DAVES TOP TEN

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that waz GREAT!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :cool:im good..okay no im not :cool: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :cool:okay i'll stop :cool: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:no i wont :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: just think i continue :lol: :lol: :lol:...
 
FUUNY AREN'T THEY :lol: :lol:YOU'LL ALL LOVE THIS ONE

TOP TEN GEORGE W. BUSH NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS :devil:

10--Fewer decisions based on wild-drunken hunches :eek:

9--Have NSA find out what really happened between Nick & Jessica :confused:

8--Stop using Conference room monitors to play X-Box-360 :mad:

7--More C-Span- less "Yes, Dear" :D

6--Team up with food scientists to make Cheetos even more cheesier :lol:

5--To capture and bring to justice King Kong :rolleyes:

4--Beat the twins at beer-pong ;)

3--Respond to reporters questions with "bitch, don't go there" :eek:

2--Scale back on grueling 12-hr. work week ;)

1--Who needs resolutions- everythings fine :eek: :( :confused: :rolleyes:
 
TOP TEN GEORGE W. BUSH TAX SAVING TIPS

10-Reduce White House electric bill by spending more time at his ranch

9-Armed forces only defend America during normal business hours

8--Start charging Saddam for all the Doritos we're giving him

7--Endangered species need to get of their asses and protect themselves

6--Sign endorsements deal to rename US of Applebees

5--For "Hail To The Chief" all we really need is one guy with a clarinet

4--Switch to domestic beer

3--Instead of foreign aid-send Hallmark cards that read "Good Luck with your country"

2--For a million bucks offer Clinton one nite with Laura

1--Don't start a new war-till you finished with the old war
 
TOP TEN QUESTIONS T ASK YOURDELF BEFORE GETTING FREE SURGERY :eek:

10--Hey- deosn't that guy over there work at Benihana :(

9-Are there hidden charges for parts & labor :lol:

8--Do I tip :rolleyes:

7--Didn't I see that doctor on 60 Minutes :D

6--Would this be lke the root canal I got at the car wash :lol:

5--Would I like to be on the Maury episode "Free Surgery Horror Stories" :devil: :devil: :devil:

4--Should Gastric Bypass surgery be cheaper then gum :eek:

3--Isn't this how Bob Denver died :(

2--Is that Joan Rivers in the waiting room :eek:

1--Should I use the money I save for a whore :eek:
 
TOP TEN THINGS ELVIS WOULD SAY IF HE WERE ALIVE TODAY :cool:

10--"Turn on Regis" I need some target practice :D

9--WOW- Canada really does offer great savings on prescription drugs :lol:

8--Why do I have to pay $35 dollars to get into my own house :eek:

7--From now on I want to be known as E. Diddy ;)

6--Tell Paris Hilton to get her ass over here right now-the king wants some luving :p

5--I'd like a Big Mac-a 9-piece McNugget- and oh, do you have Whoppers-or is that the other guys :eek:

4--Doctors- what do they know-all cholesterol is good :devil:

3--John Wayne would never have made a gay movie :eek:

2--My daughter married WHO :( :(

1--Sonny-Red--!!!! get me out of this coffin :D :lol: :) ;)
 
That waz GRAND!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: u know I think I might be addited to this da*n smileys :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :) ;) ;)
 
Hi peeps, may you please cut down on the use of smilies. One or two is ok, maybe even a few more, but there are people here who use dial-up and it can really slow down their computer.

Thankyou, Cat.
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KITTY IS A GENIUS

10--Meows in 6 languages

9--He's the only one in your family who can assemble an Ikea coffee table

8--His whiskers are Bluetooth enabeled

7--He only purrs when "Meet he Press" is on

6--He won 28 grand on "Jeopardy Kitty Week"

5--He has 10 lives

4--Earned the 2005 Mobel Prize in yarn-related sceience

3--Keeps putting the dog on E-bay

2--Not only calls 911 for you-but also calls Z-100 whenever you need a Aerosmith fix

1--Winces everytime he hears GeorgeW. Bush say Nuke-yoo-lar
 
Top Ten Signs Your Kitty Is A Genius

The Extras from the CBS website.

Scratches the Pythagorean theorem in the kitty litter

Instead of playing with a ball of yarn, crochets a Garfield throw pillow


He made twice your salary playing online poker


He can sit, stand on his hind legs, and notarize documents


Finishes the Cat Fancy crossword in under an hour


This morning you saw Angelina Jolie crawling out of his cage


Somehow the cat's eating lobster and your eating Tender Vittles
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AT A BAD APPLEBEES :devil:

10--Waitress asks "would yu like to hear about our selection of half finished measls"? :eek:

9-Lo-cal salad- consists of shredded straws & napkins :mad:

8--Walls are covered in whimsically framed health code violations :lol:

7--It's a dollar extra-if you want your milk-shake boneless :eek:

6--Coffee isn't bottomless-but busboy is :D

5--Take out delivery involves your address & a giant sling shot :lol:

4--All you hear from the kitchen is "Here kitty-kitty-kitty" :devil:

3--Desert-a pkg.. of Sweet "N Low :mad:

2--The chef just washed his hands in my onion soup :eek:

1--Waiter asks you to touch his riblets :lol: :D :D
 
TOP TEN PROPOSED CHANGES AT "CBS"

10--Stories must be corroborated by at least two really strong hunches :lol:

9--"Evening News" pre-show staff cocktail hour is cancelled until furthur notice :(

8--Reduce "60 Minutes" to more manageable 15-20 minutes :D

7--Change division name from 'CBS' to CBS news-ish :eek:

6--If anchor says any thing in-accurate-earpiece delivers an electirc shock :eek:

5--Conclude each story with comical "BOING" sound effect :lol:

4--Instead of Middle East reports-more powerball drawings :cool:

3--To play it safe--every "exclusive" story will be about how tasty pecan pie is :p

2--Not sure how-but make CBS more like CSI :D :D :D :D

1-Use beer-cash and hookers to bring Tom Brokaw out of retirement :devil:
 
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