JAY LENO

YEAH Jays back:bolian: March 15~

MONOLOGUE

Are you all excited about March Madness? Huge event for basketball fans, it gives them something to do at work besides going on FACEBOOK:lol:

NFL football dispute is now in the courtroom, which works out good for the BANGLES, most of their players are in court anyway. They meet and everyone gives HI-fives:lol:

The big dispute in this NFL is transparent, the football players aren't allowed to look at the book that has their financial report. Has this ever happened before, football players opening a book:confused: If they don't settle this, it could be be only USC in the fall that will be the only professionals playing football:confused:

Geroge Michael said he deserved to go to jail for his behavior, to which Lindsay Lohan said "Shut up, your ruining it for everybody":rolleyes:

The Eyes Of March, the day Julius Caesar was stabbed to death, by 60 conspirators. See that could never happen here:evil:

Pres. Obama held a conference on bullying & revealed that he was bullied..every day by FOX news:guffaw:
 
Jay, March 18~

MONOLOGUE~

The day after St. Patricks day, lor as some call it "dry heave Friday":vulcan: According to one poll 42% of Americans celebrated St. Patricks Day, the other 58% just got drunk, because it was Thursday:wtf:

So it's be a great weekend from St. Pattys day all green to all red from the radiation:( Are you all worried about this? Pres. Obama said "we have nothing to worry about here in America" and then he split to South America, saying "have fun everybody see ya' soon, I'll be in Brazil":rolleyes:One store sold over 500 gas masks and they they have no problem going to tanning salons:cool:

Sarah Palin went to Israel when asked about Netanyahu she said gesundheit:rolleyes: Julianne Moore will be portraying her in a HBO movie they got an unknown to play Levi Johnson..Levi Johnson:lol:

March Madness is in full swing, with Duke playing Hampton we can't show a video because of litigation, will show you a metaphor. It showed a large man sitting on a little skinny guy:eek:[score 87-45]

Is eveyone really following this, or is it too big? The pres, announced were going to have a "no fly zone over Libya" and while he was speaking, they still had the game on in the right hand corner:rolleyes:

And scientists are calling the moon that appeared in the sky the other night "the super moon" that lit up the whole sky. But are also worried what effect this will have on Charlie Sheen:devil:
 
Jay from March 23~

MONOLOGUE

Hey all you spring break people here tonight:bolian: An alcohol expert according to his research says hangovers get worse as drinkers age. The older you get the worse it is to get "bombed", to which Gadahfi said "tell me about it":rolleyes: So what's going to happen over there? I don't know how much longer Gadahfi can hang on. It's one humilation after another. First the rebels [his own people] against him, then they bomb his compound, now he's getting his arse kicked by the French, come on:confused: As you all know were bombing Libya, according to the Pentagon but on U.S. involvement it's limited and has an end date! Do you believe that? We still have troops in Germany, what was that 65 years ago, PLEASE. Germany has pulled out of NATO:wtf: That's when you know the world is screwed when Germany doesn't want to fight and France does. The whole world is backwards. Were now fighting 3 wars, at least when Bush was pres. you knew who was in charge..Dick Cheney:rommie:

Now Japan is stopping the shipping of fresh fruit and vegetables to America. This will affect at least 3 or 4 people:lol:

Well Sarah Palin visited Israel..the bad news she's coming back. When she visited the Wailing wall, she realized she hadn't stood next to anything that old since the last election:rommie: While she was ther she was asked about the age old feud between the Palestinians and the Jews. She said "the fair thing to do is let people worship Jesus in their own way":rolleyes:
 
Yes I did, I only watched part of this, and the rest yesterday. in the Jay-walking segment, Shane your a riot, on "let them eat... [answer cake] you go "squirrels":lol: and the stick figures, you drawing the guy with explicit detail.:wtf: Jay goes "And he's single":guffaw: So do they prompt you people, are these questions, strickly random?
 
The questions were planned, my answers were not. I wasn't even planning on doing the segment but I had just finished something for Modern Family and had time to kill. Jay approached me and I filmed the bit. Kind of cool, but I'm still Team Ferguson. ;)
 
vegaslights said:
The questions were planned, my answers were not. I wasn't even planning on doing the segment but I had just finished something for Modern Family and had time to kill. Jay approached me and I filmed the bit. Kind of cool, but I'm still Team Ferguson. ;)
Click to expand...

Your a real cutie, and Jay is delightful, do you mean Craig Ferguson? he's cool too, he's on so late:( I posted a YouTube with him and his guest L. Fishburne, if you want to look at it. So was this in a mall in L.A.?
 
Jay from March 23~

MONOLOGUE~

President Obama alerted a meeting at 3 am, the latest disaster not Lybia it was about DUKE losing:eek:

Congrat. to the "Wild Cats" beating Duke, 93-77. Even the FAA guys stayed awake to watch the game. And isn't this unbelievable, one FAA agent fell alseep at the Regan National Airport in D.C., forcing two planes to land without any radio assistance. And it was just a few miles away from the White House. Only one guy in the tower, and he's sleeping. Well the union said no aircraft facility should be ever staffed with just one person, and that makes sense. Nobody likes to sleep alone:lol:

Another embarrassment for the president. When he arrived back at the White House from Brazil, he couldn't get in, the doors were locked, [showed a clip of a fascimile of someone climbing through the window] He got on his cell phone, and called Chris Brown and asked the best way to break a window:rolleyes:

He also had promised to unite both the parties the Republicans and the Democrats well he got that they both are against him:(

And on consulting Congress, the ones who got us in 2 wars, and 3 trillion dollars in debt and had no solution for the meltdown in Japan. I can't understand why he didn't consult them:confused:
 
Jay from April 1~

MONOLOGUE

Lots of snow back east, but here in L.A. it was 90 degrees. It was so hot people were standing in line to have sex on the roof at USC:rolleyes:

So what's going on at the White House? Pres. Obama called in VP Joe Biden to the Oval office to get his advice on the Libya situation, then yelled "April Fools" now get out of here:lol:

The gov. is now a few days from a government shutdown, if Congress can't work out the budget. It would be dramatic. For example an immediate freeze on all wars in the Middle East, we'd just be stuck with the 3 we have now:confused:Now leaders in the Arab world are demanding to see Gadafi's birth certificate saying he might be Jewish..well thank gawd that could never happen in our country:alienblush:

A man in Britain has the largest collection of "love dolls" in the world, over 240, but says he doesn't do anything "sexual" with them. But he does have afternoon tea, photoshoots, and drives them around in his car. How many think that is even creepier?:vulcan:

A man in Ohio receved a bill from his cable company for over $16 million, when he called customer serivce, to complain, they told him for $8 bucks more he can get the NFL package:lol:
 
Jay from April 11~

MONOLOGUE

As you all know a deal was reached to keep the government running..the good news "the gov. is up and running as before"..the bad news "the gov. is up and runnng as before":lol: this means and proves if they abandoned their principles, they can get things down:confused:

GASOLINE.. WHOA, it's at an all time high.. they need to stop callng it "crude" oil & just call it "obscene" oil:bolian:

Pres. Obama said over the weekend that he misses his anonymity, he misses sleeping in on Sat. mornings, not shaving, going to the corner grocery store. Hey be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner:( If you wanted anonymity you should have run for VP:rommie:

And Donald Trump, won't make a decision about running for Pres. till his "Celebrity Apprentice" is done. Well at least he has his priorities in order, he doesn't want reality to get in the way of his reality show:rolleyes:

And he's sent investigators over to Hawaii to look into seeing if Obama was really born there:rolleyes: So he gets a call "Mr. Trump, we need a couple of more weeks here in Maui" my comments get real this is so stupid. Obama has shown his birth certificate like a zillion times, and does or would anyone vote for him as president?

In Michigan at an Applebees, their advertising "free drinks for kids" One 18-month baby was given alcohol in his sippy cup instead of Apple juice, and his alcohol level was 1.1:eek:

And in Lybia Geraldo was shot at by the rebels, they later apologized and said "we thought it was Bill O'Reilly":lol:
 
Jay from April 14~

MONOLOGUE

Well it happened again, another air trafice controller fell asleep while on duty in Reno, NV. while a plane was trying to land.. apparently he had a good excuse he was watching Pres. Obama's deficit speech..even Joe Biden fell asleep he actually dozed off while someone else was speaking:lol: "that's calling the kettle boring" Imagine if Al Gore or John Kerry were speaking, Biden would be in a coma:eek:

Obama said we must raise the $14.3 trillion ceiling.. how about this, make a stronger ceiling:rolleyes:

Obama dn Michelle will make a guest appearance on Oprah, not to be out done Donald Trump's hair will make a "guest spot" on Animal Planet:rommie: And he says he's seriously considering making a run for president. Pundits don't give this much of a chance but historians say that in 1836 Martin Van Buren was voted in w/ equally ridiculous hair[ showed a pic. of his hair]:lol:

While in Israel Justin Beiber's meeting with Prime Minister Netanyahu was canceled..this could have been the last chance for peace:wtf:

And scientists say that as time evolves, years from now, men and women will all look alike.. so eventually we'll all look like Steven Tyler:guffaw:

Tyler Perry was his guest, so nice so charming so likeable. He's lost 20 lbs. from the diet ""Eat & Pray" Jay goes "so you pray that no one brings you food" he laughed.. talked about his new movie Madea: Family.. it showed a clip so funny. Madea driving through a fast-food place and wanting breakfast, they said "breakfast is over, were now serving lunch" She goes "I don't want any damn lunch, so the girl slams the drive-through window and Madea drives through the front window:guffaw:
 
Jay from April 15~

MONOLOGUE

As you know, and don't want to be a downer, but taxes are due today, unless your GE, then you don't have to pay any:confused: I just finished mine, & I'm a little dislexic so instead of making my check out to the IRS, I made it out to "Toys 'R' Us", I get so confused at times:confused: And according to CNN, there's a new iPhone that'll do your taxes for you. Is that a good idea? At this point I don't even trust my iPhone to make a phone call:guffaw:

Today they discovered another sleeper cell, not terrorists, but air-traffic controllers. A ATC in Reno, was asleep while a medical air-craft was transporting a patient, know what he was suffereing from? insomnia:lol: Becase of this the head of the ATC quit, he just got up and walked out, then again he might have been sleep walking:rolleyes:

You know who'd make a great traffic controller..Charlie Sheen think about it, he's not working, he's up all night anyway, he knows all the flight attendants names and he could go "DUH, LANDING":vulcan:

And relations between us & Pakistan are strained, well I'm shocked. So their slowing down the hunt for Osama bin Laden, slow it down:eek: what's it been 10 years, could they go any slower?
 
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