DAVES TOP TEN

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TOP TEN SIGNS DONALD TRUMP HATES YOU

10..Wake up to see Miss USA and Miss Universe slashing your tires :mad:

9..Pet hamster is missing and Donald's got new hair :D

8..Instead of firing you, he kicks you in the nuts :eek:

7..Debuting new reality show where contestants take a leak on your lawn :(

6..Only gives you 2 minutes to vacate your apartment instead of his customary 45 :eek:

5..Buys all the pie in the world just so you can't have any pie :rolleyes:

4..Twice daily, you're beaten by casino goons :confused:

3..You wake up each morning to find dozens of empty hairspray cans in your mailbox :lol:

2..Offers free nights stay at his hotel to anyone who nails his wife :p

1..Your one of the hosts of "The View"
 
ok...whos donald trump? ive heard him mentioned in friends before when chandler said "but donald trump wants his blue blazer black" to joey
 
speedleishot said:
ok...whos donald trump? ive heard him mentioned in friends before when chandler said "but donald trump wants his blue blazer black" to joey
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Donald Trump is a multi-billonaire.. he owns mega Hotels/Casino's amonst other things... and has a show called "The Apprentice", if you want to read his bio. go to IMDB ;)
 
Top Ten Signs Your Dog Is Too Fat

10. Instead of "Ruff," he barks "Ruffles"

9. Ticks that suck his blood die from high cholesterol

8. Strangers mistake him for a fat guy in a dog suit

7. Collar is a forty-eight inch belt from Today's Man

6. Answers to the name "Cheney"

5. His dish is filled with Kibbles, Bits, and Lipitor

4. Dog door is larger than your front door

3. Put his head out the window and the car tipped over

2. He's the only dog that knows how to work a deep fryer

1. Never have to say "Stay" since his fat ass never moves
 
TOP TEN THINGS HEARD IN NEW YORK CITY TODAY

10..Hello, Police? The city smells slghtly worse than usual :(

9..We at Con-Ed will repair this problem on the 26th between 1 pm and 7 pm :mad:

8..I'm dizzy, nauseous, and my throats burning..It's like I ate at "Hello Deli" :D

7..My cab driver is disoriented..he's not driving on the sidewalk as usual :eek:

6..Relax,, breathing air is still safer than drinking the water :confused:

5..I hope this doesn't affect Tony Danza's performance in "The Producers" :lol:

4..The rats are wearing gas masks :eek:

3..Maybe it';s the gas, but I kind of find Letterman funny :D

2..Michael Richards is apologizing :devil:

1..All this choking makes me feel like I'm at a Knicks game :lol:
 
TOP TEN SURPRISES IN PRESIDENTS BUSH'S "60 MINUTES" INTERVIEW

10..Interview was conducted in Camp David hot tub :eek:

9..President refused to talk about anything except Jennifer Hudson's perormance in "Dream Girls" :D

8..Announced his candidacy for the 2008 presidential election :rolleyes:

7..While walking through the woods, constantly ducking Cheney buckshot :mad:

6..Vowed in the furture, he'll make better mistakes :confused:

5..All the Heineken empties :cool:

4..Paused for a CIA briefing about the Golden Globe winners :lol:

3..His Andy Rooney-esque rant about hard-to-open ketchup packets :D

2..His tearful admission how he bet the entire U.S. budget on the Chargers :rolleyes:

1..Just like Britney..no underpants :eek:
 
MacsGirlMel said:
LOL at the NY one, I soooo would love to work that into a fic hehe
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Go for it..that would be funny :D

TOP TEN LITTLE-KNOWN FACTS ABOUT BARACK OBAMA

10..As a child, was taunted with 'Obama's so fat" jokes :D

9..After finishing Harvard law, served as Doug Llewelyn's understudy on the "People's Court" :D


8..Follows Bush's weekly address DJing the 'Barock and Roll Power Hour" :eek:

7..Real last name..Obamawitz :D

6..At Senate hearings, throws on his iPod whenever John Kerry has the floor :confused:

5..Played Kenickle in the Senate production of Grease" :lol:

4..Makes immigration speeches as hilarious, uninformed foreigner, "Borat Obama" :lol:

3..Even Donald Trump can't think of anything nasty to say about him :mad:

2.Presides over Congressional Committee to lower Al Gore's body fat :eek:

1..Ony running to piss off Hilary :D
 
Top Ten Signs It's a Warm Winter

10. Flashers in New York City have removed liner from trenchcoats
Bill S, Stratford, CT

9. K-Fed's wearing his short-sleeved Taco Bell uniform
Jim Y, Cocoa, FL

8. The only reported case of frostbite this winter was at Ben & Jerry's warehouse
Kevin D, Westport, Co. Mayo, Ireland

7. The rats in New York have tan lines
William G, Greenburg, PA

6. Carnival Cruises advertising tropical getaway by sailing people down the Hudson
Chuck Y, Cincinnati, OH

5. Angelina Jolie adopts a glacier
Peter T, Mesquite, TX

4. Mickey Mouse drowned during "Disney on Ice" show
Steve R, Athens, OH

3. Even Ted Williams is beginning to complain
Shawn P, Nicholville

2. Paris Hilton saying "That's hot" 50% more
Philip M, Kinnelon, NJ

1. Letterman's hairpiece is blooming
 
TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR BREAKFAST CEREALS

10..Cap 'N' K-Fed

9..Kellog's Factory Floor Mystery Crunch :confused:

8..AL Sharptons Frosted Medallions :D

7.. Extra Sharp-Corn Flakes :p

6..Britney Spears Trix :rolleyes:

5..Drainola :eek:

4..Ordinary-K :lol:

3..Fruit and Flounder :(

2..Bits o' Beard :rolleyes:

1..Lettermans-O :lol:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS ROISE O'DONNELL HATES YOU

10..Well, for starters. you're sane and normal!! :D

9..She got so worked up..she almost missed a meal :rolleyes:

8..You notice your name of her Blog "People I Hate" has risen 87% :eek:

7..Wake up in bed next to Donald Trump's head :confused:

6..Using her connections with Dick Cheney's daughter to get you shot in the face :eek:

5..You were on the commission that banned trans-fat :eek:

4..She won't even take a box of free Girl Scout Cookies from you :(

3..Just to be sure you get the message, she emits a repulsive order enveloping your entire city :D

2..She interrupts Joy Behar's menopause story to slam you :eek:

1..Madonna just wacked you in the knee with a tire iron :devil:
 
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR OBESSESD WITH "AMERCIAN IDOL"

10..You berate your co-workers in a British accent, but you're from Cincinnati :lol:

9..Named your three kids "Paula, "Simon" and "The Other One" :lol:

8..Begasn attending fat camp in hopes of meeting Ruben :confused:

7..Your name is Gary, and you end each phone conversation with "Gary out" :D

5..Your baby's first word.."Dawg" :rolleyes:

4..No number four.. writer is watching "American Idol" :eek:

3..Your floor is littered with greasy sheets of plastic wrap (sorry, that's a sign you're obessed with American cheese) :lol:

2..Before sending letter to California you yell, "You're going to Hollywood" :D

1..Watched the first episode instead of working on your new plan for Iraq :devil:
 
TOP TEN SURPRISES IN GEORGE W. BUSH'S STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

10..Wore a "Hillary in 2008" T-shirt :lol:

9..Unveiled plan for botched invasion of Iran :mad:

8..Vowed to end America's dependence on foreign films :D

7..20-minute presentation on why "The OC" shouldn't be cancelled :rolleyes:

6..More than once, he turned and kissed Nancy Pelosi on the mouth :confused:


5..When he said "Times are tough, that's when I need a little pick up and reach for a Snickers :D

4..Concluded policy propasal with a rousing "Deal Or No Deal" :eek:

3..Announced intelligence repots suggest there is a veal shank under his suit :confused:

2..For viewers who have HDTV, he was 17% Bushier :rolleyes:

1..Showed up late because he was watching 'American Idol" :lol:
 
Top Ten Signs Rosie O'Donnell Hates You

10. Well, for starters, you're sane and normal
Mark M, Batavia, OH

9. She got so worked up, she almost missed a meal
Frank C, Toronto

8. Appearances of your name on her "People I Hate" blog have risen 87%
Bruce E, Oakville, ON

7. Wake up in bed next to Donald Trump's head
Eric U, Highwood, IL

6. Using her connections with Dick Cheney's daughter to get you shot in the face
Donny N, Navasota

5. You were on the commission that banned trans-fat in New York City
JR R, Lubbock, TX

4. She won't take a free box of Girl Scout cookies from you
Neil Y, Sardinia, OH

3. Just to be sure you get the message, she emits a repulsive odor enveloping your entire city
Bill S, Federal Way, WA

2. She interrupts a Joy Behar menopause story to slam you
Chris S, Grinnell, IA

1. Madonna just wacked you in the shin with a tire iron
Nelson S, Torrance, CA
 
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