DAVES TOP TEN

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE THE GRAMMY AWARDS MORE EXCITING

10..Have one Grammy full of angry 'yellow jackets'

9..Less Rascal..More Flatts

8..Give a Grammy to the artist who's CD is the easiest to open..am I right people?

7..Have Michael Richards hands out the best Rap and Hip Hop award

6..A Madonna kiss re-inacted by Justin and Ludacris

5..Announce Academy Award winners

4..Peformance by Dennis Kucinich

3..Put another 'M' in Grammy

2..Satellite hook-up to any artist who's incarcerated

1..A special Grammy to anyone who isn't wearing underpants
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN A GRAMMY

10..You're built like that heavyset "Dreamgirl" but you can't sing like her :D

9..Only song, is a love ballad to Fidel Castro :devil:

8..Instead of gold or platinum your album went cardboard :lol:

7..Whenever you sing, the neighborhood pets began humping each other :D

6..Your name is Kevin Federline :eek:

5..Album is 50% singing..50% wet hacking cough :eek:

4..The last award you won, was for eating the most ribs :lol:

3..Your music is played primarily at rodeos :lol:

2..In your attempt to bring "sexy back" you got a sexually transmitted disease :(

1..Snoop Dogg, referred to your last album as a piece of Shizzle :D
 
TOP TEN SIGSN BILL GATES IS YOUR SECRET VALENTINE

10..You couldn't read your vallentine card due to the 32-bit encryption scheme :eek:

9..You're invited to a romantic evening at Circuit City :D

8..Love notes printed in C++ :rolleyes:

7..You get a card, a box of chocolates and Rhode Island :lol:

6..The Valentine card you recieve is a cheap imitation of the one Steve Jobs sent out 5 years ago :confused:

5..Valentine card asks for the password to your "inbox" :D

4..You get a lovely note inviting you to "convert my floppy to a hard drive :cool:

3..Couldn't decide which card to busy so bought you a Hallmark store :D

2..Before sex, he has to run an anti-virus on you :eek:

1..Melinda Gates drivesd 900 miles in diapers to mace you :eek:
 
TOP TEN THINGS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE EXERCISING NAKED

10..Does my insurance cover naked gym accidents? :eek:

9..Can I handle a naked dude spotting me? :rolleyes:

8..Is this even legal? :D

7..Does mean I'm gay? :p

6..Is this some sort of "Dateline " sting? :confused:

5..What is their policy on squatting? :eek:

4..Will this be on YouTube? :lol:

3..If I get in shape, will that crazy astronaut chick start stalking me? :rolleyes:

2..Do I want to be known as that dude who caught his deal in the leg press ? :D

1..Where do I put my locker key? :D
 
TOP TEN JETBLUE EXCUSES

10..10-hour delay? Hey that's actually pretty good for us :eek:

9..It could be worse.. oh, wait.. no it couldn't :(

8..We really don't have an excuse right now, but hopefully after the 10-hr. wait we'll come up with one :D

7..Hey, it takes that long to open a pkg. of peanuts.. am I right ladies and gentleman :lol:

6..You've got to admit, that after 6 hrs. it started to be funny :mad:


5..It's still better than flying Delta :confused:

4..There's a monster on the right wing :rolleyes:.

3..No # 3.. writer still stuck on the wing ;)

2..Who could leave New York right in the middle of Ventriloquist Week :D

1.. Pilots to drunk to fly :eek:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR CITY IS TOO FAT

10..Towns fire hydrants spew Cheez Whiz :lol:

9..Majority of 911 calls involve people stuck in doorways :eek:

8..People only vote her, hoping that when they pull the lever a Twix bar sill fall out :lol:

7..All the streets named after cakes.. al the avenues after pies :rolleyes:

6..Town motto 'Are you going to finish that" :D

5..When Al Gore is in town, people ask, "who's that skinny guy"? :confused:


4..Elevators have max occupancy of 1 :lol:

3..Townfolks still talk about the "summer of 53" when someone ordered a salad :eek:

2..Everynight on the news, it's about "bridge collapes" :eek:

1..Officially changed name to Fat-Ass-Achusetts :D
 
desertwind said:
TOP TEN SIGSN BILL GATES IS YOUR SECRET VALENTINE

5..Valentine card asks for the password to your "inbox" :D

4..You get a lovely note inviting you to "convert my floppy to a hard drive :cool:

2..Before sex, he has to run an anti-virus on you :eek:

1..Melinda Gates drivesd 900 miles in diapers to mace you :eek:
Click to expand...

Those ones killed me :lol:. This is one of the funniest top ten lists in a very long time :lol:.
 
TOP TEN WAYS GOEORGE W. BUSH CELEBRATED PRESIDENTS DAY

10..Took part in the great White House tradition.. groped an intern :eek:

9..Same as every year.. watched Maury.. then went hunting for squirrele :lol:

8..Spent morning hunting for egss on the White House lawn :p

7..Videotaped himself playing "Stardust To Heaven" on his guitar, put it on YouTube :lol: :lol: :lol:

6..Nothing..Air Force One, was stuck behind JetBlue :mad:

5..Planned 2008 campaign re-election :rolleyes:

4..Sat and thought about new ways to alienate America from the rest of the world :(

3..Dig up Saddam and hang him again :devil:

2..Getting loaded, and shaved his head like Britney :eek:

1..Did someone say "Norbit"? :confused:
 
TOP TEN QUESTIONS YO ASK YOURSELF BEFOR EATING PEANUT BUTTER

10..If I die, will I stick to the roof of the coffin? :eek:

9..Do I really want the word "chunky" in my obituary? :(

8..How can I get samonella, when I didn't even eat salmon? :rolleyes:

7..Is this what killed the mummified guy in Long Island? :D

6..Should I just stick with tainted spinach? :(

5..No #5..writer sick from eating peanut butter :(

4..What would Britney do? :rolleyes:

3..Does Smuckers make an anti-botic jelly? ;)

2..What will my kids say when they find out I was killed by Peter Pan? :lol:

1..How can I blame JetBlue for this one? :eek:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR FILM WON'T BE WINNING AN ACADEMY AWARD

10..It was directed by Kenny Scorsese :lol:

9..In the middle of one scene, an actor calls his agent, and fires him :eek:

8..It's a gut wrenching drama about on mans struggle to hook up his Sirus Satellite radio :confused:

7..Actoes are kitties :rolleyes:

6..You couldn't afford Prada, so devil wearsa Hillary Clinton pantsuit :D

5..Did we really need a movie version of "Who's The Boss" :lol:

4..No #4.. writer was stuck on JetBlue :(

3..Heroes spaceship is actually a "95 Ford Focus" :eek:

2..Title has word "Snakes" and "Planes" :eek:

1..DVD starts with FBI warning "This film is a piece of crap" :lol:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN STUCK ON A PLANE FOR 10 HOURS

10..You've categorized your fellow pasengers according to the order in which you'd eat them :(

9..President Bush calls pilot, says he's doing a "heck of a job" :D

8..You discover that every passenber and crew member is related to Kevin Bacon :eek:

7..Your rear end has become a flotation device :lol:

6..The pilots have both sobered up :rolleyes:

5..You've finally managed to open your packet of peanuts :confused:

4..Dr. Phil is starting to make a lot of sense :D

3..Britney Spears has been in and out of rehab 5 times since you boarded :eek:

2..You get so loopy, you began to think you're the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby :D

1..Everyone on board has had sex with Ralph Fiennes :p
 
desertwind, the maximum allowed size of a signature banner is 220x75 pixels. Yours is 200x100 pixels. Please edit it, thank you.
 
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