From the Mouth of High School
- Thread starter araSgerG
- Start date
that_girl1
Coroner
In my psychology class
Mr. Calise: Wow is wow spelled backwards.
Mr. Calise: Wow is wow spelled backwards.
LibertyBell
Police Officer
After a spiel on Gun Control:
Ms. S: Wow, I think I actually agree with Phil.
Phil: Whoa.
During a lecture in World History:
Ms. P (quoting some famous guy): He said that agnostics are atheists without balls.
*If that one bothers any of you, I understand. I am an agnostic myself, but I chose to just ignore the statement and look at the funny side, not get worked up over it.
Oh, and this wasn't said, but we got our midterm report cards today, and I love reading the comments because the teachers love to contradict each other. For instance, this is what I got:
From my Families teacher:
Her written work is exceptionally well done.
From my Law teacher:
She has difficulty with her writing skills.
*I'm trying not to take offence to the second statement. I get told some variation of the first more often, and it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ms. S: Wow, I think I actually agree with Phil.
Phil: Whoa.
During a lecture in World History:
Ms. P (quoting some famous guy): He said that agnostics are atheists without balls.
*If that one bothers any of you, I understand. I am an agnostic myself, but I chose to just ignore the statement and look at the funny side, not get worked up over it.
Oh, and this wasn't said, but we got our midterm report cards today, and I love reading the comments because the teachers love to contradict each other. For instance, this is what I got:
From my Families teacher:
Her written work is exceptionally well done.
From my Law teacher:
She has difficulty with her writing skills.
*I'm trying not to take offence to the second statement. I get told some variation of the first more often, and it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Scott: Austin your lip is red is one part.
Me: Thanks does it look like it was bleeding?
Scott: I don't know
Kristen: Scott, it's called lipstick
Scott: How would he get that?
Kristen: Maybe he met a girl and they spent the weekend making out.
Scott: (cracks up laughing)
Me: (cracks up laughing too)
Kristen: Hey I thought you'd be more appreciative of that Austin.
Me: I know but still the idea of that, (continue laughing)
Geometry
Mr C: What's the negation of this statement "Austin believes the sun revolves around the Earth"?
Kristen: Austin believes the sun doesn't revolve around the Earth.
Mr C: Right now which of those is correct.
Me: The sun doesn't revolve around the Earth, will you ever let me live that down?
Jolene and Mr C: No
Me: Ok
Me: Thanks does it look like it was bleeding?
Scott: I don't know
Kristen: Scott, it's called lipstick
Scott: How would he get that?
Kristen: Maybe he met a girl and they spent the weekend making out.
Scott: (cracks up laughing)
Me: (cracks up laughing too)
Kristen: Hey I thought you'd be more appreciative of that Austin.
Me: I know but still the idea of that, (continue laughing)
Geometry
Mr C: What's the negation of this statement "Austin believes the sun revolves around the Earth"?
Kristen: Austin believes the sun doesn't revolve around the Earth.
Mr C: Right now which of those is correct.
Me: The sun doesn't revolve around the Earth, will you ever let me live that down?
Jolene and Mr C: No
Me: Ok
Oh come on, isn't that fun that same teacher picks on you about the same thing for few years
I had that one, when I did "tiny" mistake in our German class and ever since we had some talk about rabbits or other animals, she reminded me about it and everyone laughed because they remembered it as well
Oh man, I've got lots to post. I was on vacation...sorry.
Monday, November 5
Before School
My 7th grade brother, Zach, and 2 7th grade girls are putting up the flag
-Me: This reminds me of a joke: How many 7th graders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-Zach: Three!
-Me: But, you're not screwing in a light bulb, you're putting up a flag.
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: What's the pattern?
-Jon G: They're all numbers! Is that the pattern?
-Blake E: That's it!
-Mrs. Perry: Jeremiah, did you wear red and white on Friday?
-Jeremiah S: Well, I was home sick, but I was pale and my nose was red. Does that count?
-Blake E: Mrs. Perry! Emily said she was gonna burn down my house with me in it!
-Mrs. Perry: Emily, don't burn down his house..his mom lives there, too.
-Anthony M: Listen, G, it says right here in the back of the book that if you multiply a 2x3 matrix and a 2x2 matrix it'll equal a 2x6.
-Blake G: A 2x6 is a board.
-Anthony M: You should get writing, G.
-Blake G: It doesn't matter. A 2x6 is a board.
-Brooke K: It smells like poopy over here.
-Blake E and Jon G: Sorry.
Biology
-Buster H (Singing): [takes off his safety goggles] I can see clearly now, the goggles are gone!
-Maggie P: My eye itches but I know that if I itch it with the Germ-X on my hands it'll burn. [scratches her eye] Aiiihh!
-Me: Was it really worth it?
-Charlee S: Remember last winter in Mrs. Whitehead's class when I'd use all that Germ-X? I was, like, addicted to Germ-X.
-Me: Hi, I'm Charlee, and I'm addicted to Germ-X.
-Maggie P: Way to go, Charlee! Admitting it is the first step.
-Buster H: Do I look retarded now?
-Dustin H: Now? You looked retarded before.
English
[Mrs. Miers pulls out a Wal-Mart sack]
-Maggie P: Did you bring us candy?!
-Mrs. Miers: No.
-Jeremiah S: Did you bring us sharp, pointed objects?!
-Mrs. Miers: In the 1966 Jamaican Yellow Corvette Stingray, Mrs. Miers cruised the streets. (If you've read the Elvis Cole books by Robert Crais, this will be slightly funnier...if you knew Mrs. Miers, this would be 10 times funnier)
-Charlee S: Is 'but' a coordinating conjunction?
-Emily B: 'Bite me'?
-Mrs. Miers: When you have a clause, you have to have a subordinator.
-Maggie P: Like 'The Terminator'!
-Mrs. Miers: While she danced, her daddy cried...into his cereal bowl.
-Maggie P: Awwww...
-Mrs. Miers: They're like those burrs that attach themselves to your leg when you walk in the woods-
-Jeremiah S: Bears? Bears attach themselves to your leg? They'd bite.
-Mrs. Miers: 'Clinton was criticized for failing to push negotiating authority for trade agreements, because he didn't want to alienate organized laboe.' Why does the second clause have a comma, but the first doesn't?
-Jeremiah "The Uber-Republican" S: Because it's about Bill Clinton, so it's dumb.
-Me: I almost stole a copy of 'War of the Worlds' from a yard sale...but I decided against it...curse my infernal conscience!
Band
-Mr. Mitchell: We've gotta get this chord. It sounds like S-H-I-double sumthin'
-Mr. Mitchell: This composer was so smart. There's always something goin' on. It's like readin' a good book. You read it and you're like, 'Wow! That's good!' then you read it again and you realize you missed somethin'...or like watchin' a movie. You watch it over and over and always see somethin' you missed the first time.
-Terence H: It's like going through an old person's belongings!
-Terence H: Babies come from the mailbox...except me, I was a fat baby, I probably came from the dumpster. Being from the dumpster makes me sexy.
Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: 'Yo recomiendo el pollo asado.' means 'I reccomend the barbecue chicken.'
-Walker S: I was so close! I said, 'I reccomend the man-eating tiger with the purple tail who likes to watch monkeys dance with penguins.'
-Walker S: Green tea tea.
-Kayla W: (laughs) You said, 'Tee-tee'!
Tuesday, November 6
Algebra
-Murphy H: Mrs. Perry!
-Mrs. Perry: Give me a minute to think. I've got to think.
-Murphy H: Then we shouldn't have to!
-Mrs. Perry: I'm living on cough syrup with codine, you think better than I do.
-Matt C: (fake cough) Hey! (fake cough) Wanna share some of that?!
[Matt C. fixes Kat E (German exchange student)'s calculator and Fredrike H.(German exchange student) hands him hers]
-Fredrike H: Can you fix mine?
-Beverly O: I will.
-Matt C: Yeah, I fixed Kat's, you fix hers, we'll call it 'Adopt a German'.
-Matt C: If I answer all these questions with a smiley face will I get them right?
-Mrs. Perry: No.
Biology
-Jeremiah S: Lizards don't have hearts...they have other lizards inside them...pumping their blood...because they're a dominant species.
-Jeremiah S: Is there an element called Napoleom?
-Me: No.
-Jeremiah S: If there was, it would dissolve in water.
-Me: Only toilet water.
-Jeremiah S: Napoleom dissolves in loo water.
-Mrs. Douglas: A group of similar cells that work together to perform a specific function is a what?
-Class: Tissue.
-Jeremiah S: Kleenex!
-Mrs. Douglas: Number 18 is: osmosis-
-Charlee S: Jones.
-Crockett C: Aren't you gonna be gone sometime this week?
-Mrs. Douglas: Tomarrow...(dryly) Thanks for your concern.
-Mrs. Douglas: Jeremiah, what did you make on that paper?
-Jeremiah S: five-oh-point-five-oh.
-Dustin H: Hawaii 5-0?
-Josh F: The 5-o's! Where?!
English
-Mrs. Miers: This survey asks questions like, 'Do you smoke marijuana?'...Every chance I get!
-Mrs. Miers: I thought you were just admiring my magnificent profile.
Wednesday, November 7
Algebra
[Taking an awful test]
-Kayla W: Should I cry now or-
-Mrs. Perry: Wait 'til I grade 'em.
Biology
[Dustin comes into the room with Taylor in a headlock]
-Shelly W: Taylor, can't you die any quieter?!
-Charlee S: Let's call the sun 'Bob' and the moon 'Fred'.
-Me: Put on your Bobglasses!
-Jeremiah S: 'Harvest Fred: Save the Homeland'...That only happens once in a blue Fred.
-Sandra D: So when a plumber bends over it'll be a full Fred?
Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: That wya I can kill two stones with one- wait...that's not right-
-Jeremiah S: You kill stones?! That's hardcore!
-Me: What kind of birds do you use?!
Tuesday, November 13
Algebra
-Dustin: This weekend I thought it'd be fun of I got drunk and took a one mile run. It was more of a twenty-foot run, then a tree got in the way. I was poopy drunk.
-Charlee S: This was my little sister's first chess tournament, she was so nervous. I was like, 'What a dork!'
-Jeremiah S: How supportive you are!
-Jeremiah S: Arrrrrgggghhh! You make my teeth itch!
-Mrs. Perry: Today we're learning about polynomials-
-Jeremiah S: That's gross...polynomials, that's multiple nomials...thatever nomials are.
-Jon G: Sierra won't be coming back to school.
-Mrs. Perry: Oh, that's awful...she was so smart...she had so much potential...
-Dustin E: (whispers) Are we talking about the same Sierra?
-The Secretary on the intercom: Mrs. Perry, can Dustin E. come to the office? He's being checked out for a few minutes.
-Mrs. Perry: Sure, we were tired of lookin' at 'em.
-Dustin E: I messed up the TV. I gotta go fix it.
-Mrs. Perry: At your house? Are you serious?
-Dustin E: Yeah.
-Mrs. Perry: That's important.
-Kaleb T: I gotta go fix my TV, too!
-Blake G: Yeah! Me, too!
-Blake E: Let's play the pat-Jeremiah game!
-Matt C: I'm not gay-I just want you to know that.
-Kat E: I know.
-Matt C: It just bothered me that you might think that.
-Blake E: I got Jon a girlfriend...she's all woman...all three hundred and thirty-seven pounds of her.
Biology
-Josh F: Is that butter or Chiklets?
-Maggie P: I'm hungry and this really helps.
-Josh F: Butter and Chiklets makes you hungry?
-Walker S: Butter me up some Chiklets.
-Mrs. Douglas: If you wanted to move some coals out of a fire, you wouldn't pick it up with your bare hands-
-Jeremiah S: Sandra would. She's hardcore!
-Buster H: This doesn't work.
-Me: Buster, it's worked for six or seven people...do you think you're special?...Wait-nevermind.
-Buster H: I am special.
-Jeremiah S: Indeed.
-Mrs. Douglas: Is everyone ready?
-Jeremiah S: I-bu-uh-eh-bu-I-eh-!
-Mrs. Douglas: Now you're starting to sound like me, Jeremiah.
Band
[we are resting our feet on Jeremiah S's knee, he pushes our feet off and pokes his knee]
-Jeremiah S: Ah, I can feel it again...ow.
-Terence H: Germ-X smells so good! [Licks his hand] (whining) But it doesn't taste good!
[David G pushes Terence H toward Kerri C]
-Kerri C: Don't push him here! I hate him!
[Kerri C pushes Terence H back]
-David G: No!
-Terence H: (squeels) I feel so loved!
-Terence H: Since I can't discribe it, I'll just show you.
[Terence H stands up nad puts his hands on his belt like he's going to take his pants off. Jeremiah S shoves him to the ground]
-Jeremiah S: No, Terence!
-Amy M: Terence, there are bubbles in the toilet bowl,
-Me: The water must be carbonated.
-David G: Don't drink it!
-Jeremiah S: Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew! 'Why is my turd bubbly?'
Spanish
-Tyler M: Where were you during the assembly?
-Mrs. Hutchings: Hiding in the corner saying, 'No, no,no, no, not me, don't pick me!'
[They announce quiz bowl practice in Mr. McDonald's room]
-Jeremiah S: Old McDonald had some quiz-bowl-people! E-I-E-I-O!
-Kayla W: If you've got it, flaunt it.
-Mrs. Hutchings: Well...
-Kayla W: That's what my mother told me.
-Mrs. Hutchings: Really?!
-Kayla W: No.
Wednesday, November 14
Algebra
[Mrs. Perry's grandkids come in]
-Matt C: Is this scripted? 'Cause it freaks me out.
-Dustin E: Are those her grandkids?
-Me: Yes.
-Dustin E: I love them.
-Blake E: Give the baby a marker! Let him teach!
-Dustin E: It's kids like that that make me want to have kids...but it's people like me that make me not want to.
-Anthony M: Little kids are so cute.
-Matt C: No, Anthony...no.
[Mrs. Perry's granddaughter draws a 'C' on the board and we all clap]
-Me: This is just like Dustin's house, wee clap for 'C's'.
-Jon G: We won the Red/White game.
-Me: ...But doesn't that mean you also lost the Red/White game, too?
-Jon G: No...they said we all are winners. So, we technially won the Red/White game.
[Jon G is holding Mrs. Perry's grandbaby]
-Matt: It'd be so funny if the baby slapped Jon.
-Dustin E: Or puked on him
-Jon G: (sarcastically) Ha ha.
[The baby sticks his hands in Jon G's mouth]
[Jon G brings in a bottle of opaque water]
-Jon G: Aren't you supposed to be able to see through the school's water?
[Charlee's water bottle has her dad's business' logo on it]
-Charlee S: It's weird to drink water with your name on it.
-Jeremiah S: Charlee Water.
-Matt C: The water looked better when I bought it.
-Jon G: Yeah, it was really clear.
-Matt C: That stuff is made from clouds.
-Jon G: Yeah.
-Matt C: And it's only available in six-packs.
-Matt C: Sara told me she's leaving Dustin.
-Kaleb T: You're leaving Dustin?! For me?!
-Sara T: No!
-Jon G: You're gay?!
-Sara T: No!
-Jon G: Guys, Sara's gay!
Eating Lunch on the Field Trip to See CATS
-Blake E: I don't know why I'm here. I'm not with any class. I just heard Mrs. Free mention a permission slip in the hall and I said, 'Permission slip? I wanna go,'
she said, 'Do you have any idea where we're going?', 'Nope. Will it get me out of school?', 'Not much,', 'I wanna go,'. So, here I am.
Monday, November 5
Before School
My 7th grade brother, Zach, and 2 7th grade girls are putting up the flag
-Me: This reminds me of a joke: How many 7th graders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-Zach: Three!
-Me: But, you're not screwing in a light bulb, you're putting up a flag.
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: What's the pattern?
-Jon G: They're all numbers! Is that the pattern?
-Blake E: That's it!
-Mrs. Perry: Jeremiah, did you wear red and white on Friday?
-Jeremiah S: Well, I was home sick, but I was pale and my nose was red. Does that count?
-Blake E: Mrs. Perry! Emily said she was gonna burn down my house with me in it!
-Mrs. Perry: Emily, don't burn down his house..his mom lives there, too.
-Anthony M: Listen, G, it says right here in the back of the book that if you multiply a 2x3 matrix and a 2x2 matrix it'll equal a 2x6.
-Blake G: A 2x6 is a board.
-Anthony M: You should get writing, G.
-Blake G: It doesn't matter. A 2x6 is a board.
-Brooke K: It smells like poopy over here.
-Blake E and Jon G: Sorry.
Biology
-Buster H (Singing): [takes off his safety goggles] I can see clearly now, the goggles are gone!
-Maggie P: My eye itches but I know that if I itch it with the Germ-X on my hands it'll burn. [scratches her eye] Aiiihh!
-Me: Was it really worth it?
-Charlee S: Remember last winter in Mrs. Whitehead's class when I'd use all that Germ-X? I was, like, addicted to Germ-X.
-Me: Hi, I'm Charlee, and I'm addicted to Germ-X.
-Maggie P: Way to go, Charlee! Admitting it is the first step.
-Buster H: Do I look retarded now?
-Dustin H: Now? You looked retarded before.
English
[Mrs. Miers pulls out a Wal-Mart sack]
-Maggie P: Did you bring us candy?!
-Mrs. Miers: No.
-Jeremiah S: Did you bring us sharp, pointed objects?!
-Mrs. Miers: In the 1966 Jamaican Yellow Corvette Stingray, Mrs. Miers cruised the streets. (If you've read the Elvis Cole books by Robert Crais, this will be slightly funnier...if you knew Mrs. Miers, this would be 10 times funnier)
-Charlee S: Is 'but' a coordinating conjunction?
-Emily B: 'Bite me'?
-Mrs. Miers: When you have a clause, you have to have a subordinator.
-Maggie P: Like 'The Terminator'!
-Mrs. Miers: While she danced, her daddy cried...into his cereal bowl.
-Maggie P: Awwww...
-Mrs. Miers: They're like those burrs that attach themselves to your leg when you walk in the woods-
-Jeremiah S: Bears? Bears attach themselves to your leg? They'd bite.
-Mrs. Miers: 'Clinton was criticized for failing to push negotiating authority for trade agreements, because he didn't want to alienate organized laboe.' Why does the second clause have a comma, but the first doesn't?
-Jeremiah "The Uber-Republican" S: Because it's about Bill Clinton, so it's dumb.
-Me: I almost stole a copy of 'War of the Worlds' from a yard sale...but I decided against it...curse my infernal conscience!
Band
-Mr. Mitchell: We've gotta get this chord. It sounds like S-H-I-double sumthin'
-Mr. Mitchell: This composer was so smart. There's always something goin' on. It's like readin' a good book. You read it and you're like, 'Wow! That's good!' then you read it again and you realize you missed somethin'...or like watchin' a movie. You watch it over and over and always see somethin' you missed the first time.
-Terence H: It's like going through an old person's belongings!
-Terence H: Babies come from the mailbox...except me, I was a fat baby, I probably came from the dumpster. Being from the dumpster makes me sexy.
Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: 'Yo recomiendo el pollo asado.' means 'I reccomend the barbecue chicken.'
-Walker S: I was so close! I said, 'I reccomend the man-eating tiger with the purple tail who likes to watch monkeys dance with penguins.'
-Walker S: Green tea tea.
-Kayla W: (laughs) You said, 'Tee-tee'!
Tuesday, November 6
Algebra
-Murphy H: Mrs. Perry!
-Mrs. Perry: Give me a minute to think. I've got to think.
-Murphy H: Then we shouldn't have to!
-Mrs. Perry: I'm living on cough syrup with codine, you think better than I do.
-Matt C: (fake cough) Hey! (fake cough) Wanna share some of that?!
[Matt C. fixes Kat E (German exchange student)'s calculator and Fredrike H.(German exchange student) hands him hers]
-Fredrike H: Can you fix mine?
-Beverly O: I will.
-Matt C: Yeah, I fixed Kat's, you fix hers, we'll call it 'Adopt a German'.
-Matt C: If I answer all these questions with a smiley face will I get them right?
-Mrs. Perry: No.
Biology
-Jeremiah S: Lizards don't have hearts...they have other lizards inside them...pumping their blood...because they're a dominant species.
-Jeremiah S: Is there an element called Napoleom?
-Me: No.
-Jeremiah S: If there was, it would dissolve in water.
-Me: Only toilet water.
-Jeremiah S: Napoleom dissolves in loo water.
-Mrs. Douglas: A group of similar cells that work together to perform a specific function is a what?
-Class: Tissue.
-Jeremiah S: Kleenex!
-Mrs. Douglas: Number 18 is: osmosis-
-Charlee S: Jones.
-Crockett C: Aren't you gonna be gone sometime this week?
-Mrs. Douglas: Tomarrow...(dryly) Thanks for your concern.
-Mrs. Douglas: Jeremiah, what did you make on that paper?
-Jeremiah S: five-oh-point-five-oh.
-Dustin H: Hawaii 5-0?
-Josh F: The 5-o's! Where?!
English
-Mrs. Miers: This survey asks questions like, 'Do you smoke marijuana?'...Every chance I get!
-Mrs. Miers: I thought you were just admiring my magnificent profile.
Wednesday, November 7
Algebra
[Taking an awful test]
-Kayla W: Should I cry now or-
-Mrs. Perry: Wait 'til I grade 'em.
Biology
[Dustin comes into the room with Taylor in a headlock]
-Shelly W: Taylor, can't you die any quieter?!
-Charlee S: Let's call the sun 'Bob' and the moon 'Fred'.
-Me: Put on your Bobglasses!
-Jeremiah S: 'Harvest Fred: Save the Homeland'...That only happens once in a blue Fred.
-Sandra D: So when a plumber bends over it'll be a full Fred?
Spanish
-Mrs. Hutchings: That wya I can kill two stones with one- wait...that's not right-
-Jeremiah S: You kill stones?! That's hardcore!
-Me: What kind of birds do you use?!
Tuesday, November 13
Algebra
-Dustin: This weekend I thought it'd be fun of I got drunk and took a one mile run. It was more of a twenty-foot run, then a tree got in the way. I was poopy drunk.
-Charlee S: This was my little sister's first chess tournament, she was so nervous. I was like, 'What a dork!'
-Jeremiah S: How supportive you are!
-Jeremiah S: Arrrrrgggghhh! You make my teeth itch!
-Mrs. Perry: Today we're learning about polynomials-
-Jeremiah S: That's gross...polynomials, that's multiple nomials...thatever nomials are.
-Jon G: Sierra won't be coming back to school.
-Mrs. Perry: Oh, that's awful...she was so smart...she had so much potential...
-Dustin E: (whispers) Are we talking about the same Sierra?
-The Secretary on the intercom: Mrs. Perry, can Dustin E. come to the office? He's being checked out for a few minutes.
-Mrs. Perry: Sure, we were tired of lookin' at 'em.
-Dustin E: I messed up the TV. I gotta go fix it.
-Mrs. Perry: At your house? Are you serious?
-Dustin E: Yeah.
-Mrs. Perry: That's important.
-Kaleb T: I gotta go fix my TV, too!
-Blake G: Yeah! Me, too!
-Blake E: Let's play the pat-Jeremiah game!
-Matt C: I'm not gay-I just want you to know that.
-Kat E: I know.
-Matt C: It just bothered me that you might think that.
-Blake E: I got Jon a girlfriend...she's all woman...all three hundred and thirty-seven pounds of her.
Biology
-Josh F: Is that butter or Chiklets?
-Maggie P: I'm hungry and this really helps.
-Josh F: Butter and Chiklets makes you hungry?
-Walker S: Butter me up some Chiklets.
-Mrs. Douglas: If you wanted to move some coals out of a fire, you wouldn't pick it up with your bare hands-
-Jeremiah S: Sandra would. She's hardcore!
-Buster H: This doesn't work.
-Me: Buster, it's worked for six or seven people...do you think you're special?...Wait-nevermind.
-Buster H: I am special.
-Jeremiah S: Indeed.
-Mrs. Douglas: Is everyone ready?
-Jeremiah S: I-bu-uh-eh-bu-I-eh-!
-Mrs. Douglas: Now you're starting to sound like me, Jeremiah.
Band
[we are resting our feet on Jeremiah S's knee, he pushes our feet off and pokes his knee]
-Jeremiah S: Ah, I can feel it again...ow.
-Terence H: Germ-X smells so good! [Licks his hand] (whining) But it doesn't taste good!
[David G pushes Terence H toward Kerri C]
-Kerri C: Don't push him here! I hate him!
[Kerri C pushes Terence H back]
-David G: No!
-Terence H: (squeels) I feel so loved!
-Terence H: Since I can't discribe it, I'll just show you.
[Terence H stands up nad puts his hands on his belt like he's going to take his pants off. Jeremiah S shoves him to the ground]
-Jeremiah S: No, Terence!
-Amy M: Terence, there are bubbles in the toilet bowl,
-Me: The water must be carbonated.
-David G: Don't drink it!
-Jeremiah S: Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew! Mountain Dew! 'Why is my turd bubbly?'
Spanish
-Tyler M: Where were you during the assembly?
-Mrs. Hutchings: Hiding in the corner saying, 'No, no,no, no, not me, don't pick me!'
[They announce quiz bowl practice in Mr. McDonald's room]
-Jeremiah S: Old McDonald had some quiz-bowl-people! E-I-E-I-O!
-Kayla W: If you've got it, flaunt it.
-Mrs. Hutchings: Well...
-Kayla W: That's what my mother told me.
-Mrs. Hutchings: Really?!
-Kayla W: No.
Wednesday, November 14
Algebra
[Mrs. Perry's grandkids come in]
-Matt C: Is this scripted? 'Cause it freaks me out.
-Dustin E: Are those her grandkids?
-Me: Yes.
-Dustin E: I love them.
-Blake E: Give the baby a marker! Let him teach!
-Dustin E: It's kids like that that make me want to have kids...but it's people like me that make me not want to.
-Anthony M: Little kids are so cute.
-Matt C: No, Anthony...no.
[Mrs. Perry's granddaughter draws a 'C' on the board and we all clap]
-Me: This is just like Dustin's house, wee clap for 'C's'.
-Jon G: We won the Red/White game.
-Me: ...But doesn't that mean you also lost the Red/White game, too?
-Jon G: No...they said we all are winners. So, we technially won the Red/White game.
[Jon G is holding Mrs. Perry's grandbaby]
-Matt: It'd be so funny if the baby slapped Jon.
-Dustin E: Or puked on him
-Jon G: (sarcastically) Ha ha.
[The baby sticks his hands in Jon G's mouth]
[Jon G brings in a bottle of opaque water]
-Jon G: Aren't you supposed to be able to see through the school's water?
[Charlee's water bottle has her dad's business' logo on it]
-Charlee S: It's weird to drink water with your name on it.
-Jeremiah S: Charlee Water.
-Matt C: The water looked better when I bought it.
-Jon G: Yeah, it was really clear.
-Matt C: That stuff is made from clouds.
-Jon G: Yeah.
-Matt C: And it's only available in six-packs.
-Matt C: Sara told me she's leaving Dustin.
-Kaleb T: You're leaving Dustin?! For me?!
-Sara T: No!
-Jon G: You're gay?!
-Sara T: No!
-Jon G: Guys, Sara's gay!
Eating Lunch on the Field Trip to See CATS
-Blake E: I don't know why I'm here. I'm not with any class. I just heard Mrs. Free mention a permission slip in the hall and I said, 'Permission slip? I wanna go,'
she said, 'Do you have any idea where we're going?', 'Nope. Will it get me out of school?', 'Not much,', 'I wanna go,'. So, here I am.
CSI_in_training
CSI Level Two
School is more amusing when your teacher is completely uninterested in acting like an adult. Enter my Musical Theatre Teacher, Mr. E.
Jessie: You know, Mr.E, I'm trying to direct here, and you just come out here and stand there and distract my group. I just won't stand for this!
Mr. E: Fine, I'll get you a chair.
Jessie: OH! I want Sina in my group.
Mr. E: okay. Sina is in....*looks up, stares blankly at Jessie*
Cigla:Jessie?
Mr. E: That's right!
Jessie: you...YOU FORGOT MY NAME?
Cigla: is this song going to make me cry?
Mr. E: only if you listen to my dismal piano skills.
Mr. E: Hello! Leo here, want's to be the center of attention now.
Cigla: I'm a sagitarius. Can I be the center of attention?
Mr. E: Hey, the top row of seats is down...sorry, little ADD here.
Chelsea: this is why we moved his piano away from the window in choir.
(Mr. Edmonds is giving directors notes which are making me late for my next class)
Me: Mr. Edmonds! Hurry up I have to write a math test now.
Mr. E: but I'm so much more important!
Jessie: You know, Mr.E, I'm trying to direct here, and you just come out here and stand there and distract my group. I just won't stand for this!
Mr. E: Fine, I'll get you a chair.
Jessie: OH! I want Sina in my group.
Mr. E: okay. Sina is in....*looks up, stares blankly at Jessie*
Cigla:Jessie?
Mr. E: That's right!
Jessie: you...YOU FORGOT MY NAME?
Cigla: is this song going to make me cry?
Mr. E: only if you listen to my dismal piano skills.
Mr. E: Hello! Leo here, want's to be the center of attention now.
Cigla: I'm a sagitarius. Can I be the center of attention?
Mr. E: Hey, the top row of seats is down...sorry, little ADD here.
Chelsea: this is why we moved his piano away from the window in choir.
(Mr. Edmonds is giving directors notes which are making me late for my next class)
Me: Mr. Edmonds! Hurry up I have to write a math test now.
Mr. E: but I'm so much more important!
butterflied08
Rookie
Mal sucessfully pressured Andrea into drinking coke through her nose with a straw
Walking into physics
Me: Andrea, how does your nose feel?
Andrea: It hurts, thanks
Ms. Noufe: Why does your nose hurt Andrea?
Me: Oh, Mal got Andrea to sniff coke through a straw in study hall
Ms. Noufe: is used to this behavior Oh, ok
(analyzing an ad for lip gloss)
Louise: "My mom has that lip gloss."
Ms. Sullivan: "Ooh, you better talk to her."
Kaufman: "Does your mom look that sexy?"
Louise: "Sometimes. When she showers."
Louise: "This is why I sleep in this class! My opinion has absolutely no meaning!"
Mr. Lardie: "Your opinion does, but your vote doesn't. I mean, you can talk, we just won't listen."
Savannah: "Well, I must have had really clean hair, because I always had lice."
Liz Rayle: "That's true, lice are attracted to clean hair."
Mr. Cartwright: "Yeah, that's what they tell the kids who have lice. They're like, 'Lice are good luck! There's no better luck than lice!'"
Emily: "Happy birthday, Brittany!"
Ms. Foster: "Oh, it's your birthday? Where's the cake?"
Brittany: "I already ate it."
(pause)
Ms. Foster (bitterly): "Oh. I'm going to remember that."
Quan (to Kaufman): "Lauren! Ugh! If this weren't an AGS community, I would straight disrespect you and slap you in your face right now. Since this is an AGS community, though, I can't do that."
* NOTE- I go to an all girls' school that takes its honor code and "community" very seriously...hence the comment
Mr. Cartwright: "Now, the synthesis of Islam and Hinduism. This is what brings them (high-pitched singing voice) togethaaa!"
Mr. Cartwright: "When you meet a person--such as a Native American--for whom you have no frame of reference, you tend to close down."
Quan: "Or you could be all 'Oh my God I love Native Americans! Tell me all about your culture! Oh my God!' and they'd be like 'Um, okay' and you'd be like 'No seriously, just talk to me!'"
Mr. Cartwright: (laughs): "Yeah. Don't do that, either."
Quan: "I already have. I talked to some British people on the phone and was all 'Oh my God I love your accents!' and they were all 'Um, whatever'."
Ms. Foster: "Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"
Mackenzie: "Ooh! It's a school where they believe in not having sex to have children!"
(long pause, during which everyone laughs)
Ms. Foster: "Okay, let's go back to the part where I ask the question. Let's pretend that nobody has answered it. Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"
Ms. Foster: Now how can fermentation warm you up?
Mal: TAKE A SHOT
Ms. Foster: Long pause…I’m going to step outside for a moment…only because I was taught never to hurt a child’s self esteem
She then proceeds to actually step outside
Walking into physics
Me: Andrea, how does your nose feel?
Andrea: It hurts, thanks
Ms. Noufe: Why does your nose hurt Andrea?
Me: Oh, Mal got Andrea to sniff coke through a straw in study hall
Ms. Noufe: is used to this behavior Oh, ok
(analyzing an ad for lip gloss)
Louise: "My mom has that lip gloss."
Ms. Sullivan: "Ooh, you better talk to her."
Kaufman: "Does your mom look that sexy?"
Louise: "Sometimes. When she showers."
Louise: "This is why I sleep in this class! My opinion has absolutely no meaning!"
Mr. Lardie: "Your opinion does, but your vote doesn't. I mean, you can talk, we just won't listen."
Savannah: "Well, I must have had really clean hair, because I always had lice."
Liz Rayle: "That's true, lice are attracted to clean hair."
Mr. Cartwright: "Yeah, that's what they tell the kids who have lice. They're like, 'Lice are good luck! There's no better luck than lice!'"
Emily: "Happy birthday, Brittany!"
Ms. Foster: "Oh, it's your birthday? Where's the cake?"
Brittany: "I already ate it."
(pause)
Ms. Foster (bitterly): "Oh. I'm going to remember that."
Quan (to Kaufman): "Lauren! Ugh! If this weren't an AGS community, I would straight disrespect you and slap you in your face right now. Since this is an AGS community, though, I can't do that."
* NOTE- I go to an all girls' school that takes its honor code and "community" very seriously...hence the comment
Mr. Cartwright: "Now, the synthesis of Islam and Hinduism. This is what brings them (high-pitched singing voice) togethaaa!"
Mr. Cartwright: "When you meet a person--such as a Native American--for whom you have no frame of reference, you tend to close down."
Quan: "Or you could be all 'Oh my God I love Native Americans! Tell me all about your culture! Oh my God!' and they'd be like 'Um, okay' and you'd be like 'No seriously, just talk to me!'"
Mr. Cartwright: (laughs): "Yeah. Don't do that, either."
Quan: "I already have. I talked to some British people on the phone and was all 'Oh my God I love your accents!' and they were all 'Um, whatever'."
Ms. Foster: "Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"
Mackenzie: "Ooh! It's a school where they believe in not having sex to have children!"
(long pause, during which everyone laughs)
Ms. Foster: "Okay, let's go back to the part where I ask the question. Let's pretend that nobody has answered it. Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"
Ms. Foster: Now how can fermentation warm you up?
Mal: TAKE A SHOT
Ms. Foster: Long pause…I’m going to step outside for a moment…only because I was taught never to hurt a child’s self esteem
She then proceeds to actually step outside
LibertyBell
Police Officer
The first few are actually from lunch. We were sitting in the cafeteria playing Donkey. It's a card game and if you lose six times in a row you spell out 'Donkey', thus you are one and we get to call you that for 24 hours (or somebody rides on your back).
Flavia: I got a 'D'! *oink oink*
Me & Chelsea: That's a pig!
Again in the caf, it's cold here and we get really irritated when people decide to go out the side door, the emergency door, because the cold air comes in. One day a kid comes in and because of the snow, his shoes are wet and he falls flat on his ass.
Me & Katherine: That's called karma.
In World History this kid asked to go to the bathroom. When he comes back he has a tray full of Tim Horton's cups. Everybody stares at him.
Matthew: Uh, wow, that bathroom is really nice
The next day Ms. S is subbing in that class
Ms. S: So where's my coffee? I hear you guys always get Pedersen a coffee
Phil: Who wants to go to the bathroom?
Flavia: KRISTINA! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF MY CHAIR-
Another Kristina, sitting right behind us, turns around
Flavia: Not you.
Flavia: I got a 'D'! *oink oink*
Me & Chelsea: That's a pig!
Again in the caf, it's cold here and we get really irritated when people decide to go out the side door, the emergency door, because the cold air comes in. One day a kid comes in and because of the snow, his shoes are wet and he falls flat on his ass.
Me & Katherine: That's called karma.
In World History this kid asked to go to the bathroom. When he comes back he has a tray full of Tim Horton's cups. Everybody stares at him.
Matthew: Uh, wow, that bathroom is really nice
The next day Ms. S is subbing in that class
Ms. S: So where's my coffee? I hear you guys always get Pedersen a coffee
Phil: Who wants to go to the bathroom?
Flavia: KRISTINA! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF MY CHAIR-
Another Kristina, sitting right behind us, turns around
Flavia: Not you.
You know, something like that happened to me and my best friend (read as: partner in almost-crime), Amy.
Allow me to set the scene...
In a small town in Arkansas there was a mostly empty lunchroom with only a table of weirdos, most of the teachers, a few scattered seventh graders and the lunch ladies.
I looked across the table and saw that Amy (who is apparently weirder than me about what she eats. I mean, I've ate fried alligator, green tea ice cream and who-knows-what else, but this is vile) has pulled all the breading off of her corn dog nuggets *gasp*.
I was like, "Amy! You can't waste that quality pre-cooked cornmeal! Let me have it!"
So she tossed a piece across the table and I missed it. (That's when we should have stopped, but did we?) That put a spark in our simple minds and we decided to try for Amy to throw a piece of breading into my mouth.
(This was a great idea, considering we have the athletic ablility of globs of tar and the grace of drunken oxen with extra legs.)
So after missing several chunks just across a maybe two and a half foot table I figured out what our problem was.
"Amy, we don't have enough room to move while we set on these fun little lunchroom stools. With me shoved between Cristy and Lindsey and you between Matt and Nick. We need room to move."
So, in a dumber step than usual, we stood up...in the mostly deserted lunchroom...less than 10 feet from a table full of teachers...in a room with really sucky accoustics, so everything echoes.
ANyhow, we stood up and Amy stood on one side of the table and I on the other and she took a big, huge, gigantic, honkin' piece of breading from her mini corn dogs and pitched it underarm across the table and this dude, Dustin had came over to laugh at us and as the breading from the nugget flew by he batted at it and it bounced off his hand into my mouth!
...But wait, it gets nerdier.
Then I ran around the table and me and Amy were yelling and laughing and we tried to high-five...and we missed, then I looked over at the teachers.
The teachers turned around, saw who it was and then went back to their eating...I think Mrs. Atkins was shaking her head.
Okay, now that that story's been told all that I have left is the time that I was paid to eat um...something...at quiz bowl camp and the infamous Stormy Story...now, that one is just crazy!
LibertyBell
Police Officer
I don't know why, but for some reason my friends and I wind up joking about sex a lot. Today was one of those days:
Flavia: Y'know, it's always the innocent ones that lose it first. So out of us the order will be you *points to Chelsea*, you *points to Katherine*, then maybe Lee-anne or Renee...
Renee: You know, there are other things that can make it look like you've lost it
Me: That's true. Horseback riding would do it.
Renee: Yeah, all that bouncing up and down *indicates with hands, Flav starts to laugh*
Me: It's true! *pause* So maybe Sandra would be the first out of all of us
Sandra, a horseback rider, is at the other end of the table, some might consider it a little far away from us at this time
Flavia: (turns towards her) SANDRA!
Lee-anne throws a little flag (like the kind you'd find on top of food) at Chelsea. It ends up slipping down her shirt, which is low cut
Chelsea: God Lee-anne!
Lee-anne: I was aiming at your head!
Flavia: (just tuning in, says to Lee) Why did you throw a flag down Chelsea's shirt?
Me: She thought her head was down there
Flavia: Y'know, it's always the innocent ones that lose it first. So out of us the order will be you *points to Chelsea*, you *points to Katherine*, then maybe Lee-anne or Renee...
Renee: You know, there are other things that can make it look like you've lost it
Me: That's true. Horseback riding would do it.
Renee: Yeah, all that bouncing up and down *indicates with hands, Flav starts to laugh*
Me: It's true! *pause* So maybe Sandra would be the first out of all of us
Sandra, a horseback rider, is at the other end of the table, some might consider it a little far away from us at this time
Flavia: (turns towards her) SANDRA!
Lee-anne throws a little flag (like the kind you'd find on top of food) at Chelsea. It ends up slipping down her shirt, which is low cut
Chelsea: God Lee-anne!
Lee-anne: I was aiming at your head!
Flavia: (just tuning in, says to Lee) Why did you throw a flag down Chelsea's shirt?
Me: She thought her head was down there