Adams_girl
Captain
hahaha the fax machine just coughed! :lol:
:lol: that one took me a while!
:lol: that one took me a while!
DAVES TOP TEN
- Thread starter Desertwind
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Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS THE GUY IN THE CUBICLE NEXT TO YOU IS MICHAEL JACKSON
10--Fax machine is always clogged with subpoenas
9--There's a llama tied to the water cooler :lol:
8--Only cubicle with a ferris wheel :lol:
7--Carpet is covered with sequins and monkey hair
6--Asks if office has a 3rd option besides "Mens" and "Ladies" room
5--Borrows your white out to touch up his face
4--Recycling bin is filled with surgical masks
3--They cancelled "Bring Your Kids To Work Day"
2--He answers his phone with a high pitched "hee-hee" :devil:
1--Everyone around the office is asking who the new white chick is
10--Fax machine is always clogged with subpoenas
9--There's a llama tied to the water cooler :lol:
8--Only cubicle with a ferris wheel :lol:
7--Carpet is covered with sequins and monkey hair
6--Asks if office has a 3rd option besides "Mens" and "Ladies" room
5--Borrows your white out to touch up his face
4--Recycling bin is filled with surgical masks
3--They cancelled "Bring Your Kids To Work Day"
2--He answers his phone with a high pitched "hee-hee" :devil:
1--Everyone around the office is asking who the new white chick is
glam_chic86
Head of the Graveyard Shift
Aahahaha that list is brilliant. That is something everybody should read. It's gold baby gold.
Top Ten Signs The Guy In The Cubicle Next To You Is Michael Jackson
You keep getting wrong numbers from Tito and Jermaine asking to borrow money
You hear a woman next to you anwser the phone "Hello, this is Michael"
Asks HR department if there's an opening on custodial staff for brother Tito
Asks if company health plan covers cheek sculpting
His 1040 tax form claims Elephant Man's bones as a dependent
Every time he sends a fax there's a crazy lady in the parking lot releasing doves
His day planner reads: Lunch with Webster
Break room refrigerator has been replaced by a hyperbaric chamber
You keep getting wrong numbers from Tito and Jermaine asking to borrow money
You hear a woman next to you anwser the phone "Hello, this is Michael"
Asks HR department if there's an opening on custodial staff for brother Tito
Asks if company health plan covers cheek sculpting
His 1040 tax form claims Elephant Man's bones as a dependent
Every time he sends a fax there's a crazy lady in the parking lot releasing doves
His day planner reads: Lunch with Webster
Break room refrigerator has been replaced by a hyperbaric chamber
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
THIS IS FUNNY :lol:
TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON THE AL-JAZEERA ANCHOR APPLICATION
10--Have you ever worked for any Propaganda organizations besides FOX
9--Would we need to provide you with a company camel :lol:
8--If things don't work out-would you rather be shot- or hanged
7--Photos of Saddam in his underpants--news or entertainment
6--Where do you see your beard in 5 years
5--Can you work Ok with our cranky commentator Ahmed Rooney
4--Do you mind being paid in hummus
3--Do you promise not to tell anyone we've been hiding Osama in the supply closet :devil:
2--Can we put a hidden camera in your turban
1--Gow many languages can you say-- "DEATH TOP AMERICA" in
:lol:TOP TEN QUESTIONS ON THE AL-JAZEERA ANCHOR APPLICATION
10--Have you ever worked for any Propaganda organizations besides FOX
9--Would we need to provide you with a company camel :lol:
8--If things don't work out-would you rather be shot- or hanged
7--Photos of Saddam in his underpants--news or entertainment
6--Where do you see your beard in 5 years
5--Can you work Ok with our cranky commentator Ahmed Rooney
4--Do you mind being paid in hummus
3--Do you promise not to tell anyone we've been hiding Osama in the supply closet
:devil:2--Can we put a hidden camera in your turban
1--Gow many languages can you say-- "DEATH TOP AMERICA" in
glam_chic86
Head of the Graveyard Shift
Hehehe I saw it on Letterman last night and it was too funny. Hummus is basically this Middle Eastern or Greek dip that's made with chick peas and lemon juice amongst other things. It's very delicious with pita bread!
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE ON A BAD DIET
10--You're not allowed to eat during the month's with an "R" in them
9--You're told to replace food with crack
8--Company sent you a fun house mirror to make you look thinner
7-Its a Dr. Phil diet- and after two weeks you look excatly like Dr. Phil
6--You're sweating cottage cheese :lol:
5--If you follow it faithfully-they promise you'll lose 2 lbs. in 12 years
4--You're only allowed to eat "Unkranian" foods rich in dioxin
3--You'll lose weight-but also become a food shorter
2--It's the Atkins diet-Chet Atkins diet
1--You're ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez-to Kirstie Alley :devil:
10--You're not allowed to eat during the month's with an "R" in them
9--You're told to replace food with crack
8--Company sent you a fun house mirror to make you look thinner
7-Its a Dr. Phil diet- and after two weeks you look excatly like Dr. Phil
6--You're sweating cottage cheese :lol:
5--If you follow it faithfully-they promise you'll lose 2 lbs. in 12 years
4--You're only allowed to eat "Unkranian" foods rich in dioxin
3--You'll lose weight-but also become a food shorter
2--It's the Atkins diet-Chet Atkins diet
1--You're ass has gone from Jennifer Lopez-to Kirstie Alley :devil:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A VAMPIRE
10--Once a week a Domino's guy enters- but never comes out :devil:
9--Claims his back never felt better-since switching to Sealy Posturepedic Coffin :lol:
8--Always looks mad when you have a turtleneck on
7--You see him throwing a stake in the crotch of a guy on Transylvania's Funniest Home Videos :lol:
6--He's lived in the house since 1783
5--Opens cans with his teeth
4--When you bring up the $200 he owes you- he turns into a bat and flys away
3--Has bottles of blood in his fridge
2--A 'Vampires Do It Upside Down" bumper sticker on his car
1--He's pale and creepy -but he's not Michael Jackson :lol:
10--Once a week a Domino's guy enters- but never comes out :devil:
9--Claims his back never felt better-since switching to Sealy Posturepedic Coffin :lol:
8--Always looks mad when you have a turtleneck on
7--You see him throwing a stake in the crotch of a guy on Transylvania's Funniest Home Videos :lol:
6--He's lived in the house since 1783
5--Opens cans with his teeth
4--When you bring up the $200 he owes you- he turns into a bat and flys away
3--Has bottles of blood in his fridge
2--A 'Vampires Do It Upside Down" bumper sticker on his car
1--He's pale and creepy -but he's not Michael Jackson
:lol:Top Ten of life's unanswered questions
10.If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
9.If a lorry is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?
8.Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
7.Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
6.Why do dogs sniff other dog’s arses to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
5.What is another word for "thesaurus"?
4.If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
3.How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
2.If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
1. Do vampires get AIDS?
10.If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
9.If a lorry is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?
8.Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
7.Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
6.Why do dogs sniff other dog’s arses to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
5.What is another word for "thesaurus"?
4.If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
3.How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
2.If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
1. Do vampires get AIDS?
Top Ten things to do in an elevator
10.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
9.Ask to push the button for other people, but push the wrong one.
8.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
6.When the doors close, announce "It's okay, they open again!"
5.Swat at flies that don't exist.
4.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
3.Tell people that you can see their aura.
2.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
1.Drop a pen and wait until someone picks it up, then yell "ITS MINE!"
10.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
9.Ask to push the button for other people, but push the wrong one.
8.Ask, "Did you feel that?"
7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
6.When the doors close, announce "It's okay, they open again!"
5.Swat at flies that don't exist.
4.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
3.Tell people that you can see their aura.
2.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
1.Drop a pen and wait until someone picks it up, then yell "ITS MINE!"
Top ten lies people tell themselves
10."This new haircut makes me look a lot thinner."
9."I deserve a raise."
8."I'll have time for that later."
7."I'll have time for that."
6."Money doesn't buy happiness."
5."Looks don't matter."
4."It wasn't my fault."
3."I can quit anytime I wish."
2."One vote can make a difference."
1."God is on my side."
10."This new haircut makes me look a lot thinner."
9."I deserve a raise."
8."I'll have time for that later."
7."I'll have time for that."
6."Money doesn't buy happiness."
5."Looks don't matter."
4."It wasn't my fault."
3."I can quit anytime I wish."
2."One vote can make a difference."
1."God is on my side."
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