From the Mouth of High School

Monday, October 22

Algebra

The class before us in Mrs. Perry's room likes to write...um..."witty" statements on the dry-erase boards. The following are examples
-I like to throw toothpicks into the forest and say "You're home!"
-If you spin an oriental person around really fast, does he become disoriented?
-When the Pope takes a dump is it a Holy Crap?

Now that I've gotten those out of my system.
-Dustin E: Ha, ha! I got a better grade than you.
-Me: Wha'd you make?
-Dustin E: A 38%.
-Me: I made a 98%.
-Dustin E: I beat you.
-Me: In what? Grade golf?
-Dustin E: Yes. I always win at grade golf.

-Dustin E: Jeremiah, can I come to your party?
-Jeremiah S: Uhhhhh...
-Dustin E: I live right down the road. If you don't invite me, I'll just show up...and that'll be worse.
-Jeremiah S: (Throws an invitation down on Dustin E's desk) Don't eat all the food.
-Dustin E: There's gonna be food?!

-Mrs. Perry: Jeremiah?!
-Jeremiah S: I'm thinking! I mean-What?

-Blake E: Jeremiah! Say something funny!
-Jeremiah S: May your waffles be always bountiful.

(Jeremiah S shows me his algebra test, which, instead of a grade has a crudly-drawn fish-thing "eating" a triangle next to a percent sign)
-Jeremiah S: What do you think my grade is?
-Me: Dolphin?
-Jeremiah S: I think it's Shark-Eating-Ham Percent.

-Jeremiah S: (to me) Why do you always tell me these things? Always when it surprises you someone is gay? X-Men: Gay. Dumbledore: Gay...Come on!

-Matt C: Instead of peanuts and corn can't we just do problems like, 'Johnny buys 4 apples, he gives away 2-'
-Mrs. Perry: No.

Biology
-Walker S: Mrs. Miers isn't here today!
-Shelby W: And she won't be here tomarrow!
-Me: If ever there was proof of a loving God, this is it!

-Shelby W: Dumbledore's gay!
-Jeremiah S: I'm more disappointed in that than I was when I found out that all the X-Men were gay.

-Josh F: I'm European-
-Buster H: On my boot!

-Josh F: When I think of Theodor, I think of sideburns, when I think of sideburns I think of plants.
-Jeremiah S: That'd be pretty good if Theodor Schwann hadn't studied animals.

-Josh F: Okay, I'm not trying to be rude, but on the board what does 'F.U.' mean?
-Mrs. Douglas: Formula Units.
-Josh F: Okay, 'cause it's like #1. molecule, #2. f-you!
-Mrs. Douglas: Yeah, that's our chemistry in-joke.

Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: We're starting a new chapter today.
-Jeremiah S: Good. I didn't like the last one.
-Mrs. Hutchings: You didn't?
-Jeremiah: No, it filled me with rage.

-Mrs. Hutchings: (Yawns big) I'm sorry. If I'm making myself yawn it must be pretty bad. I didn't mean to be boring.
-Jeremiah S: There are worse things that our teachers are.
-Me: Like so crazy that we go paranoid.

Tuesday, October 23

Biology
-Dustin H: Can I have another requirements sheet? Somebody ahem-Jeremiah-ahem lost theirs.

-Taylor K: I need something to write with.
(Taylor K pulls a battery out of her backpack)
-Shelby W: That's a battery, hun, you can't write with a battery.
-Taylor K: I bet I could write with the acid.

-Mrs. Douglas: So, you get all your mitochodria from your mom.
-Maggie P: You know, I get all my looks from my dad. Like, we were taking a picture together and I had my hair pulled back and dad looked at it said, 'Mags, I do believe that if you had a mustache we could be twins.' and I was like, 'Thanks, dad'.

-Jeremiah S: If humans used photosynthesis, lifeguards would be fat.

-Mrs. Douglas: And the gel-like substance surrounding the grana is called stroma.
-Josh F: Strudel?
-Mrs. Douglas: Stroma.

-Buster H: You know, in the universe we're so small...maybe we're only cells.
-Crockett C: Shut up, retard.

-Josh F: What are we going to do at your party?
-Jeremiah S: There'll be a fire...probably the neighbor's house...we hate them...they try to steal our dog.

English
-Maggie P: I was shaving my legs last night-
-Jeremiah S: Good luck with that!
-Maggie P: And guess what dumb-butt did? I shaved part of my fingernail off!...I took a hunk of it!

(To Keenen H, who is roaming the hallway)
-Walker S: Hey! Where's Kel?!
-Brittany E: He used to get so mad at us for that in Kindergarten.
-Keenen H: What?
-Sandra D: They want to know where Kel is.

Band
-Mr. Mitchell: Trumpets need to blow more.
-Ben W: I don't know, Mr. Mitchell, I think they blow enough already.

-Terence H: I am the son of Bod...which is 'dob' spelled backwards.
-Jeremy A: And I am Jesus...Jesus was a gangsta...in my gang.

-Mr. Mitchell: I hate that we coudn't go on our trip, but, you know...Now that we've called it I bet it'll stop raining. (Opens door and sticks his head outside) Nope, still raining.

Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: Peanut butter is 'la mantaquilla de cacahuate'-
-Jeremiah S: In el baño. (in the bathroom)
-Mrs. Hutchings: No, no en el baño.

Wednesday, October 24

Algebra
-Jeremiah S: I will end y'all's miserable lives.
(Blake E, Kaleb T and Matt C laugh uncontrolably)

-Mrs. Perry: You just plug in the variables to the...or just lay your heads down on your desks, that'll be good.

-Mrs. Perry: Killing yourself won't help because you still won't know it.

Biology
-Mrs. Douglas: Let's see how much of this you know. Like a pop quiz.
-Josh F: Can I have my friend, Lucas, help me?
-Maggie P: Lucas?
-Josh F: I named my biology book Lucas.

-Mrs. Douglas: What does the prefix 'cyto-' make you think of?
-Josh F: Jelly?

-Josh F: What's that called?
-Mrs. Douglas: I'm gonna tell ya.
-Josh F: Monatella? It's called a monatella?
-Mrs. Douglas: No, I'm going to tell you later.

-Dustin H: Why are yawns so contageous?
-Josh F: Why'd you say that?! (yawns really big)

-Mrs. Douglas: There's a picture of a centriole in the animal cell diagram on page 175.
-Jeremiah S: they look like churros!

-Me: I have a dumb question.
-Mrs. Douglas: I'm sure it's not that dumb.
-Me: Actually, ha ha, it really is. If you could make a cell big, would it be squishy?
-Mrs. Douglas: I like to think so.

-Me: So, if we made cells big we wouldn't want an amoeba...it would try to eat us.
-Josh F: The cell has my hand! The cell has my hand!

Band
-Jeremy A: Terence is a gay name.
-Terence H: No, Jeremy is a gay name.
-Jeremy A: If you were named Jeremy and you were gay, I guess it would be a gay name.

Thursday, October 25

Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: Your homework is-
-Blake E: No!
-Mrs. Perry: Your homework's-
-Blake E: No! Bad, Mrs. Perry, bad!

Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: I hate page 61.
-Me: Will we hate page 61?
-Mrs. Hutchings: I don't know...will you eat it?

-Jeremiah S: Someone already did my worksheet for me!
-Mrs. Hutchings: Did I give you my answer key?
-Jeremiah S: Yes-er-...no...
-Mrs. Hutchings: Oh, that's so sweet, how honest you are.
-Jeremiah S: Stupid impulse of honesty!

Friday, October 26

Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: One of these things doesn't belong in here.
-Jeremiah S: Please say it's me.

-Mrs. Perry: What's in the bag?
-Jon G: My lunch.
-Mrs. Perry: No, it's not. It's something you're not supposed to have.
-Jon G: (Opens lunchbox) Tell me something you see in here, besides the alcohol in the back, that I'm not supposed to have.

-Blake E: Should our group be named Team Ramrod, The Pink Kitties, or Fuzzy Bumpkins?
-Mrs. Perry: I don't know. They all sound so good to me.
(They ended up being the Fuzzy Bumpkins)

-Dustin E: Our group's name is IDK, Corporation.
-Mrs. Perry: That's a good name for your group.
-Dustin E: Do you know what IDK stands for?
-Mrs. Perry: 'I Don't Care'.
-Dustin E: Care starts with a C.
-Mrs. Perry: Math teacher!

Biology
-Emily B: Remember your wheelchair, Emilee?
-Shelby W: Remember when I wheeled you to GT and let go of your chair and walked beside you?
-Buster H: Remember when I wheeled you to lunch?
-Jeremiah S: Remember when I kidnapped you and took you to Missouri?
-Me: Yeah...but we never made it to Missouri, did we?
-Jeremiah S: No, but we made it to the café...but it was fun.

-Jeremiah S: Popsicle-bad!

-Josh F: Will there be baby pictures of Jeremiah on this slideshow?
-Jeremiah S: You wouldn't be that lucky.

(Giving their biome presentation)
-Dustin H: This is a demon-possesed koala bear.
-Jeremiah S: He's really happy to see you.

English

-Mrs. Miers: Following Jeremiah leads to hellfire and damnation.
........................................
-Mrs. Miers: I'll give you my cell phone number-
-Charlee S: That's a big risk.
-Mrs. Miers: I'll get these calls in the middle of the night that'll just be (breathes heavy)...'Jeremiah! Get off the phone!', 'This is Satan!'.

-Jeremiah S: Can I wear a costume to the musical on Halloween?
-Mrs. Miers: As long as it's not scary...is it scary?
-Jeremiah S: If you think a blue-faced elf-man is scary. And if they don't like it, it's cause they're racist. If they won't allow me in I'll say, 'It's because I'm blue, isn't it?!'.

-Mrs. Miers: If you're not finished with your project, work on it. If you are finished, you can meditate on how to perform an exorcism.

Spanish
(Dustin E returns to the room after leaving for about 10 minutes)
-Dustin E: My locker wouldn't open.
-Jeremiah S: What were you doing?! Getting a pizza?! Where's the slice for Jeremiah?! Where's my recoginiton?!
-Dustin E: I ate it.
-Jeremiah S: You ate my recognition?!
 
Before Class me and Scott we're talking at his desk and I went back to my desk which is righ in fron of Kristen's.

I sit down and my chair is facing out towards the middle of the room.

Kristen: Yes Austin
Me: What
Kristen: Did you want to say sometihng to me
Me (Deliberatly over-acting): You know not all of my thougts are about you not everything is about you.
Kristen: Yeah the rest are about Ms B.
Me: Damn straight

Lunch

We were talking about the halloween thing we're doing.

Rudy: Can I come as Mother Theresa
Ms B. I'm fed up with your wildly innappropiate suggestions.
Rudy: I was also thinking if I go biking, crash and cut my arm I could be Princess Diana.

Kevin: You know what you couldn't do, dress up as a woman becuse that's illegal.
Everyone bursts out laughing.
 
Conversation today

Bex: Can I dress up for Halloween?
Ms Anderson: No
Bex: Why? I won't dress up as a playboy bunny
Ms Anderson: Its against my beliefs
Bex:But you dont have any beliefs
Ms Anderson: I do
Bex: What?
Ms Anderson:i believe you should stop arguing with me and go do your maths

and In Latin today being handed out test results which I wrote in pink gel pen

Me: Whoop! I got 100% I always knew pink was a lucky number!

Yeah nothing that funny goes on at school...
 
Yeah, the Princess D thing is mean, but you can't control what some people say. For instance:

Waiting for class to start, I'm sitting with two guys, Phil and Ahmed.
Ahmed: No one here knows how to pronounce my name the Arabic way.
Phil: What is the Arabic way?
Ahmed: Ack-med
Phil: Ack-med
Ahmed: *gasp* You said it right! I might have to clone you!

Yesterday in the same class:
Ms. B: Okay, so make a line here to sign up for what topic you want.
*Class runs and forms a blob by the table*
Ms. B: Nice line guys.

We're sitting at the computers and each of us has taken a section to research:
Vanessa: Who's doing factors?
Me: That would be moi
Vanessa: Okay, look *tries to turn her computer screen so I can see it* I found all these factors
Me: Awesome, where is that?
Vanessa: Go to Google
Ms. B: Don't go to Google.

(I suppose that one only makes sense if you go to one of those schools that pay for access to the databases, and expect you to use them because all the sources are reliable, unlike Google)

Ms. P: Aron, do you still have your sucker?
Aron: Huh?
Ms. P: Your sucker, do you still have it?
Aron: *stuttering* What?
Ms. P: You know your lollipop from before?
Aron: *holds up lollipop* Why?
Ms. P: I'm having a competiton and I want to give out prizes. Can I use it?
Aron: Huh? What are you saying?
Ms. P: Geez, never mind! I just wanted to use your sucker!

Ahmed: (to Phil, while holding his camera) Say chicken cutlets!
Ms B: (just walking into the room) Why are you making Phil say 'chicken cutlets'?

Discussing the Haunted House the student goverment (SAC) is putting on tomorrow:
Vanessa: You know what it's gonna be? It's gonna be a little brown girl in an SAC shirt going, "Boo"
Me: SO TRUE!!

*Side note: I hope none of you take that the wrong way, it's just that my school, and all the schools in the area, have student bodies that are 95% brown people, so it's predictable.

And last but not least:
Renee: Watch it! *points to a spot on the floor right where I was about to step, where there appears to be something split*
Me: You know, there's a HUGE water spot on the floor outside my World History class
Renee: What do people DO at lunch?
 
Yesterday in geometry sorry I forgot about it.

We were starting the second lesson about right triangles simply called right triangles 2.

Me: I heard that this was just a flimsy excuse to bring back all the characters from the first right triangles lesson.
Mr C: Yeah and there's a new character too.
Me: Hopefully no cheap love affairs this time.

English
Our teacher was telling us about the worst introduction paragraphs she had to grade when she was at URI.

Ms B: The worst one was the student who used 'Cuz in her paper instead of because.
Mike: Was she an affirimitve action student.

Lunch:
Mike: Austin if we were to do a costume together we should be the obese biker twins.

Mike: Can I dress up as Yucko the Clown?
Ms D: Why, who is he?
Mike: He's a racist, homophobic, anti-semite, pedophile, rapist clown.
 
Er...what does that have to do with the subject of the thread?

Calihan, I LOVED your geometry one!

Just one from me today, and it's VERY random:

"The Rubix Cube is like Herpes, it never goes away."

I was there when this was said, and I don't even know how it happened, what we were talking about beforehand. :rolleyes:
 
That's great, and as this one would have no place in any of my subject divisions, I'll just give this one early.
Our school's senior high AP English classes and drama class went to see a local college's presentation of The Wizard of Oz. I sat right behind Mrs. Free (you should read some of the really old posts of mine to really understand this) and we had our own...er...commentary on what was going on.

Like for instance every time the witch flew onstage on her broomstick-on-a-wire I would say, "Come on, hit the wall, hit the wall. Dang it!" or when they'd dance I'd say, "Fall in the orchestra pit, darn you, fall!"
The scene where the main characters go through the poppy field, the poppies were people dressed as flowers and Mrs. Free says, "That's a lot of opium." Then the back ground as some weird churning green bubbly thing and Matt C. was setting behind me and he says, "What the heck is that supposed to be?" and I said, "Your mind on poppies."
 
English:

Nick: Okay, this is really random, but one time I got this drum set and-
Nick #2: All your stories start that way!
Mr. C: With what??
Nick #2: All his stories start with "This is really random."
Mr. C: Oh, I thought you meant they all started with "One time I got a drum set."

Later that same class:

Me: Okay, this is kind of a random story, but-
Mr. C: Does it include a drum set?

Oh, and this was on our English test:

17) At the end of the book, Chris's advice was...
a. "Don't die with regret."
b. "Happiness only real when shared."
c. "Don't eat potato seeds."
d. "Don't take Mr. C's class. He's a horrible, horrible man."
 
Okay these are some old ones from last year, but I found them when I was cleaning out some old notebooks and almost fell off my bed laughing, so I decided to share them with y'all.

Physical Science
-Mrs. Louks: (We're grading papers from her other physical science class and she's calling out the answers for the multiple choice questions) D as in Shut-Your-Mouths-And-Pay-Attention...B as in Bacon...D as in Dillweed...B as in Biscut..A as in I'm sure none of their papers are.

-Me: Oooh, this looks promising.
-Walker S: Who's paper is it?
-Me: Yours.
-Walker S: Oh, well, just put one big 'X' on it.

English
(I miss this teacher dearly...she's crazy)
-Sara S: Are they making fun of you?
-Me: Me? No. Emily? Yes.
-Sara S: Oh, well, that's okay.

-Mrs. Free: When you come in tomarrow fix your desks like they are now.
-Tony S: An awkward rectangle?

-Tyler M: (Summarizing part of 'To Kill a Mockingbird') I didn't do it because your black, I did it because I'm racist.

Oral Comm.
(She really was great...didn't seem to learn much, though)
-Mrs. Free: Your class motto should be 'No Comment' because so many of you will be on TV with your handscuffed behind your back.

Spanish
(Still got this teacher, though)
-Mrs. Hutchings: (into the intercom) I'm missing James and Hannah.
-The Superintendent: (over the intercom) Congratulations.
 
This was an interesting week...but not verbally. It was Red Ribbon week so every day we (teachers included) could dress up like what it said on the announcements.
Monday was Pink Day (Pink Out Drugs and Breast Cancer)
Tuesday was Pajama Day (I heard Blake E and Kaleb T were planning on buying old lady gowns, but the plan fell through)
Wednesday was Costume Day (I was Remus Lupin, which went over a lot better than my CSI costume last year)
Thursday was Camo Day (Really, with all the rednecks, you couldn't tell much of a differance)
Friday was Red/White Day (One of the teachers had his face painted in our school colors...including his mustache)

Tuesday (Pajama Day), October 30

Algebra
-Kayla W: Mrs. Perry, I think I'll talk with an English accent today.
-Mrs. Perry: That sounds great.

(We got cookies! :D)
-Mrs. Perry: You're not paying attention, you're eating cookies and milk.
-Jeremiah S: I have cookie face!!!

-Brooke K: (to Blake E in an "English" accent) Do you want me to spank your fanny?
-Mrs. Perry: Don't answer that!
-Jeremiah S: I only answer questions like that with a lawyer present.

(Mrs. Perry's writing on the Smart Board and the lines appear on her computer monitor)
-Jeremiah S: The monitor is scary. It's like it's writing on itself.
(Melissa M. turns the monitor off)
-Jeremiah S and Matt C: Aww!
-Jeremiah S: Evil, thy name is Melissa.

Biology
-Josh F: It feels like a commercial in here, with you [Mrs. Douglas] in your robe. Like- 'Do you feel drowsy during the day? We've got the medicine for you!'
-Jeremiah S: It's called coffee!

-Sandra D: I was going to wear my pajamas today, but I woke up late and forgot.
-Me: Sandra overslept and didn't have time to put on her pajamas.
-Jeremiah S: That's ironic.

-Josh F: It's like running down the hill in basketball and you trip and fall and roll down the hill and get hit by a car.
-Mrs. Douglas: (laughs) That's a bad analogy.

-Charlee S: What's urea?
-Mrs. Douglas: ...Urea is...liquid waste...
-Jeremiah S: Peeeeeeee!

English
-Me: Jeremiah is Satan.
-Taylor K: And he leads to hellfire and damnation.
-Shelby W: (Cheerily) Where are we going?
-Jeremiah S: (Growling) Get on the bus, Shelby.

(Charlee S tells us about the most memorable scene in the book she read, which happens to be a rape scene)
-Emily B: That's awful, Charlee.
-Charlee S: Well, there's no other scene in the book that I liked.
-Walker S: Wow, Charlee.

(About the book Morgan J read and hated)
-Mrs. Miers: What did they eat? Did you like anything they ate?
-Morgan J: It didn't tell what they ate.
-Mrs. Miers: They didn't eat?

-Jeremiah S: You sound like a cat in a waffle iron.

Thursday (Camo Day), November 1
Algebra
(We had to give a presentation as a "company" in algebra on Monday, and Mrs. Perry had everyone's presentation boards hanging from the celing on Thursday, this is what Evan P's said)
-The Pink Pirate Explosion inc. Mfg. co.
The PPE is dedicated to providing you with the most up-to-date information that any company needs to thrive in this business world. Along with fast, precise calculations and the drop-dead gorgeous employees of PPE, we will endeavor to bring you to the top of the business ladder. What you do at the top is your choice.
The strength of a pirate,
without the bad teeth.
Sincerely,
Evan P.

-Emily B: I saw Laura in the hall and she was wearing camo and a mask-thing with leaves on it-
-Me: So that's who that was!
-Emily B: Yeah, I didn't know who it was either, I thought it was a sewage monster.

-Jon G: I know reverse psychology. Mrs. Perry, we want to do work today!
-Mrs. Perry: Good! GEt out your paper and a pencil and open your books.

(Blake E's face is painted black)
-Blake E: Mrs. Perry! Emily called me a gorilla!
-Mrs. Perry:...I'm sorry...

-Mrs. Perry: We've got to hurry, but Blake and Blake are playing a game of 'Throw it in his mouth'.
-Blake G: But it's fun, you should play.
-Mrs. Perry: I know, but not now.

-Mrs. Perry: -add.
-Blake G: A-D-D.
-Mrs. Perry: Very.

(Mrs. Perry writes Murphy H's name on a d-hall list)
-Mrs. Perry: Murphy, I'm not afraid to give you d-hall.
(Murphy H grumbles something)
-Anthony M: That's a threat! Mrs. Perry, he threatened you!
-Mrs. Perry: That's another- wait...will he get me fired so that I can sleep in?
(Mrs. Perry erases Murphy H's name from the list)

(Blake E is singing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' in a loud, weird, squeeky voice)
-Emily B: Blake sounds like a bad muppet..Like, Miss Piggy gone crazy or something.

Biology
(About a lab that is not going successfully)
-Coty B: Stay positive.
-Taylor K: Screw positive.

(Buster H is mixing several chemicals in a cup and the liquid in the cup is changing to weird colors)
-Me: What's Buster doing?
-Coty B: (casually) Blowing something up.

(Mrs. Douglas puts a dab of iodine on her hand to demonstrate how it stains skin. Her hands are already stained a multitudeof colors from slush syrup where she was selling 'Slush Puppies' at break)
-Dustin H: Your hands are very colorful.
-Mrs. Douglas: Slush Puppy colors.
-Maggie P: So, you'll be licking your hands in class...'That's not lemon-'
-Me: 'Oh, that's the iodine!'

-Brittany B: I'm about to explode with pee.
-Taylor K: Don't worry, Brittany, me too.
-Maggie P: Yeah, so am I.
-Josh F: Me, too.
-Mrs. Douglas: We'll get a mop.

-Josh F: Germ-X kills 99.9% of germs.
-Me: And 99.9% of brain cells if you drink it...not that you'd have too many to start with if you're drinking Germ-X.

English
(Sentence C of our assignment)
'While gathering acorns, he was attacked by a rabid squirrel before it ran up the next tree.'

(Shelby W and Charlee S are counting to make sure that they have exactly 50 sticky notes)
-Mrs. Miers: I didn't know that this would be such a big deal.
-Me: This is a class of special people.
-Mrs. Miers: Special doesn't even begin to cover it.
-Me: Ha!... That hurts my feelings.
-Mrs. Miers: I ment it in a special way.

-Mrs. Miers: What kind of class is it? You could say it's 'The beautiful all-female-except-Walker' class.
 
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