DAVES TOP TEN
- Thread starter Desertwind
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Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
Your so welcome. they are hilarious :lol:
TOP TEN QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE HAVING SEX WITH A ROBOT
10..Am I exposing myself to a computer virus?
9..Is this thing grounded?
8..Should I buy the Robot dinner?
7..Is calling a hooker less embarrassing?
6..Am I AC or DC?
5..Is it programmed for low expectations?
4..Instead of a Robot, should I join a gym?
3..No #3..writer having sex with a Robot
2..Will she get jealous, if I spend time with the toaster?
1..If I want sex with something cold and heavy, I'll just try my wife :lol:
TOP TEN QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE HAVING SEX WITH A ROBOT
10..Am I exposing myself to a computer virus?
9..Is this thing grounded?
8..Should I buy the Robot dinner?
7..Is calling a hooker less embarrassing?
6..Am I AC or DC?
5..Is it programmed for low expectations?
4..Instead of a Robot, should I join a gym?
3..No #3..writer having sex with a Robot
2..Will she get jealous, if I spend time with the toaster?
1..If I want sex with something cold and heavy, I'll just try my wife :lol:
MacsLovlyAngl
Head of the Graveyard Shift
Too hilarious, ROFLMAO, God, these are great, thanks so much for giving me a laugh, these made my day. :lol:
*changes wife, for man* :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
Glad your enjoying these luvingmyHoratio they are hysterical :lol:
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE WATCHING BAD ELECTION COVERAGE
10..TV reporters seem to be using the word "dude" a lot
9..Because of the writers strike, they show re-runs of the Reagan-Mondale election :lol:
8..Exit polling question.."did you have trouble finding the exit"?
7..Three candidates each received 50% of the vote
6..Top half of the screen whoes election coverage..bottom half is "American Gladiators"
5..Pundit says it's looking unlikly Bush will be re-elected
4..It's 3 hours of Dog the Bounty Hunter yelling racial slurs
3..Correspondent spends most of the time hitting on Kucinich's 'hot' wife
2..Wolf Blitzer wanders on screaming "Top story..'daddy's drunk' :devil:
1..Still don't really know who won in Iowa
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE WATCHING BAD ELECTION COVERAGE
10..TV reporters seem to be using the word "dude" a lot
9..Because of the writers strike, they show re-runs of the Reagan-Mondale election :lol:
8..Exit polling question.."did you have trouble finding the exit"?
7..Three candidates each received 50% of the vote
6..Top half of the screen whoes election coverage..bottom half is "American Gladiators"
5..Pundit says it's looking unlikly Bush will be re-elected
4..It's 3 hours of Dog the Bounty Hunter yelling racial slurs
3..Correspondent spends most of the time hitting on Kucinich's 'hot' wife
2..Wolf Blitzer wanders on screaming "Top story..'daddy's drunk' :devil:
1..Still don't really know who won in Iowa
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD ON GEORGE W. BUSH'S TRIP TO THE MIDDLE EAST
10..Where can I buy one of them flying carpets?
9..Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, it's me, the dude who rammed democracy down your throats
8..Is the war over yet?
7..I know your name's Mahmoud, but I'm gonna call you "Manny"
6..Gas up Air Force One W. wants to go to Reno
5..Tell Cheney he doesn't have to call me every time he has a heart attack
4..I wonder if Jackoway hammered that interim agreement with Hamas? :devil:
3..That's not a kitty sir, it's a Sphinx
2..It's nice to finally put a face to the devastation I've created
1..My next stop... the Middle West
10..Where can I buy one of them flying carpets?
9..Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, it's me, the dude who rammed democracy down your throats
8..Is the war over yet?
7..I know your name's Mahmoud, but I'm gonna call you "Manny"
6..Gas up Air Force One W. wants to go to Reno
5..Tell Cheney he doesn't have to call me every time he has a heart attack
4..I wonder if Jackoway hammered that interim agreement with Hamas? :devil:
3..That's not a kitty sir, it's a Sphinx
2..It's nice to finally put a face to the devastation I've created
1..My next stop... the Middle West
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN PROGRAMS ON OPRAH'S NEW TV NETWORK
10..Law and Oprah
9..The Oprentice
8..As Oprah's World Turns
7..Two and a Half Stedmans
6..Hawaii Five-Oprah
5..Gayle King of Queens
4..NO #4..writer making his Bucket list
3..Oprahstar Galatica
2..Sofa Repair with Tom Cruise
1..More Bull.... from Dr. Phil :lol:
10..Law and Oprah
9..The Oprentice
8..As Oprah's World Turns
7..Two and a Half Stedmans
6..Hawaii Five-Oprah
5..Gayle King of Queens
4..NO #4..writer making his Bucket list
3..Oprahstar Galatica
2..Sofa Repair with Tom Cruise
1..More Bull.... from Dr. Phil :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN OBAMA CAMPAIGN PROMISES PRESENTED BY SENATOR BARACK OBAMA "he was cute and funny" good PR move!
10..To keep the budget balanced, I'll rent the Situation Room for sweet sixteens
9..I will double your tax money at the craps table
8..Appoint Mitt Rommey as Secretary of "Lookin' Good"
7..If you bring a gator' to the White House, I'll wrassle it
6..I'll put Regis on the nickle :lol:
5..I'll rename the 10th month of the year as Baracktober'
4..I won't let Apple iPod release the new improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model
3..I'll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece :lol:
2..Pronnounce the word nuclear..nuclear
1..3 words Vice President Oprah :lol:
good PR move!10..To keep the budget balanced, I'll rent the Situation Room for sweet sixteens
9..I will double your tax money at the craps table
8..Appoint Mitt Rommey as Secretary of "Lookin' Good"
7..If you bring a gator' to the White House, I'll wrassle it
6..I'll put Regis on the nickle :lol:
5..I'll rename the 10th month of the year as Baracktober'
4..I won't let Apple iPod release the new improved iPod the day after you bought the previous model
3..I'll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece :lol:
2..Pronnounce the word nuclear..nuclear
1..3 words Vice President Oprah :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN REJECTED TITLES FOR THE GEORGE W. BUSH MOVIE
10.."Jackass 3"
9.."The Lyin' King"
8.."The Departed As Of January 20th 2009"
7.."Stop Or My Vice President Will Shoot"
6.."Dial M For Moron"
5.."Das Boob"
4.."When Sally Met Cheney's Daughter"
3.."White House Can't Govern"
2.."The Nightmare Before Hillary"
1.."Raging Bull****"
10.."Jackass 3"
9.."The Lyin' King"
8.."The Departed As Of January 20th 2009"
7.."Stop Or My Vice President Will Shoot"
6.."Dial M For Moron"
5.."Das Boob"
4.."When Sally Met Cheney's Daughter"
3.."White House Can't Govern"
2.."The Nightmare Before Hillary"
1.."Raging Bull****"
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN BUSH IDEAS FOR STIMULATING THE ECONOMY
10..Send troops to invade the U.S. Mint
9..Oprah gives everyone a new car
8..Turn Grand Canyon into a national "have a penny, leave a penny"
7..Cheney threatens to shoot treasury secretary in the face :lol:
6..Plans to fix it in his 3rd term
5..Replace Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernnke with briefcase babes from "Deal or No Deal"
4..Send elite team of economists to rob Mick Jagger's apt.
3..Ahhh..somebody help..Cloverfield monster..run for you life
2..Maybe not spending a billions dollars a month in Iraq
1..Forget the economy..why doesn't someone try stimulating Condoleezza
10..Send troops to invade the U.S. Mint
9..Oprah gives everyone a new car
8..Turn Grand Canyon into a national "have a penny, leave a penny"
7..Cheney threatens to shoot treasury secretary in the face :lol:
6..Plans to fix it in his 3rd term
5..Replace Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernnke with briefcase babes from "Deal or No Deal"
4..Send elite team of economists to rob Mick Jagger's apt.
3..Ahhh..somebody help..Cloverfield monster..run for you life
2..Maybe not spending a billions dollars a month in Iraq
1..Forget the economy..why doesn't someone try stimulating Condoleezza
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS EXCUSES
10..WHAT? it's the best of seven
9..Too much pre-game Chowder
8..Since when is that dude allowed to catch a ball with his head?
7..Terrified by FOX football robot
6..Every thing was fine till Dr. Phil decided to straighten things out
5..Should have campaigned harder in Florida
4..The entire team stayed up to late the night before watching a Hannah Montana concert movie
3..Exhausted after spending hours consoling a weepy Terrell Owens
2..We thought the game was supposed to be on Super Tuesday
1..Airline lost our 'roids'
10..WHAT? it's the best of seven
9..Too much pre-game Chowder
8..Since when is that dude allowed to catch a ball with his head?
7..Terrified by FOX football robot
6..Every thing was fine till Dr. Phil decided to straighten things out
5..Should have campaigned harder in Florida
4..The entire team stayed up to late the night before watching a Hannah Montana concert movie
3..Exhausted after spending hours consoling a weepy Terrell Owens
2..We thought the game was supposed to be on Super Tuesday
1..Airline lost our 'roids'
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU WON'T BE WINNING A GRAMMY
10..Your CD is used to torture Gitmo detainees
9..Closet you've been to the music industry, is when some drunk mistook you for Rueben Studdard
8..You're like Amy Winehouse, only less talented and crazier
7..There is no category for Outstanding Tambourine Player :lol:
6..After your songs are downloaded iTunes e-mails a reciept and an apology
5..Your song is 4 mintues testing one..testing 2..testing 3.. testing 4
4..Up against Diddy, for "Best Diddy" :lol:
3..Bands name "Mike & The Huckabees". or we could have accepted "Mitt & The Rommeys"
2..Your album just went aluminum..Hi-ooooh
1..Who gives a crap..The Giants kicked Patriots Ass! :devil:
10..Your CD is used to torture Gitmo detainees
9..Closet you've been to the music industry, is when some drunk mistook you for Rueben Studdard
8..You're like Amy Winehouse, only less talented and crazier
7..There is no category for Outstanding Tambourine Player :lol:
6..After your songs are downloaded iTunes e-mails a reciept and an apology
5..Your song is 4 mintues testing one..testing 2..testing 3.. testing 4
4..Up against Diddy, for "Best Diddy" :lol:
3..Bands name "Mike & The Huckabees". or we could have accepted "Mitt & The Rommeys"
2..Your album just went aluminum..Hi-ooooh
1..Who gives a crap..The Giants kicked Patriots Ass! :devil:
sandersidle
Captain
Ugh, I was so pissed off when she won like all of the catagories. I've never liked her music and I hate how she's missed/been late for tons of performances because she was on drugs, apparently. When she came to Canada she was supposed to perform on a show and she left the place, came back 5 minutes before it ended, just walked on stage and started singing. How professional. I know it's about the music but it just erks me.
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS ABRAHAM LINCOLN WOULD SAY IF HE WERE ALIVE TODAY
10..This guy is hilarious, but seriously, who's your real president? :lol:
9..I'd like to 'emancipate' Angelina Jolie
8..Sweet merciful Lord, these Applebees riblets are delicious
7..I hope the writers strike is over! I need my 'Desperate Housewives'
6..The farmers of the Constitution would care less about who's getting injected in their ass! :devil:
5..I'm here to unite our great nation over unbeliveable deals on brand name mattresses
4..Good heavens, McCain is still around
3..What's with the freakishly shrot hats?
2..Speaking of ancient dead guys, how's Letterman doing? :lol:
1..Seriously, what the hell is happening on "LOST"? :lol:
10..This guy is hilarious, but seriously, who's your real president? :lol:
9..I'd like to 'emancipate' Angelina Jolie
8..Sweet merciful Lord, these Applebees riblets are delicious
7..I hope the writers strike is over! I need my 'Desperate Housewives'
6..The farmers of the Constitution would care less about who's getting injected in their ass! :devil:
5..I'm here to unite our great nation over unbeliveable deals on brand name mattresses
4..Good heavens, McCain is still around
3..What's with the freakishly shrot hats?
2..Speaking of ancient dead guys, how's Letterman doing? :lol:
1..Seriously, what the hell is happening on "LOST"? :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAD A BAD VALENTINES DAY
10..You got a ticket to Hawaii..it's a bus ticket
9..There was hanky, but no panky
8..It was just you, your date, and his parole officer
7..Only person that saw you naked was your mother-in-law :devil:
6..You found out your date 'Sherry' was really 'Gary'
5..Night ended with you vomiting in a Red Lobster parking lot
4..Instead of cupid, you were shot by a Latin King as a part of a gang intiation :lol:
3..Somehow you ended up in a Mexican prison
2..During a moment of candelit passion, your hairpiece caught fire :lol:
1..When you dinner came out, so did your husband
10..You got a ticket to Hawaii..it's a bus ticket
9..There was hanky, but no panky
8..It was just you, your date, and his parole officer
7..Only person that saw you naked was your mother-in-law :devil:
6..You found out your date 'Sherry' was really 'Gary'
5..Night ended with you vomiting in a Red Lobster parking lot
4..Instead of cupid, you were shot by a Latin King as a part of a gang intiation :lol:
3..Somehow you ended up in a Mexican prison
2..During a moment of candelit passion, your hairpiece caught fire :lol:
1..When you dinner came out, so did your husband
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