Favorite TV Show Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond:

Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.
Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

Marie Barone: One day you'll turn around, and I'll be gone!
Ray Barone: [Spins completely around] Not today!

Debra Barone: It's not about winning and losing.
Ray Barone: You know who says that? The loser.

Debra Barone: A clean house is not the most important thing in the world.
Marie Barone: You know who says that? A messy person.

Debra Barone: Honey, show daddy what you drew.
Ray Barone: That's okay, I can figure it out.
[Ally hands Ray a drawing]
Ray Barone: Um, lets see. A big wall of red?
Ally Barone: No.
Debra Barone: Ally told me that was a picture of you in hell.

Frank Barone: I could have eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview!

Debra Barone: You know what, I'm tired! Could you just call yourself an idiot?

Ray Barone: That's the restaurant where the crazy old Chinese lady yells at you while you're leaving, right?
Debra Barone: You know what she's yelling, right?
Ray Barone: Yeah, "habanadah!"
Debra Barone: She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Ray Barone: Oh.
[pause]
Ray Barone: Well, maybe she isn't crazy.

Frank Barone: Holy crap!

[Robert has escaped from a woman, by climbing out of her window]
Marie Barone: Why did you do that?
Robert Barone: She eats insects!
Marie Barone: But, why did you climb out her window?
Frank Barone: Hey, that's a very convenient way to get away from a dangerous woman. I mean, if your mother's apartment had been a couple of floors lower, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
 
I LOVE Everybody Loves Raymond. And I love the first one you posted!

Ray: I'm going golfing
Debra: And I said to bad
Ray: And I thought that meant for you


(Frank is looking at Marie's sculpture)

Janitor: *walks up* If you ask me that looks like a *whispers*
Frank: Holy Crap!

I have like a million more but that's all I can think of right now lol.
 
Tinkerbell said:
SaraSidleStokes said:
I just thought of a CSI One that I love
Grissom: "and Wheres the girl now?"
Sara: "I left her in the car" *the other CSIs look at her like she's nuts* "The windows are Cracked" *again the othe CSIs stare at her* "Relax she's at the hospital"
(from Blood Drops)
Click to expand...
This thread is really only for TV shows not relating to CSI. ;)
Click to expand...
I figured as much but I remember a few pages back I believe someone had posted Greg qoutes so I had to add a Sara one
anyways
due to the According to Jim block they had yesterday heres a few


Andy: *mouthing to Jim about how Cheryl knows that Hes faking the "fight" She knowsssssss
Jim: Shinhose????
Andy: Yes yes Shinhose they have the best kung poi chicken I'll meet you there tommorow for lunch *He exits*
Jim and Cheryl argue some then Jim says "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ShinHOSE!!
Cheryl: "YES SHINHOSE,SHINHOSE EVERYTHING
****
also from the episode where the girls play paintball with the guys
Dana: *doing her make up while someone shoots her* CRAP ON A CRACKER I'M DEAD ALREADY
 
I got more Everybody Loves Raymond Quotes

Ray: What do I do now? Where the hell do I belong?
Marie: Right here! *hugs Ray*
Ray: Ma your on my foot again!


Ray Barone: Men don't like to cuddle. We only like it if it leads to... you know... lower cuddling.

Ray: All right Ally, you have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.

Marie: What is a DVD player? Is it for pornography?
Debra: Yes, Marie, I bought Ray a porn machine!
Marie: I don't like that, Debra.

Marie: You've read the Bible, Frank?
Frank: I've read plenty of damn bibles!


Frank: What in the holy name of crap are you talking about?


And 1 from Friends

Monica: But you can do it in a car behind a taco bell?
Chandler: I can't believe Ross told you that! And in my defense it was a Wendys!
 
haha, I don't remeber that one. lol.

Ross: We recently lost a great grand mother and you went to her funeral, what was her name
Joey: Uh...uh...
Ross: Five seconds
Joey: Altheia!
Chandler: WHat?!
Joey: I took a shot!
Chandler: You shooting with altheia?
Ross: Altheia is correct
Chandler: Nice shooting!


Rachel: Oh I know, I know! He's a uh...he's a transponster!
Monica: That's not even a word!
 
i happen to love this one from friends...that no one has said yet.

Joey: (Emma in his arms, covering her ears) You can't have S-E-X with a B-A-B-I-E!
 
The Nanny:

C.C.: I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning.
Niles: Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?

C.C.: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.
Niles: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.

C.C.: I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress.
Niles: You'd have to be dead six months to fit in it.

Niles: Oh, what are you doing here, the sun is up.

Niles: I once walked in on the Queen-mother.
Fran: In the shower?
Niles: On the throne.

Fran: What's that?
Niles: It's a script for Mr. Sheffield.
Fran: You didn't write another Seinfeld episode did you? Sweetie... it's over.

[Niles is dancing bombastically and singing into his duster. CC enters unexpectedly]
Niles: You realize, of course, now I'm going to have to kill you.

C.C.: I find it very unseemly of Maxwell to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?
Niles: Die. Let's find out.

Sylvia Fine: Trust me, there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes - Colonel Sanders.

Max: Oh Niles, what is it this time? Your job, your weight, no future?
Niles: Well, Sir, I was just wondering why I have no social life but you cleared that right up for me.

C.C.: What's Maxwell doing in London?
Niles: One would hope, Miss Fine.

Mr. Sheffield: Can you keep a secret?
Niles: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.

Philippe: Hello, Caca.
C.C.: What?
Philippe: Is this not what C.C. stands for? That is what the butler told me.

Mr. Sheffield: Miss Fine, what are you doing here?
Fran: Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured... I should be part of it.

Niles: Miss Fine and Miss Babcock walking arm in arm. Isn't that one of the biblical signs of the apocalypse?

Val: The bank robber took your mother.
Fran: Oh, my god! That poor man!

[after spraying Maxwell's leather couch]
Niles: I couldn't resist the infomercial, sir. "Unwanted dirt just slides right off!"
[C.C. slips off the chair]
Niles: And voila!

Fran: As appealing as Hepatitis sounds, yellow's just not my color.

Fran: By the way, Niles, what is your family name?
Niles: It's just Niles... Like Cher.

Fran: You know, I've got half a mind...
Max: No argument there!

C.C.: [Max is hiring a female to promote him] Maxwell, I want a man!
Niles: The last one deflated when she nibbled at his ear.

Max: Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy... I'm sending her abroad.
Fran: A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way...

C.C.: [to Niles] Don't you have something to dust?
Niles: How about the left side of your bed?

Max: Where the devil is C.C.?
Niles: Well, Sir, it is raining outside... maybe she melted?
[pause]
Niles: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat and Chanel suit?

Brighton Sheffield: Oh, so you're pretending to be an actor?
Fran: No, you're thinking of Steven Seagal.

C.C.: Me and Max have rented a cottage right by the lake.
Niles: How convenient, Sir, should you choose to drown yourself.

C.C.: I'll bet my reputation on it!
Niles: Sorry, there's a five dollar limit.

:lol: The banter between C.C & Niles is priceless.
 
speedmonkey2 said:
haha, I don't remeber that one. lol.

Ross: We recently lost a great grand mother and you went to her funeral, what was her name
Joey: Uh...uh...
Ross: Five seconds
Joey: Altheia!
Chandler: WHat?!
Joey: I took a shot!
Chandler: You shooting with altheia?
Ross: Altheia is correct
Chandler: Nice shooting!


Rachel: Oh I know, I know! He's a uh...he's a transponster!
Monica: That's not even a word!
Click to expand...
Its from the one where everyone Finds out I dont rememeber phoebes EXACT line but it was something like "everytime they are doing "laundry", going out for coffee OH OH OH Everytime Mon talks to "fat" linda from camp?"
then rachel goes "Doin it ,Doin it Phone Doin it"
 
I love The Nanny! I watch it on TVTropolis whenever it comes on :3

Corner Gas

Brent: Dad look, you're gonna be around for a long time.
Oscar: How can you be so sure?
Brent: Because, I've angered the Karma Gods, and you're my punishment.

Davis: [after losing the Grey Cup tickets] Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.
Karen: Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Davis: Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Karen: Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Davis: Oh yeah.

Karen: I got a riddle for you, Hank. Okay. A plane crashes on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the survivors?
Hank: Hmmm. Tough one. Right on the border, huh? Well, is there one larger chunk of the airplane on one side?
Karen: No. It's broken directly in half, distributed over the two sides.
Hank: Wow, that's really tough.
Karen Pelly: [Repeats herself] A plane crashes directly on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. Where do they bury the SURVIVORS?
Hank: OHHHHH! The *survivors*.
[pause]
Hank: Bury one on each side.

Hank: So how's that new doctor guy?
Karen: Actually, "he" is a she.
Hank: He's a transvestite?
Karen: No, she's a woman!
Hank: It's a woman transvestite?

Oscar: Let me answer that question with another question: Shut Up!

Karen: I can't believe you're sending me in without back-up.
Davis: It's just a fishing trip Karen.
Karen: But it's with Hank, twelve hours, killing fish.
Davis: If it gets to you, you don't have to kill him, just throw him into the lake.
Karen: I wasn't worried about the fish.
Davis: I wasn't talking about the fish
 
Oh, I just love The Nanny. And I love Niles and C.C's banter. It was priceless. I know there was one C.C was getting ready to leave and she said something...I can't remember. And Niles was eating something I believe and he couldn't say his comeback fast enough so he opens the door and he says "I'll leave the toilet bowel up for you." or soemthing like that. ANd then he's like "Officer."
 
From my All-Time Favourite Show
Arrested Development

[Tobias discovers that George Sr. has been living in the attic]
Tobias: What are you doing up here?
George Sr.: I'm having a [beep]ing tea party, what does it look like I'm doing?
[he shoves Tobias up against the wall with his hand against his mouth]
George Sr.: I'm living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will [beep]ing kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.

Tobias: [as Mrs. Featherbottom] O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? [laughs] Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
Michael: We just call it a sausage.

[Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it]
Buster: Well, what do you expect, mother?
[holds up his hook]
Buster: I'm half machine. I'M A MONSTER!

Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you're about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it's a private stock so you can not just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell
Michael: Are you sure?
Barry Zuckerkorn: That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves'

Lucille Austero: Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me.
Gob: No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.

Tobias Fünke: [footage of Tobias trying on a Speedo with his cut-offs on] Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

Lucille: Michael Moore confronted me on national television.
Michael: First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Lucille: I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out.

Lucille: The company is in danger.
Michael: What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?

Narrator: Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble.

George Sr.: Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?

Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maebe: Across from where?

Gob: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael Bluth: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
Gob: That's my son, you pothead.
 
I've never seen Arrested Development but that last one cracked me up for some reason.

Friends:

Chandler: I'm going to the bathroom
Joey: Wait a minute there's a window in there
Phoebe: Oh no, he's not getting away that easily
(Phoebe and Joey walk in the bathroom)
Chandler: What are you doing! Get the hell outta here!
(phoebe and Joey walk out)
Joey: Now that one did not have Emma's face on it
Phoebe: *nods* And tiny.


Phoeb: (monica, chandler, joey, and Phoebe are racing emma's toys in the hall) GO ALLEN! GO RUN YOU HARRY BASTARD!

Rachel: I order a bunny cake with chocolate frosting and nuts
Chandler: Well to be fair this one does have nuts on it
 
*grin* AD does that to some people :3

Frasier

Bebe: Do you have any idea how hot you are? I get offers everyday from other stations offering the moon for you.
Frasier: Good Lord, am I really that hot?
Bebe: Are you kidding? If I were a pot roast, I'd be done.
Niles: Hello, I'm Niles, a person at the table.
Bebe: Niles, thank God you're here. Back me up. Give him some sound, brotherly advice.
Niles: She's the Devil, Frasier. Run fast, run far.

[Frasier complains he does not like to hug]
Roz: I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life.
Frasier: Well in that case, you should outlive Styrofoam.

Daphne: I'm a resident alien here from England - you know, the country that used to own you people.

Frasier: What kind of a woman are you? You seduced me, you lied to me, you nearly got me killed. You've shamelessly manipulated not only me but the station, the news media, and the entire city of Seattle. What do you have to say for yourself?
Bebe: Aren't you glad I'm on your side?

Niles: Well, as some illustrious person said, "popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity."
Frasier: You just made that up, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, but I stand by it.

Daphne: Oh, come on now, Dr Crane. It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier: How can we possibly USE sex to get what we want? Sex IS what we want.

Frasier: [to Lilith, his ex-wife] My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart, but I don't think anything could kill you.

[Roz comes to the Halloween Party dressed in a saucy S&M outfit]
Daphne: Wow. Roz, don't you look smashing.
Eve: What an interesting costume, who are you?
Roz: I'm O. from the "Story of O."
Everyone: Ohhh...
Roz: It's gonna be a long night.
 
From ER:

Abby: Do you think it's possible to die from boredom?
Chen: I don't think so.
Abby: What if your mind wandered off in a daydream and you forgot to eat or drink for days?
Chen: Then you'd die of starvation and dehydration.
Abby: Caused by boredom.


Kerry: Gang banger in a fist fight.
Mark: Fist fight? That’s quaint.
 
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