Jokes Thread
- Thread starter glam_chic86
- Start date
Tinkerbell
Head of the Swing Shift
Really dodgy Christmas Cracker joke
Why would you take a pencil to bed?
Answer: To draw the curtains!
*shakes head* I know it's awful. :lol:
Why would you take a pencil to bed?
Answer: To draw the curtains!
*shakes head* I know it's awful. :lol:
"The pharmacist just insulted me,"the woman sobbed to her husband.
Upset, he jumped into his car and sped the way to the store to defend his wife.
"Listen to my side!" the pharmascist pleaded. "First, I overslept. Rushing out, I locked my car keys inside the house and had to break a window to open it. Then I got a flat tire. When I finally got behind the counter, there was a long line and the phone was ringing. After bending down to pick up a roll of nickels, I cracked my head on a drawer and fell backward, shattering the perfume case. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing. I picked it up, and your wife asked me how to use a rectal thermometer. I swear, all I did was tell her."
Upset, he jumped into his car and sped the way to the store to defend his wife.
"Listen to my side!" the pharmascist pleaded. "First, I overslept. Rushing out, I locked my car keys inside the house and had to break a window to open it. Then I got a flat tire. When I finally got behind the counter, there was a long line and the phone was ringing. After bending down to pick up a roll of nickels, I cracked my head on a drawer and fell backward, shattering the perfume case. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing. I picked it up, and your wife asked me how to use a rectal thermometer. I swear, all I did was tell her."
vegaslights
Brute
It wasn't that bad!
All these jokes are cracking me up, though.
myfuturecsi
Corpse
Thanks guy I love that clip too!
Being that I'm the mother of a half newfie child, I feel it is okay to tell this joke.
A newfie was coming up to Toronto when he saw a sign that said 'Toronto Left', sohe turned around and went back home.
Being that I'm the mother of a half newfie child, I feel it is okay to tell this joke.
A newfie was coming up to Toronto when he saw a sign that said 'Toronto Left', sohe turned around and went back home.
Tinkerbell
Head of the Swing Shift
Erm.. Another Christmas cracker joke
What is the fastest vegetable?
Answer: Runner bean.
What is the fastest vegetable?
Answer: Runner bean.
AlyssaluvsDanny
Coroner
I seen the end of the world on another site! I love that place.
That mafia form is great jorja_fan! Very funny!!
That mafia form is great jorja_fan! Very funny!!
glam_chic86
Head of the Graveyard Shift
^I know eh. Here's another joke...
Life's Reflections
1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Life's Reflections
1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
glam_chic86
Head of the Graveyard Shift
Why did the blonde go up on top of the bar?
Because the bartender said the drinks were on the house!!
Because the bartender said the drinks were on the house!!