~Quotes You WON'T Hear # 3~

(Erik walks into the lab and sees Natalia Boa Vista sitting there, looking into space, with a stressed out expression on her face...)

Erik: Hey Natalia. You got any results yet...

Natalia: (Not registering that Erik Delko is there) I can't believe... I got so drunk... that I did... THAT....

Erik: Okay, you get drunk on girly drinks like mimosas...

Natalia: Worse than that... Tequila shooters... One thing led to another...

Erik: So... that happens to everyone sometimes...

Natalia: You DON'T understand... a woman has to have her STANDARDS...

Erik: A case of Coyote Ugly™. eh?

Natalia: Worse than that...

Erik: (Trying not to roll his eyes at this point) Okay... what was it that was so bad?

Natalia: (Clearly trying to supress a gag or a big sob, or both) I had sex with FRANK TRIPP....

Erik: Aw crap...

Natalia: and I LIKED IT!!!

Erik: So... it happens sometimes... the bald guys... they surprise you just like the homely women do...

Natalia: And unlike you, and Ryan... HE BROUGHT ME TO CLIMAX!!!! (She starts bawling really loudly!)

Erik: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
 
And now for something completely different...
( Gotta love Monty Python)

Stetler: Ryan, you're fired.

Ryan: I never wanted to be a CSI. I wanted to be...
A LUMBERJACK!


Stetler: :eek:

Ryan: (continues) Leaping from tree to tree on the mighty British Columbia!
*sings* I'm A Lumberjack and I'm okay...
 
OOOOMMMMMGGGGG YYYYEEEESSSSSS!!!!!! Monty Python humor!!!!!! Whoot!!!

more monty python humor....

Eric: OMG RYAN!!! You have a huge nail sticking out of your eye!!!!!
Ryan:it's just a flesh wound...
 
LOL...
Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail is my favorite movie ever, and for them to make the bes of biggest joke in the movie, the budget!

Anyhow...

Ryan: The murder is the bunny rabbit.
H: Yeah right.
Ryan: He's a killer!
H: Pffft. I'l go bring him in, then.
Ryan: Wait...
H: Arrgh!
Ryan: I warned him. Where's the Holy Hand Gernade?
 
Dynamo1 said:
Calleigh: Horatio, may I say something?
Horatio: Sure, Calleigh. Go ahead.
Calleigh: I can forgive you for not having mini-marshmallows on the yams.
Eric and Ryan: Yeah, right.
Calleigh: I can ignore the jellied cranberry sauce out of a can instead of the real thing.
Alexx: You tell em, Sugar.
Calleigh: But did you HAVE to put small sunglasses on the turkey?
Click to expand...
I LOVE THIS ONE!!!
Calleigh's role is the best!!! :lol:
 
dogbert14 said:
Natalia and Valera are sitting in a smelly newsroom, waiting to be interviewed by CBS.

Natalia: Valera, can I ask you a question?

Valera: Sure

Natalia: Do you think John Hagen is hot?

Valera: No....

Natalia: What? You bitch!

They get into a catfight.

Natalia: He is the hottest man alive!

Valera: Actually he's dead you dolt!

Natalia: I know that, you naive simpleton... *smacks Valera*

Meanwhile, H is filming the whole fight. He is pleasured to see that the two hottest chicks are fighting over him.

H: They love me so much!

Delko: Keep dreaming!

H: I didn't ask you!

Delko: Well I'm just saying...

Yelina storms into the room looking really pissed.

Yelina: Horatio how could you?!

H: Eh?

Yelina: You are checking out Natalia and Valera! You even film them in the shower daily! Pervert!

H: *blushes* How did you know that?

Yelina: Calleigh told me!

You hear a piercing scream because Calleigh accidentally shot herself in the ballistics lab.

Yelina: You are cheating on me. But now it's going to stop! *pulls out a gun and shoots H*

H: Ahhhh! *doubles up on the floor*

Ryan: What is this place, San Francisco?

Yelina: Oh [censored] you piece of [censored] [censored] [censored]

Ryan: There are children watching!

Yelina: Does it look like I care?!

She walks away, swearing.

Meanwhile, Natalia breaks a wine bottle over Valera's head.

Natalia: Brush up on your DNA skills!

Valera: I do!

Natalia: Not as much as me!

Reporter: Time for your interview!
Click to expand...
I LOVE THIS ONE!!!
calleigh getting shot by herself was expesally funny!
:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Hankster said:
(We hear sirens and see a massive number of Miami Dade Police Cars swarm on some area by the Marina. Police choppers are in the sky circling the area and we hear indistinct radio chatter as they go about it. A SWAT team in body armour comes out and begins setting up a perimeter. A Crime Lab Hummer pulls up and we see Frank Tripp and Calleigh Duquesne jump out. Erik Delko runs up to greet them.)

Frank: What's the SitRep, Delko?

Delko: It's UGLY! He's been in there for a while!

Calleigh: Are you sure this situation demands this much of a response?

Erik: This is Horatio you're talking about, Calleigh!

Frank: Still...

(The three walk at a good clip up to Horatio, whose back is to the Camera. His back remains to the camera as they speak with him.

Calleigh: Is it that bad, Horatio?

Horatio: I don't see... how it could be... any worse...

Frank: What is the problem here? What's the major emergency?

(The Swat team sends a robot with a grappling arm into a Port-O-Potty as the music shows tension building. The camera shifts from each team members face showing their beaded sweat on their browns and grimaced faces--everyone's except Horatio'.s. The music builds to a crescendo and the robot comes out holding something in its grappling arm.)


Frank: What in the HELL!?!?!?!

Calleigh: You don't mean?!??!

(Horatio turns around and he's not wearing his shades, grimacing. The camera then shoots a fast zoom over to the SWAT robot arm... it's H's Shades of Justice covered with poop.)

Erik: H.... don't lose it!

Horatio: For the love of GOD, NOOOOOOO!!!!

Frank: You mean all this Drama was because H dropped his sunglasses in the CRAPPER? SUNUVABITCH!!!!

(Cue theme music and cue in the credits!)

Click to expand...
HOLARIOUS!!!!
that one rocks
 
Carolyn318 said:
~Stetler is in the break room doing jumping jacks while holding a 3 pound dumb bell in each hand.~
~Ryan comes in.~
Ryan: Sgt. Stetler, what are you doing???
~Stetler stops and turns to face Ryan.~
Stetler(out of breath): If you must know, Mr. Wolfe. I'm exercising. The gym I normally use is closed. Someone broke in last night and trashed the place. They spray painted profanity on everything.
Ryan: :rolleyes: Uh. I know. H has been going around laughing and bragging about it all day.
Stetler(has caught his breath now): What?!?!?! Horatio did it???
Ryan(quietly to himself): OOPS. H is gonna kill me.
~Ryan turns and RUNS away.~
Stetler: HORATIO!!!
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:
Click to expand...
ha i like that!
 
ok here goes:

Hagen: so u wanna grab a cup of coffe?
calleigh: not tonite hagen, i have got some work to do.
*calleigh walks over to the gun rack looking for a specific gun. behind her hagen mutters a swear to himself.
he begins to put his badge on the table and his gun holster. he turns around to be face to face with calleigh
calleigh: wat in the hell are u doing hagen?!?!
Hagen: dam calleigh can't anyone committ suicide with out u all in there face?!
 
calleighismyhero, please refrain from double+ posting. If you wish to add more, you may use the 'edit' button beside the 'reply' function for up to 24 hours. Otherwise, it may be seen as spamming. Thanks! :) (If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM)
 
Tis the season.
So here's a Christmas themed one.

*Frank is in a Santa suit, complete with mustache, beard and hair.*
Frank(in a monotone but slightly grumpy voice): Ho. Ho. Ho.
Horatio: Come on, Francis, you can be more jolly than that.
Frank(in loud, grumpy, slightly angry voice): Don't call me Francis. And no I can't.
*Horatio whispers something to Frank. Frank suddenly does a 180 in attitude. He's now the jolliest Santa in Miami.*
Frank(in a loud, very jolly, happy voice): Ho!!! Ho!!! Ho!!! Merry Christmas!!! (to Alexx): Merry Christmas young lady.
*Frank picks all of Alexx's gifts out his Santa bag and hands them to her.*
Frank: Merry Christmas!!! (to Stetler in a more serious, less jolly voice): Merry Christmas young man.
*Frank hands Stetler one little square box.*
*Stetler opens it.*
Stetler: What's this??? A lump of coal???
*Calleigh, who is with Natalia and Valera, walks by and sees Stetler's lump of coal.*
Calleigh: Someone's been a naughty boy.
*Natalia and Valera and also Alexx, who is nearby, all start snickering and giggling.*
*Stetler stomps off angry, insulted and embarrassed.*
Ryan(to Horatio): Horatio. What did you whisper to Frank that made him change his attitude about playing Santa???
Horatio: Lend me your ear and I'll whisper it to you.
*Horatio whispers in Ryan's ear.*
*Ryan starts laughing hysterically.*
*Ryan calms down a minute.*
Ryan: You're kidding. Aren't you, Horatio???
Horatio: Nope.
*Ryan starts laughing hysterically again.*
*Ryan calms down a minute again.*
Ryan: Does Eric know???
Horatio(in a stern, I-mean-business voice): No!!! And don't you tell him, Mr. Wolfe.
Ryan: My lips are sealed. That'd sure make me change my attitude.
*Ryan walks off laughing hysterically.*
Horatio(quietly to himself): We'll see if what I have on you Mr. Wolfe is as funny or works as well when I ask you to be Santa's elf. First, I gotta go blackmail Calleigh into playing Mrs. Claus.

I think I made it obvious that whatever Horatio has on Frank involves Eric. Here's why I think I made it obvious.
Ryan: Does Eric know???
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

============================================================

OOPS!!!
I knew I forgot something.

HAPPY HANUKKAH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY KWANZAA and HAPPY NEW YEAR to the members of this forum.
 
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