SCIENCE -"Arrr...it's a lizard. I hope it gets eaten. Owl! Cue owl!" - Jeremiah -"Looks like my uncle."- Buster about a lemur -"The cornea." "Mmmmm."- Science video and Jeremiah -"Does this beaker make me look fat?"- Jeremiah -"Why are they listening to pineapples? 'Tell us your secrets, great pineapple.'...Why do they want to know the secrets of the pineapple?...'Yes, pineapple?'."- Jeremiah GEOMETRY -"That's a cat!" "Really?! You get a cookie!" "Really?! I want a cookie!"- Blake and David ENGLISH Tony believes that 'Romeo and Juliet' is a government conspiracy so he drew this illustration of the balcony scene that includes the tower as a rocket aimed at the moon (which is a pirate), a death-ray on the tower's roof, a burgeler in the tower, a killer bunny rabbit, a tank in the tree, bomb hatches on the cloud, another tree masking "the Governator", killer flowers, a peeing robot, a big headed Romeo decoy, a launch button and to top it all off, the bat-signal. SPANISH -"The Day of the Dead honors who?" "The dead." "Dead, who?" "Dead people?"- Mrs. Hutchings and Keri -"In Spain, they eat 12 grapes just before midnight on New Year's Eve." "Why grapes? Why not oranges?" "Can you eat 12 oranges?" "No." "That's why."- Mrs. Hutchings and Keri ...and for your enjoyment, you should learn about our history teacher. :lol:
Today we had a substitute teacher. Kid in my class: What should we do with our quizzes when we're done? Sub: Fall asleep on them! :lol:
SCIENCE -"Shane, you have to be here for 4 periods." "Or you can have a pre-arranged emergency."- Walker and Jeremiah -"Yeah, do I really need to know all of this for my job at McDonald's?" "Let's see...yes."- Josh and Mrs. Louks -Mrs. Louks: Micro means something that's tiny... Jeremiah: [sings] Hot Pockets! Josh: Let's not get in to that discussion again. Mrs. Louks: ...they are used in microwaves and we all know what Jeremiah likes to eat. Dustin: Hot Pockets. Jeremiah: [sings] Hot Pockets! -"Why does radio get two letters in RADAR?" "Becaouse rdar isn't a word. Think about weathermen, 'Now let's go to our Doppler rdar.'."- Dustin and Me -"I'm gonna get an old microwave and put a Hot Pocket in there until it explodes and if that doesn't work I'll wrap it in aluminum foil."- Jeremiah -"What color light do we get if we mix all colors?" "Straightjacket white!" "Jell-O white!" "Buster white!"- Science video, Jeremiah, Josh and Walker -"Unlike what my Environmental Science thinks, we do not live in the ozone layer. Because then we'd be dead." "What about people who do live in the ozone layer?"- Mrs. Louks and Buster -"If you lived in a tree would you have more oxygen?" "...If I lived in a tree I'd be an ape."- Buster and Mrs. Louks -"Should we kill Buster now or later?" "Now, put him out of my misery." Josh and Mrs. Louks -"We need duct tape, because when he passes out his hands'll move."- Mrs. Louks GEOMETRY -"His Chevy's gonna last until after the A-bomb hits and all that's left are cockroaches and Chevys...all the Chevys will be driven by giant cockroaches...armor-plated cockroaches."- Blake -"My class ring is gonna cost like $80, I'm going for the Dollar General plastic with chunks of broken glass in it."- Blake -"My mama's car could beat yours." "Your mama drives a derby car!"- Will and Murphy -"Dang it! My super, all-powerful pimp gloves will not allow me to open my fruit snacks! But a pimp will survive!"- Blake -"Evan, go over there and do a roundhouse kick!" "I can't. I have to be fighting off a bad guy." "Here, fight my book." "Is he a bad guy?" "Yeah." "What's his name?" "Jimmy." "Jimmy the bad guy? Does he have superpowers?" "No." "Then he's not a bad guy." "Yes, he is. He hurt little children and pushed down an old lady." "Oh! Give it here!"- Blake and Evan -"I'm going to Branson this weekend." "So am I and so is Shelly." "...Yeah, I'm going to the other side of Branson."- Blake and Lynlee -"It'd be fun to be locked in Wal-Mart after it closed...No! Lowe's! I'd take a nail gu to everything in there! [mimics shooting] Pshoo! Pshoo! Pshoo! Spraypaint can! Pshoo! Fwammm!"- Blake -Blake, you're coming over to my house tonight. We'll sleep outside in a tent so when it takes that, like, 50 degree temperature drop we can say we were there." "And the hailstorm?" "Yeah!" "I'm gonna hide under you."- Matt and Blake -"Why does our water taste like a penny?"- Blake ENGLISH -"They did change the celing tile where the blood leaked down, I mean water leaked down!"- Mrs. Free -"Here are some 17th century pick-up lines, feel free to try them out."- Mrs. Free -"Who is Romeo?" "The president." "...Very good, Ed."- Tony and Ed -"Charicter: Tybalt, ajective: dead, quote: [makes gagging sound]"- Ed -[Looking at Tony's new drawing] "Mercutio in a body bag?" "Tom Cruise in a ninja suit." "Romeo's sword, Romeo's shirt, Romeo's pants; but there's no Romeo, just his clothes."- Tyler and Tony Oral Comm. -[plays Dukes of Hazzard theme on the radio]"Hush! Waylon is speaking."- Mrs. Free -"Mrs. Free is kinda weird." "Shooter Jennings is kinda hot." "Mrs. Free is really weird."- Alan and Mrs. Free -"You're not taking your music on the Senior trip are you?" "Yes." "No." "I'm getting an iPod for Christmas!" "Great for you." "With speakers!" "No."- Alan and Mrs. Free SPANISH -"James, what's the date?" "The date? Why?" "How do you say it, retard!"- Mrs. Hutchings, James and Jordan -"How do you say 'younger'?" "Joven?" "That's young, how do you say younger?" "Joven-er?"- Mrs. Hutchings and Dylan -"Senorita! Stop sticking things up your nose!"- Mrs. Hutchings
Ok, got a couple here, but not many, our class's aren't very witty! Teacher-'Ok, this game is were you can only reply with sausages' Toby-Yep, fine, I'll rock at this game Toby is winning for aggggges and we are getting bored Teacher-(shrieks)TOBY! Toby-Yes M'am? Teacher-You lose. Teacher-There's to me no eating in class (spots Nikki eating something) Do you have gum? Nikki-No Teacher-Then whats that 'minty' smell? Nikki-A mint biscuit Teacher-Does anyone over here have gum? Me, Nikki and Suzanne-No Teacher-Damn, I could murder for some gum right about now We, being stupid, all get out some gum Teacher-Excellent. You all get detention. Idiot #1-OMG, I, like, can't understand this! Idiot #2-Probably because its, like, French Me-Its our English essay Me-(shrieking)PUT IT DOWN! Dil-No, I have it, i have it, nah nah nah nah na-na! Me-GIVE IT! Dil-No Me-JUST DROP THE DAMN THING AND GIVE IT TO ME! My english teacher walks in, stops, shudders and walks out *Dil had my pencil case* And, btw,araSgerG , you'r school is really funny! :lol: ~xJemmax~
In my Analytical Geometry class: Teacher: Ray, are you on Crack? Ray: No. Me: Mrs. V are you on crack? Teacher: Hell no! I'm a teacher I can't afford to buy crack with my salary! Cameron: Did anyone hear about the guy on the news who was on crack and went swimming in a lake and got attacked by an alligator? Class: yea.. Candice: You mean he brought the alligator with him to go swimming?
Science 101 Aimee: Oh my god look at that giant fish! Me: Thats a dolphin. Aimee: Yeah. I know thats a type of fish. Me: No. Dolphins arn't fish. Aimee: Ha! Phsssh then what is it then? A human?!
No. My school's not funny...WE'RE CRAZY!!!!...and a little funny... Funny in the morning during SCIENCE -"Ya dingledorf!"- Brittany -"What shall we kill ourselves with next?"- Mrs. Louks -"It's neon." "I can just see it saying, 'open.'."- Mrs. Louks and Jeremiah -"This is how video games will be in the future, they'll have awesome technology but the graphics will be crap."- Jeremiah Funny in math class? Maybe in GEOMETRY -"They'll give you links..." "Like sausage links?"- Mrs. Butler and Matt -"So I've taught the last class the wrong thing, but it got the right answeres for their homework." "Then they're stupid and their math sucks."- Mrs. Butler and David -"Where do babies come from?" "Yeah, because birds and bees never get together. If they did we'd have, like, a bead." "If you kill a stork are you killing babies?"- Blake and Matt The crazy teacher who teaches ENGLISH -"And daddy is happy because he thinks she's seen the light.""Too bad it's red."- Mrs. Free and Josh -"Will it kill her? Will she wake up?" "Tune in next week to find out."- Mrs. Free and Tyler -"He's so happy that he's going to be the County Paris's father-in-law. I really think that if he could he would go ahead and marry Paris himself."- Mrs. Free -"This is so confusing, we have Paris and the nurse being read by the same person and the friar and Lady Capulet being read by the same person...I have no idea what's going on."- Mrs. Free -"And the musicians decide to stick around to play for he mourners and get something to eat. Becaouse that's what musicians are there for, the free food and free beer." "And what's wrong with that?!"- Mrs. Free and Keenen Nothing really ever happens in HISTORY -"What's for lunch?" "Breaded chicken parts." "[simultaniously] Chicken nuggets."- Sierra, Ms. G, Kayla and Lynlee -"Can we be James Bond and go sneakily to the lockers?"- Kayla The return of the crazy teacher in ORAL COMM. -"He knew his topic like smell knows poop!" "Like smell knows poop, or poop knows smell?" "They know each other."- Nose, Mrs. Free and David -"He used few visual aids, although he may have thought that charts of population growth or maps of potato growing land would be boring..." "Ha! He thought right!"- Educational video and Mrs. Free And there's still some funny left at the end of the day for SPANISH -"It's just a little bit of blood." "Yay!"- Josh and Dylan
SCIENCE -"It's like they've been lying to you in art class!"- Jeremiah -"Can we build an experimental light bulb?" "No. We don't want anyone dead...except maybe Buster..."- Jeremiah and Mrs. Louks -"Do you want this back?" "You can't have mine back! It's a magic piece of paper!"- Shelly and Walker GEOMETRY -"Mrs. Perry gave me some money and told me to buy her drugs while I was out, so we're supposed to get her some cough drops."- Matt -"I did it all in my brain." "So, in other words, it's all wrong?"- David and Blake -"I hope you lose your fingers in Vietnam!"- Blake -Matt: The National Guard shouldn't go to Iraq. Blake: Why not? Matt: Because they're the National Guard. John: National Guard. Matt: Iraq is a job for the International Guard. -"This is my 'I don't have a clue what the crap is going on here' face."- Blake -"I thought this was math class, not color pretty triangles class." "Well, you thought wrong."- Matt and Mrs. Butler -"Matt lives in a fantasy world." "And you know what? It won't be pretty when I wake up!"- Mrs. Butler and Matt -"You sounded like Mary Poppins." "You just need an umbrella to fly away with."- Blake and Matt ENGLISH -"Ed came out of the closet!" "Congratulations."- Tony and Mrs. Free -"Enter Romeo!" "(whispers) What page?" "(whispers) 861."..."Romeo is a little slow on entering."- Mrs. Free, Jeff and Emily -"Is this [Romeo and Juliet] a true story?" "(sarcastically) Yes." "It is?"- Kayla and Shelby -"Is that a pen?" "No, it's what I use to kill people. Watch!"- Brandon and Keenen HISTORY -"That doesn't satify my thirst...for love." "Shut up."- Li'l Josh and Sax Josh -"G! I painted my toenails for you!" "I'm so excited." "They're black, but..." "That's morbid, but okay."- Kayla nad Ms. G ORAL COMM. -"Someone's even tardier." "Is tardier even possible?" "Retardy...Adam, if you step out that door then back in you're retardy!"- Mrs. Free and Adam -"You messed up! You're fired!" "Vanna White doesn't mess up!"- Jeremiah and Alan -"Wait a minute! I didn't get to write it down! How will I pass the test?!"- Mrs. Free -"Mrs. Free is... A. a teacher, B. Lee's relative, C. a cool person or D. Honky Tonk Bedonkadonk?" "What?!" "No! That's supposede to say 'all of the above'!"- Alan reading a question on the board, Derek and Mrs. Free -"She hasn't got up since y'all left." "I'm lazy like that."- Laci and Mrs. Free -"Turn the lights on! (Alan turns the lights on) Ah! Too bright! Turn them off!"- Mrs. Free -"I guess Nose's phone gets d-hall." "What?! No! Adam, get her!" (Rolls Adam's chair in front of Mrs. Free) "(half-heartedly waving his hands at Mrs. Free) Rawr."- Mrs. Free, Nose and Adam SPANISH -"We're just band geeks." "Yeah, I can tell."- Buster and Mrs. Hutchings -"O-as-a-amos-an. O-as-a-amos-an." "It sounds like Osama Bin Ladin."- Mrs. Hutchings and Buster -"Vosotros isn't used much, only in Spain." "You'd learn it in French." "It's not French..." "It might be." "It's not." "It could be." "But it isn't."- Mrs. Hutchings and Megan
CHEMISTRY "This problem wasn't really that hard, however some of you looked at it like it was a five headed chicken!" "That's weird, Mrs. Priddy." "C'mon! Who wouldn't want a five headed chicken, I sure do!" -- Mrs. Priddy and Matt.
SCIENCE -"I'm just ignoring all of you."- Mrs. Louks -"I hope you get eaten by cats."- Jeremiah GEOMETRY -Mrs. Butler: Some of you just chose not to do your work. Blake: Matt! You'd never do that, would you? Matt: I always try... John: You think about it don't ya? Matt: Yeah. But I always try...to do as little as possible -"I have a question." "Yes?" "If I have a device that could possibly make loud noises, but I could silence it, can I?" "Yes, you probably should."- Matt and Mrs. Butler -"Have you ever had one of those dreams where you get chased by giant vegetables? Yeah, I've had a couple of 'em."- David -"I'm ready to shoot myself in the leg with a 12 gauge packed full of C4." "You have fun with that."- Blake and David ENGLISH -(Car alarm goes off) "I think someone's trying to escape from your furnace."- Keenen HISTORY -Lil' Josh: I don't want cheese, I want cheddar. Longhaired Josh: Cheddar is cheese. Jeff: That's not cheddar, that's a wart. Lil' Josh: May I have a bite of your wart? -"You have worksheets due today, except Josh is a moron and throwing stuff in my room." "Whoo! I'll pick it up." "That'd be a good idea." "You called me a moron." "You are a moron...but I couldn't help it."- Ms. G and Longhaired Josh -"My two teachers that I've had today, besides Spanish because she's just weird."- Sierra ORAL COMM -"I'm going to spit on you."- Mrs. Free -"I'm so mad! My parents took my sandals and hid them until the weather gets warmer."- Alan -"(Mrs. Free takes Jon's cookie dough and runs to her desk, then Jon gets up and follows her)"I don't know what you are doing but this is my area and you must leave."- Mrs. Free -"A round-table discussion, where you get to wear suits of armor, carry swords, ride horses and joust. Right, Alan?" "Yes. And you get to eat a roasted pig."- Mrs. Free and Alan -"How do you make yourself look bigger?" "I eat."- Alan and Mrs. Free SPANISH -"Did you want to retake your test?" "No." "Did you turn in your notebook?" "No." "Do you have a notebook?" "No." Did you do your..." "No."- Mrs. Hutchings and Tyler
Well, these aren't really school quotes, they're from quiz bowl camp, but it's only high schoolers there. These were said during our 'knowledge sessions' aka classes. -"And I brought 'em to you in four exciting colors!" - Science instructor about the periodic table handouts. -"Where is the most famous Alexandria?" "Virginia."- History instructor and Chance -"Alexander died of a fever." "Yes, and we must look up to see if part of that was caused by a rabid monkey bite."- History instructors -History instructor 1: Who was Alexander the Great's dad? Girl: Alexander the Great the First? History instructor 2: No..but +.35 times pi for style. History instructor 1: You? Hugh: Alexander the Not-So-Great? History instructor 2: More style points...+e -History instructor 1: And he was buried with his faithful horse, Bucephalus. Instructor 2: They loved each other...let's leave it at that. Instructor 1: They were good friends...and that's it. -Girl: The tallest president at 6 ft 4. History Instructor: And since you gave us the exact height, +3.763 -History instructor: Thats +11, but you know, let's write it in, what do you think, bianary? (Writes 1011) -Amy was complaining about her door prize. She pulls gloves out of the bag... Jeremiah: That's cool. She pulls out candy... Jeremiah: That's cool. She pulls out lipgloss... Jeremiah:...Stop whining.
During my fench oral exam: Me: Elle joue avec le chien sur les escaliers. Le chien s'appelle Matty Professor Maddie: Maddie? Quoi? Me: nononono! Matty! Prof: You just called me a bitch! Me: .... Prof: Ok, go call in the next person.
ENGLISH 9 CORE Me: The Girl's A Total Tramp, Mr. S. Don't Deny It. Kay: I Agree With Ashley, I Mean everyone knows when you walk in a boys locker room, your only going in there to "get jiggy wit it". Mr. S Closes The Door. Mr. S: Alright So What Defines A Tramp?