DAVES TOP TEN

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Sorry, but actually it was 100x100. a bit over, but I thought there was a bit of leway :(25 pixels, not that much.. but OK ;)

TOP TEN MESSAGES LEFT ON BRITNEY SPEARS' ANSWERING MACHINE

10..It's Bill Clinton here, I hear you're confused and vulnerable, call me :eek:

9..Hi, Britney..good news, we now have a revolving door at rehab :eek:

8..Al Gore here, you're contributing to global warming, because your new look it "HOTT' :p

7..Hi, it's K-Fed, who would have thought I'd be the responsible one :(

6..Hi, it's Melania Trump, think you could use those clippers on Donalds head? :D

5..Hi, I'm calling from American Idol, think you could replace Paula Abdul as our crazy judge? :rolleyes:

4..NASA calling.. we think you might be astronaut material :D

3..Carol Channing here, I want my wig back, bitch :mad:

2..Hey, it's Paris, are we still sluttin' it up this weekend? :devil:

1..This is the hair salon, you left your underpants here :eek:
 
desertwind said:
Sorry, but actually it was 100x100. a bit over, but I thought there was a bit of leway :(25 pixels, not that much.. but OK ;)
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Your banner was 200 x 100. You had two 100 x 100 icons = 100 in hieght x 200 in width.

I've lost count on the amount of times I've asked you to keep to the correct banner size. The rules apply to everyone on the board, and most of the time everyone abides by it, and those who don't only have to be asked kindly once or twice.

You've been a member on the board for a long time and you know what the banner sizes are. You've already been asked four times this year (I've lost count of how many times I asked you last year) and you blatantly ignore it. Do you expect us to keep on telling you to change it everytime you do it? You have created a mountain out of a molehill and I don't need to tell you that you are on very thin ice.
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR TEAM IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE NCAA BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT

10..Center is only 5'9..in heels :lol:

9..Team gets psyched before the game listening to Clay Akin :confused:

8..Your official Las Vegas odds are.. "Yeah right" :rolleyes:

7..Instead of gatorade, team chugs Yoo-Hoo :eek:

6..Gave up basketball for lent :D

5..Your shoe deal is with Thom MacAn ;)

4..PLayers complain to refs that the other team is "always getting in the way" :lol:

3..They lead the division in groin pulls :(


2..Starting point guard recently shaved his head, and check into rehab :mad:

1..Caught two of the guys playing a little "man-to-man" in the locker room :eek:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS THE GOVERNMENT IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY

10..State dinners are at IHOP :D

9..Country renamed United States of Ditech.com :eek:

8..Had to fire Laura's sexy Dominician gardner :p

7..Witness protection program now issues informant's a fake moustache :lol:

6..For ten bucks you can punch Cheney in the stomach :eek:

5..Bush's awkard call to Mr. Milosevich asking if he was in Slobodan's will :D

4..The original constitution on eBay :rolleyes:

3..N S A can only afford to tap phones during off-peak hours :(

2..Price of a stamp now two grand :mad:

1..Cheney was spotted strolling into a bank carrying a 12-gauge shotgun :devil:
 
desertwind said:
TOP TEN SIGNS THE GOVERNMENT IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY
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The IRS taxes the heck out of us... Oh, wait a moment. They already do that.

(Just kidding, IRS agents. Nice IRS agents. Good IRS agents.)
 
Don't get me startd on the IRS, I'm adamantly against them.. it's like a Nazi tactic, they tax you to death, and then they want more.. :mad:they need to abolish it!!!
 
TOP TEN SIGNS BRITNEY SPEARS IS LOSING HER MIND

10..Severly beat a man for cutting in front of her at a buffet line :eek:

9..Donates money to the Dennis Kucinich for President campaign :rolleyes:

8..Her old role model..Paris Hilton..her new role model..Courtney Love :(

7..Driving down the freeway holding newly adpoted Danny DiVito on her lap :confused:

6..She just bought a jumbo pack of diapers :D

5..Keeps asking herself.."What would Liza Minnelli do"? :rolleyes:

4..In a fit of rage, grounded her youngest son from driving until he's six :mad:

3..Instead of panties, wearing Trump's hairpiece :cool:

2..She no longer gives off the refined elegance she once did :lol:

1..Went on 'Letterman" to declare she's running for president :eek:
 
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE GRAMMY AWARDS

10.."Uh-oh, Letterman's wearing the same outfit as Shakira :lol:

9..This year is definatley more Grammier than last year :eek:

8..They shouldn't leave dirty mops hanging around like that..oops, that's Willie Nelson :rolleyes:

7..Mary J. Blige's acceptance speech was longer than Billy Ray Cyrus career :D

6..Run for your lives!! it's the re-animated corpse of James Brown :(

5..Which Backstreet Boy parked your car? :cool:

4..Look, Kristie Ally gained all her weight back, oh, wait, that's Barbra Streisand :confused:

3..Did I wear my panties, or not :eek:

2..Oh, my gawd..Queen Latifah just ate Prince :D

1..Who are those guys with Sting? :lol:
 
TOP TEN ITEMS IN MADONNA'S NEW CLOTHING LINE

10..Jerseys of all the professional athletes she's had sex with :eek:

9..The Suddenly Seeking Susan Suppport Bra :D

8..British handbag with fake accents :rolleyes:

7..Guy Ritchie Collar and Leash :confused:

6..Sweaters woven from Rosie O'Donnell's back hair :lol:

5..The Papa Don't Preach Chastity belt :cool:

4..Orthopedic stilettos :eek:

3..My First Tassles Training Bra :(

2..The 'Like A Virgin' But A Lot Sluttier Halter Top :p

1..The Crotchesless Burka :D
 
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT OSAMA BIN LADEN'S 50th BIRTHDAY PARTY

10..Who's up for "pin the turban on the blind Sheik" :devil:

9.Death to those novelty candels that light up again after you blow them out :mad:

8..Mullah Omar's ruining late..he forgot to change his clocks back :D

7..To fool United States Special Forces..we had the bakery wrote "Happy Birthday" Debbie :lol:

6..For he's a jolly good fellow, the infidels will not deny :devil:

5..I hope you don't already have "Who's The Boss" season 1 on DVD :lol:

4..Paris Hilton will attend anything :eek:

3..When does the stripper jump out of the falafel :rolleyes:

2..No cake for you Osama. you'vwe already ballooned up to 102 pounds :lol:

1..Saddam sent a congratulatory telegram from hell :devil:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH NEWT GINGRICH

10..When people say Newt Gingrich screwed the middle class, wife says, "damn straight" :eek:

9..Comes home from work smelling all 'newty" :confused:

8..You find a love letter signed by "Newt-Ron-Bomb" :devil:

7..She starts buying black market Vicodin for Rush Limbaugh :eek:

6..You find a congressional gavel floating in your hot tub :eek:

5..A strange voice on your answering machine asks wife if she wants to "Newt" it up this weekend :rolleyes:

4..During sex, she screams provisions from the 1994 Contract With America :lol:

3..You overhear her in the next room, but all you can make out is 'Trent Lott" and "threesome" :eek:

2..No #2.. writer stuck on the ground waiting for JetBlue to take off :D

1..There's a photo of them on Newt Gingrich Is Sleeping With Your wife.com :lol:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH COLLEGE BASKETBALL

10..To get in the mood, ask wife to dress like Billy Packer :eek:

9..Human Resources asks you to stop handchecking co-workers :(

8..When announcer says Butler guard A.J. Graves averages 2-4 rebounds a game..you mutter" it's 2-3 moron" :eek:

7..Just hired a guy to mop your sweat :confused:

6..Your kids are seeded on how much you love them :(

5..In honor of Texas A&M you name your kids A & M and Ampersand :rolleyes:

4..Checked into rehab, to kick your $500 a day "nacho-cheese" habit :p

3..In a pinch, you ask what would UNLV coach Greg Grinsing do? :confused:

2..The nagging voice in your head says "Cheney and I really should be focusing on Iraq" :mad:

1..Difficult to tell where your ass ends and the couch begins :lol:
 
TOP TEN OTHER NEW YORK TIMES ALLEGATIONS AGAINST AL GORE

10..In addition to "An Inconvenient Truth" he also wrote "Big Mamma's House" :lol:

9..Tells attractive ladies that that they can help fight global warming by sleeping with him :mad:

8..Against CO2. but insists on inhaling carbon dioxide :eek:

7..Ordered his limousine stocked with Yoo-Hoo :p

6..Al Gore, Al Qaeda, not a concidence :(

5..On his Senate desk, he carved "I like big girls"

4..He killed beloved winemaker Earnest Gallo :devil:

3..Global warming is his excuse for not wearing underpants :rolleyes:

2.."Al" is short for Alice :eek:

1..Real reason polar bears are becoming extinct.. he's eating them :mad:
 
TOP TEN QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE ORDERING A $1,000 PIZZA

10..Will they let me rent a pizza? :eek:

9..Does my bank offer pizza mortgages? :D

8..Can I afford the extra cheese? :(

7..Does blowing my kids tuition on pizza make me a bad father? :confused:

6..If I don't order a $1,000 pizza, have the terrorists won? :eek:

5..Which would be a bigger waste..this or a contribution to the Dennis Kucinich Presidential Campaign Fund? :rolleyes:

4..Is there a discount, it I order more than one? :lol:

3..What would Al Gore do? :rolleyes:

2..How much for a large? :p

1..Only $1,000..what's the catch? :D
 
TOP TEN TEN THINGS I CAN SAY NOW THAT I'M MISS USA

10..I saved 15% on my tiara insurance by wwitching to Geico :lol:

9..I'm spending my scholarship money on one of them 108 plasma TV's :rolleyes:

8.."I'm Canadian" :confused:

7..Look for me at a local boat show near you :cool:

6..I'm not saying who, but one of the finalists wasn't a Miss :eek:

5..During the pageant, I stayed focused backstage, by punching a side of frozen beef :D

4..Miss New York taught me how to hot wire a Honda Civic :eek:

3..I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the congratulation call came for Clinton, not Bush :devil:

2..I know I'm supposed to say I was awkward in high school, but I really was "hott" :p

1..Hey, I thoought I was going to be on Leno :lol:
 
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