From the Mouth of High School

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by araSgerG, Sep 18, 2006.

  1. SandleDL

    SandleDL CSI Level One

    May 3, 2007
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    LOL!!! :lol: :lol:

    Reminds me of what a girl in my philosophy class once said (wow that's more than 3 years ago... but whatever...)

    Rieke: I've never thought of killing anyone!
    Katharina: Wait till you're married...
  2. butterflied08

    butterflied08 Rookie

    Apr 27, 2007
    Likes Received:
    haha yeah...I have a couple more

    Morgan: "OW! She hit me!"
    Aliya: "I did not! You liar!"
    Morgan: "Yes, you did!"
    Ms. Sullivan (looking bored): "You know why I WASN'T an elementary school teacher?"
    Morgan: "But no, I went like this and then she HIT me!"
    Maria: "I hope you guys know that Ms. Sullivan doesn't"

    Ms. Sullivan: "Now, girls, I--"
    (Sarah gets up and starts walking towards the door)
    Ms. Sullivan (surprised): "Are you going away, Sarah?"
    Sarah: "Yeah."
    Ms. Sullivan: "Oh..."

    (talking about the word 'asunder')
    Aliya: "I hear 'asunder' a lot."
    Ms. Sullivan (sharply): "Where?"
    Aliya: "Oh...I wasn't really thinking of anything in particular--"
    Ms. Sullivan: "They use it in wedding ceremonies. 'What God has put together, let no man put asunder' know?"
    Aliya (slightly nonplussed): " wasn't...that wasn't what I was thinking of, but okay..."

    Ms. Sullivan: "Oh, I don't feel like sitting up front today. Does someone else want to be the teacher?"
    Sarah: "I do!"
    Ms. Sullivan: "No, Sarah, I'm afraid you'll--"
    Sarah: "I want to be the teacher!" (sits in Ms. Sullivan's chair)
    Ms. Sullivan: "But--"
    Sarah: "Ms. Sullivan, SIT DOWN! You're disrupting my class!"

    Marenda: "Sarah, you are the worst teacher EVER."
    Sarah: "Well, you are the worst student ever. And when I get off work, I'm gonna come kick your butt."
    Ms. Sullivan: "That's enough!" (walks up and reclaims her place as teacher)

    Ms. Hasty: "Girls! Pretend like I have something important to say and listen."

    Ms. Walker: "Morgan and Becca, I want you two to separate."
    Becca: "But we're helping each other!"
    Ms. Walker: "Yes, that's sort of like the deaf helping the blind."

    (kind of an old quote from math class)
    Quan: "Ms....uhhh..."
    Ms. Walker: "I'm Ms. Walker, Quan."
    Quan: "What?"
    Ms. Walker: "You called me 'Ms. Umm' again."
    Quan: "No, I called you 'Ms. Uhhh' because I got distracted. (suddenly angry-sounding) I know your name! Why you always telling me your name?!"

    AP Bio:
    This woman is the funniest lady ever- heavy Jamaican accent, older, and she's really quirky...LOVE HER!!

    Ms. Foster: "Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"
    Mackenzie: "Ooh! It's a school where they believe in not having sex to have children!"
    (long pause, during which everyone laughs)
    Ms. Foster: "Okay, let's go back to the part where I ask the question. Let's pretend that nobody has answered it. Does anyone know what a Quaker school is?"

    Ms. Foster: "Finding Nemo--oh, it's so tiring! They're just always looking for Nemo! It takes them forever! They just keep looking, looking, looking, and I just turn off the TV, okay!"

    (while Ms. Foster is trying to explain the nitrogen cycle)
    Mary Lang: "How do you know all this?"
    Ms. Foster (looking worried): "I don't know."

    (watching the end of 'Little Mermaid'; Ariel is sitting on a rock, looking pretty and wistful)
    Ms. Foster: "Oh, don't sing."

    Leigh: "Um, isn't Mackenzie in this class?"
    Ms. Foster: "Yes she is but she's out now...she's visiting."
    Leigh: "Oh...where?"
    Ms. Foster: "The bathroom."

    Emily: "Happy birthday, Brittany!"
    Ms. Foster: "Oh, it's your birthday? Where's the cake?"
    Brittany: "I already ate it."
    Ms. Foster (bitterly): "Oh. I'm going to remember that."

    (The following is very long and kind of convoluted.)
    Aliya: "Okay, so I think I heard somewhere that in...Ireland or Scotland or somewhere like that, they believe something about this woman who brings winter every year in October, and that's where Halloween came from, or somewhere. Her name is, like, the Winter Hag or something."
    Everyone: (starts to laugh)
    Mr. Cartwright: "Wait, what? Winter Hag? Sorry, I wasn't really listening--I was kind of excited about my little board here (motions to the little board connected to the SmartBoard) and the first thing I heard was Winter Hag. Can you start over?"
    Aliya: "Um, well, okay, so there's this woman, the Winter Hag,'s where Halloween comes from? Does anyone...? Never mind."
    Mr. Cartwright: "No! You can't just leave me hanging! Come on, you mentioned a Winter Hag, you can't get out of that! Just say that sentence over again."
    Aliya: "Um, can I look it up?"
    Mr. Cartwright: "No, just say what you were saying before."
    Aliya: "Okay, so people in, like, Ireland or whatever, they believe that at the end of October, this Winter Hag brings, um, winter--"
    Mr. Cartwright: "God, of course it's a woman. Like, men bring the sun and everything, and women bring the cold."
    (Muttering about sexism)
    Aliya: "Anyway, so that's...where Halloween came from originally? Or something? Something about this Winter Hag? I swear I'm not just making this up! This really does exist!"
    Mr. Cartwright: "Do you want to look it up?"
    Aliya (gratefully): "Yes."
    Mr. Cartwright: "Okay...why don't you look it up."

    Quan: "Mr. Cartwright, do you have any...alcohol?"
    Mr. Cartwright: ", rum, whiskey?"

    Mr. Cartwright: "Now, the synthesis of Islam and Hinduism. This is what brings them (high-pitched singing voice) togethaaa!"

    Mr. Cartwright: "So, say something bad happens to you, like--"
    Mackenzie: "Ooh, like you're in a car wreck and you can't breathe by yourself so you have to use a breathing thing!"
    Mr. Cartwright (slightly horrified but cracking up): "Well I wasn't gonna go THAT far!"
  3. araSgerG

    araSgerG Lab Technician

    Apr 22, 2005
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    Monday, October 1

    -Blake E: (took Blake G's wallet) Hey! Here's the good stuff! Blake's debit card!
    -Blake G: You can't use it, you don't have the password.
    -Blake E: Yes, I do: G-A-Y.
    -Kaleb: You don't need a password to buy gas.
    -Blake G: You'd have to sign my name.
    -Kaleb: Nuh-uh, you could sign anyone's name. I never check, no one ever checks.

    -Jeremiah: If the eighth graders get 4 times 4 wrong I want you to whack them with a billy club...if you can find a billy club.

    -Blake E: Jeremiah, if I told you that you had beautiful eyes, would you kiss me?
    -Jeremiah: No.

    -Anthony: I'm taking Fredrike to prom.
    -Blake E: I'm taking Kaleb to prom.
    -Matt: Kaleb, are you wearing girls' pants?
    -Kaleb: No, are you wearing a girls' shirt?
    (Matt's shirt says 'Big Dudes Rock')
    -Matt: ...Yes.
    -Jon: Matt, shouldn't a girl wear a shirt that says 'Big Dudes Rock'?
    -Matt: Ha! Ha! Ha! Yes! They should!
    -Jon: Matt, do you think big dudes rock?
    -Matt: Yes...yes, I do.

    -Matt: Friday night I drove down Main Street shooting...a cap gun.

    -Jeremiah: So, do you think Arkansas could win a football game against the South Texas Community College for Amputees?
    -Me: It would probably be very close.

    -Emily: Walker told me I looked like a guy today before school so during gym I came up with this one: Walker, you look like a little girl!
    -Maggie: It took you two hours to come up with that?

    -Mrs. Douglas: Buster, pick a number between 1 and 21.
    -Buster: 26!...Oh, wait...never mind.

    -Mrs. Miers: Make the noise you hear when you peel an orange.
    -Jeremiah: Squish, squish, squish, squish, splat!
    -Mrs. Miers: What?
    -Jeremiah: I've never peeled an orange.

    -Mrs. Miers: Oxymorons are words that contredict each other, like jumbo shrimp.
    -Me: Or pre-cooked sushi.

    -Mrs. Miers: An understatement is like 'Einstein was a decent mathmatician', 'William Shakespeare wrote a few plays' or 'Emilee makes one or two lists'.
    -Jeremiah: Or 'Hitler was a little disgruntled'.

    -Terence: I wanna have 7 kids: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Makes naming 'em a lot easier.

    -Mr. Mitchell: Did you take Karrie's purse, Jeremy? It doesn't go with your outfit.
    -Jeremy: I didn't take it!
    -Mr. Mitchell: David, did you take it? It doesn't go with your outfit either.

    (Watching videos of out Spanish presentations)
    -Jeremiah: New ABC sitcom: Spanish Class

    (Jeremiah's video starts playing)
    -Jeremiah: Who's that fat kid?...Aw, crap!...I need to shve...That guy is one snappy dresser.

    Tuesday, October 2

    The 7th Grade Art Class I'm a Teacher's Aid In
    (The 7th graders are weaving)
    -Chance: My loom's being mean to me!
    -Elisa: Awww, want me to hit it?
    -Chance: Yes. (Hands his loom to Elisa)

    (This is why there is no hope for the future, why we trash can 7th graders and most of all this explains why Kaleb H was held back last year)
    -Me: Indians aren't from Africa, they're from India.
    -Kaleb H: Okay, Native Americans, whatever!
    -Me: Native Americans aren't from Africa.
    -Kaleb H: What?
    -Me: Native A-MER-I-CANS are from A-MER-I-CA.

    (About the guy, David, in Angels in the Outfield)
    -Jeremiah: That man is half Cocker Spaniel.

    -Mr. Mitchell: Please get out 'British Folk Songs'.
    -Jeremiah: Got it, 'Yiddish Goat Thongs'.

    -Mr. Mitchell: We're going to sightread a song.
    -Jeremiah: Is it 'Shave and A Haircut'?

    -Lindsey: Ben, I'm mad at you! You got me white!
    -Jeremiah, Me and Amy: What?!

    -Jeremiah: Stop calling me 'Blueberry'!

    (Jeremiah comes in late)
    -Jeremiah: I've been in here all along. I was in here all day...setting in my desk...doing nothing.

    -Tyler: I'm a bad singer.
    -Jeremiah: Yes, he is.
    -Tyler: Thanks, Jeremiah.
    -Jeremiah: Well, if you ever disgrace Johnny Cash again-

    -Jeremiah: You should take the Spanish Club to Taco Bell.

    -Mrs. Hutchings: Now, keep an open mind-
    -Kayla: Can't. Closed for repairs.
    -Jeremiah: Swipe some WD-40 on it!
    -Tyler: That's stupid!
    -Me: What part of 'open mind' didn't you get?!

    -Dustin: It sounded like you said 'Mentos'.
    -Jeremiah: Mmmmmm....the Freshmaker.

    Wednesday, October 3

    -Jon: You're too smart to be teaching us this stuff.
    -Mrs. Perry: Well, it wouldn't make much sense if I didn't know it.
    -Blake E: It would be nice to have a mentally challenged math teacher.

    -Blake E: You know, Mrs. Perry, I told Mrs. Douglas that I wouldn't have to commit suicide before her test, but I might just before yours.

    (About Mrs. Perry)
    -Blake E: It's bad when you mix OCD And ADD and give it a Master's degree.

    -Kaleb: Can this test be open-friend?
    -Mrs. Perry: No.
    -Jeremiah: Can we bring our friendly neigborhood Steven Hawking?

    -Maggie: Megan ran over Crockett's dog...and he's laughing! If it was my dog that got ran over I'd be crying...but since it's his dog it's actually kinda funny.

    -Jeremiah: We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there's a cow in the way.

    -Mrs. Douglas: All of your tests are worth 200 points.
    -Taylor: Yeah, Mrs. Spanish-thingy's tests are like that, too.

    -Jeremiah: I missed 30 questions and made a 83%! It's rediculus!
    -Crockett: I made a 79%!
    -Brittany: And he missed 40.
    -Walker: You missed 40?!

    -Jeremiah: Yay for the Junior Play! Off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off- (breathes deeply) off-off-off-off-off-Broadway.

    Friday, October 5

    The Junior Play
    (At the end)
    -Kelsey (The Announcer): We'd like to thank Mrs. Roe, Ms. G, Mrs. Free, Coach Starkey and Kroger's.
    -Blake E (Dressed as an old lady): (Whispered) Say, 'and Jesus'.
    -Kelsey: And Jesus.

    -Amy: Sean, does it snow a lot in Canada?
    -Me: No, Amy, they call it 'The Great White North' because it was at one time an albino colony.

    -Walker: I payed you to do my sudoku last year and you lost it!
    -Emily: You never payed me!
    -Walker: I payed you in respect.
    -Emily: Well, I lost that.

    -Jeremiah: This crossword puzzle is bigger than my house.

    -Tyler: Where's 'casa' in this word search?
    -Jeremiah: I can't tell you, then you wouldn't know how to do it in college.
    -Me: Yeah, Meach (Tyler's nickname), is gonna take Word Search 101 in college.
    -Jeremiah: That's what I plan on geting my doctorate in.

    -Ashley: What's your brother doing now?
    -Walker: Making babies.
  4. Calihan

    Calihan Captain

    Sep 20, 2004
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    Assorted quotes from different days and classes, I'm sure I'll remember more soon.

    Ms D: *Asks a question*
    Me: *Lean back to Ms B* wanna give me the answer so it looks like I'm paying attention and know something>
    Ms B: Why don't you pay attention for the answer.


    Justin: The name Vespucci is very weird.
    Ms D: It's very Italian, Rossi (Justin's last name is Rossi)
    Me: Do we get to mock the Italians now?
    Ms D: You might want to reconsider that since both me and Ms B are Italian.

    We were talking about Columbus and Columbus Day.
    Me: Why do we have a holiday celebrating an Italian mass-murderer
    Mike: Yeah what's next Al Capone day?
  5. Kit4na

    Kit4na CSI Level Two

    Aug 28, 2006
    Likes Received:

    Teacher: So the correct word is refrigerator.
    Melody: What about fridgerator?
    Me: Fridgerator? Is that the newest Terminator?
    Teacher: "I'll be back" *in terminator voice*. Mm doesn't really fit does it? what about "freeze" *in terminator voice*.


    Teacher: Freya! Don't cheat!
    Freya: I wasn't cheating, I was just looking if she had the same and she does!
    Me: euhm that's called cheating!
  6. Calihan

    Calihan Captain

    Sep 20, 2004
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    I make a point about one of the characters in the book we're reading, factual not opinion.

    Ms B: You're absolutely right Austin
    Me: As Always
    Ms B: I don't want to stroke your ego more than you already do but yes you are often correct.

    This was from test prep last week.
    Ms D: I love these words, I love a lot of words I'm weird like that.
    Me: Tip of the iceberg Ms D: tip of the iceberg.
  7. Calihan

    Calihan Captain

    Sep 20, 2004
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    Mike: If you bring in a tape recorder next week can I make a tape for a radio show I want to do, where whenever I play a song I make a horrible comment related to it. For example if I was to play Sweet Cherry Wine, I'd say this goes out to you Betty Ford.
    Rudy: No Kitty Dukakis instead.

    Test Prep
    Mike: Here's a question they should add to the MCAS: If Jim Jones bought 75 quarts of kool-ade, how many gallons did he get?

    Me and Rudy burst out laughing

    Ms D: I don't get whats so funny about that?

    The three of us explain to her about Jonestown.
  8. Calihan

    Calihan Captain

    Sep 20, 2004
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    English, we had to use the word Indulge or a tense of it in a sentence.

    Mike: Until he was caught, Marion Berry indulged in Crack.

    Joking about other endings for our book:

    Mike: They should have Alex, Lou, and Oscar go to the local diner for onion rings and end it there.
    They could have Alexandra go to Korea and have her boat sink on the way there and have Carl announce to the town that her boat sank and there were no survivors.
    Or She could wake up and find Emil in the shower and have his death be a dream.
  9. araSgerG

    araSgerG Lab Technician

    Apr 22, 2005
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    Monday, October 8

    (In the Jr. Class Play Matt played and old "dead" guy who eloped with Blake E's "Granny" charicter, which is a word I can't spell)
    -Matt: So did me and Blake make a good couple?
    -Mrs. Perry: You made a great couple.

    -Mrs. Perry: And sure enough 6 plus 6 equals 6.
    -Blake G: Are you sure?

    -Mrs. Perry: So what do we do first?
    -Kayla: Shoot ourselves in the face.

    -Matt: I'd like to live in Jeremiah's mind for one day, just to see what it would be like.
    -Charlee: Mrs. Perry, I'm out of graph paper!
    -Jeremiah: Yeah, and I'm out of these checkerboards I took from the park!
    -Matt: See what I mean?

    (About some lines that Mrs. Perry drew on the dry-erase board)
    -Sierra: I like your drawings, Mrs. Perry.
    -Blake E: Do they make shiny markers?

    -Coty: We've got these birds at our pond that honk like geese but look like ducks.
    -Maggie: You could call them gucks or-
    -Me, Maggie and Erin at the same time: Doose!

    -Dustin: You can get a sheep pregnant.
    -Morgan: Can it talk?

    -Mrs. Douglas: Without decomposers what would our world look like?
    -Josh: Dustin's face!

    -Mrs. Douglas: This is a 5 link food chain: Algae, zooplankton, small fish and shark.
    -Jeremiah: Shark wins!

    (I'm pretending that my glasses case is a video game)
    -Me: Bazoom! Bazoom! Aww...'Made in China'.
    -Jeremiah: You lose everytime.

    -Jeremiah: Delta Farce is one big fart joke with lots of swear-words...but what do you expect from Larry the freakin' Cable Guy and Bill freakin' Engvall.
    -Crockett: Let's watch it!

    Tuesday, October 9

    -Mrs. Perry: If you talk when I'm talking and I catch you, you get a d-hall. If I don't catch you, you'll just have to deal with it.
    -Blake G: The point is: Don't get caught.
    -Mrs. Perry: Right.

    -Blake E: Why don't you come to our basketball games?
    -Mrs. Perry: Because they're usually on the same night as my son's basketball games.
    -Blake E: So you're telling us that we aren't as important as your son?
    -Mrs. Perry: Well-
    -Blake E: I'm your illegitimate just don't know it.
    -Mrs. Perry: Yeah, I missed that.

    -Mrs. Douglas: I graded your tests on a 4 point curve-
    -Brittany B: So, I made a 6%!

    -Jeremiah: That sandhoppere sure is a pretty creature.
    -Sandra: It is.
    -Jeremiah: It kinda looks like a turd.

    -Jeremiah: Wanna hear a bad science joke?
    -Me: Amuse me.
    -Jeremiah: Why couldn't the bacteria get into the club?
    -Me: I don't know.
    -Jeremiah: Beacuse it was a decomposer.

    Wednesday, October 10

    -Sierra: You sounded like a retarded redneck that dropped out of school in the third grade-
    -Blake E (pretending to cry): Stop talking about my mom!

    -Jeremiah: You go to school to have sunburn? What classes does that require?

    -Emily: I like your outfit, Erin, it's very Christmas-y.
    -Taylor: But she's not wearing green.
    -Me: Use your imagination.
    -Emily: (closes her eyes and waves her hands in front of Erin) You are a Christmas tree.
    -Erin: Is that a fat joke?
    -Emily: No, you'd be an ugly Christmas tree 'cause you're so skinny.

    -Mrs. Douglas: In this book they refer to the water, carbon and nitrogen cycles as biogeochemical cycles-
    -Jeremiah: They just make these words up!

    -Jeremiah: There are so many arrows on this paper, it's making me dizzy.
    -Me: Disney?
    -Jeremiah (who believes Disney is evil): Don't you dare say I was Disney!

    -Emily: So...dead people make coal?
    -Mrs. Douglas: Only if they weren't buried in coffins.
    -Me: So, if we want more fossil fuels we should stop burieng people in coffins.
    -Charlee: Ummm.
    -Me: Save a tree.

    -Jeremiah: Airplane crash! Zooooooom! CRUSH!
    -Maggie: Lay off the video games, Jeremiah.
    -Jeremiah: NEVER!

    -Jeremiah: Is removing carbon a good thing?
    -Josh: If you're a carbon removing kinda guy.

    -Me: Decomposition and excretion...Yes! Poop is part of this cycle!
    -Jeremiah: Emilee, is very excited by the prospect of poop.
    -Me: Don't judge me!
    -Jeremiah: Then stop living out your poopy fantasies!

    (Now this is becoming a very popular joke among my friends)
    -Me: What would you do if you were walking in the woods and you saw a giant monkey?
    -Jeremiah: WEll, I'd-
    -Me: Too late! He already smooshed you!

    -Jeremiah: I can see the title up in lights, 'Emily: And You Thought You Had Problems'!

    Thursday, October 11

    (Walker, who has long curly hair and in my opinion looks a lot like Jim Morrison from The Doors, come in to the algebra room)
    -Jeremiah: Get a haircut! Mrs. Perry, there's a hippy here to see you!

    -Mrs. Perry: ...and you get x=72/23...can you tell that I made this problem up?

    -Matt: Jeremiah, I love you. I mean, you don't even know-
    -Jeremiah: And I'm gonna start locking my doors now.

    -Mrs. Perry: MATT! STOP TALKING!
    -Matt: Sorry, but I'm trying to calm Beverly down.
    -Mrs. Perry: Well, stop. Let me do it.
    -Matt: But I don't want to get hit.
    -Mrs. Perry: Duck.

    -Kaleb: Charlee! Shut the f*** up! I'm tryin' to explain somethin' here!
    (Charlee stops talking)
    -Kaleb: Well, I'm done now!

    -Jeremiah: There's this annoying kid in band...he's blond, he used to have a mullet and he's Colton.

    -Erin: What's that word supposed to be?
    -Maggie: 'Environment', I just didn't finish it. I stopped at 'a'.
    -Erin: There is no 'a'.

    -Mrs. Douglas: Someone tell me what part of 'don't talk' you don't understand. Put your lips together. No makey noise come out.

    -Emily: I am the man!
    -Josh: I knew it!

    -Walker: Dustin's retarded.
    -Mrs. Hutchings: What?
    -Kayla: He just called him like, bobo, only wors.
    -Jeremiah: Él es muy bobo...What's 'the ultimate' in Spanish?
    -Mrs. Hutchings: El último.
    -Jeremiah: Él es el último bobo.

    Jeremiah's lines translated:
    -He is very foolish.
    -He is the ultimate fool
    (Bobo means fool)
  10. LibertyBell

    LibertyBell Police Officer

    Sep 29, 2007
    Likes Received:
    The first one I actually heard someone say. The second one my best friend told me this really stupid girl we know said.

    (Discussing our teacher's who's been away for two days) "Did Pedersen die or something?" :rolleyes:

    (Discussing Global Warming) "The whole world's not warming up, it's just warmer here because the equator is moving!"
  11. sandersidle

    sandersidle Captain

    Mar 23, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Teacher: My husband is so cute.
    Class: ...aha...
    Teacher: No really, he has a nice ass too.
    Class: ...
    Teacher: Too much information, right?
  12. assumenothing

    assumenothing Rookie

    Jan 19, 2006
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    Chemistry, after a seriously depressing assembly about Columbine:
    Ashleigh: I cried during that. The news clips really got me.
    Me: Really? I didn't cry.
    Ashleigh: You are so cold-hearted!
    Me: I'm not saying it didn't make me really sad! I just didn't cry!
    Mr. H (who had been listening behind us): You didn't cry? Even I cried at that assembly...

    Jim: I'm sixteen.
    Mr. P: Really... that means I'm only ten years older than all of you. (thinks for a moment) You know what's really weird? My mom's ten years younger than my dad. So, like, it would be like me marrying one of you. Like if I married Joe-Joe or something.
    Joe-Joe: Hey, I'm just doin' my Latin here.
    Mr. P: Yeah, that would be a little inappropriate if I did. Sorry, Joe-Joe.

    English; we're going around the room saying things that make us happy, and it's Mr. C's turn:
    Mr. C: Let's see, I can't think of my last thing!
    Sloane: What about your wife?!
    Mr. C: Yeah, that would be the good husband thing to say...

    Watching a movie in English:
    Nick: Hey, what would you guys do if we were watching the movie and all of a sudden I just, like, walked across the screen in the movie. Wouldn't that be weird?
    Mr. C: Yeah, that would be.... something, Nick.
  13. LibertyBell

    LibertyBell Police Officer

    Sep 29, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Your Chemistry one reminded me of one that happened at my school last year. Actually, now I've got two. But I've gotta set the scene for both.

    First one: We were having an assembly about bullying and how you shouldn't do it because kids kill themselves. It was a really sombre mood, the lights were dimmed, How To Save a Life was playing, this powerpoint was going on showing stats and pictures and sad things and then the fire alarm went off.

    Me: Well, way to kill the mood.

    Second one: Last year in law the whole class is just sitting around chatting waiting for a presentation to begin. Suddenly, the teacher stands up and yells:


    Class: *stunned silence*
    Ms. S: uh...isn't that what you were talking about? (motions to girls on the other side of the room)
    Girls: No....
    Ms. S: Oh, well see, you were laughing and looking at me, and I've already been asked today if I'm pregnant, I don't know if it's this top or something, or maybe I'm bloated, but...sorry. *sits down*
    Class: *more silence, then muffled laughter as everyone avoids her eyes*

    You know, the top actually did make her look pregnant.
  14. araSgerG

    araSgerG Lab Technician

    Apr 22, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Monday, October 15


    (Mrs. Perry's SmartBoard projector was making very weird noises during class Monday)

    -Mrs. Perry: What's that noise?
    -Jeremiah S: There are raccoons chewing on wires in your projector.

    (We poke the projector and Mrs. Perry stands on a desk and hits buttons on the projector while we make up stories about what's going on)
    -Blake E: The ADD flowing through this room right now is astounding.
    -Kaleb T: Chicken! I like chicken!

    -Blake E: There are birds in your projector.
    -Mrs. Perry: (In an e-mail to John, the computer-tech, that is displayed on the SmartBoard) John,
    There are aliens in my projector.
    They are having an intergalactic war.
    They are making weird noises.
    I don't know what's going on.
    P. Perry

    -Kaleb T: (Looking at Mrs. Perry's e-mail inbox) Hey, that e-mail's from Blake's mom...and the subject is 'Blake'.
    -Blake E: I'm worried.
    -Jeremiah S: 'The boy just can't keep the markers away from his nose.'

    -Jeremiah S: Don't play poker with Mrs. Perry.
    -Mrs. Perry: I do cheat.
    -Blake E: [Laughs] I just imagined that picture of the dogs playing poker and you were playing with them.

    -Blake E: I'm going as Invisable-Clothes-Boy for Halloween.
    -Mrs. Perry: That wouldn't surprise me.
    -Kaleb T: You can be Invisable-Clothes-Boy, I'll be Nudist-Man.
    -Jeremiah S: I'll miss school that day.
    -Jon G: I'll be Nudist-Woman.
    -Mrs. Perry: I'll be Me-At-Home.
    -Jon G: We'll come visit.

    -Jeremiah S: I have a bad case of brain flatulence.

    -Jeremiah S: Y = vomit.


    -Buster H: Is that a whale?
    -Dustin H: [sarcastically] No, it's a frog.
    -Buster H: What's that blue stuff?
    -Dustin H: Probably water.
    -Maggie P: Good guess.

    -Josh F: The krill's coming out of that whale's nose!
    -Jeremiah S: Isn't it ironic that the krill's eating a dead whale?

    -Mrs. Douglas: We have to do writing assignments in here this week or next week I might not be here. They might relieve me of my duties.

    Tuesday, October 16

    -Buster H: It's
    -Dustin H: Yes. It's just like that.

    -Taylor K: We went to Georgia and there was a guy at Bass Pro Shop with an alligator and he was telling us how long you had to move your hand if it was in an alligators mouth. So he puts his hand in it's mouth, but he didn't move it fast enough and it bit the tip of his finger off and it was just floating around in the pool.
    -Jeremiah S: Did you know that you can hold a gator's mouth shut with just one finger?
    -Charlee S: So that's how Steve Irwin did that?
    -Me: We don't listen to Steve Irwin anymore...he's dead.
    -Josh F: You can't listen to dead'd be sweet if you could...but you can't.

    -Jeremiah S: That's our national bird...the White Rhinoceros...look at the horn on that thing!

    -Crockett C: That Nubian Vulture is an ugly sucker.
    -Maggie P: Crockett, that's a mirror.

    -Mrs. Douglas: Jeremiah-
    -Jeremiah S: (Falsetto) That guy's a sexy stud!...(Regular voice) Who said that?!

    -Jeremiah S: What do you think we will do in band to-day?
    -Me: Speak with one syl-a-ble at a time.
    -Buster H: What did you say about a bull?
    -Jeremiah S: Shut up. You ho-mo-sex-u-al.
    -Buster: What? Ho-mo-sex-ewwww!

    -Jeremiah S: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood...chuck...comma Chuck-
    -Buster H: Norris.
    -Jeremiah S: Don't you dare say that name!
    -Buster H: Do you think Chuck Norris likes cheese?
    -Jeremiah S: Of course he does. He owns Chuck E. Cheese.


    -Mr. Mitchell: Jeremiah, you and Jeremy switch seats.
    -Jeremiah S: But I'm already playing 2nd trombone!
    -Mr. Mitchell: But I want Jeremy playing 1st.
    -Jeremiah S: You're not already playing 1st?
    -Jeremy H: No.
    -Jeremiah S: You deadbeat!

    -Mr. Mitchell: Trumpet 2, I can shout louder that you're playing.
    -Jeremy A and Terence H: (singing) Shout! Shout! Let it all out! These are the things I can do without! Come on! I'm talking to you! Come on!

    -Chad R: What are we going to do today, Mr. Mitchell?
    -Mr. Mitchell: Try to take over the world.
    -Me: The same thing you do everyday.

    Wednesday, October 17


    -Mr. Mitchell: Is trumpet 2 covered?
    -Eric H: Yes.
    -Mr. Mitchell: Are you playing trumpet 2?
    -Eric H: Yes.
    -Mr. Mitchell: Do we have trumpet 2 covered?
    -Eric H: ...Yes.

    -Mr. Mitchell: Trumpets, you need to play louder...remember, it's just a bunch of twigs up against...monsters.
    -Sean D: ROAR!!! We're monsters...twigs!

    -Wayne J: Jeremy, where's Casey?
    -Jeremy A: Taking a s*** the girls' bathroom.

    -Mr. Mitchell: Trombones, y'all are playing way too loud. You can't blast-Jeremy! What are you talking to her about?! How blasty you played that?!
    -Jeremy H: I've never blasted!
    -Mr. Mitchell: Yeah, never in the whole thime you've played have you blasted...
    -Jeremy H: Well...

    -Tyler M: Is a foreign language class required?
    -Jeremiah S: It is if you want to go the college route.
    -Tyler M: I'm not going to college...I'd fail sc-college.
    -Me: Did you just say 'sc-college'?
    -Tyler M: No, I said sc-co-oh, I guess I did because I almost said it again.
    -Me: That could be part of the problem.
    -Jeremiah S: 'Tyler M: And You Thought You Failed Sc-College'!

    -Mrs. Hutchings: Fold the paper in half twice...if you can't do that then you should leave now.

    -Mrs. Hutchings: Put your books away, we're going to do something else.
    -Jeremiah S: Please don't say 'dance', please don't say 'dance'.
    -Mrs. Hutchings: Dance?

    Thursday, October 18


    -Mrs. Hutchings: Any more airport words?
    -Tyler M: La auxiliar de vuelo.
    -Mrs. Hutchings: Si! That would really impress me.
    -Jeremiah S: Prepare to be disappointed.
  15. LibertyBell

    LibertyBell Police Officer

    Sep 29, 2007
    Likes Received:
    So this past week we were doing a mock trial in my World History class. The girl playing the 1st Chair prosecutor is cross-examining the guy playing Napoleon's brother:

    Ashley: Tell me, Joseph, was France a Republic or an Empire during your brother's reign?
    Brett: ...uh...erm, It was a Republic.
    Ashley: It was an Empire.

    Later on in that cross, Brett was talking about something his character had done in the past that wasn't very smart and he goes, "Of course I've matured since then" and everybody burst out laughing, including our teacher who NEVER smiles, because he's probably the most immature guy on the planet. ;)

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