~Quotes You WON'T Hear # 3~

I know this is longer than 4-5 lines but it's short as I can make it and include everyone.

When Stetler tries to find out what's going on but no one will tell him. What's going on is Horatio and the gang are just seeing how annoying and mean they can be to Stetler. Actually, it's me coming up with yet another way to be mean to Stetler. :devil:

I call this set of quotes...
Keeping Stetler In The Dark

Stetler: Horatio.
Horatio: Eric.
Eric: Ryan.
Ryan: Frank.
Frank: Calleigh.
Calleigh: Jake
Jake: Natalia.
Natalia: Valera.
Valera: Alexx.
Alexx: Cooper.
Cooper: Stetler.
Stetler: Great. Now that we all know each other. Someone please tell me what's going on here.
Horatio: Eric, tell Rick what's going on.
Eric: Ryan, Horatio said to tell Stetler what's going on.
Ryan: Not me. Frank, do me a favor, tell Stetler what's going on.
Frank: I don't do favors for a dust monkey whose last name is the same as an animal. Calleigh, tell Stetler what's going on.
Calleigh: Jake, be a sweetheart and save me from having look at or talk to Stetler. You tell Stetler what's going on here.
Jake: I would but I don't know what's going on here, myself. Natalia, you tell Stetler what's going on.
Natalia: My lips are sealed. Valera, you tell Stetler what's going on.
Valera: I would but I'm like Jake. I don't know what's going on here, either. Alexx, would you please tell Stetler what's going on here???
Alexx: I would. But I made a vow to myself to NEVER speak to ANY IA officer unless I absolutely have to. This doesn't qualify as absolutely have to. Cooper, you tell Stetler what's going on here.
Cooper-(in a whining voice): Horatio, please tell Stetler what's going on. I don't wanna have to deal with him.
Horatio: OK. Rick. Nothing is going on here. Isn't that right folks???
Eric: Yep.
Ryan: That's right, Horatio.
Frank: Yes sir. Nothing is going on here.
Calleigh: Horatio's right. Nothing is going on here.
Jake: Nothing but the rent is going on here, Sgt. Stetler.
Natalia: All's quiet here. Nothing's happening.
Valera: Just like Horatio said, nothing is going on here.
Alexx: Not a cotton-picking thing is going on here.
Cooper: Nothing's going on here. Trust me. I'm too bored for there to be anything going on here.
Stetler(sarcastically): Yeah, sure there's nothing going on here. And I'm Tim Speedle's biological father.
Group: *GASP* YOU ARE?!?!?!
Speedle's ghost-(without being seen or heard): ICK. If I didn't know Stetler was being sarcastic, I'd give myself a ghostly DNA test.
 
Need4Speed said:
here's some of my old personal favs from the old thread that i created a while back. and i know there's like a million of them but they are GREAT!!!!!!

*loud music can be heard from the break room* *Eric hears it and goes to investigate* *He sees Ryan in there dancing along with the music* *he starts to laugh and Calleigh comes over*
Calleigh: What's so funny?
*all Eric can do is point and laugh* *Calleigh joins in the laughter* *They both walk in* Eric: Play that funky music, white boy!! Play that funky music, right!!! *Ryan stops, turns, sees them standing there, blushes, turns off music and runs out*


*Ryan sees H's sunnies on his desk and h is no where to be found* *ryan reaches for them and thinks theres no one around so...*
H:Ryan!? what do you think you're doing???
Ryan:H i was, uh......i won't touch them again..
H: Good boy....*he grabs them and puts them on*..smart idea...


*Speed is in the break room..Calleigh comes in*
Calleigh:Speed put on the news....
Speed:eek:k....*He turns on the tv.....Barney appears on the screen*
Speed:WTF?!? *He changes the channel and Barney is on every station*
Calleigh:OMG!!!!!!
*H walks in* H:Cal...Speed...what's going on....???
Speed: He finally did it!!!
H: who did what??
Speed:Barney has finally taken over the world with his corruptive songs of EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!
H:Cal....got get your sniper and head to the TV studio.....he must be destroyed......... ....before people forget who i am!!!!!!


*the team is at the docks*
Eric: I'm telling you guys!!! there are no old fashioned pirates in Miami!!!!!
Ryan: Yes there is!!! i saw one!!!
Calleigh: you saw one????
Ryan: yes!!!
*H is standing there talking to Jack Sparrow*
Jack:are they going at it againg about the whole pirate thing??
H: yes.
Jack: want me to settle this?
H: sure.
Jack: hey guys.
*they all look*
Eric:i don't believe it!!
Ryan:HA HA i told you. i'm smart, you're dumb. i'm right, you're wrong. any questions? *sticks tounge out at Eric*
Eric: stop bragging *pushes Ryan in the water but Ryan grabs Eric and pulls him in*
Jack:(to H) so these are the mature, responsible CSIs you were telling me about?
H: uhhhhhh........no......ok yes. but i may have stretched the truth...just a bit.
Jack:o_O

Alexx:please don't tell me we just sent the body away with a complete stranger....
Speed: Alexx, we just sent the *She cuts him off*
Alexx:Timmy, I know.
*Eric snickers loudly*
Speed:What?!?
Eric:HEHE Timmy, She called you Timmy!!!!
Speed: so what, Timmy is a version of Tim.
Eric: but the way she says it makes it sound like you're 5 years old!!!! *falls over with laughter*
Speed: That's it Delko!!! You're so dead man!!!! *he chases Eric all over* *eric looks back to see if Speed is still chasing him and slams right into the wall, he gets up holding his nose as it bleeds*
Speed: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Eric:*slightly muffled* oh shut up!!!!
Speed:HAHAHAHA HEHEHEHE!!!!! *falls over clutching his sides*


H: guys...i'm ditching the sunnies
Ryan,Eric,Cal: *gasp*
H; it's just too much of a hassel to keep putting them on and off on and off. i think i'm gonna go with hats.*throws sunnies on the floor and walks out*
*Ryan runs and picks them up* Ryan: YES!!!! finally i have them!!!!!! the "sunnies of Justice"!!!! They are mine!!!! muahahahahah. now i can be *put them on* Super Ryan and the H-moblie is now the Wolfe-Mobile!!!!!!
Eric, Cal: :eek:

*Ryan is reading the news paper and Eric walks in*
Eric:anything good?
Ryan: nah just this crap about these two guys named Jon Togo and Adam Rodriguez...
Eric: who the heck are they?
Ryan: i don't know. just these two guys on some show called CSI: Miami.
Eric: yeah like anyone would watch that.... :rolleyes:


*H walks into the break room with out his sunnies*
Ryan: H where are your sunnies?
H: i left them at home, but that's ok.
Ryan: H forgot his sunnies and is ok with it!?! Everyone run!!!!! it's a sign of the apocalypse!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eric:AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Cal: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*everyone runs away*


Speed: hey guys, guess what!!!!
Team: what?
Speed: I cleaned my gun!!!
Team:

i'm sorry i picked on Speed, no offense to him, I LOVE YOU, SPEED!!!!! but this was too funny to pass up.

Eric:*holding up a dead rat* take a look at this. now how this got from your apartment to.....
Speed: Dude!!! it's still moving!!!
Eric:AAAAAHHHHAHAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *He throws it*
Speed:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Eric:Oh shut up and find that airbag.
Speed:I found it!! *grunting* it won't come loose!!
*It comes lose and Speed falls flat on his ass*
Eric:HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
Speed:eek:h yeah?!? *he pushes Eric and Eric falls over board*
Speed:HAHAHAHHA!!!! Like i told you before. I always get the last laugh!!!

Calleigh: I'm worried about Horatio.
Ryan: why?
Calleigh: he watched Tiatnic last night and well...the whole king of the world scene may have gone to his head.*they see him*
*H is on the wrap around stairs outside of the lab right on the first landing standing on the railing with his arms spread wide*
H: I'M THE KING OF MIAMI!!!!!!!
Ryan: :eek:
Calleigh: :eek:

*Ryan was tangled in a huge net from one of the cases*
Eric:uhh, Ryan? what are you doing?
Ryan: I'm baking a freaking cake!!! what does it look like i'm doing. now help me!!!
Eric:eek:h i will, after i humiliate you...Hey guys!! check this out!!!
*H, calleigh and Alexx come running in.*
H: Eric what's wrong!?
Eric:eek:h nothing it's just we caought a fish
*they see Ryan*
Calleigh:uhh, i'm not gonna ask
H:
Alexx:ERIC DELKO!!!!!!!! *she hits him*
Eric:eek:www, Alexx what the....
Alexx: you know better than to humilate my baby!!!!
*Alexx runs over and helps Ryan*
Alexx:you ok sweetie?
Ryan:yeah, but Eric wasn't any help and i asked him like five times to help me and all he did was laugh
*Alexx continues to hit Eric*
Eric:eek:wwww, Ok!! Alexx!! i get the message. i won't humilate Ryan....*mumbles* when you're around.
Alexx:excuse me!?!?
Eric:uhhhhhh....nothing!!! *he runs out of fear of being hit again* *everyone laughs*

*Eric and Ryan are reviewing some video for evidence*
Ryan:wow!! where'd they learn to do that!!!
Eric:i know that's incredible how do they bend like that!!
*Calleigh walks in*
Calleigh:you guys are sick!!
Ryan:what! they're only doing yoga.

*Eric, Ryan Calleigh and H are in the break room*
*Ryan changes the channel*
*CSI: Miami appears on the tv and the theme song plays*
H:what the hell is this? who the hell is David Caruso?
Ryan:Who's ever heard of CSI: Miami? and who is this Jonathan Togo guy?
Eric:yeah and uh that Adam Rodriguez, who ever he is, is no where near as sexy as i am
Calleigh:Like anyone really watches this crap! and who's ever heard of Emily Procter?
H:if you ask me it's a waste of time and money
Ryan:no doubt about that
Eric:got that right
Calleigh:you said it

ok i'm done......ok maybe a few more......

American Pie Band Camp:
This one time *puts on sunnies* at band camp...
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Ghostbusters:
Something strange in the neighborhood...who ya gonna call? *puts on sunnies* GHOSTBUSTERS!!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


Pirates of the Carribean:
Why *puts on sunnies* is the rum gone!?!?
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

Those are funny. I especially love the Speed/Eric one's and the Barney one too (Ok, all the ones with Speed in it). :lol:
 
At a crime scene...

A man lies dead on the floor with six gunshot wounds to the chest. His wife walks in.

H: Mrs. Carten?

Mrs. Carten: Yes?

H: I am sorry to inform you that your husband has been murdered. He was a good cop.

Mrs. Carten: My husband was no cop!

H: Then he would've been a good cop.

Mrs. Carten: I don't understand this...and who is that guy?

She points to a man in the corner, who is wielding a gun and crying, saying "I'm sorry..."

Eric: Oh, he? He's been disturbing our investigation since we arrived.

H: You are disgusting, Mrs. Carten. Your husband isn't even cold yet and already you are interested in other men. You're under arrest.

Mrs. Carten: WHAT?!

She's cuffed and taken away.

H: What's that, Eric?

He points to Eric's service pistol.

H: A gun! And I bet your fingerprints are on it, too.

Eric: WHAT? H, I'm a cop! Of course I have a gun!

H (to officers): Take him, please.

Eric, dumbfounded, is taken away.

H: Guys like you discredit the whole police!
 
This is really random and would not be heard ever!

Stetler:Horatio admit it!
H: Fine. You were right, we're all just a bunch of self rightous hipicrates that are using our power to abuse he citizens of Miami.
 
Alexx - "Horatio honey, I gotta tell you something. Those weird stances you take where you can't look anyone straight in the eye just freak me out."

Horatio - "Alexx... I know what you mean... the way you talk to dead people... scares me."

Sorry, they sounded better on the way home... must be the long day! :lol:
 
*Ryan, Calleigh and Eric were sining a song*
Ryan:something strange
Calleigh:in the neighborhood
Eric:who ya gonna call?
All 3:GHOSTBUSTERS!!!!
*H burst in the room*
H:NO! you call me idiots!
Ryan, Calleigh and Eric: :rolleyes:
 
LOL

silly.


Ryan: What's under there?
Eric: Nothing.

Ryan: (to Calliegh) What's under there?
Calliegh: :rolleyes:


Ryan: H, what's under there?
H: You're fired for trying to make us say underwear!
Ryan: :( You guys Suck!! (runs away crying)
 
Oooh! I think I have a good one! lol...

(very random)

The CSI team is in the breakroom, minus H..

Ryan: Ugh! Where are all the swabs? I need them to process my evidence!

Alexx: Did you see if there where any more in the supply closet?

Ryan: Yes! I've looked everywhere! It's like they fell off the face of the earth!

Calleigh: Haven't you heard? H had a tragic accident with the sunnies, he's been working on those things for hours! Follow me, I'll show you...

*Everyone follows behind Calleigh as she leads them to the DNA lab, where horatio is hard at work, with his hair all messed up and a crazed look on his face just like a mad scientist...*

H: Behold! My babies! They're back! *Holds up pair of sunnies constructed from the swabs*

Ryan: Oh, that's where they went...

Everyone: :confused:
 
Ryan: Hey H, what's the deal with those sunnies.
H: They're bullet proof. I wear them all the time because for some reason criminal in the city wants me dead.
Ryan: I coulda used those when that crazy lady shot me with a nail gun.Can I have a pair like that for Christmas?
H: No. :p
Ryan: :(
 
This was funny with a few friends

Terminator accent.
H:I will *puts on sunnies* be back

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
team: :rolleyes:
 
Hey, guys I just thought of this one. This would never happen because Eric is too damn nice.

Eric: Jake, I think you are and ass and your gonna break Calleigh's heart.
Jake: :eek:
 
Just thought of this one with my friend

Eric:H what do you want with your lunch?
H:I Want *puts on sunnies* a Twinkie.
Eric: :rolleyes:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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