Jokes Thread

Garfield was so much better when it first came out, I have alot of the books. I don't even bother reading it lately, it's the same old thing. Even Jon getting turned down by women is getting a little old :(

OK, I've got a joke I heard from a customer the other day:

Q: How do you insult a robot?
A: Tell him his mother was a snowblower. :rolleyes:
 
ewe that would be sooo gross to find a half eaten worm in your apple! but yeah that was a good one!
 
the garfield one was good...
i jus had to post this one...this is one of my all time favorites...
Seinfeld gets a call frm a phone company...read it...

TEL: Hi, would you be interested in switching over to TMI long distance service?

JERRY: Oh, gee, I can't talk right now. Why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later.

TEL: Uh, I'm sorry we're not allowed to do that.

JERRY: Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home.

TEL: No.

JERRY: Well now you know how I feel. [Hangs up]
 
^ :lol: I love that. Last night I watched the episode where Jerry said that. Here's one of my favourite quotes from Seinfeld:

George Costanza: So I tell her, 'I think I should leave now'. And she looks at me surprised as if she couldn't understand what had just happened and why I was leaving... The only excuse that I could fathom would be acceptable is to tell her that I am indeed Batman, and I'm sorry I just saw that Bat signal out the window.
 
^
Jerry Seinfeld: So they're showin' me on television the detergent for getting out blood stains. Is this a violent image to anybody: blood stains? I mean, come on, you got a tee-shirt with blood stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now!
 
The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins

Make sure the web page is maximized before you watch the video.

Question for a mod: I thought of adding some video clips from comedy central's motherload, and was wondereing if those should be in the jokes thread or in the General TV and Media board. That's why I didn't add the comedy central if I get an okay then I will post the videos.
 
found this and thought it was pretty silly:
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
 
Garfelid isn't that funny for me I read it and it sometimes makes me giggle but overall it gets a "meh" rating.

some dumb laws:
-Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
-No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
-Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
-Toads may not be licked
-Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.(Grissom fights for bug rights!)
-Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.

Those are all from California or parts of California. I chose my state first but I have a whole list.
 
Even though these laws are funny and thought of as a joke these days, they are not actually jokes. We have a thread started about this time last year called Freeze, in the name of the law which was a spinoff from the Brain Freezers thread. We gave part of a law and had multiple choice endings to see who guessed correctly.
 
Garfield ipod is genius!!

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot :lol:

bad I know but I love it...it really funny to throw that one into drunken conversation
 
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