Re: Episode #604: 'Bang Bang, Your Debt' ***CONTAINS SPOILER
I wrote this review like an hour after the episode aired but there was so much ship material in it that it really didn't belong here. I did, however, tell Lucy last week that I'd cut out the ship parts and copy-paste it here. And since we share first names, the promise must be kept.
I went a little overboard with the swearing and there's some character
disliking so if you're easily offended, scroll past.
- What the fuck happened to H's one-liners?! Now they come up with weak shit like, "he's alive, call rescue." YOWWW! And where are his sunglasses?
- Natalia's nipples. Maybe I'm just a pervy little girl but wow, you can totally see her nipples in the first scene she shows up in. Is she trying to steal Eric with her nipples? News flash, Nat, Eric's seen your knockers and he ain't interested.
+ Eric's stubble. Welcome back, my friend, welcome back. We missed you dearly.
-- Jake's annoying as fuck. Someone please do something with his voice, his lip, his hair, his ugly vest-type thing that I'm only grateful for because it means we don't see him naked in Calleigh's presence. Is there a point to Jake other than to make sure the viewers know that Calleigh's sleeping with someone? Like how disinterested did Jake seem when Calleigh was talking about the coffee machine? I don't give a fuck about a coffee machine either but if Calleigh's talking to me about a coffee machine, I'm going to listen about that damn coffee machine.
- Eric's nonchalance about Speed's appearance. If I started hallucinating, I'd flip the fuck out. Eric? "Hey, Speed, help me find some evidence, 'kay? I'm talking to my
dead best friend, so logically, the first thing I'm going to ask you is how to solve this case, because that's clearly the most important thing evar!!! Fuck questions about how you're doing or WHY YOU'RE THERE, let's find a beer bong together! b^_^d"
- The male vic (Brandon?) breaking the car window with his feet. Physically impossible unless he was the hulk or the glass was heated to such an immense temperature that he'd be fried inside-out anyway so he'd be dead and there'd be no second case and the show would've finished twenty minutes early so they can stream a feed of porn. "but loosy, its a tv sho lol!!!!!" No. Shut the fuck up.
+ Frank Tripp = awesome. Especially bald Frank Tripp. Doubly awesome. And when Eric was tripping again and Frank's kinda like okie dokie...
++ Alexx. She's great with everyone, and her concern for Eric is so genuine. I like that she rejected Ryan, too. Make that SOB work for it.
- Ryan. Yes, he lost his job and his friends and his integrity, but whose fault is that? Go whine about it to Dr. Phil and then write a sappy autobiography that'll sell just enough copies to feed your drug addiction.
- Natalia should not go into marketing. "You obviously haven't seen our new Turbotron X1600. " Shut up. Eric doesn't give a damn about your new gizmo. He's too busy fantasizing about make-up sex with Calleigh after that hummer fight. I mean, thinking about how he's hallucinating Speed... yes.
-- Wow, how fucking stupid can you be to leave that burn residue crap on the observation deck? It wasn't even like they had to use their superspy equipment on it to see it. It looked like group of pigeons collectively took a shit there. You're a burn victim, Brandon, not a retard. Though I suppose if you're 41k in debt, you are, in fact, a retard of sorts.
+++ Calleigh: "You don't think Eric got hurt? You don't think I'm hurt?" I love Emily. Seriously, wow, I'm so impressed by the way she delivered that line.
- Cooper. I just knew that one day he'd fuck up, and fuck up bad. But it seemed like the writers kinda pulled it out of their asses and was like, "hey, one fuck-up isn't enough; let's add Coop-dee-doop because he's just a lab tech and because we hired a better-looking lab tech even though she's boring as hell and has only made one appearance." (i.e. wtf happened to Sam?)
+++++ THE SHEER AMOUNT OF EC IN THIS EPISODE...
----- ... that I had to cut out of this review.