~Quotes You WON'T Hear # 3~

~Stetler is in the break room doing jumping jacks while holding a 3 pound dumb bell in each hand.~
~Ryan comes in.~
Ryan: Sgt. Stetler, what are you doing???
~Stetler stops and turns to face Ryan.~
Stetler(out of breath): If you must know, Mr. Wolfe. I'm exercising. The gym I normally use is closed. Someone broke in last night and trashed the place. They spray painted profanity on everything.
Ryan: :rolleyes: Uh. I know. H has been going around laughing and bragging about it all day.
Stetler(has caught his breath now): What?!?!?! Horatio did it???
Ryan(quietly to himself): OOPS. H is gonna kill me.
~Ryan turns and RUNS away.~
Stetler: HORATIO!!!
:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:
 
~Stetler is in the break room doing jumping jacks while holding a 3 pound dumb bell in each hand.~
~Ryan comes in.~
Ryan: That's some dumb bell.
Stetler: HEY! A little respect here.
Ryan: Not you, moron. I was talking about the exercise equipment.
 
:lol: :lol: :lol: LMAO Dynamo1 !!

Here's one from me sorry if u dont find it funny :)

Victim: .. You won't understand.. i cant replace it! it's too special *victim cries*

Horatio: I know exactly how you feel.

Victim: No, no one does.
*Victims opens the evidence file, and get the pair of sunglasses out*

Horatio: I'm so sorry.. my sunnies broke once.. i should have never givin them to stetler.

Victim: What did he do to it?

Horatio: i cant talk about it.. it's too painful

Frank walks in

Frank: Horatio, kyle got arrested again.

Horatio: Dammit Frank! I told you never to interrupt my appoitments with the victims,were trying to figure out a murder!

Frank: *confused* what murders?

Horatio: cant you read the sign on the door

*Frank read sign on the door which says: Victims of abused sunglasses*

*Frank slaps his forhead*
 
miami85 said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: LMAO Dynamo1 !!

Here's one from me sorry if u dont find it funny :)

Victim: .. You won't understand.. i cant replace it! it's too special *victim cries*

Horatio: I know exactly how you feel.

Victim: No, no one does.
*Victims opens the evidence file, and get the pair of sunglasses out*

Horatio: I'm so sorry.. my sunnies broke once.. i should have never givin them to stetler.

Victim: What did he do to it?

Horatio: i cant talk about it.. it's too painful

Frank walks in

Frank: Horatio, kyle got arrested again.

Horatio: Dammit Frank! I told you never to interrupt my appoitments with the victims,were trying to figure out a murder!

Frank: *confused* what murders?

Horatio: cant you read the sign on the door

*Frank read sign on the door which says: Victims of abused sunglasses*

*Frank slaps his forhead*
Click to expand...

That is too funny. :lol: Good one.
 
I know this is a little long. But this is as short as I can make it and it make sense and be even a little funny.

~~Shark a.k.a. Sebastian Stark and Sgt. Stetler are toe to toe, nose to nose in each other faces screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs. Horatio and Mac Taylor, who is visiting from NY, come up. Horatio and Mac look at Shark and Stetler then at each other. Then in unison Horatio and Mac do a pinky-finger-in-each-corner-of-the-mouth, loud, ear-drum piercing whistle.
Shark and Stetler immediately shut up and turn to face Horatio and Mac.~~
Horatio: What are you 2 hollering about???
Mac: Hollering??? I thought they were screaming.
Horatio: Well, whether you call it hollering or you call it screaming. They were making enough noise to wake the dead.
[Speedle's, Hagen's, Raymond's and Marisol's ghosts (in unison): They did wake the dead!!!
Horatio, Mac, Stetler and Shark (in unison): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Speedle's ghost: Sorry. Big forum. We got lost. (to the other 3 ghosts): Come on guys let's see if we can find ~Quotes You WON'T Hear #2~ thread and the Halloween in the Lab posts.
The 4 ghosts disappear.
Horatio: Look you 2 I wanna know what y'all were waking the dead over.
Shark: This (bleep) hole...What was that???
Stetler: Carolyn318 censoring you.
Horatio: Ignore the bleeps or she'll have you walking naked in to a room full of people.*
Mac: Yeah, or making out with another guy in the handicapped stall of the men's bathroom.*
Shark (snickering): Or chasing David Caruso in character as Horatio Caine trying to get your sunglasses back from him.*
Stetler: Or have Mr. Wolfe to ask Robo H to kill you.
Mac: What does getting killed feel like, anyway???
Stetler: :rolleyes: Never mind.
Carolyn318: Hey!!! They're my posts. If I want to I'll have all 4 of you naked, paired off with each other and doing the Tango on an HBO version of Dancing With the Stars.
Shark: I didn't say a word. I'm just a visitor here.
Stetler: I take back any negative things I've said in this post.
Horatio: Bleep away. You can even bleep out my name if you want to.
Mac: I'm like Shark, I'm just visiting.

*From previous ~Quotes You WON'T Hear~ posts of mine.
 
^LOL that was long.

anyways...
(a little behind, but I missed most of the season. :( )
How Ryan Got his job back
Ryan: Can I have my job back?
H: NO!! Get the (bleep) out of here!
Ryan: (whining) Please?
H: No.
Ryan: Pretty please with sugar on top?
H: For the last time, NO! (bleep) off.
Ryan: All right, no more Mr. nice guy.
H: What are you doing?
Ryan: Hire me back or the the sunnies get it.
H: (sobs) NOOOOOO!!!! All right, fine. You're rehired.


Sorry, I blame my allergy meds.
:confused:
edited for spelling
See, I can't even type right now.
 
here's some of my old personal favs from the old thread that i created a while back. and i know there's like a million of them but they are GREAT!!!!!!

*loud music can be heard from the break room* *Eric hears it and goes to investigate* *He sees Ryan in there dancing along with the music* *he starts to laugh and Calleigh comes over*
Calleigh: What's so funny?
*all Eric can do is point and laugh* *Calleigh joins in the laughter* *They both walk in* Eric: Play that funky music, white boy!! Play that funky music, right!!! *Ryan stops, turns, sees them standing there, blushes, turns off music and runs out*


*Ryan sees H's sunnies on his desk and h is no where to be found* *ryan reaches for them and thinks theres no one around so...*
H:Ryan!? what do you think you're doing???
Ryan:H i was, uh......i won't touch them again..
H: Good boy....*he grabs them and puts them on*..smart idea...


*Speed is in the break room..Calleigh comes in*
Calleigh:Speed put on the news....
Speed:eek:k....*He turns on the tv.....Barney appears on the screen*
Speed:WTF?!? *He changes the channel and Barney is on every station*
Calleigh:OMG!!!!!!
*H walks in* H:Cal...Speed...what's going on....???
Speed: He finally did it!!!
H: who did what??
Speed:Barney has finally taken over the world with his corruptive songs of EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!
H:Cal....got get your sniper and head to the TV studio.....he must be destroyed......... ....before people forget who i am!!!!!!


*the team is at the docks*
Eric: I'm telling you guys!!! there are no old fashioned pirates in Miami!!!!!
Ryan: Yes there is!!! i saw one!!!
Calleigh: you saw one????
Ryan: yes!!!
*H is standing there talking to Jack Sparrow*
Jack:are they going at it againg about the whole pirate thing??
H: yes.
Jack: want me to settle this?
H: sure.
Jack: hey guys.
*they all look*
Eric:i don't believe it!!
Ryan:HA HA i told you. i'm smart, you're dumb. i'm right, you're wrong. any questions? *sticks tounge out at Eric*
Eric: stop bragging *pushes Ryan in the water but Ryan grabs Eric and pulls him in*
Jack:(to H) so these are the mature, responsible CSIs you were telling me about?
H: uhhhhhh........no......ok yes. but i may have stretched the truth...just a bit.
Jack:o_O

Alexx:please don't tell me we just sent the body away with a complete stranger....
Speed: Alexx, we just sent the *She cuts him off*
Alexx:Timmy, I know.
*Eric snickers loudly*
Speed:What?!?
Eric:HEHE Timmy, She called you Timmy!!!!
Speed: so what, Timmy is a version of Tim.
Eric: but the way she says it makes it sound like you're 5 years old!!!! *falls over with laughter*
Speed: That's it Delko!!! You're so dead man!!!! *he chases Eric all over* *eric looks back to see if Speed is still chasing him and slams right into the wall, he gets up holding his nose as it bleeds*
Speed: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Eric:*slightly muffled* oh shut up!!!!
Speed:HAHAHAHA HEHEHEHE!!!!! *falls over clutching his sides*


H: guys...i'm ditching the sunnies
Ryan,Eric,Cal: *gasp*
H; it's just too much of a hassel to keep putting them on and off on and off. i think i'm gonna go with hats.*throws sunnies on the floor and walks out*
*Ryan runs and picks them up* Ryan: YES!!!! finally i have them!!!!!! the "sunnies of Justice"!!!! They are mine!!!! muahahahahah. now i can be *put them on* Super Ryan and the H-moblie is now the Wolfe-Mobile!!!!!!
Eric, Cal: :eek:

*Ryan is reading the news paper and Eric walks in*
Eric:anything good?
Ryan: nah just this crap about these two guys named Jon Togo and Adam Rodriguez...
Eric: who the heck are they?
Ryan: i don't know. just these two guys on some show called CSI: Miami.
Eric: yeah like anyone would watch that.... :rolleyes:


*H walks into the break room with out his sunnies*
Ryan: H where are your sunnies?
H: i left them at home, but that's ok.
Ryan: H forgot his sunnies and is ok with it!?! Everyone run!!!!! it's a sign of the apocalypse!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eric:AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Cal: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*everyone runs away*


Speed: hey guys, guess what!!!!
Team: what?
Speed: I cleaned my gun!!!
Team:

i'm sorry i picked on Speed, no offense to him, I LOVE YOU, SPEED!!!!! but this was too funny to pass up.

Eric:*holding up a dead rat* take a look at this. now how this got from your apartment to.....
Speed: Dude!!! it's still moving!!!
Eric:AAAAAHHHHAHAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *He throws it*
Speed:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Eric:Oh shut up and find that airbag.
Speed:I found it!! *grunting* it won't come loose!!
*It comes lose and Speed falls flat on his ass*
Eric:HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
Speed:eek:h yeah?!? *he pushes Eric and Eric falls over board*
Speed:HAHAHAHHA!!!! Like i told you before. I always get the last laugh!!!

Calleigh: I'm worried about Horatio.
Ryan: why?
Calleigh: he watched Tiatnic last night and well...the whole king of the world scene may have gone to his head.*they see him*
*H is on the wrap around stairs outside of the lab right on the first landing standing on the railing with his arms spread wide*
H: I'M THE KING OF MIAMI!!!!!!!
Ryan: :eek:
Calleigh: :eek:

*Ryan was tangled in a huge net from one of the cases*
Eric:uhh, Ryan? what are you doing?
Ryan: I'm baking a freaking cake!!! what does it look like i'm doing. now help me!!!
Eric:eek:h i will, after i humiliate you...Hey guys!! check this out!!!
*H, calleigh and Alexx come running in.*
H: Eric what's wrong!?
Eric:eek:h nothing it's just we caought a fish
*they see Ryan*
Calleigh:uhh, i'm not gonna ask
H:
Alexx:ERIC DELKO!!!!!!!! *she hits him*
Eric:eek:www, Alexx what the....
Alexx: you know better than to humilate my baby!!!!
*Alexx runs over and helps Ryan*
Alexx:you ok sweetie?
Ryan:yeah, but Eric wasn't any help and i asked him like five times to help me and all he did was laugh
*Alexx continues to hit Eric*
Eric:eek:wwww, Ok!! Alexx!! i get the message. i won't humilate Ryan....*mumbles* when you're around.
Alexx:excuse me!?!?
Eric:uhhhhhh....nothing!!! *he runs out of fear of being hit again* *everyone laughs*

*Eric and Ryan are reviewing some video for evidence*
Ryan:wow!! where'd they learn to do that!!!
Eric:i know that's incredible how do they bend like that!!
*Calleigh walks in*
Calleigh:you guys are sick!!
Ryan:what! they're only doing yoga.

*Eric, Ryan Calleigh and H are in the break room*
*Ryan changes the channel*
*CSI: Miami appears on the tv and the theme song plays*
H:what the hell is this? who the hell is David Caruso?
Ryan:Who's ever heard of CSI: Miami? and who is this Jonathan Togo guy?
Eric:yeah and uh that Adam Rodriguez, who ever he is, is no where near as sexy as i am
Calleigh:Like anyone really watches this crap! and who's ever heard of Emily Procter?
H:if you ask me it's a waste of time and money
Ryan:no doubt about that
Eric:got that right
Calleigh:you said it

ok i'm done......ok maybe a few more......

American Pie Band Camp:
This one time *puts on sunnies* at band camp...
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Ghostbusters:
Something strange in the neighborhood...who ya gonna call? *puts on sunnies* GHOSTBUSTERS!!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!


Pirates of the Carribean:
Why *puts on sunnies* is the rum gone!?!?
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
 
^LOL,especially that last one.

Of course it's no fun doing that to someone that doesn't the joke and then they look at you funny for the rest of the day and...
Even if you really are out of rum.
Sorry, rambling again.


Ryan: Hey, H.
H: What?
Ryan: You're stuck with it!
H: Stuck with what?
Ryan: It!
H: :rolleyes: *shoots Ryan*

dumb joke from elementary school with a twist at the end.
 
I call this set of quotes
You're Not In South Park Anymore, Cartman.

*Cartman has a cold, mostly affecting his nose and ears. His stopped up nose is making his voice sound deeper and his stopped up ears are causing him to have trouble understanding things.*
Cartman: Hi. I'm Cartman.
Eric: Hello. I'm Eric Delko.
Cartman: Eric Delbo
Eric: Delko.
Cartman: Delyo.
Eric: Delko!!!
Cartman: Delmo.
Eric: UH!!! Delko!!!
Cartman: Dildo
Eric: NO!!! DELKO!!! Oh forget it.
*Eric leaves.*
Cartman: Gee. What's his problem??? I never got his last name.
*Kenny is standing to Cartman's right, writing something in a small note pad. He hands Cartman the note pad.*
What Cartman reads out loud is in "quotation marks".
Cartman(reading): "He told you his last name. His last name is Delko" Oh. Why didn't he just say Delko???
*Kenny writing. Hands Cartman the note pad again.*
Cartman(reading): "He did. Your cold is affecting your hearing and you misunderstood several times. Maybe you should see a doctor before that cold kills you." This cold isn't gonna kill me. Before this is over something will happen to you and I'll go OMG!!! They killed Kenny!!! Then you'll get up and be alright. Then something else will happen that DOES kill you...till the next episode of South Park.
*Kenny writes something. Hands the note pad to Cartman.*
Cartman(reading): "This isn't South Park. This is CSI: Miami." What??? Oh *Cartman explodes*
*Kenny writes something. Holds it up where the camera can read it.*
What Kenny writes is underlined.
Kenny wrote: OMG You killed Cartman!!! *in smaller print under that* Better him than me.
*Kenny writes something else. Now shows it to the camera.*
Kenny wrote: I like it here. I'm never going back to South Park.
*Kenny waddles off...whistling.*
*Kenny explodes.*
David Caruso(in a calm Horatio-like manner): OMG. She killed Kenny.
THE END!!! :devil:
 
Alien: Take me to your leader.
H: Everything I do is controlled by...
MY SUNNIES!!!
Sunnies: Shot the alien and call Steler and his FBI buddies. They'll take of it.
H: Yes, master.

Here's another:
X with Vegas.

Greg: *spots H's sunnies on a table and puts them on* (deep, mocking voice) I am Super H, and these are my mighty Sunglasses of Justice!
Ryan: *giggles*
Greg: I must single handedly solve every crime in Miami and change everbody's life for the better...
Ryan: ...
Greg: He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
H: Yup.
Greg: *returns sunnies* :eek:

H:Touch them again and I will kill you.
 
Eric: Hey, Ryan. Do you know what time it is???
Ryan: Oh no. Is this gonna be another one of those Quotes You WON'T Hear posts where you ask me the time, then I ask someone, then they ask someone and by the time you get the time you no longer care??? Because if it is: been there, done that. It's over in the Quotes You WON'T Hear #2 thread. Just look for the name Carolyn318. It's one of hers.
Eric: No. I was just wondering if you knew what time it is. See, Frank told me that Horatio and Stetler are having a pickpocket competition to see who can take the most wrist watches off people's arms without getting caught in the act.
Ryan: Oh. OK. Let me see. *growls* Stetler got my watch. *Holds arm up to show where his watch used to be.* He came in here earlier. He left about 5 minutes before you came in. While he was here, he shook my hand and apologized for getting me fired at the end of season 5. Said he had skeletons in his closet that would top what I did.
Eric: Well, Horatio took my watch. *Holds up left arm to show where his watch should be.* I thought he was standing closer than usual when he was talking to me. Now I know why, thanks to Frank.
Ryan: What do you say we teach Horatio and Stetler a lesson???
Eric: How???
Ryan: By finding them, arresting them for stealing, make them strip naked and lock them in the same holding cell together...both naked. No one else in the holding cell with them.
Eric: What about Horatio's sunglasses???
Ryan: Naked means no clothes and no sunglasses.
Eric(laughs then says): I love it. Great ideal. Let's do it.
*Eric and Ryan high 5 each other then go looking for Horatio and Stetler.* :devil:
 
Ryan: i need to tell you something
Eric: Your gay?
Calleigh: Eric be nice
Ryan: i forgot
Calleigh: forgot what?
Ryan: thats it, i forgot what i cant remember
Eric: WTF?
Calleigh: well i you forgot then you wont remember
Ryan: oh yeh i forgot
Eric: you really are gay
Calleigh: Eric.........well yeh, but dont say it when he is stood there
Ryan: say what?
Calleigh + Eric: Nothing *giggle*
Ryan: ok


sorry if its crap but my friends wouldnt shut up until i wrote it. we were kind of roll playing so i just wrote the crazy things we said :)
 
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