sidlewannabee
CSI Level One
I like your stories. They are really funny. I don't have a lot to add, but my health class is hillarious.
From the Mouth of High School
- Thread starter araSgerG
- Start date
AshleyFirst223
Pathologist
Spanish:
Tasha: So I can pass 11th grade English but not 3rd grade Spanish?
Me: Isn't life ironic?
Tasha: No me likeo.
Me: And you question your failing grade...?
History:
Me: I'm shooting for the 20%s.
Bre: No! You'll get an 80.
Me: Shut up! If I'm setting my expectations low, I won't cry.
Bre: Was the Great Awakening like everyone suddenly woke up from a daze?
Me: Yes, everyone just woke up and decided to take the plunge into various religious sects.
Bre: You could have just said no.
Athletic Study Hall:
*Everyone's Singing*
Teacher: You guys should stick to sports...
Tasha: So I can pass 11th grade English but not 3rd grade Spanish?
Me: Isn't life ironic?
Tasha: No me likeo.
Me: And you question your failing grade...?
History:
Me: I'm shooting for the 20%s.
Bre: No! You'll get an 80.
Me: Shut up! If I'm setting my expectations low, I won't cry.
Bre: Was the Great Awakening like everyone suddenly woke up from a daze?
Me: Yes, everyone just woke up and decided to take the plunge into various religious sects.
Bre: You could have just said no.
Athletic Study Hall:
*Everyone's Singing*
Teacher: You guys should stick to sports...
English
Ms B: There's 6 ways that your mind works.
Me: Really cause I would have only thought 2 the right way and the wrong way.
At my school on the first wednesday of each month the parents have a lunch with the students and staff. Today was that day.
Lunch
Parent: I think we should let Ms. B think of something for us to begin discussing
Me: No
Ms B: Do you find what I have for us to talk about boring
Me: Not boring but you're inconsistent in terms of interest or not.
Parent: Oh be nice
Ms. B: Just being a little sarcastic I know hes not serious
Me: Me being sarcastic are any of us surprised?
Ms B: There's 6 ways that your mind works.
Me: Really cause I would have only thought 2 the right way and the wrong way.
At my school on the first wednesday of each month the parents have a lunch with the students and staff. Today was that day.
Lunch
Parent: I think we should let Ms. B think of something for us to begin discussing
Me: No
Ms B: Do you find what I have for us to talk about boring
Me: Not boring but you're inconsistent in terms of interest or not.
Parent: Oh be nice
Ms. B: Just being a little sarcastic I know hes not serious
Me: Me being sarcastic are any of us surprised?
sidlewannabee
CSI Level One
I still don't have any funny stories to add.
Geometry
Me: (Taps desk with fingers)
Mr. C: Who's there (Goes to door and opens it)
(Everyone bursts out laughing)
Me: That was me tapping my desk
Me: Feels weird not having Scott in the class being a pain in the ass
Scott: (From back of classroom) Hey!
Mr. C: Austin be nice
(Talking about protractors)
Jolene: We used to use them when we were bored, we'd just toss 'em around
Me: Don't say that Mr. C cries whenever a math tool is misused
Mr C: Wait! What? No I don't
Me: You really are slow aren't you?
Lunch
Rudy: I wanted to ask you guys about a guy I saw yesterday
Scott: Yes he was coming on to you
Physics
(ALS is the computer program we use for most of our classes)
Mr C: (Showing me why I got a question wrong on the lesson for the test) You used the diameter rather than the radius, you need to make sure what you're using is the right one with ALS.
Me: Well played ALS, well played
Test Prep
( I was telling a teach how from physics I was burned out and didn't think I could write)
Ms. B: What do you typically do when you're this tired and can't work?
Jolene: Strangle the teacher
Me: (Makes fists and cracks knuckles) Where's Mr C?
Me: (Taps desk with fingers)
Mr. C: Who's there (Goes to door and opens it)
(Everyone bursts out laughing)
Me: That was me tapping my desk
Me: Feels weird not having Scott in the class being a pain in the ass
Scott: (From back of classroom) Hey!
Mr. C: Austin be nice
(Talking about protractors)
Jolene: We used to use them when we were bored, we'd just toss 'em around
Me: Don't say that Mr. C cries whenever a math tool is misused
Mr C: Wait! What? No I don't
Me: You really are slow aren't you?
Lunch
Rudy: I wanted to ask you guys about a guy I saw yesterday
Scott: Yes he was coming on to you
Physics
(ALS is the computer program we use for most of our classes)
Mr C: (Showing me why I got a question wrong on the lesson for the test) You used the diameter rather than the radius, you need to make sure what you're using is the right one with ALS.
Me: Well played ALS, well played
Test Prep
( I was telling a teach how from physics I was burned out and didn't think I could write)
Ms. B: What do you typically do when you're this tired and can't work?
Jolene: Strangle the teacher
Me: (Makes fists and cracks knuckles) Where's Mr C?
sidlewannabee
CSI Level One
A lot of kids in my classes do stuff like that.
I'm ticked off I just lost everything I had typed. So this is gonna be short. I had even typed you up a story about what happened in Washington DC...just remind me to tell you the Casey-In-Girl's-Clothing Story later, okay?
Monday, Sept 10
Algebra
Shelby signed her name on the board and Evan added a message for us, so the whole thing read.
-shelby
Thinks she is in love with the Devil himself
Which may be Gary Coleman...or the Kool-Aid guy.
-Blake E: Mrs. Butler was gone half the year.
-Brooke: Yeah, Mrs. Perry, you better not get pregnant!
-Mrs. Perry: That's what I was thinking.
Biology
-Charlee: What can I title my book report.
-Jeremiah: How 'bout: 'They Had A Baby'?...Mine can be 'Harry Potter Doesn't Have A Baby'.
-Taylor: What are you doing?!
-Dustin: Singing Celene Dion.
English
[While Mrs. Miers is in the hall harassing students we discuss our paragraph on what we would risk our lives for]
-Emily: I'd risk my life for anyone except Walker.
-Walker: I'd risk my life to kill Emily.
[Mrs. Miers returns]
-Mrs. Miers: Emily, what would you risk your life for?
-Emily: ...I'd risk it for Walker.
-Walker: I'd risk mine for Emily.
-Mrs. Miers: Awwwww.
Tues. Sept 11
Algebra
-Blake E: If I break all my fingers do I still have to take the test?
(Blake E starts hitting his hand with his calculator)
-Mrs. Perry: Yeah, you have to write with your feet.
(Blake E stops hitting his hand and looks at his feet)
-Blake G: You can't break your feet...you're wearing steel-toed boots! Which are illegal!
-Blake E: Your face is illegal!
Biology
(As we walk outside)
-Jeremiah: Welcome to Fall, ladies and gentlemen, also known as Autumn. Prepare to be assaulted by crunchy leaves.
Weds. Sept 12
Biology
-Jeremiah: With sports comes parties...except possibly, polo...'We pet the horses! And feed them beer!'
Band:
[Jeremy is laying on a bed he has made out of four chairs]
-Jeremy: Night, night, Emilee.
-Me: Good night, Jeremy.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Matthew.
-Matthew: Huh? Oh, good night.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Casey.
-Casey: Night, night, honey.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Terence
(Terence is on top of a stack of chairs that is leaning against the wall while he is in the fetal position, clutching his backpack)
-Terence: Will somebody rock me? I can't sleep.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Ben.
-Ben: Okay!
Thurs Sept 13
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: Write a paragraph about two ways you can use math.
-Me: Can we lie?
-Mrs. Perry: Lie all you want.
-Blake E: You can use math to count money and...to count money.
Fri Sept 14
Algebra
-Charlee: Mrs. Perry, why are all your desks out in the hall?
-Mrs. Perry: Because it's Disco Friday!
-Charlee: Well, the people out in the hall are calling you a crazy, old lady.
-Mrs. Perry: Like this is the first time they've done that.
Monday, Sept 10
Algebra
Shelby signed her name on the board and Evan added a message for us, so the whole thing read.
-shelby
Thinks she is in love with the Devil himself
Which may be Gary Coleman...or the Kool-Aid guy.
-Blake E: Mrs. Butler was gone half the year.
-Brooke: Yeah, Mrs. Perry, you better not get pregnant!
-Mrs. Perry: That's what I was thinking.
Biology
-Charlee: What can I title my book report.
-Jeremiah: How 'bout: 'They Had A Baby'?...Mine can be 'Harry Potter Doesn't Have A Baby'.
-Taylor: What are you doing?!
-Dustin: Singing Celene Dion.
English
[While Mrs. Miers is in the hall harassing students we discuss our paragraph on what we would risk our lives for]
-Emily: I'd risk my life for anyone except Walker.
-Walker: I'd risk my life to kill Emily.
[Mrs. Miers returns]
-Mrs. Miers: Emily, what would you risk your life for?
-Emily: ...I'd risk it for Walker.
-Walker: I'd risk mine for Emily.
-Mrs. Miers: Awwwww.
Tues. Sept 11
Algebra
-Blake E: If I break all my fingers do I still have to take the test?
(Blake E starts hitting his hand with his calculator)
-Mrs. Perry: Yeah, you have to write with your feet.
(Blake E stops hitting his hand and looks at his feet)
-Blake G: You can't break your feet...you're wearing steel-toed boots! Which are illegal!
-Blake E: Your face is illegal!
Biology
(As we walk outside)
-Jeremiah: Welcome to Fall, ladies and gentlemen, also known as Autumn. Prepare to be assaulted by crunchy leaves.
Weds. Sept 12
Biology
-Jeremiah: With sports comes parties...except possibly, polo...'We pet the horses! And feed them beer!'
Band:
[Jeremy is laying on a bed he has made out of four chairs]
-Jeremy: Night, night, Emilee.
-Me: Good night, Jeremy.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Matthew.
-Matthew: Huh? Oh, good night.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Casey.
-Casey: Night, night, honey.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Terence
(Terence is on top of a stack of chairs that is leaning against the wall while he is in the fetal position, clutching his backpack)
-Terence: Will somebody rock me? I can't sleep.
-Jeremy: Night, night, Ben.
-Ben: Okay!
Thurs Sept 13
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: Write a paragraph about two ways you can use math.
-Me: Can we lie?
-Mrs. Perry: Lie all you want.
-Blake E: You can use math to count money and...to count money.
Fri Sept 14
Algebra
-Charlee: Mrs. Perry, why are all your desks out in the hall?
-Mrs. Perry: Because it's Disco Friday!
-Charlee: Well, the people out in the hall are calling you a crazy, old lady.
-Mrs. Perry: Like this is the first time they've done that.
Waiting to go biking for PE.
Short story behind our biking, on Tuesday when we went biking for the first time I wasn't allowed to go ahead as long as I was in sight which had been what it was all this year and over the summer. As we were going down a hill I went last because I knew I would be the fastest so that I was still with the group. Despite that I still ended up ahead of everyone, and the kid who was asking me these questions just doesn't get how to do anything normally, which you'll sort of see when you read these.
Kevin: When we went biking on Tuesday why did you still go ahead of the teachers even though they told you not to?
Me: Because I wasn't going to slow down prematureally for you all.
Kevin: Oh, I thought you were just ignoring their commands.
Me: I still ignore teachers, works well.
I go inside to get something before we leave, when I come out he repeating the story verbatim to one of our teachers.
Kevin: ... and he... oh you're back why don't you tell her.
Me: Pretty much I told him ignore you
Kevin: Isn't that terrible ignoring your commands.
Me: Yes I ignore them is this a state the obvious competition.
Ms B: What the hell is going on?
Me: What?
Ms B: Why are you being smartass to Kevin
Me: You know who you're talking to right?
Ms B: When you're smartass to me, it's a good techer - student relationship ammount.
Me: I'll have to work on being more smartass
Ms B: That'll be reflected in your grades.
Me: What you need is a two grade system Work and Smartassness
Short story behind our biking, on Tuesday when we went biking for the first time I wasn't allowed to go ahead as long as I was in sight which had been what it was all this year and over the summer. As we were going down a hill I went last because I knew I would be the fastest so that I was still with the group. Despite that I still ended up ahead of everyone, and the kid who was asking me these questions just doesn't get how to do anything normally, which you'll sort of see when you read these.
Kevin: When we went biking on Tuesday why did you still go ahead of the teachers even though they told you not to?
Me: Because I wasn't going to slow down prematureally for you all.
Kevin: Oh, I thought you were just ignoring their commands.
Me: I still ignore teachers, works well.
I go inside to get something before we leave, when I come out he repeating the story verbatim to one of our teachers.
Kevin: ... and he... oh you're back why don't you tell her.
Me: Pretty much I told him ignore you
Kevin: Isn't that terrible ignoring your commands.
Me: Yes I ignore them is this a state the obvious competition.
Ms B: What the hell is going on?
Me: What?
Ms B: Why are you being smartass to Kevin
Me: You know who you're talking to right?
Ms B: When you're smartass to me, it's a good techer - student relationship ammount.
Me: I'll have to work on being more smartass
Ms B: That'll be reflected in your grades.
Me: What you need is a two grade system Work and Smartassness
I'm lucky I managed to get these quotes, my algebra teacher almost took them from me.
Monday, Sept. 17
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: What if I wanted to find the equation of this line?
-Jeremiah: You wouldn't ask me.
-Sierra: I wouldn't be any help.
-Blake G: Can I go get my calculator from my truck?
-Mrs. Perry: I'm not allowed to let you go to your truck.
-Blake G: Then can I go to my locker?
-Mrs. Perry: Sure.
[Blake G leaves and returns about 2 minutes later]
-Mrs. Perry: Wow! Your locker's a long way away!
-Blake G: Yeah, I sprinted, too.
Biology
-Taylor: Yeah, Taylor's good.
-Maggie: And so modest, too.
Tuesday, Sept 18
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: Get out your homework and a calculator. If you don't have your homework then get out a sheet of blank paper and a calculator.
Biology
-Maggie: I remember the symbol for potassium because potassium sounds like 'possum' and possums get killed on the side of the road and killed starts with a K.
-Jeremiah: I remember potassium because potassium is in bananas and my dad, Kelly, hates bananas.
-Josh: I remember how to spell potassium usung three little words: pot, a-
-Shelby: No, Josh!
-Jeremiah: We just need some way to connect peanut butter to lead...I'll remember mercury because mercury sounds like Merle and Hg will remind me of Haggard. Merle Haggard.
English
-Shelly: I've got an 83% in here and I'm mad!
-Sandra: Well, you've got an 83% and you're mad? Get over it! In some third world countries they don't have grades!
Wednesday, Sept. 19
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: (Reading the announcements) 'Ahoy, mateys! Today is Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. Keep your trap shut in class or you'll walk the plank to Davey Rolland's d-hall.'
-Blake E: That is so gay, that I cannot think of anything gayer than the statement itself.
Biology
-Mrs. Douglas: I know you're hot but I can talk so much better with the air off.
-Maggie: Funny, I can sweat so much better with the air off.
-Mrs. Douglas: What do we call CO2?
-Charlee: Carbon dioxide.
-Josh: CO2.
-Jeremiah: Paintball!
-Josh: Huh, huh, huh, carbon dioxide. Die, oxide, die!
English
(The tornado sirens begin testing as Jeremiah stands up to hand in his folder)
-Mrs. Miers: Run for it!
-Jeremiah: Huh?
-Mrs. Miers: I thought you were running for it...I was gonna go with you. We'd leave all them behind.
-Mrs. Miers: Britney will get jealous...you're supposed to say 'yes'.
(Britney nods)
-Mrs. Miers: You just talk entirely too much, don't you?
(Britney nods)
-Mrs. Miers: What's your middle name?
-Britney: Rachelle.
-Mrs. Miers: I just wanted to see if I could make you talk.
Band
-Christy: Get outta my way or I'm gonna slap you wit' my bologna sandwich!
-Ben
In deep 'monster' voice) Crimson!...Dark, dark, dark red! Crimson! (Regular voice) What color is that boy's hair?
-Me: Sort of a mahogany or almost maroon.
-Ben: I asked him if it was purple and he said (Monster voice)'No!' (regular voice) it scared me.
-Sean: What's a trap table?
-Me: It's a table.
-Terence: That traps you.
-Ben: Duh.
-Terence: And sends you to the underworld.
-Mr. Mitchell: Bass drum, roll again, please.
-Jeremy: Aw god! I hate you kids! You suck!
-Mr. Mitchell: Baritone, play a B flat.
-Colton: That's a C.
-Mr. Mitchell: No, that's a B flat.
-Colton: It's a C! I play bass clef-
-Mr. Mitchell: Then it's a B flat.
-Colton: It's a C! I know how to read music!
-Jeremy: Colton, he's a freakin' pro! Don't question him!
-Mr. Mitchell: Yes, Ben?
-Ben: (in a sing-song voice) I can't see you.
-Mr. Mitchell: Then position yourself so that you can.
-Brittany: Wow. I never knew you could find misprints in your music.
-Mr. Mitchell: Yeah, music is full of misprints, but we play the wrong notes so much we never know when it's really misprinted.
-Ben: Why are you tickling him? Is he the Tickle-Monster?
-Matthew: Did I play it right?
-Ben: I liked the part where you made up your own notes.
-Terence: You played the same thing I did!
-Me: Yea, we were playing the same line. That was what I was supposed to do.
Spanish
-Dustin: Robert E. Lee? Wasn't he that Chinese kung fu guy?
-Walker: Yes, Robert E. Lee, the Confederate kung fu master.
-Walker: Aw muh gaw.
-Ms. Z: What?
-Me: The ink pen just blew up in Walker's mouth.
-Dustin: Does it taste good?
-Walker: Sut ur dub mowf!
Thursday, Sept. 20
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: (reading the announcements) 'Happy 19th birthday, Kaleb'
-Kaleb: What?
-Mrs. Perry: Wow, you got old fast!
-Kaleb: I can buy cigarettes!
-Blake E: Why are we on the United States Postal Service website?
-Kaleb: We're mailing me to Germany! Kat, wanna come?
-Kat: Where?
-Kaleb: Back to Germany!
-Kat: Sure, but I'll go first and you'll fly over. You'll have to pay for your own flight.
-Blake E: Sweet! Road trip!
-Anthony: Look, Kaleb, we're sending you first class!
-Mrs. Perry: You remember Katie, the German exchange student from about two years ago? I sent her a Christmas present last year because she really wanted Mountain Dew-
-Blake E: Wait! Kat, they don't have Mountain Dew in Germany?
-Kat: No, we don't have Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper, we don't have anything.
-Blake E: What's the closest thing to Mountain Dew you have?
-Kat: We have Sprite.
-Blake E: Sprite?! Y'all are gettin' ripped off!
-Blake E: Who wrote on your clock?
-Mrs. Perry: someone without many brains.
-Matt: What's it say?
-Jeremiah: 'Taco'.
-Mrs. Perry: They told me it was 'Taco-Time'.
-Blake E: Jeremiah, say something so funny I pee my pants.
-Jeremiah: I can't be funny on the spot! This isn't comedy on demand!
-Blake E: It should be!
Band
-Mr. Mitchell: Nothing is free. I'd love it if I could just come over and say, 'By the Band-Gods' power invested within me you can now play 32nd notes!'.
-Christy: WHOO!!!
-Mr. Mitchell: Suppose you had a mountain of dirt as tall as this room.
-Jeremy: That's not that big.
-Mr. Mitchell: And you had to move it using only spoons.
-Jeremy: Now it's big.
-Sean: Mary and Marie, are you going to college?
-Buster: They've already started.
-Sean: Oh. Congratulations!
-Buster: They graduated last year.
-Sean: Oh...rock on!
Spanish
-Tyler: That was beautiful.
-Mrs. Hutchings: My part was beautiful. You were terrible.
-Tyler: Gee, thanks.
-Walker "Esteban": Tu, Esteban-
-Me: Are you talking to yourself...in Spanish?
-Dustin: This school year seems like it's flown by!
-Me: It's only been, like, seven weeks.
-Jeremiah: Wait! Seven is almost nine weeks, nine weeks is a quarter of the year, a quarter of the year is almost half the year, half the year is almost the whole year...we're almost done with school!
Friday, Sept. 21
Algebra
-Matt: Are they [the German exchange students] speaking English?
-Dustin: No.
-Matt: It bothers me when they don't.
-Mrs. Perry: What if it wasn't this easy?
-Blake E: She's telling us that life is about to suck.
-Kaleb: This is a lot easier now that I can see the board.
-Blake E: That's strange. Now that I can see the board I realize that I've been doing everything wrong.
Biology
-Me: Hey, 'Apollo 13' has Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise in it!
-Maggie: Huh?
-Erin: Forrest Gump and Lt. Dan!
-Jeremiah: Forrest Gump: In Space!
-Me: Wouldn't it be awful if they landed in the ocean and there was a Great White Shark waiting for them?
-Jeremiah: Jaws on like spaceman!
Band
-Terence: Joust! Joust! Joust!
-Tyler: That's your mom's kidney!
-Me: What?
-Amy: Did I miss something?
Spanish
(Dustin L walks in and gives Mrs. Hutchings a book and leaves)
-Mrs. Hutchings: I've never seen that boy before in my life.
-Me: Really? 'Cause Jeremiah tried to force him to hug me during the last class.
-Jeremiah: Feel the love!!!
-Jeremiah: Worst game of Wheel of Fortune, ever.
-Mrs. Hutchings: My dogs drug home some deer parts this morning. That worries me because they're nice dogs. I don't think they'd kill an animal or hurt a person.
-Walker: That'd suck, come home and be like, 'Honey? Honey?' and you find, like, his arm in the yard.
-Jeremiah: Let's not go camping near Mrs. Hutchings's house.
-Mrs. Hutchings: We went over how to say 'I don't understand' today in Spanish One.
-Me: That shows how much faith you have in them.
Monday, Sept. 17
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: What if I wanted to find the equation of this line?
-Jeremiah: You wouldn't ask me.
-Sierra: I wouldn't be any help.
-Blake G: Can I go get my calculator from my truck?
-Mrs. Perry: I'm not allowed to let you go to your truck.
-Blake G: Then can I go to my locker?
-Mrs. Perry: Sure.
[Blake G leaves and returns about 2 minutes later]
-Mrs. Perry: Wow! Your locker's a long way away!
-Blake G: Yeah, I sprinted, too.
Biology
-Taylor: Yeah, Taylor's good.
-Maggie: And so modest, too.
Tuesday, Sept 18
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: Get out your homework and a calculator. If you don't have your homework then get out a sheet of blank paper and a calculator.
Biology
-Maggie: I remember the symbol for potassium because potassium sounds like 'possum' and possums get killed on the side of the road and killed starts with a K.
-Jeremiah: I remember potassium because potassium is in bananas and my dad, Kelly, hates bananas.
-Josh: I remember how to spell potassium usung three little words: pot, a-
-Shelby: No, Josh!
-Jeremiah: We just need some way to connect peanut butter to lead...I'll remember mercury because mercury sounds like Merle and Hg will remind me of Haggard. Merle Haggard.
English
-Shelly: I've got an 83% in here and I'm mad!
-Sandra: Well, you've got an 83% and you're mad? Get over it! In some third world countries they don't have grades!
Wednesday, Sept. 19
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: (Reading the announcements) 'Ahoy, mateys! Today is Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. Keep your trap shut in class or you'll walk the plank to Davey Rolland's d-hall.'
-Blake E: That is so gay, that I cannot think of anything gayer than the statement itself.
Biology
-Mrs. Douglas: I know you're hot but I can talk so much better with the air off.
-Maggie: Funny, I can sweat so much better with the air off.
-Mrs. Douglas: What do we call CO2?
-Charlee: Carbon dioxide.
-Josh: CO2.
-Jeremiah: Paintball!
-Josh: Huh, huh, huh, carbon dioxide. Die, oxide, die!
English
(The tornado sirens begin testing as Jeremiah stands up to hand in his folder)
-Mrs. Miers: Run for it!
-Jeremiah: Huh?
-Mrs. Miers: I thought you were running for it...I was gonna go with you. We'd leave all them behind.
-Mrs. Miers: Britney will get jealous...you're supposed to say 'yes'.
(Britney nods)
-Mrs. Miers: You just talk entirely too much, don't you?
(Britney nods)
-Mrs. Miers: What's your middle name?
-Britney: Rachelle.
-Mrs. Miers: I just wanted to see if I could make you talk.
Band
-Christy: Get outta my way or I'm gonna slap you wit' my bologna sandwich!
-Ben
In deep 'monster' voice) Crimson!...Dark, dark, dark red! Crimson! (Regular voice) What color is that boy's hair?-Me: Sort of a mahogany or almost maroon.
-Ben: I asked him if it was purple and he said (Monster voice)'No!' (regular voice) it scared me.
-Sean: What's a trap table?
-Me: It's a table.
-Terence: That traps you.
-Ben: Duh.
-Terence: And sends you to the underworld.
-Mr. Mitchell: Bass drum, roll again, please.
-Jeremy: Aw god! I hate you kids! You suck!
-Mr. Mitchell: Baritone, play a B flat.
-Colton: That's a C.
-Mr. Mitchell: No, that's a B flat.
-Colton: It's a C! I play bass clef-
-Mr. Mitchell: Then it's a B flat.
-Colton: It's a C! I know how to read music!
-Jeremy: Colton, he's a freakin' pro! Don't question him!
-Mr. Mitchell: Yes, Ben?
-Ben: (in a sing-song voice) I can't see you.
-Mr. Mitchell: Then position yourself so that you can.
-Brittany: Wow. I never knew you could find misprints in your music.
-Mr. Mitchell: Yeah, music is full of misprints, but we play the wrong notes so much we never know when it's really misprinted.
-Ben: Why are you tickling him? Is he the Tickle-Monster?
-Matthew: Did I play it right?
-Ben: I liked the part where you made up your own notes.
-Terence: You played the same thing I did!
-Me: Yea, we were playing the same line. That was what I was supposed to do.
Spanish
-Dustin: Robert E. Lee? Wasn't he that Chinese kung fu guy?
-Walker: Yes, Robert E. Lee, the Confederate kung fu master.
-Walker: Aw muh gaw.
-Ms. Z: What?
-Me: The ink pen just blew up in Walker's mouth.
-Dustin: Does it taste good?
-Walker: Sut ur dub mowf!
Thursday, Sept. 20
Algebra
-Mrs. Perry: (reading the announcements) 'Happy 19th birthday, Kaleb'
-Kaleb: What?
-Mrs. Perry: Wow, you got old fast!
-Kaleb: I can buy cigarettes!
-Blake E: Why are we on the United States Postal Service website?
-Kaleb: We're mailing me to Germany! Kat, wanna come?
-Kat: Where?
-Kaleb: Back to Germany!
-Kat: Sure, but I'll go first and you'll fly over. You'll have to pay for your own flight.
-Blake E: Sweet! Road trip!
-Anthony: Look, Kaleb, we're sending you first class!
-Mrs. Perry: You remember Katie, the German exchange student from about two years ago? I sent her a Christmas present last year because she really wanted Mountain Dew-
-Blake E: Wait! Kat, they don't have Mountain Dew in Germany?
-Kat: No, we don't have Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper, we don't have anything.
-Blake E: What's the closest thing to Mountain Dew you have?
-Kat: We have Sprite.
-Blake E: Sprite?! Y'all are gettin' ripped off!
-Blake E: Who wrote on your clock?
-Mrs. Perry: someone without many brains.
-Matt: What's it say?
-Jeremiah: 'Taco'.
-Mrs. Perry: They told me it was 'Taco-Time'.
-Blake E: Jeremiah, say something so funny I pee my pants.
-Jeremiah: I can't be funny on the spot! This isn't comedy on demand!
-Blake E: It should be!
Band
-Mr. Mitchell: Nothing is free. I'd love it if I could just come over and say, 'By the Band-Gods' power invested within me you can now play 32nd notes!'.
-Christy: WHOO!!!
-Mr. Mitchell: Suppose you had a mountain of dirt as tall as this room.
-Jeremy: That's not that big.
-Mr. Mitchell: And you had to move it using only spoons.
-Jeremy: Now it's big.
-Sean: Mary and Marie, are you going to college?
-Buster: They've already started.
-Sean: Oh. Congratulations!
-Buster: They graduated last year.
-Sean: Oh...rock on!
Spanish
-Tyler: That was beautiful.
-Mrs. Hutchings: My part was beautiful. You were terrible.
-Tyler: Gee, thanks.
-Walker "Esteban": Tu, Esteban-
-Me: Are you talking to yourself...in Spanish?
-Dustin: This school year seems like it's flown by!
-Me: It's only been, like, seven weeks.
-Jeremiah: Wait! Seven is almost nine weeks, nine weeks is a quarter of the year, a quarter of the year is almost half the year, half the year is almost the whole year...we're almost done with school!
Friday, Sept. 21
Algebra
-Matt: Are they [the German exchange students] speaking English?
-Dustin: No.
-Matt: It bothers me when they don't.
-Mrs. Perry: What if it wasn't this easy?
-Blake E: She's telling us that life is about to suck.
-Kaleb: This is a lot easier now that I can see the board.
-Blake E: That's strange. Now that I can see the board I realize that I've been doing everything wrong.
Biology
-Me: Hey, 'Apollo 13' has Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise in it!
-Maggie: Huh?
-Erin: Forrest Gump and Lt. Dan!
-Jeremiah: Forrest Gump: In Space!
-Me: Wouldn't it be awful if they landed in the ocean and there was a Great White Shark waiting for them?
-Jeremiah: Jaws on like spaceman!
Band
-Terence: Joust! Joust! Joust!
-Tyler: That's your mom's kidney!
-Me: What?
-Amy: Did I miss something?
Spanish
(Dustin L walks in and gives Mrs. Hutchings a book and leaves)
-Mrs. Hutchings: I've never seen that boy before in my life.
-Me: Really? 'Cause Jeremiah tried to force him to hug me during the last class.
-Jeremiah: Feel the love!!!
-Jeremiah: Worst game of Wheel of Fortune, ever.
-Mrs. Hutchings: My dogs drug home some deer parts this morning. That worries me because they're nice dogs. I don't think they'd kill an animal or hurt a person.
-Walker: That'd suck, come home and be like, 'Honey? Honey?' and you find, like, his arm in the yard.
-Jeremiah: Let's not go camping near Mrs. Hutchings's house.
-Mrs. Hutchings: We went over how to say 'I don't understand' today in Spanish One.
-Me: That shows how much faith you have in them.
History from last week.
Ms. B was adding history class to my computer so me, Mike and Rudy were goofing around on history lessons.
Rudy (From his computer): Look at the last page on the lesson about Bill Clinton.
The Lesson's late page had a pretty sly double entendre in it. The page read "Although he did a lot of good in his presidency. President Clinton's presidency was mostly remembered for the scandals which left a satin on his presidency.
Mike: Looks at page and I walk over to read it,
Ms B. Sarah even though you're younger you are more mature than these three in some ways.
(I tell Rudy to look for a bizarre picture from the Vietnam War lesson.)
Ms. B: Are we finally read to start class
Rudy: I'm pulling out of Vietnam right now.
Lunch today
(We were reading the plot of a terrible movie called "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill)
Ms B: That movie sounds like soft core porn.
Ms. B was adding history class to my computer so me, Mike and Rudy were goofing around on history lessons.
Rudy (From his computer): Look at the last page on the lesson about Bill Clinton.
The Lesson's late page had a pretty sly double entendre in it. The page read "Although he did a lot of good in his presidency. President Clinton's presidency was mostly remembered for the scandals which left a satin on his presidency.
Mike: Looks at page and I walk over to read it,
Ms B. Sarah even though you're younger you are more mature than these three in some ways.
(I tell Rudy to look for a bizarre picture from the Vietnam War lesson.)
Ms. B: Are we finally read to start class
Rudy: I'm pulling out of Vietnam right now.
Lunch today
(We were reading the plot of a terrible movie called "Faster Pussycat Kill Kill)
Ms B: That movie sounds like soft core porn.
Assorted quotes from different days, that I meant to post but never did.
After lunch and a couple of my teachers were out on the deck and we had been asking them if at the library we could get unrated B-Movies and the rule is if a movie in unknown to staff and unrated then a staff has to watch it before we can get it.
Me: Ms B, since I have no morals at all I had anm offer for you.
Ms D: (Walking away as I said what I did) This'll be good (Stops Walking)
Me: I'll pay you if you let us get B-movies and watch them yourself so we can watch them.
Ms B: Fine I'll do it
Me: How much do you want
Ms B: You don't have to pay me, by offering to pay me I see how much you want them and I'll get them.
Me: That's great news for me since I'm a cheap person.
Physics today:
Ms B: This lesson is about to get harder and it'll trip you up a bit, and it's not going to teach you anything new.
Me: Can't we skip this part?
Ms B: Yes Austin we can skip all the tough work to just to do the easy work.
Me: I can't tell are you being serious or sarcastic?
Entire class: We'd rather just continue with this rather than do test prep.
Ms. B: Yes let me re arrange the school's schedule so that you four can be happy with your class. What kind of school is this where we change the schedule on a whim for four of you.
During test prep the staff we're preparing for a parent night tonight.
Ms B: Austin come here I want to change this quote of your's for tonight.
Me: Why
Ms B: Because we want to look like repectable staff for your parents.
Me: So the school is hiring professional actors to play the staff for one night?
Ms B: Go finish your work.
Ms
After lunch and a couple of my teachers were out on the deck and we had been asking them if at the library we could get unrated B-Movies and the rule is if a movie in unknown to staff and unrated then a staff has to watch it before we can get it.
Me: Ms B, since I have no morals at all I had anm offer for you.
Ms D: (Walking away as I said what I did) This'll be good (Stops Walking)
Me: I'll pay you if you let us get B-movies and watch them yourself so we can watch them.
Ms B: Fine I'll do it
Me: How much do you want
Ms B: You don't have to pay me, by offering to pay me I see how much you want them and I'll get them.
Me: That's great news for me since I'm a cheap person.
Physics today:
Ms B: This lesson is about to get harder and it'll trip you up a bit, and it's not going to teach you anything new.
Me: Can't we skip this part?
Ms B: Yes Austin we can skip all the tough work to just to do the easy work.
Me: I can't tell are you being serious or sarcastic?
Entire class: We'd rather just continue with this rather than do test prep.
Ms. B: Yes let me re arrange the school's schedule so that you four can be happy with your class. What kind of school is this where we change the schedule on a whim for four of you.
During test prep the staff we're preparing for a parent night tonight.
Ms B: Austin come here I want to change this quote of your's for tonight.
Me: Why
Ms B: Because we want to look like repectable staff for your parents.
Me: So the school is hiring professional actors to play the staff for one night?
Ms B: Go finish your work.
Ms
Sorry there aren't many this week but I went home sick Monday and Mrs. Perry's father passed away yesterday so we've just been watching movies in Algebra, but Spanish is shaping up to be pretty good as Mrs. Hutchings and Tyler are shaping up to be quite the insulting couple...and Mrs. Miers is crazy.
Tuesday, September 25
Biology
(Taylor, Erin and Maggie have painted Josh's fingernails and what makes this more funny is that Josh is a 6+ foot tall basketball player who isn't known for being the brightest crayon in the box)
-Josh: Hey, Mrs. Douglas! Look at my pretty nails! Do they turn you on?
-Dustin: Aw, gaw! No! Josh! Ugh!
English
-Mrs. Miers: How would you like it if someone treated you like goods?
-Emily: I'm just one big package!
-Mrs. Miers: That's right, Emily!
Spanish
-Tyler: 'Halo' is an awesome video game, but the books are way better.
-Mrs. Hutchings: You read books?
(After a long discussion of 'Halo' and 'Red vs. Blue' and Dustin tells us we 'need lives')
-Jeremiah: We have lives, they're about video games.
-Me: Mine isn't!
-Jeremiah: Yours is about timpani.
-Me:...Shut up.
Thursday, September 27
Biology
-Jeremiah: Does that jar say 'Krap Mayonaise'?
(during a tornado drill)
-Mrs. Douglas: I'm sorry that there's nowhere safe for you to go in the science building during a tornado.
-Maggie: What do you mean?
-Mrs. Douglas: Well, the chemicals are in the closet next to us and all the glassware is in this corner.
-Brittany: So, you're apologizing for our hypothetical deaths?
-Josh: Why don't we just go outside?
-Maggie: That's a fire drill, Josh.
-Walker: Wha'd you do?
-Me: I took a model of a water molecule over there and put it on Shelby's paper and said 'Oops! I got water on your paper!'.
-Walker: That's a nerd joke...but it's hilarious.
-Me: Says the nerd.
Friday, September 28
Algebra
-Blake E: Anthony, you're black!
-Anthony: Well, you're white...and fat, so there.
-Blake E: YES!
-Matt: Elizabeth's eating a Nutty Buddy!
-Kat: I want to eat a Nutty Buddy!
-Matt: We can't even mention food around you!
Spanish
-Emily: Mrs. Hutchings! Walker wrote 'poop' on our posterboard!
-Walker: No, I didn't! Does that even look like it says 'poop'?...Okay, so it does, but that's just because Emily wrote 'poop' using white-out!
I guess I could tell the Casey story now, couldn't I?
Okay, so when our high school band went to Washington, DC over the summer it was an experience. Our hotel (otherwise very nice) seemed to have some sort of electrical problem that we (and the other guests) were unaware of. One day we came back to our hotel and we were goofing off and some girls decided to dress Casey (in the blue shirt) up like a girl. They had him in short-shorts, a tight shirt, make-up, the whole nine yards...and the electrical "problem" occured. This problem was that every night at around the same time, the fire alarms would go off. We all evacuated the building, every guest, all two hundred or so of us. Then the volunteer fire fighters arrived (Thank you, Laurel, Maryland VFD!) and there was Casey...dressed up like a girl. It was the funniest thing that occured to us on that trip. :lol:
Oh, and if this helps make the first quote funnier the guy in the back is Josh and he's not even standing up straight.
Tuesday, September 25
Biology
(Taylor, Erin and Maggie have painted Josh's fingernails and what makes this more funny is that Josh is a 6+ foot tall basketball player who isn't known for being the brightest crayon in the box)
-Josh: Hey, Mrs. Douglas! Look at my pretty nails! Do they turn you on?
-Dustin: Aw, gaw! No! Josh! Ugh!
English
-Mrs. Miers: How would you like it if someone treated you like goods?
-Emily: I'm just one big package!
-Mrs. Miers: That's right, Emily!
Spanish
-Tyler: 'Halo' is an awesome video game, but the books are way better.
-Mrs. Hutchings: You read books?
(After a long discussion of 'Halo' and 'Red vs. Blue' and Dustin tells us we 'need lives')
-Jeremiah: We have lives, they're about video games.
-Me: Mine isn't!
-Jeremiah: Yours is about timpani.
-Me:...Shut up.
Thursday, September 27
Biology
-Jeremiah: Does that jar say 'Krap Mayonaise'?
(during a tornado drill)
-Mrs. Douglas: I'm sorry that there's nowhere safe for you to go in the science building during a tornado.
-Maggie: What do you mean?
-Mrs. Douglas: Well, the chemicals are in the closet next to us and all the glassware is in this corner.
-Brittany: So, you're apologizing for our hypothetical deaths?
-Josh: Why don't we just go outside?
-Maggie: That's a fire drill, Josh.
-Walker: Wha'd you do?
-Me: I took a model of a water molecule over there and put it on Shelby's paper and said 'Oops! I got water on your paper!'.
-Walker: That's a nerd joke...but it's hilarious.
-Me: Says the nerd.
Friday, September 28
Algebra
-Blake E: Anthony, you're black!
-Anthony: Well, you're white...and fat, so there.
-Blake E: YES!
-Matt: Elizabeth's eating a Nutty Buddy!
-Kat: I want to eat a Nutty Buddy!
-Matt: We can't even mention food around you!
Spanish
-Emily: Mrs. Hutchings! Walker wrote 'poop' on our posterboard!
-Walker: No, I didn't! Does that even look like it says 'poop'?...Okay, so it does, but that's just because Emily wrote 'poop' using white-out!
I guess I could tell the Casey story now, couldn't I?
Okay, so when our high school band went to Washington, DC over the summer it was an experience. Our hotel (otherwise very nice) seemed to have some sort of electrical problem that we (and the other guests) were unaware of. One day we came back to our hotel and we were goofing off and some girls decided to dress Casey (in the blue shirt) up like a girl. They had him in short-shorts, a tight shirt, make-up, the whole nine yards...and the electrical "problem" occured. This problem was that every night at around the same time, the fire alarms would go off. We all evacuated the building, every guest, all two hundred or so of us. Then the volunteer fire fighters arrived (Thank you, Laurel, Maryland VFD!) and there was Casey...dressed up like a girl. It was the funniest thing that occured to us on that trip.
:lol:Oh, and if this helps make the first quote funnier the guy in the back is Josh and he's not even standing up straight.
calleighsgirl
Dead on Arrival
Oh, I love those threads... school can be really fun sometimes. :lol:
I spent most of my high school years in Germany (all but one actually), so I can only try to translate the stuff that my classmates say... some of it is really funny, but there's no exact translation for it.
I'll just try some that I can think of right now from 7th through 10th grade. (I stopped writing them down after that, which I really regret.)
Biologie
Philipp: "I'll die if we have to take another test."
Teacher: "You promise?"
Sports
Teacher: "Christine!"
Girl: "I'm not Christine."
Teacher: "Me neither."
German
Teacher (to me) : "Stop talking, start woking, otherwise I'll get very depressed."
Franka: "You have a lot of depressions."
Student: "Ms. S., can I ask you something?"
Ms. S.: "NO, I'm really NOT a lesbian, if that's what you wanted to know."
Teacher: "Now, that's my favorite topic..."
Me: "Sex."
Chemistry
Romy (about our teacher) : "She can make flames explode."
Physics
Teacher: "11=20? Well, everything's possible in physics, isn't it?"
French
During a test, our teacher notices that all the vocab is still written on the board. She cleans it up and says:
"I'll beat you up if you have that wrong now."
Tim *yawns*, everyone looks at him.
Tim: "Like my big mouth?"
Christina: "Yes, so much, I'd really really like to slam my fist into it."
Arts
Teacher: "That painting looks like you have some sort of psychosis."
History
Teacher: "Marina, no one's listening to you? You don't mind? You can become a teacher then."
Mr. P. has a student teacher.
Mr. P.: "The typical case of a well working class."
Paul: "Toady."
Mr. P.: "Shut up!"
Teacher asks a question that no one knows the answer to.
Teacher: "Awesome, I love that speechlessness... now keep that up for the rest of the hour."
Mrs. B: "You think it's cold in here? Nah, it's not cold until the curtains stand horizontally."
Maths
Teacher: "I'm going to pick a 'volunteer' now."
I spent most of my high school years in Germany (all but one actually), so I can only try to translate the stuff that my classmates say... some of it is really funny, but there's no exact translation for it.
I'll just try some that I can think of right now from 7th through 10th grade. (I stopped writing them down after that, which I really regret.)
Biologie
Philipp: "I'll die if we have to take another test."
Teacher: "You promise?"
Sports
Teacher: "Christine!"
Girl: "I'm not Christine."
Teacher: "Me neither."
German
Teacher (to me) : "Stop talking, start woking, otherwise I'll get very depressed."
Franka: "You have a lot of depressions."
Student: "Ms. S., can I ask you something?"
Ms. S.: "NO, I'm really NOT a lesbian, if that's what you wanted to know."
Teacher: "Now, that's my favorite topic..."
Me: "Sex."
Chemistry
Romy (about our teacher) : "She can make flames explode."
Physics
Teacher: "11=20? Well, everything's possible in physics, isn't it?"
French
During a test, our teacher notices that all the vocab is still written on the board. She cleans it up and says:
"I'll beat you up if you have that wrong now."
Tim *yawns*, everyone looks at him.
Tim: "Like my big mouth?"
Christina: "Yes, so much, I'd really really like to slam my fist into it."
Arts
Teacher: "That painting looks like you have some sort of psychosis."
History
Teacher: "Marina, no one's listening to you? You don't mind? You can become a teacher then."
Mr. P. has a student teacher.
Mr. P.: "The typical case of a well working class."
Paul: "Toady."
Mr. P.: "Shut up!"
Teacher asks a question that no one knows the answer to.
Teacher: "Awesome, I love that speechlessness... now keep that up for the rest of the hour."
Mrs. B: "You think it's cold in here? Nah, it's not cold until the curtains stand horizontally."
Maths
Teacher: "I'm going to pick a 'volunteer' now."
butterflied08
Rookie
AP Biology
Mal: Ms. Foster, when are we going to study about reproduction? And when we do can we do a project on it? I love learning about sex!
Ms. Foster: (keep in mind this woman is older and has an extremely strong jamaican accent) What are you talking about, sex and reproduction are two entirely different subjects. You can't just stick any pole up any hole!
French
(talking about Le Petit Prince)
Louise: "But what's the point of him loving the flower? It's just a flower! It's going to die someday!"
Madame Halicki: "Well, aren't YOU going to die someday? What's the point of someone loving YOU?"
History
Britt: "Mr. Cartwright, I'm going to fail your exam!"
Mr. Cartwright (almost screaming): "NO, BRITT!!"
(talking about the heyday of the rum-runners in history class)
Ms. Smith: "There was one drink that was very important at this time period."
Class: "Beer!" "Barley!" "Ale!" "Whiskey!" "Wine!"
Ms. Smith: "RUM!"
(talking about an old Michael Moore film)
Miss Smith: "I remember that came out when I was in...I don't know...must have been about fifth grade."
Sam (astonished): "WOW, how old IS he?"
Morgan (also shocked): "Yeah, seriously!"
Miss Smith: "How old do you think I am, you little SNOTS?!"
Miss Smith: "Documents A through H reveal some of the problems that many farmers in the late 19th century saw as threats to their way of life."
Helen: "Railroads."
Sam: "Banks."
Aliya: "Locusts!"
Ms. Smith: "Wilhelm really liked tall, strong men in uniform."
Everyone on our end of the classroom: (coughs uncomfortably)
Ms. Smith: "Brooke, you skipped Community Service Day yesterday! You skipper!"
Semira: (à la a Jerry Springer audience) "Ooooh!"
Brooke: "Ms. Smith, I was out of town!"
Ms. Smith: "Semira, you skipped too! It was both of you!"
Semira: (sounding like an audience again) "Oooh--wait..."
Geometry (back in the day)
Sarah: "How do you get a number named after you?"
Ms. Neff: "You...create it..."
Physics
(explaining about air resistance)
Ms. Scotcher: "It's the same principle as with Galileo's balls--"
(everyone snickers; long pause)
Ms. Scotcher: "...The same principle as with the LEANING TOWER OF PISA EXPERIMENT--"
Britt: "Compounds are when two elements become one and lose their identities. Like marriage."
English
Please understand that Ms. Sullivan is an older woman who is very...odd
(analyzing an ad for lip gloss)
Louise: "My mom has that lip gloss."
Ms. Sullivan: "Ooh, you better talk to her."
Kaufman: "Does your mom look that sexy?"
Louise: "Sometimes. When she showers."
Morgan Brown (about Sarah Hudson): "Can we sing Sarah happy birthday?"
Ms. Sullivan (suddenly very grave): "No. Not in class. This is serious business."
Ms. Sullivan: "We can wish her a formal happy birthday: happy birthday, Sarah. I hope you're ready for the responsibilities of an adult."
Ms. Sullivan (trying to make the class quiet down): "Girls, girls. I'm old and easily confused."
(talking about phallic symbols in Ethan Frome)
Ms. Sullivan: "It's Zeena's pickle dish, for God's sakes! He'd better keep his pickles where they belong!"
Math:
Ms. Walker: "Just a silly little math error. (laughs, then stops; darkly) They'll kill you, though."
(Ms. Walker is handing out graded quizzes)
Becca (looking at her paper): "What's this?"
Ms. Walker: "That's a D, Becca."
Becca: "Oh...well don't make it obvious, Ms. Walker!"
Morgan: "Mr. Lardie, have you ever seen the show 'Firefly'?"
Mr. Lardie: "No, why?"
Morgan: "Because you just quoted it."
Mr. Lardie: "Really? When?"
Morgan: "When you said 'Aren't we all just actors?' That was from 'Firefly'."
Mr. Lardie: "Oh...actually, I was quoting Hamlet."
(pause)
Morgan: "Oh. Um. Okay."
Mr. Lardie (after the SmartBoard won't work): "Ugh! I'm going to break everybody's legs."
Mr. Lardie: "So this is called the 'Cartesian Coordinates'. It's named after Descartes, who was this guy who went "'Hey, I've got an idea! Let's draw things with boxes!'"
Cross country coach to one of his runners:
Mr. Cartwright (running to the door of the physics classroom and pointing a finger at Brooke): "Have YOU been drinking water?!"
Random:
Morgan (to some sixth graders who are examining a tree): "Don't worry, it's not marijuana!"
Aliya: "NO, DON'T LISTEN TO HER! I mean--well, it's NOT, but--"
Brittany: "Hey, Mr. Cartwright!"
Mr. Cartwright: "Hey, Mrs. Flood!"
Brittany: "Ms. Flood."
Mr. Cartwright: "Oh, what'd I say?"
Brittany: "You said Mrs."
Mr. Cartwright: "You're not married? What happened?"
Brittany: "He...left me. It was really sad."
Mr. Cartwright: "Oh. (ashamed) Sorry."
Mal: Ms. Foster, when are we going to study about reproduction? And when we do can we do a project on it? I love learning about sex!
Ms. Foster: (keep in mind this woman is older and has an extremely strong jamaican accent) What are you talking about, sex and reproduction are two entirely different subjects. You can't just stick any pole up any hole!
French
(talking about Le Petit Prince)
Louise: "But what's the point of him loving the flower? It's just a flower! It's going to die someday!"
Madame Halicki: "Well, aren't YOU going to die someday? What's the point of someone loving YOU?"
History
Britt: "Mr. Cartwright, I'm going to fail your exam!"
Mr. Cartwright (almost screaming): "NO, BRITT!!"
(talking about the heyday of the rum-runners in history class)
Ms. Smith: "There was one drink that was very important at this time period."
Class: "Beer!" "Barley!" "Ale!" "Whiskey!" "Wine!"
Ms. Smith: "RUM!"
(talking about an old Michael Moore film)
Miss Smith: "I remember that came out when I was in...I don't know...must have been about fifth grade."
Sam (astonished): "WOW, how old IS he?"
Morgan (also shocked): "Yeah, seriously!"
Miss Smith: "How old do you think I am, you little SNOTS?!"
Miss Smith: "Documents A through H reveal some of the problems that many farmers in the late 19th century saw as threats to their way of life."
Helen: "Railroads."
Sam: "Banks."
Aliya: "Locusts!"
Ms. Smith: "Wilhelm really liked tall, strong men in uniform."
Everyone on our end of the classroom: (coughs uncomfortably)
Ms. Smith: "Brooke, you skipped Community Service Day yesterday! You skipper!"
Semira: (à la a Jerry Springer audience) "Ooooh!"
Brooke: "Ms. Smith, I was out of town!"
Ms. Smith: "Semira, you skipped too! It was both of you!"
Semira: (sounding like an audience again) "Oooh--wait..."
Geometry (back in the day)
Sarah: "How do you get a number named after you?"
Ms. Neff: "You...create it..."
Physics
(explaining about air resistance)
Ms. Scotcher: "It's the same principle as with Galileo's balls--"
(everyone snickers; long pause)
Ms. Scotcher: "...The same principle as with the LEANING TOWER OF PISA EXPERIMENT--"
Britt: "Compounds are when two elements become one and lose their identities. Like marriage."
English
Please understand that Ms. Sullivan is an older woman who is very...odd
(analyzing an ad for lip gloss)
Louise: "My mom has that lip gloss."
Ms. Sullivan: "Ooh, you better talk to her."
Kaufman: "Does your mom look that sexy?"
Louise: "Sometimes. When she showers."
Morgan Brown (about Sarah Hudson): "Can we sing Sarah happy birthday?"
Ms. Sullivan (suddenly very grave): "No. Not in class. This is serious business."
Ms. Sullivan: "We can wish her a formal happy birthday: happy birthday, Sarah. I hope you're ready for the responsibilities of an adult."
Ms. Sullivan (trying to make the class quiet down): "Girls, girls. I'm old and easily confused."
(talking about phallic symbols in Ethan Frome)
Ms. Sullivan: "It's Zeena's pickle dish, for God's sakes! He'd better keep his pickles where they belong!"
Math:
Ms. Walker: "Just a silly little math error. (laughs, then stops; darkly) They'll kill you, though."
(Ms. Walker is handing out graded quizzes)
Becca (looking at her paper): "What's this?"
Ms. Walker: "That's a D, Becca."
Becca: "Oh...well don't make it obvious, Ms. Walker!"
Morgan: "Mr. Lardie, have you ever seen the show 'Firefly'?"
Mr. Lardie: "No, why?"
Morgan: "Because you just quoted it."
Mr. Lardie: "Really? When?"
Morgan: "When you said 'Aren't we all just actors?' That was from 'Firefly'."
Mr. Lardie: "Oh...actually, I was quoting Hamlet."
(pause)
Morgan: "Oh. Um. Okay."
Mr. Lardie (after the SmartBoard won't work): "Ugh! I'm going to break everybody's legs."
Mr. Lardie: "So this is called the 'Cartesian Coordinates'. It's named after Descartes, who was this guy who went "'Hey, I've got an idea! Let's draw things with boxes!'"
Cross country coach to one of his runners:
Mr. Cartwright (running to the door of the physics classroom and pointing a finger at Brooke): "Have YOU been drinking water?!"
Random:
Morgan (to some sixth graders who are examining a tree): "Don't worry, it's not marijuana!"
Aliya: "NO, DON'T LISTEN TO HER! I mean--well, it's NOT, but--"
Brittany: "Hey, Mr. Cartwright!"
Mr. Cartwright: "Hey, Mrs. Flood!"
Brittany: "Ms. Flood."
Mr. Cartwright: "Oh, what'd I say?"
Brittany: "You said Mrs."
Mr. Cartwright: "You're not married? What happened?"
Brittany: "He...left me. It was really sad."
Mr. Cartwright: "Oh. (ashamed) Sorry."