper...

Greg: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET TO AGE 12 WHEN I DISCOVERED SELF-PLEASURE!!! :eek: :devil: AIIIIYYYEEEE!!!
Click to expand...

You owe me a new keyboard (and a Diet Coke) for that one!

:lol:
Click to expand...
i love this one as well. that is proper funny. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
"I don't get it, Nick," Catherine said one day in the breakroom, "but ever since Grissom found me checking his sheets for vaginal contributions, he doesn't seem to trust me anymore.
 
Greg: That Dave Hodges REALLY knows what he's doing. I sure look up to him!

Wendy: What the?!?!!?

Greg: (winks) Happy OPPOSITE DAY, Wendy!
 
Doc Robbins, while examining a body: "I hate this job. All these dead people and the smell, it's just disgusting!"
Grissom: "Then why are you doing this? You could just quit."
Doc Robbins: "I like to slice people up" *looking pleased at Grissom*
Grissom: "No, don't look at me like this!" *running at the door, but it's locked* "Uh-oh"

It's just a try. I'm not very good at this. :)
 
Oh wow, I've been reading these for over an hour and I've just been lol'ing so hard. Wow, all of you guys are pretty amazing!
Hope this thread becomes active again soon! xD
 
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