szmandatogoholic
CSI Level One
Haha, those are good.
I watched an episode tonight from July.
I watched an episode tonight from July.
DAVES TOP TEN
- Thread starter Desertwind
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Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN THINGS THAT WILL GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE EMMYS
10--Showing up in the same gown as Regis :lol:
9--Bringing your own orchestra and interrupting winners' speeches after only 5 seconds :lol:
8--Demonstrating in a very physical way how much you really love Raymond
7--Yelling "Borrrrinnnnnggggg!!! during montage of actors who passed away this year
6--When orchestra plays you off, you flip them off :lol:
5--Pointing at Jimmy Smits and screaming, A ghost-a ghost!! :devil:
4--Saying "Hi, I'm David Letterman --may I host?
3--You mention Andy Dick is your designated driver
2--YOur date wears a "backlessgown" and you wear a "frontless tuxedo"
1--Mentioning that you;re the guy responsible for "Suddenly Susan"
10--Showing up in the same gown as Regis :lol:
9--Bringing your own orchestra and interrupting winners' speeches after only 5 seconds :lol:
8--Demonstrating in a very physical way how much you really love Raymond
7--Yelling "Borrrrinnnnnggggg!!! during montage of actors who passed away this year
6--When orchestra plays you off, you flip them off :lol:
5--Pointing at Jimmy Smits and screaming, A ghost-a ghost!! :devil:
4--Saying "Hi, I'm David Letterman --may I host?
3--You mention Andy Dick is your designated driver
2--YOur date wears a "backlessgown" and you wear a "frontless tuxedo"
1--Mentioning that you;re the guy responsible for "Suddenly Susan"
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN MEL GIBSON EXCUSES
10--Did I say 'Jews" I meant 'Scientologists"
9--Food poisoning from a bad Knish
8--Uhh-Hello? I'm famous
7--Shouldn't I have been drinking with Hasselhoof?
6--Any press is good press
5--I refer all questions fo my Jewish attorney
4--Tired of Britney Spears getting all the "crazy celebrity" attention :lol:
3--Oh, like you've never gotten drunk and accidently said "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world"
2--Researching upcoming role as insane washed up movie star!!
1--Hoping to be named People Magazine's "Sexiest Anti-Semite Alive"
10--Did I say 'Jews" I meant 'Scientologists"
9--Food poisoning from a bad Knish
8--Uhh-Hello? I'm famous
7--Shouldn't I have been drinking with Hasselhoof?
6--Any press is good press
5--I refer all questions fo my Jewish attorney
4--Tired of Britney Spears getting all the "crazy celebrity" attention :lol:
3--Oh, like you've never gotten drunk and accidently said "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world"
2--Researching upcoming role as insane washed up movie star!!
1--Hoping to be named People Magazine's "Sexiest Anti-Semite Alive"
pretty_in_pink
Lab Technician
OMG! that #3 was my fave! LOL!
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN WAYS OSAMA BIN LADEN CAN BOOST HIS POPULARITY
10--Release all videotaped messages in high-definition :lol:
9--Claim responsibility for terrorists attack on Suge Knights leg
8--Start at daily beard blog
7--No more five-week vacations on his ranch in Islamabad :lol:
6--Make August 27 your take your goat to work day
5--Guest star on an episode of "Two And A Half Men" as the babysitter
4--Offer employee discount pricing on all 2006 camels
3--Come up with signature catchphrase such as "oh, for the love of hummus!!
2--Go on Oprah and bravely discuss battle with low self-esteem (this one cracked me up)
1--DIE :devil:
10--Release all videotaped messages in high-definition :lol:
9--Claim responsibility for terrorists attack on Suge Knights leg
8--Start at daily beard blog
7--No more five-week vacations on his ranch in Islamabad :lol:
6--Make August 27 your take your goat to work day
5--Guest star on an episode of "Two And A Half Men" as the babysitter
4--Offer employee discount pricing on all 2006 camels
3--Come up with signature catchphrase such as "oh, for the love of hummus!!
2--Go on Oprah and bravely discuss battle with low self-esteem
(this one cracked me up)1--DIE :devil:
Top Ten Signs You're Having A Lame Summer Vacation
10. That vacation brochure promising "fun, sun and sand" was from the Marine Corps.
David W., Fargo, ND
9. Due to rising gas prices, your vacation budget only gets you to the next street corner
Hugh P., Pittsburgh, PA
8. The complimentary breakfast at your B&B consists of a pack of cigarettes and a Twinkie
Pamela F., Austin, TX
7. The highlight of your day is working on your Star Jones scrap book
Craig C., Moore, OK
6. Three words: Club Med Lebanon
Will T., Underhill
5. Your "tan lines" are from sitting too close to the TV
Barry E., Atglen, PA
4. Activities include swimming, golfing and Scientology lecture
Alex F., Loganville, GA
3. Went to Al Gore global warming documentary 50 times just to get out of the heat
Tom S., St. Louis, MI
2. Your summer romance consists of touching hands with the McDonald's drive-thru cashier
Van B., Sparks, NV
1. You pedal your butt off through the mountains of France and everyone calls you a cheater
John W., Wahpeton, ND
10. That vacation brochure promising "fun, sun and sand" was from the Marine Corps.
David W., Fargo, ND
9. Due to rising gas prices, your vacation budget only gets you to the next street corner
Hugh P., Pittsburgh, PA
8. The complimentary breakfast at your B&B consists of a pack of cigarettes and a Twinkie
Pamela F., Austin, TX
7. The highlight of your day is working on your Star Jones scrap book
Craig C., Moore, OK
6. Three words: Club Med Lebanon
Will T., Underhill
5. Your "tan lines" are from sitting too close to the TV
Barry E., Atglen, PA
4. Activities include swimming, golfing and Scientology lecture
Alex F., Loganville, GA
3. Went to Al Gore global warming documentary 50 times just to get out of the heat
Tom S., St. Louis, MI
2. Your summer romance consists of touching hands with the McDonald's drive-thru cashier
Van B., Sparks, NV
1. You pedal your butt off through the mountains of France and everyone calls you a cheater
John W., Wahpeton, ND
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'VE BOUGHT A BAD COMPUTER
10--Runs on 200 "D" batteries :lol:
9--In the morning you have to defrost it :lol:
8--Runs on Windows 78
7--Box reads "Pre-loaded with hundreds of vuruses!!
6--Tech support number is a Silicon Valley Applebee's
5--For better internet reception, salesman includes pair of rabbit ears
4--You move the pointer around by licking the screen :lol:
3--It's mad by IBN
2--The mouse bit you
1--When you tell it to print, it tells you to go screw yourself :lol: :lol:
10--Runs on 200 "D" batteries :lol:
9--In the morning you have to defrost it :lol:
8--Runs on Windows 78
7--Box reads "Pre-loaded with hundreds of vuruses!!
6--Tech support number is a Silicon Valley Applebee's
5--For better internet reception, salesman includes pair of rabbit ears
4--You move the pointer around by licking the screen :lol:
3--It's mad by IBN
2--The mouse bit you
1--When you tell it to print, it tells you to go screw yourself :lol:
:lol:The extras from this list.
Top Ten Signs Your Bought A Bad Computer
After it's been on for a while, there's the sound of frying bacon
You can't type because you need both hands to crank it
It looks suspiciously like an Etch-a-Sketch
You open the CD drive and find several slices of rotting bologna
Top Ten Signs Your Bought A Bad Computer
After it's been on for a while, there's the sound of frying bacon
You can't type because you need both hands to crank it
It looks suspiciously like an Etch-a-Sketch
You open the CD drive and find several slices of rotting bologna
Top Ten Bill Clinton 60th Birthday Plans
10. The usual - - bucket of KFC and a lap dance
9. Get cracking on second 2,000-page biography
8. Bust open a pinata full of Lipitor
7. Depends on what your definition of the word "plans" is
6. Thank Letterman for the $10 Radio Shack gift certificate
5. Pretending to be excited when Hillary wears one of her "sexy pantsuits" to bed
4. Going to Foxwoods with Kofi Annan to catch Regis and Susan Lucci
3. Hit on that cute AARP receptionist
2. Reminding Gore the cake is for everyone
1. In honor of 60, 20-year-old triplets!
Top ten extra
Wistfully think "has it really been 10 years since I jeopardized my Presidency to have sex with that cow?"
Getting a raucous "Happy Birthday" serenade to by the wait staff at Red Lobster
Convert to Islam, get in on that 72 virgins action
Pray a nude Janet Reno doesn't jump out of the cake
Put some cake through blender and send it to Fidel Castro
10. The usual - - bucket of KFC and a lap dance
9. Get cracking on second 2,000-page biography
8. Bust open a pinata full of Lipitor
7. Depends on what your definition of the word "plans" is
6. Thank Letterman for the $10 Radio Shack gift certificate
5. Pretending to be excited when Hillary wears one of her "sexy pantsuits" to bed
4. Going to Foxwoods with Kofi Annan to catch Regis and Susan Lucci
3. Hit on that cute AARP receptionist
2. Reminding Gore the cake is for everyone
1. In honor of 60, 20-year-old triplets!
Top ten extra
Wistfully think "has it really been 10 years since I jeopardized my Presidency to have sex with that cow?"
Getting a raucous "Happy Birthday" serenade to by the wait staff at Red Lobster
Convert to Islam, get in on that 72 virgins action
Pray a nude Janet Reno doesn't jump out of the cake
Put some cake through blender and send it to Fidel Castro
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
:lol: :lol: HILIARIOUSTop Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses For Stealing Direct TV
10. For some reason, cable guy is afraid to come to the house
9. Spends a lot of time watching television now that it's too hot to go out and kill people
8. Wanted to see where he ranked on Court TV's 100 Creepiest Acquitted Murderers
7. Figured "real killers" might show up on one of them great premium movie channels
6. It was a rare lapse in judgement
5. Believe it or not, he's had a bit of trouble landing a job
4. "Hey, any publicity is good publicity, am I right?"
3. Cable's been out since he stabbed his television
2. Since when is stealing against the law?!
1. It's not like he killed anyone
10. For some reason, cable guy is afraid to come to the house
9. Spends a lot of time watching television now that it's too hot to go out and kill people
8. Wanted to see where he ranked on Court TV's 100 Creepiest Acquitted Murderers
7. Figured "real killers" might show up on one of them great premium movie channels
6. It was a rare lapse in judgement
5. Believe it or not, he's had a bit of trouble landing a job
4. "Hey, any publicity is good publicity, am I right?"
3. Cable's been out since he stabbed his television
2. Since when is stealing against the law?!
1. It's not like he killed anyone
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
O.J. simpson ones so funny and so true- what a creep
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD OUTSIDE "SNAKES ON A PLANE"
10--What's it about?
9--So I can't bring a bottle of water on a plane, but snakes are OK? :lol:
8--Hi, two adults and one snake please
7--I didn't care for the "Snakes In The Theater" promotion
6--Maybe we should just go to Times Square and see 'Snakes In My Pants" :devil:
5--It's still better than sitting next to Regis :lol:
4--Exact same thing happened to me last time I flew Delta
3--I haven't seen a snake that big since the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video
2-That guy sitting behind me?/ Jackass on a cellphone
1--No, Mr Gibson, I'm not a Jew
TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD OUTSIDE "SNAKES ON A PLANE"
10--What's it about?
9--So I can't bring a bottle of water on a plane, but snakes are OK? :lol:
8--Hi, two adults and one snake please
7--I didn't care for the "Snakes In The Theater" promotion
6--Maybe we should just go to Times Square and see 'Snakes In My Pants" :devil:
5--It's still better than sitting next to Regis :lol:
4--Exact same thing happened to me last time I flew Delta
3--I haven't seen a snake that big since the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video
2-That guy sitting behind me?/ Jackass on a cellphone
1--No, Mr Gibson, I'm not a Jew
Top Ten Least-Popular Summer Movie Sequels
10. "When Harry Got Drunk And Beat Up Sally"
Tom H., Denver, CO
9. "An Inconvenient Truth 2: The Kenny Rogers Facelift Story"
Justin W., Daly City, CA
8. "Charlie and the Child Labor Factory"
Stephen S., Jackson, MS
7. "The DeVito Code"
Pat F., New York, NY
6. "Aliens vs. Lou Dobbs"
Bruce A., Fairfax Station, VA
5. "Superman Returns A Library Book"
John P., Lomita, CA
4. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Malt Liquor"
Steve S., Stoneham, MA
3. "Toy Story III: Mommy's Special Toys"
Don G., Mahopac, NY
2. "Mission Impossible IV: Finding Suri Cruise"
Steve M., Hollister, CA
1. "Mel Gibson: Fully Loaded"
Greg M., Houston, TX
10. "When Harry Got Drunk And Beat Up Sally"
Tom H., Denver, CO
9. "An Inconvenient Truth 2: The Kenny Rogers Facelift Story"
Justin W., Daly City, CA
8. "Charlie and the Child Labor Factory"
Stephen S., Jackson, MS
7. "The DeVito Code"
Pat F., New York, NY
6. "Aliens vs. Lou Dobbs"
Bruce A., Fairfax Station, VA
5. "Superman Returns A Library Book"
John P., Lomita, CA
4. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Malt Liquor"
Steve S., Stoneham, MA
3. "Toy Story III: Mommy's Special Toys"
Don G., Mahopac, NY
2. "Mission Impossible IV: Finding Suri Cruise"
Steve M., Hollister, CA
1. "Mel Gibson: Fully Loaded"
Greg M., Houston, TX
Desertwind
Head of the Day Shift
TOP TEN SIGNS GEORGE W. BUSH IS HAIVNG A BAD VACATION
10--Has the haggard of someone getting only nine hours of sleep a night :lol:
9--Arrested at Crawford Mobil station after trying to "pump and run"
8--Asked if Chenney would let him help run the country
7--So bored he actually read a couple of pages of an Intelligence briefing
6--He's drinking more than the twins :lol:
5--He's cutting it short from 12 weeks to 11
4--Just asked Pat Roberston to assassinate his travel agent
3--Flew down to Miami and put a cap in Suge Knights knee
2--Accidently gave Laura the necklace engraved "Condoleezza"
1--Spent past week setting up new TV so he can watch Dave in Hi_Def :lol:
10--Has the haggard of someone getting only nine hours of sleep a night :lol:
9--Arrested at Crawford Mobil station after trying to "pump and run"
8--Asked if Chenney would let him help run the country
7--So bored he actually read a couple of pages of an Intelligence briefing
6--He's drinking more than the twins :lol:
5--He's cutting it short from 12 weeks to 11
4--Just asked Pat Roberston to assassinate his travel agent
3--Flew down to Miami and put a cap in Suge Knights knee
2--Accidently gave Laura the necklace engraved "Condoleezza"
1--Spent past week setting up new TV so he can watch Dave in Hi_Def :lol:
Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad McDonald's
10. Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail.
9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead.
8. Sign out front reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no reason you can't get a job here."
7. Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack.
6. Blocking drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.
5. Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure it's okay..
4. In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number.
3. You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants.
2. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food.
1. Their slogan: "Did somebody say 'E Coli'?"
10. Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail.
9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead.
8. Sign out front reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no reason you can't get a job here."
7. Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack.
6. Blocking drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.
5. Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure it's okay..
4. In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number.
3. You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants.
2. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food.
1. Their slogan: "Did somebody say 'E Coli'?"
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