~Quotes You WON'T Hear # 3~

LOL You guys are funny.

This was inspired by last night's eppie:

Ryan is sleeping when phone rings.

Ryan: *grumbles* Next time I'm gunna turn the damn thing off. *Into Phone* What is Frank?
Frank: Wear green tommarrow.
Ryan: Why?
Frank: Just do it.
Ryan: Whatever. *Hangs up and goes back to sleep*

THAT Morning

Ryan walks over and sees Frank is wearing a Green tie.His shirt is the same color.

Ryan: Frank,...
*is interupted by arrival of Calliegh. she sees the matching clothes*
Cal: *does double take* Why are you guys wearing matching clothes?
Ryan:I don't know.
Frank: But don't we look so cute together?
Calliegh: Errmmm...
 
What do you get when you combine Horatio's line "Burn, baby, burn" from the season 5 episode Curse of the Coffin with last night's scene of a clean and uninjured Horatio getting out of the exploded Hummer???
This is what you get.
============================================================
*Horatio comes in and everyone is dressed exactly like him. Including the style, thickness and color of his hair. And also sunglasses just like his.*
HORATIO: What's going on here???
CALLEIGH: Today is Horatio Caine day.
RYAN: It was Stetler's ideal.
HORATIO: Rick. I just have one question: Why???
STETLER: For your getting out of that burning Hummer yesterday clean and uninjured.
ERIC: Yeah. That was pretty amazing, H.
HORATIO: Clean and uninjured??? Amazing??? Then what would you call this???
*Horatio opens the entire front of his shirt. His chest and stomach area have one, BIG burn on them.*
CALLEIGH, RYAN, STETLER, ERIC, NATALIA, FRANK, VALERA(overlaping):
Oh!!!
EW!!!
I didn't need to see that!!!
Make way before I puke on you!!!
And I thought Alexx popping that bloater in Death Eminentwas disgusting.
Excuse me.
Never a barf bag around when you need one.
ALEXX(quietly to self): Oh come on, people. Take some Pepto Bismol and deal with it. I've seen a whole lot worse on my autopsy table. (normal speaking volume to Horatio): Are you okay, Horatio???
HORATIO: I'm fine, Alexx. The ER doctor said it's just a surface burn. He gave me some ointments and creams to put on it to keep it from getting infected and to keep it from leaving a big, noticeable scar.
ALEXX: That's good. Since you seem to be okay, would you mind if I go check on everyone else???
HORATIO: Go ahead, Alexx.
*Everyone has cleared out. Some have gone to the restrooms and some have gone outside. Alexx is going around checking on all of them.*
*Horatio is in the hall alone now.*
HORATIO(quietly to himself): That is the last time I say something stupid like "Burn, baby, burn" when we have evidence or anything else, for that matter, in this lab that is supposedly unlucky, jynxed or cursed.
============================================================
See??? When I do the writing, Horatio gets injured. :devil:
 
Ryan: This is a dead parrot.
Pet shop owner: He's just resting.
Ryan: :mad: THIS IS AN EX-PARROT! I can prove it. *calls Alex she goes into the shop after a moment.*
Ryan: You're a pathologist, could you please explain that this parrot is no more.
Alex: He's just pining for fjords.
Pet shop owner: Told you.
Ryan: Pining for the... *Screams and shoots self.
Alex: Now, that is an ex-CSI.
Pet shop owner: *agrees*
Parrot: I miss the fjords.

New take on Monty Python's parrot sketch. Very silly, and it's fun to pick on poor Ryan. LOL
 
*Ryan, Eric, Calleigh, and H walk into the victims house to process the crime scene. The entrance way is decorated with flowers and a beautiful chandeleir including a black piano*

H:Oh, what a lovely piano... Eric, you and Ryan go upstairs and process that area, and Calleigh and I will stay down here and dust this piano for prints...

Eric: ok, H

*Ryan and Eric go upstairs and process the second floor, once they are done, they head downstairs...*

Ryan: So Eric, Oh My god! What the...

Eric: My Eyes!

*They go downstairs to discover Horatio lying on top of the piano singing "I will survive" while calleigh is playing it*

Ryan and Eric: :eek:

Lol, I died while writing this... I can so see it...
 
^:lol: :lol: :lol:

That's a silly image.

Ryan: *screaming* Eric get down here.
Eric: What's wrong?
Ryan: Did you tell H I was the one who stole his sunnies and threw them in the swamp.
ERic: Maybe...
Ryan: He fired me for it, you jerk! He even started shooting at me.
Eric: I'm sorry.
Ryan: No you're not.
Eric: Okay, I'm not. So?
 
Alternate version of ending of Guerillas in the Mist:

DARREN BUTLER: Here's a pefect chance to show what the Vaporizer can do!

He fires at H's Hummer. It explodes.

DARREN: I'll finish it off.

He fires again, and the Hummer explodes again. H crawls out of the wreckage, covered head to toe in soot. His sunglasses are broken and he has windshield glass embedded in him. His right arm is broken, too.

H(whimpering): Oh...SHIT...this was not supposed to happen...*croak*
 
Leftyguitar said:
Ryan: This is a dead parrot.
Pet shop owner: He's just resting.
Ryan: :mad: THIS IS AN EX-PARROT! I can prove it. *calls Alex she goes into the shop after a moment.*
Ryan: You're a pathologist, could you please explain that this parrot is no more.
Alex: He's just pining for fjords.
Pet shop owner: Told you.
Ryan: Pining for the... *Screams and shoots self.
Alex: Now, that is an ex-CSI.
Pet shop owner: *agrees*
Parrot: I miss the fjords.

New take on Monty Python's parrot sketch. Very silly, and it's fun to pick on poor Ryan. LOL
Click to expand...
lmao! that was great! more! more! :lol:
 
Ryan: Do you know where the murder weapon is?
Witness: I fart in your general direction!
Ryan: WTF?!
Witness: Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!
Ryan: Is there someone else here that I can talk to?
Witness: No. *blows rasberry* Go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
 
*everyone is crowded around the little christmas tree that they put up in the lab, handing out presents.
H: Ok here are my presents for all of you, open then all at one time!
*everyone opens them at about the same time
C: Thanks Horatio...They are little Horatio dolls.
E: Yea thanks H, it was sweet of you... I think
R: Wat in the heck am i supposed to do with this?!
* Calleigh looks at Eric and whispers Oh crap now he's done it!
Horatio pulls out his gun and shoots ryan.
H: wat will u do with it Ryan? Why wont u tell me?
R: I....I....
*ryan dies and no one else questions H about the little H's
Next X-mas everyone gets lil sunnies for their lil H's!
 
**The team is gathered around the break room to exchange gifts.Horatio passes out small boxes to the team.

Horatio:"Merry Christmas Guys and ladies."

The team opens the boxes.And they are all sunnies like his.
Eric pulls out the shades and grins at Horatio.

Eric:Does this mean we get to do *puts on his sunnies*one liners?"

Horatio pouting:"No only me the red haired guy can" -pause- "because I'm *puts on his sunnies* invincible"

Team::rolleyes: "Whatever"
 
Alternate version of Stand Your Ground

Gunman: Kill the engine lady, now!

Calleigh grabs something from her purse and waves it at him threateningly.

Calleigh: POLICE OFFICER! Put the gun down NOW!

Gunman: Nice courage, lady, but that's a Super Soaker. Try again next time.
 
dogbert14 said:
Alternate version of Stand Your Ground

Gunman: Kill the engine lady, now!

Calleigh grabs something from her purse and waves it at him threateningly.

Calleigh: POLICE OFFICER! Put the gun down NOW!

Gunman: Nice courage, lady, but that's a Super Soaker. Try again next time.
Click to expand...
:lol: that was a good one!!! oncore! (sp)
 
LOL. that should happen on the show.
silly.

anyhow,

Ryan: I think I'll go play in the mud and wrestle an aligator.

Eric: Whatever.

Ryan: Are you listening to me?

Eric: No.

Ryan: :devil: ERic is a big jerk.

Eric. Yup.

Ryan: and he smells like the canals he likes to swim in.

Eric: *still not listening* Absoultly.

Ryan: And he thinks that H's sunglasses make him invinible.

H: Well, they do. My Sunglasses of Justice have magical powers.

Ryan: :rolleyes: You guys are no fun.

Eric: You're right.

Don't know where I was going with that, but it makes no sense.
 
Horatio: *takes off sunnies - looks shocked* Oh.. My... God... You *pause* You shot me and *pause* and I'm blee-eeding.

:D
 
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