Re: Episode #604: 'Bang Bang, Your Debt' ***CONTAINS SPOILER
This show would be good without Horatio. It would be so good. Damn the day they hired Caruso. Jimmy Smits would've been so much better. Hell, Foghorn Leghorn would've been much better. At least it would've brought the laughs.
Eric: You ever see him?
Ho: Every day.
No you don't, you egomaniacal asshole, stop making everything about YOU! This is about Eric having medical problems and grieving his friend, but of course, Horatio has to crap all over that moment with his own drama. Alexx or Calleigh there would've been much better. I also wanted Eric to spit on Horatio's face when Horatio was all lecturing him about losing loved ones. Because having known Marisol for 17 days gave Horatio jurisdiction over grieving her, you see, and Eric is but, oh, I don't know, her brother who knew her for 30 years, so it didn't affect him that much. Shut up, Horatio. Thank God he didn't get a lot of screen time.
Horatio: Eric needs to go back to the scene.
Why don't YOU get off your lazy ass and do some work for once? Why does Eric have to do everything on this show? God, he makes me so mad. I hate him to much I get nosebleeds. It's also really, really, REALLY sad that when this show premiered Adam Rodriguez was the weakest link and now he can act crop circles around Caruso. That's the saddest thing in the world. Whatever. Deep breaths.
Oh my god, Natalia's nipples. Damn, woman, rub those things off before you poke somebody's eye out. She's like a fembot. I thought at one point she'd shoot pink gas at Eric.
Every time Frank comes on screen, I wanna rub pool cue chalk over his head.
Ryan: zzZZz. Call me when he starts working for Chuck-E-Cheese.
So many things didn't make sense to me. Why would Speed's family leave all his things behind? Why would they bury him in Miami? Also, when people die, they just don't die. Bank accounts are closed, proper arrangements are made. Are you telling me they just shoved Speed into a hole at the cemetery and everyone just kept walking? WTF? Strangely, these things DO happen, credit card companies have been known to give credit cards to pets. It would've been much simpler if the bank had just screwed up, but I guess it's not CSI Miami without the gaping plot holes. Also, if it were true that when a cop gets shot no one touches his locker, precincts would be full of rooms of unoccupied lockers. The whole thing could've been explained so easily. Think horses, writers, not zebras.
Dan and Ryan should form a crime fighting duo for some Fox comedy about stupid cops who screw up all the time. Natalia could join them as the cooky incompetent but highly superstitious sidekick who predicts crime and the weather with her Powerfully Pert Nipples of Justice. I'd SO watch that!
Okay, so Calleigh found Speed's credit card in the Hummer, nevermind that as a lab tech, Dan wouldn't have access to the Hummer. And then THE VERY SAME DAY DAN HAS THE CREDIT CARD AGAIN, because apparently you can walk into a bank and be all, "yeah, I lost my credit card and I need a new one. My name? Uh... Donald Trump. Yeah, I just had plastic surgery, that's why you might not recognize me. What, sign here? Cool! And I get one right away? Oh, you guys are sweet. Uh, you fired."
Also, why couldn't Dan get his own credit card? And since when does he want to be a CSI?
Could Jake care less about Calleigh's coffee machine squeeage? Calleigh, if you're gonna get laid, at least find someone hot and who you have a bit of chemistry with and who cares about your caffeine fetish. Also, the vest? Why the vest? What prompts a man to walk out the door every morning thinking, "okay, got my keys, my gun, my badge, my wallet, I'm missing something, but what? Oh, wait a second, my VEST! Duh! Wow, that was a close one."
And what kind of hospital lets a patient walk out just like that? Scratch that, what kind of hospital lets a burn victim lay in bed so casually without tending to or wrapping the burnt area with gauze? That's a nasty infection waiting to happen. Then again, this is apparently the same hospital that tended to Marisol's gun shot by making her lay in bed without so much as an IV. This hospital is as ridiculous as Dade University. Does Eric really think that his BRAIN INJURY is going to MAGICALLY go away with MEDICATION? Stop going to that hospital, no one there has an actual medical degree they just watch ER a lot!
Jess bought all kinds of expensive things with her credit card but she couldn't buy some Proactiv?
Why didn't they explain why Brandon and Jess were together? It was in the script. I know they wanna take it slow with E/C, what with keeping the "integrity" of the show intact, and yet rubbing ice on Eva La Rue's nipples before every scene, that's okay? Whatev.
The God: aw, Speed. I didn't expect to be all happy about seeing him again. I never cared about him one way or another, but it brought back memories of how (relatively) good this show used to be. I could almost see Adam and Rory in between takes.
Adam: Dude, this shit is killing me.
Rory: OMG what are you still doing here?
Adam: Sigh. *wipes the sweat off his face with a 100 dollar bill* I don't know, dude.
Be free, Adam. Take Emily with you. For the love of God, save yourselves.
