Tinkerbell
Head of the Swing Shift
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DAVES TOP TEN
- Thread starter Desertwind
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Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AT A LAME NEW YEARS EVE PARTY
10..To give it a Times Square feel, eveyone is groped, fondled and pick-pockted
9..Party Hats, look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones :lol:
8.."Ball Drop" at midnight consists of a trick your Uncle Earl does when he's loaded
7..Champagne is really apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer
6..You notice a "Happy 1999" tag on the package of shrimp you've been eating all night
4..The only guests are you and Richard Simmons, and guess who wants a New Years Eve kiss
3..The Amish can do many things well..but throwing a party ain't one of them :lol:
2..It's just you and a dozen Mullahs in a cave
1..It's hled in March
10..To give it a Times Square feel, eveyone is groped, fondled and pick-pockted
9..Party Hats, look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones :lol:
8.."Ball Drop" at midnight consists of a trick your Uncle Earl does when he's loaded
7..Champagne is really apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer
6..You notice a "Happy 1999" tag on the package of shrimp you've been eating all night
4..The only guests are you and Richard Simmons, and guess who wants a New Years Eve kiss
3..The Amish can do many things well..but throwing a party ain't one of them :lol:
2..It's just you and a dozen Mullahs in a cave
1..It's hled in March
#6: ewwwwwwwh... :lol: I hope it won't happen to me tonight!
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN WAYS NEW YORK CITY IS DIFFERENT WHEN IT SNOWS
10..Crack diluted with road salt
9..Hardware stores charge a reasonable 40 dollars for a snow shovel
8..Cabs' bald tires replaced by bald snow tires
7..Ed Sullivan Theater suddenly the warmest place in town
6..Due to the wind chill factor, Jets' 5-and-8 record feels like 5-and-23 :lol:
5..There's an amazing stillness aside from, you know, the car alarms and gun shots
4..Radio City Rockettes dance in cross-country skis
3..Instead of garbage, Regis is pelted with snowballs
2..911 closes so emergency personnel can go sledding
1..At least now you can see the urine
10..Crack diluted with road salt
9..Hardware stores charge a reasonable 40 dollars for a snow shovel
8..Cabs' bald tires replaced by bald snow tires
7..Ed Sullivan Theater suddenly the warmest place in town
6..Due to the wind chill factor, Jets' 5-and-8 record feels like 5-and-23 :lol:
5..There's an amazing stillness aside from, you know, the car alarms and gun shots
4..Radio City Rockettes dance in cross-country skis
3..Instead of garbage, Regis is pelted with snowballs
2..911 closes so emergency personnel can go sledding
1..At least now you can see the urine
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN WAYS BUSH CAN RAISE HIS APPROVAL RATING
10..End controversial "tax cuts for jerks" programs
9..Build a giant Saddam Hussein doll, take it out to a White House tree and hang it :devil:
8..Make a film about his wild days hosting "The Gong Show" :lol:
7..Presidential pardon for Diana Ross
6..Use more adorable misprounciations like "aminal" and "pasghetti"
5..Pressure the FDA to make salty snack chips the main food group
4..Develop a catch phrase, like "What yo talkin' bout, Kim Jong 11
3..Find Osama Bin Laden
2..Let America know the White House has the loosest slots in town
1..Find Dick Cheney :lol:
10..End controversial "tax cuts for jerks" programs
9..Build a giant Saddam Hussein doll, take it out to a White House tree and hang it :devil:
8..Make a film about his wild days hosting "The Gong Show" :lol:
7..Presidential pardon for Diana Ross
6..Use more adorable misprounciations like "aminal" and "pasghetti"
5..Pressure the FDA to make salty snack chips the main food group
4..Develop a catch phrase, like "What yo talkin' bout, Kim Jong 11
3..Find Osama Bin Laden
2..Let America know the White House has the loosest slots in town
1..Find Dick Cheney :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD OUTSIDE SADDAM HUSSEIN'S EXECUTION
10..Would it have killed him to wear a tie :lol:
9..You know he left his entire estate to The Boys and Girls Club of New Jersey
8..Four dollars and a goat dog
7..I loved it when Chemical Ali sang, Wind Beneath My Wings"
6..Not what he had in mind
5..Lets start the wave
4..Is it too soon to start hitting on his wives?
3..Ryan Seacrest did a nice job on the countdown :lol:
2..Uday and Qusay wanted to be here, but they were too busy rotting in hell :devil:
1..He's dropped faster than Bush's poll numbers
10..Would it have killed him to wear a tie :lol:
9..You know he left his entire estate to The Boys and Girls Club of New Jersey
8..Four dollars and a goat dog
7..I loved it when Chemical Ali sang, Wind Beneath My Wings"
6..Not what he had in mind
5..Lets start the wave
4..Is it too soon to start hitting on his wives?
3..Ryan Seacrest did a nice job on the countdown :lol:
2..Uday and Qusay wanted to be here, but they were too busy rotting in hell :devil:
1..He's dropped faster than Bush's poll numbers
I don't find it funny at all (I just watched his execution 5 mins ago). Thanks anyway...
Thanks anyway...
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SHOWS ON THE NEW GAY TELEVISION CHANNEL
10..How I Met Your Brother
9..Gary's Anatomy
8..Desperate Poolboys
7..Everybody Loves Raymond..Especially Steve3
6..The King Of Queens
5..Not-So-Smallville
4..I Dream Of Gene :lol:
3..Gays Of Our Lifes
2..My Naem is Earl, And i Like Construction Workers
1..His Deal Or No Deal
10..How I Met Your Brother
9..Gary's Anatomy
8..Desperate Poolboys
7..Everybody Loves Raymond..Especially Steve
36..The King Of Queens
5..Not-So-Smallville
4..I Dream Of Gene :lol:
3..Gays Of Our Lifes
2..My Naem is Earl, And i Like Construction Workers
1..His Deal Or No Deal
Top Ten Newspaper Headlines in 2007
10. "Streisand Announces A Farewell Tour"
Richard B., Seattle, WA
9. "Al Gore Replaces James Brown As Godfather Of Soul"
John S., Indianapolis, IN
8. "Dick Clark Rings In New Year On July 4th 'Just In Case'"
Donna V., Sinking Spring, PA
7. "Larry King Still Looks Like An Owl"
Howard S., Burlington, NC
6. "P. Diddy Announces New Name Change To 'Sally'"
Alex K., San Diego, CA
5. "Madonna Adopts Kevin Federline"
Thomas K., Niteroi, Brazil
4. "Stallone To Start Filming 'Rocky Balboa II: Rocky VII'"
Bill W., Morris Plains, NJ
3. "Trump Buys 'The View,' Fires Rosie"
Matt I., Brooklyn, NY
2. "Crisis In Iraq Over: Angelina Jolie Adopts The Whole Country"
Tony S., San Jose, CA
1. "Letterman And Oprah To Wed"
Peter L., Sydney, Australia
10. "Streisand Announces A Farewell Tour"
Richard B., Seattle, WA
9. "Al Gore Replaces James Brown As Godfather Of Soul"
John S., Indianapolis, IN
8. "Dick Clark Rings In New Year On July 4th 'Just In Case'"
Donna V., Sinking Spring, PA
7. "Larry King Still Looks Like An Owl"
Howard S., Burlington, NC
6. "P. Diddy Announces New Name Change To 'Sally'"
Alex K., San Diego, CA
5. "Madonna Adopts Kevin Federline"
Thomas K., Niteroi, Brazil
4. "Stallone To Start Filming 'Rocky Balboa II: Rocky VII'"
Bill W., Morris Plains, NJ
3. "Trump Buys 'The View,' Fires Rosie"
Matt I., Brooklyn, NY
2. "Crisis In Iraq Over: Angelina Jolie Adopts The Whole Country"
Tony S., San Jose, CA
1. "Letterman And Oprah To Wed"
Peter L., Sydney, Australia
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
:lol: :lol: :lol: those were hysterical
TOP TEN GEORGE W. BUSH NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
10..Fewer decisions based on wild, drunken hunches :lol:
9..Have N.S.A. find out what really happend beteen Britney and K-fed
8.Stop using Situation Room monitors to play X-Box 360
7..More C-SPAN, less "Yes Dear"
6..Team up with the leading scientists ot make Cheetos even more cheesier
5..To capture and bring King Kong to justice
4..Beat the twins at beer pong
3..Respond to reporters about Iraq wth "Don't go there, Bitch"
:devil:
2..Scale back on grueling 12-hour work week
1..Who needs resolutions? Everything is fine
TOP TEN GEORGE W. BUSH NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
10..Fewer decisions based on wild, drunken hunches :lol:
9..Have N.S.A. find out what really happend beteen Britney and K-fed
8.Stop using Situation Room monitors to play X-Box 360
7..More C-SPAN, less "Yes Dear"
6..Team up with the leading scientists ot make Cheetos even more cheesier
5..To capture and bring King Kong to justice
4..Beat the twins at beer pong
3..Respond to reporters about Iraq wth "Don't go there, Bitch"
:devil:
2..Scale back on grueling 12-hour work week
1..Who needs resolutions? Everything is fine
#1 is so true, I'm sure he'd say this. Thanks desertwind.
Thanks desertwind.
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
Yeah, BUSH, is not too popular right now, but NO political comments beyond that!!!
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE ALREADY HAVING A BAD YEAR!!
10..You've spent the whole week coughing up confetti
9..Already broke resolution to make it through year with all ten fingers
8..People still haven't forgotten about your 2006 racial rants
7..New Year's kiss was swiftly followed by a restraining order
6..Your approval rate is below freezing
5..Bet life savings on the Knicks
4..Still wrriting "2006" on your parole request forms :lol:
3..You wife had the first baby of the year, but you haven't had sex in two years
2..People keep asking what size noose you take
1..You're sitting at your desk, reading a lame Top Ten list
beyond that!!!TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE ALREADY HAVING A BAD YEAR!!
10..You've spent the whole week coughing up confetti
9..Already broke resolution to make it through year with all ten fingers
8..People still haven't forgotten about your 2006 racial rants
7..New Year's kiss was swiftly followed by a restraining order
6..Your approval rate is below freezing
5..Bet life savings on the Knicks
4..Still wrriting "2006" on your parole request forms :lol:
3..You wife had the first baby of the year, but you haven't had sex in two years
2..People keep asking what size noose you take
1..You're sitting at your desk, reading a lame Top Ten list
Top Ten Features of Bush's New Iraq Plan
10. Make the war best two-out-of-three
9. Blame it on that crazy New York gas leak
8. Convene blue-ribbon study group; ignore recommendations
7. Consult with Rumsfeld, who's now working as a casino greeter
6. Sit on ass until January 2009; let Hillary figure it out
5. Send Cheney to Baghdad with a shotgun
4. Tax cuts for the rich
3. Put Giants coach Tom Coughlin in charge of enemy, watch them collapse
2. Raise money for escalation by robbing Mick Jagger's apartment
1. Dig up Saddam and execute him again
---
Top Ten Features of Bush's New Iraq Plan
Undercover camels
0% down 0% interest 'till 2008
Beg Superman to bail us out
Bomb North Korea
Start drinkin' again
Take six week working vacation at Crawford ranch
Send in that Jack Bauer guy
Shift blame for the whole mess from America to similiar-sounding Armenia
10. Make the war best two-out-of-three
9. Blame it on that crazy New York gas leak
8. Convene blue-ribbon study group; ignore recommendations
7. Consult with Rumsfeld, who's now working as a casino greeter
6. Sit on ass until January 2009; let Hillary figure it out
5. Send Cheney to Baghdad with a shotgun
4. Tax cuts for the rich
3. Put Giants coach Tom Coughlin in charge of enemy, watch them collapse
2. Raise money for escalation by robbing Mick Jagger's apartment
1. Dig up Saddam and execute him again
---
Top Ten Features of Bush's New Iraq Plan
Undercover camels
0% down 0% interest 'till 2008
Beg Superman to bail us out
Bomb North Korea
Start drinkin' again
Take six week working vacation at Crawford ranch
Send in that Jack Bauer guy
Shift blame for the whole mess from America to similiar-sounding Armenia
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
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