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Wait. I know where I know that guy. He's my friend's dad!
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- Thread starter Desertwind
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Wait. I know where I know that guy. He's my friend's dad!
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAD A BAD THANKSGIVING
10..You ran out of booze by 11 am
9..Most frequently used word at dinner 'Heimlich" :lol:
8..Meal was leftovers from last Thanksgiving
7..Thanks to new electric knife..kids fought over wishbone and your severed thumb
6..The turkey was wearing a dog collar :lol:
5..Spent day in Times Square waiting for the giant turkey to drop
4..Woke up from tryptophan induced sleep to find yourself naked on the driveway
3..When dinner came out..so did your son
2..Laura and the twins lock you out
1..Your turkey dinner was the only breast you've touched all year
10..You ran out of booze by 11 am
9..Most frequently used word at dinner 'Heimlich" :lol:
8..Meal was leftovers from last Thanksgiving
7..Thanks to new electric knife..kids fought over wishbone and your severed thumb
6..The turkey was wearing a dog collar :lol:
5..Spent day in Times Square waiting for the giant turkey to drop
4..Woke up from tryptophan induced sleep to find yourself naked on the driveway
3..When dinner came out..so did your son
2..Laura and the twins lock you out
1..Your turkey dinner was the only breast you've touched all year
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SLOGANS FOR THE NEW WAL-MART WINE gross on the news it'll be selling for $2 bucks a bottle :lol:
10.."When K-Mart Wine Just Won't Do"
9.."I Can't Believe It's Not Wine"..
8..Show YOur Friends How Little You Care" :devil:
7.."Kills Germs On Contact"
6.."Recommended by 4 out of 5 Drifters"
5.."Crack Open A Can Today"
4.."Fresh From the Vineyards of Aisle 6"
3.."Here's to Making Bail"
2.."Feeling Down After Being Thrown Out by Britney"
1.."Goes Great With a 20-Dollar Hooker"
on the news it'll be selling for $2 bucks a bottle :lol:10.."When K-Mart Wine Just Won't Do"
9.."I Can't Believe It's Not Wine"
..8..Show YOur Friends How Little You Care" :devil:
7.."Kills Germs On Contact"
6.."Recommended by 4 out of 5 Drifters"
5.."Crack Open A Can Today"
4.."Fresh From the Vineyards of Aisle 6"
3.."Here's to Making Bail"
2.."Feeling Down After Being Thrown Out by Britney"
1.."Goes Great With a 20-Dollar Hooker"
Top Ten Slogans For The Wal-Mart Wine
"Red Wine for Rednecks"
"The Schlitz of Wines!"
"So Cheap, Even Our Employees Can Afford It"
"The Perfect Compliment to Hot Pockets"
"Harvested From Leftover Table Wine at The Olive Garden"
"Hit Rock Bottom With Us!"
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Top Ten Reasons Donald Rumsfeld Is Resigning
10. Wants to try to salvage his marriage to Britney
9. Ordering the illegal torture of detainees is more of a young man's game
8. Offered Bob Barker's job on "The Price Is Right"
7. Wants to try screwing up the world in the private sector
6. Just demonstrating his exit strategy
5. For a complete list of reasons send a self-addressed stamped envelope to Bob Woodward
4. Congress wouldn't fund his new weapon system: monkeys with jet packs
3. No point in trying to be the most evil guy in the room when you work with Dick Cheney
2. Wanted to go out while he was on top
1. Plans to become Secretary of Sitting on His Ass
"Red Wine for Rednecks"
"The Schlitz of Wines!"
"So Cheap, Even Our Employees Can Afford It"
"The Perfect Compliment to Hot Pockets"
"Harvested From Leftover Table Wine at The Olive Garden"
"Hit Rock Bottom With Us!"
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Top Ten Reasons Donald Rumsfeld Is Resigning
10. Wants to try to salvage his marriage to Britney
9. Ordering the illegal torture of detainees is more of a young man's game
8. Offered Bob Barker's job on "The Price Is Right"
7. Wants to try screwing up the world in the private sector
6. Just demonstrating his exit strategy
5. For a complete list of reasons send a self-addressed stamped envelope to Bob Woodward
4. Congress wouldn't fund his new weapon system: monkeys with jet packs
3. No point in trying to be the most evil guy in the room when you work with Dick Cheney
2. Wanted to go out while he was on top
1. Plans to become Secretary of Sitting on His Ass
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
Recently a customer claimed he got ill.. after eating a Taco here.. said "it had drugs in it"!!!
TOP TEN TACO BELL EXCUSES
10..Drugs help hide the taste of coyote meat
9..Can't keep staff focused since the breakup of the Britney/Kevin split
8..Hard to tell what customer ordered through cheap-drive-thru microphone, am I right, ladies and gentleman?
7..We need to hire more drug sniffing chilhuahuas
6..The drugs should kill the E.coli
5..No Number 5...writer ate bad taco
4..He asked for a value meal..he got a value meal
3..Who cares.. It's impressionist week :lol:
2..Accidently gave the guy Rush Limbaugh's order
1..We were thinking outside the box :devil:
TOP TEN TACO BELL EXCUSES
10..Drugs help hide the taste of coyote meat
9..Can't keep staff focused since the breakup of the Britney/Kevin split
8..Hard to tell what customer ordered through cheap-drive-thru microphone, am I right, ladies and gentleman?
7..We need to hire more drug sniffing chilhuahuas
6..The drugs should kill the E.coli
5..No Number 5...writer ate bad taco
4..He asked for a value meal..he got a value meal
3..Who cares.. It's impressionist week :lol:
2..Accidently gave the guy Rush Limbaugh's order
1..We were thinking outside the box :devil:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN CHAPTER TITLES IN O.J. SIMPSON'S NEW BOOK dispicable A..hole
10..People On My To Kill List
9..Tuesday With Robert Blake
8..The Murder Is Hidden In Your Town
7..100 Alibis For All Occassions
6..Guitar and Dance Lessons & Other Thing I've Taken A Stab At
5..How I Killed Osama
4..My Confession..I Love Pop-Tarts
3..Things I Want To o Before I Go To Hell :devil:
2..It's Not Like I'm Blaming It On The Jews
1..If Murdering Two People Is A Crime. Then Call me Guilty
10..People On My To Kill List
9..Tuesday With Robert Blake
8..The Murder Is Hidden In Your Town
7..100 Alibis For All Occassions
6..Guitar and Dance Lessons & Other Thing I've Taken A Stab At
5..How I Killed Osama
4..My Confession..I Love Pop-Tarts
3..Things I Want To o Before I Go To Hell :devil:
2..It's Not Like I'm Blaming It On The Jews
1..If Murdering Two People Is A Crime. Then Call me Guilty
I agree with you completely about OJ. I haven't decided if I'm going to buy his book or not.
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Top Ten Reasons Britney Spears Is Getting A Divorce
10. "Annulment" was too hard to spell
Matt S., Hoffman Estates, IL
9. Realized all they really had in common was a love of tater tots
Keith B., West Chester, PA
8. Hard to believe, but K-Fed really is as dumb as he looks
Shep M., Lexington
7. Fed up with that Borat guy getting all the attention
Edward K., Fairfield, CT
6. Kids are now ready to handle driving and errands
Lloyd C., Clovis, CA
5. Got tired of all the crying and diaper changes -- plus, she had to take care of the kids
Joseph S., Monroe, NY
4. Have you heard K-Fed sing? 'Nuff said
Duane S., Yuba City, CA
3. She and Mr. Federline simply couldn't agree on a unifying construct to reconcile contradictory ideas in theoretical physics, and eventually that takes a toll on any marriage
Dave G., Harrisburg, PA
2. Tired of tripping over all of K-Fed's unsold CDs
Jim Y., Cocoa
1. Romance fueled by pork rinds and Red Bull can only last so long
Steven T., Ft. Lauderdale, FL
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Top Ten Reasons Britney Spears Is Getting A Divorce
10. "Annulment" was too hard to spell
Matt S., Hoffman Estates, IL
9. Realized all they really had in common was a love of tater tots
Keith B., West Chester, PA
8. Hard to believe, but K-Fed really is as dumb as he looks
Shep M., Lexington
7. Fed up with that Borat guy getting all the attention
Edward K., Fairfield, CT
6. Kids are now ready to handle driving and errands
Lloyd C., Clovis, CA
5. Got tired of all the crying and diaper changes -- plus, she had to take care of the kids
Joseph S., Monroe, NY
4. Have you heard K-Fed sing? 'Nuff said
Duane S., Yuba City, CA
3. She and Mr. Federline simply couldn't agree on a unifying construct to reconcile contradictory ideas in theoretical physics, and eventually that takes a toll on any marriage
Dave G., Harrisburg, PA
2. Tired of tripping over all of K-Fed's unsold CDs
Jim Y., Cocoa
1. Romance fueled by pork rinds and Red Bull can only last so long
Steven T., Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
Calihan I say we all boycott his crummy show and book.. it's.... abdomiable..ghastly..distrubing..disgusting..reprehensible..tacky..and any other word anyone came think of that's horrible ..this creep had NO conscience and is a psychopath..
and the Britney Spears ones are hiliarious :lol:
..this creep had NO conscience and is a psychopath..and the Britney Spears ones are hiliarious :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT TOME CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES' WEDDING
10..Do you think Tom's going to jump up and down on the alter? :lol:
9..These hors d'oeuvres taste like "Steak-Umms"
8..Quiet everybody! they're going to cut the pre-nup
7..It's nice that there's not alot of hype surrounding this event :lol:
6..I think Tom is preaching to Matt Lauer about the dangers of eating cake
5..Wonder how much I can get for their bouquet on eBay?
4..I didn't know Armani made extra small tuxedos
3..How did Letterman get in? :lol:
2..No, Mr. Gibson, it's not a Jewish wedding
1..We never should've let the guy who plays Krammer make a toast
10..Do you think Tom's going to jump up and down on the alter? :lol:
9..These hors d'oeuvres taste like "Steak-Umms"
8..Quiet everybody! they're going to cut the pre-nup
7..It's nice that there's not alot of hype surrounding this event :lol:
6..I think Tom is preaching to Matt Lauer about the dangers of eating cake
5..Wonder how much I can get for their bouquet on eBay?
4..I didn't know Armani made extra small tuxedos
3..How did Letterman get in? :lol:
2..No, Mr. Gibson, it's not a Jewish wedding
1..We never should've let the guy who plays Krammer make a toast
Urban Legend
Captain
:lol:Good One!
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE LATE SHOW THANKSGIVING DINNER
10..I hear the turkey was a stupid pet trick that just didn't work out :lol:
9..So we have to do a show just because Letterman's family doesn't want him around
8..Tryptophan? Great, one more reason for the audience to fall asleep
7..Okay, turkey with stuffing and a slice of pie, that'll be $19.50
6..This is more awkward than Kramer's apology
5..Just so everyone knows, this also counts as your Christmas party
4..Anyone who ate the creamed peas please report to the Laet Show health office
3..OOH-WOW..Wal-Mart wine
2..Whenever there's free food, Regis stops by :lol:
1..Hold Letterman down, I'll grab the toupee :lol:
10..I hear the turkey was a stupid pet trick that just didn't work out :lol:
9..So we have to do a show just because Letterman's family doesn't want him around
8..Tryptophan? Great, one more reason for the audience to fall asleep
7..Okay, turkey with stuffing and a slice of pie, that'll be $19.50
6..This is more awkward than Kramer's apology
5..Just so everyone knows, this also counts as your Christmas party
4..Anyone who ate the creamed peas please report to the Laet Show health office
3..OOH-WOW..Wal-Mart wine
2..Whenever there's free food, Regis stops by :lol:
1..Hold Letterman down, I'll grab the toupee :lol:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAD A LAME THANKSGIVING
10..More than once, you deliberately tried to choke on a turkey bone
9..Turkeys were sold out, so you ended up with a butterball frozen monkey
8..The thing you were most thankful for.. when everyone left
7..Local shop ran out of Pilgram costumes, so you dressed your guests as astronauts
6..While you were stuffing the turkey, your brother was stuffing your wife
5..Everyone else was sluggish because of the tryptophan, you were sluggish because of salmonella
4..You ended up being thankful for the great meal later at Taco Bell
3..Instead of "white meat or dark meat" you were asked "bone or gristle"
2..Mom couldn't get the cooking done because all the phone calls from Bill O'Reilly :lol:
1..Just as you were sitting down to dinner.. mom split
10..More than once, you deliberately tried to choke on a turkey bone
9..Turkeys were sold out, so you ended up with a butterball frozen monkey
8..The thing you were most thankful for.. when everyone left
7..Local shop ran out of Pilgram costumes, so you dressed your guests as astronauts
6..While you were stuffing the turkey, your brother was stuffing your wife
5..Everyone else was sluggish because of the tryptophan, you were sluggish because of salmonella
4..You ended up being thankful for the great meal later at Taco Bell
3..Instead of "white meat or dark meat" you were asked "bone or gristle"
2..Mom couldn't get the cooking done because all the phone calls from Bill O'Reilly :lol:
1..Just as you were sitting down to dinner.. mom split
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUT FAMILY IS NUTS..PRESENTED BY DR. PHIL
10..You're 42 but your dad still makes you sit on his shoulders to watch the parade :lol:
9..All of moms reciepes involve 1 part gin and 3 parts tonic
8..Breadking the wishbone usually involves a trip to the hospital
7..The Shiites next door ask you to keep the fighting down
6..Never had Thanksgiving with family because you work at the Late Show
5..Have to eat your dinner without utensils because everyone's on suicide watch
4..In honor of the Pilgrams, everyone gets scurvy
3..The turkey has on a dog collar :lol:
2..Instead of spouses, each member brings an attorney
1..Caught your wife "giving thanks" to the caterer
10..You're 42 but your dad still makes you sit on his shoulders to watch the parade :lol:
9..All of moms reciepes involve 1 part gin and 3 parts tonic
8..Breadking the wishbone usually involves a trip to the hospital
7..The Shiites next door ask you to keep the fighting down
6..Never had Thanksgiving with family because you work at the Late Show
5..Have to eat your dinner without utensils because everyone's on suicide watch
4..In honor of the Pilgrams, everyone gets scurvy
3..The turkey has on a dog collar :lol:
2..Instead of spouses, each member brings an attorney
1..Caught your wife "giving thanks" to the caterer
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SHOWS ON THE NEW GAY TELEVISION CHANNEL
10..How I Met Your Brother
9..Gary's Anatomy :lol:
8..Desperate Poolboys :lol:
7..Everybody Loves Raymond..Especially Steve
6..The King of Queens
5..Not-So-Smallville
4..I Dream Of Gene
3..Gays Of Our Lives
2..My Nme Is Earl.. And I Like Construction Workers
1..His Deal Or No deal :devil:
10..How I Met Your Brother
9..Gary's Anatomy :lol:
8..Desperate Poolboys :lol:
7..Everybody Loves Raymond..Especially Steve
6..The King of Queens
5..Not-So-Smallville
4..I Dream Of Gene
3..Gays Of Our Lives
2..My Nme Is Earl.. And I Like Construction Workers
1..His Deal Or No deal :devil:
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE WATCHING A BAD JAMES BOND MOVIE
10..Asks everyone to call him "Jimbo" :lol:
9..Villain's private "lair" is the corner booth at Pizzeria Uno
8..It's set backstage at "Saturday Night Live"
7..The Aston Martin won't start, so Bond drives a '95 Ford Focus
6..It's about Dr. No's even more evil brother, Dr. Phil :lol:
5..Most impressive gadget? A clock that's also a radio
4..Bond's new catchphrase "Git R Done"
3..Goodbye license to kill, hello license to inspect meat
2..Sountrack by Kevin Federline
1..Halfway into the movie, James Bond is shot in the face by Dick Cheney
10..Asks everyone to call him "Jimbo" :lol:
9..Villain's private "lair" is the corner booth at Pizzeria Uno
8..It's set backstage at "Saturday Night Live"
7..The Aston Martin won't start, so Bond drives a '95 Ford Focus
6..It's about Dr. No's even more evil brother, Dr. Phil :lol:
5..Most impressive gadget? A clock that's also a radio
4..Bond's new catchphrase "Git R Done"
3..Goodbye license to kill, hello license to inspect meat
2..Sountrack by Kevin Federline
1..Halfway into the movie, James Bond is shot in the face by Dick Cheney
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