DAVES TOP TEN

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Top Ten Things This Guy (Getting Gored By A Bull) Is Thinking


10. "Who knew taunting a belligerent, stampeding one-ton beast could be so dangerous"

9. "When I get home, I am going to kick the crap out of my travel agent"

8. "Maybe if I act cool, no one will notice"

7. "From far away, these bulls look scary, but up close they're suprisingly adorable"

6. "That's okay, I wasn't planning on have sex again"

5. "This is even worse than my last vacation..." (video of guy being attacked by an elk)

4. "Hey there's grandma. Wait, didn't she die in '93?"

3. "If I'm laid up, I sure hope Paul can host the show"

2. "Thank god nobody's watching"

1. "When I sober up, this will probably hurt like a sum'bitch"
 
TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A DOG AS GOVERNOR

10--Can easily diffuse a tense situation by rolling over and playing dead :lol:

9--Want a bill passed? Scratch his head :eek:

8--Only sexual scandal is with the leg of a couch :rolleyes:

7--You get novelty deck of cards featuring state's most wanted fles and ticks :mad:

6--First governor to wear a choke collar since McGreevey :confused:

5--All businesses closed during the Westminster dog show :D

4--When he sticks his head out of the motorcade window-gives the impression he's a dog of the people :D

3--Would chase more tail than Clinton-- HELLO-- is this thing on? :lol:

2--Fun to watch him sniff visiting dignitaries :)

1--Easier to understand than Schwarzengger :D
 
Top Ten Books On The New York City Schools Summer Reading List


10. "Horton Hears A Gunshot"

9. "The Postman Always Rings Twice...Then Breaks The Window And Steals Your Home Entertainment Center"

8. "'Promotion,' 'Bonus' And Other Words You Will Never Hear After Attending A New York City School"

7. "Encyclopedia Brown And The Mystery Of The Dead Guy On The Subway"

6. "Lord Of The Flies, And Other Street Vendor Names"

5. "A Farewell To Strip Joints Thanks To That Nose Bleed Giuliani"

4. "Moby Dick's Self-Destructive Cousin Andy Dick"

3. "A Clockwork Orange That Reads 'Rolex' But Only Costs $10"

2. "Men Are From Mars, Hillary Clinton's From Arkansas, Damn It!"

1. "Of Mice And Donuts"
 
needmorecsi said:
Top Ten Books On The New York City Schools Summer Reading List



9. "The Postman Always Rings Twice...Then Breaks The Window And Steals Your Home Entertainment Center"



6. "Lord Of The Flies, And Other Street Vendor Names"



3. "A Clockwork Orange That Reads 'Rolex' But Only Costs $10"


:lol: :D :lol: :D
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TOP TEN SIGNS THERE'S TROUBLE AT THE NEW YORK TIMES

10--Extensive coverage of recent fighting between the Israelis and the Lesbians :eek:

9--Pages 2 through 20 are corrections of previous editions :(

8--Every sentence begins "So, Like" :lol:

7--TV listings ony for Zorro :cool:

6--Weather forecast reads "look ouside dumbass" :rolleyes:

5--Multiple references to 'President Gore" :D

4--Obitiary includes list of people they wish were dead :eek:

3--Headlines fold over to create suprise mad-magazine-type hidden message :lol:

2--Restaurant critic recently gave IHOP four stars :p

1--Reporting that Oprah isn't gay, but Letterman is :eek:
 
Tinkerbell said:
desertwind, please remember that you can edit your first post rathan than double posting. :)
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No offense, but I don't think that you should worry about double posting in this thread. From what I've seen there's never been more than 3 or 4 posters here. I say don't worry about it in an unpopular thread like this, it doesn't bother me.
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Top Ten Dumb Guy Ideas For Lowering Gas Prices


10. Make all roads downhill

9. Cheaper self-service price if you pump the oil and refine it yourself

8. Gas comes from dinosaurs, so all we need are more dinosaurs

7. Invade Iraq

6. Give Cheney a sawed-off shotgun and have him stick up an Exxon

5. Tax cuts for the rich

4. Get Bush and the middle east to straighten everything out on Oprah

3. Jet packs for everyone

2. Gas only costs 12 cents a gallon in Venezuela; drive to Venezuela for gas

1. Get tubby genius Al Gore to figure it out
 
needmorecsi said:
No offense, but I don't think that you should worry about double posting in this thread. From what I've seen there's never been more than 3 or 4 posters here. I say don't worry about it in an unpopular thread like this, it doesn't bother me.
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It may not bother you, but it's against the board’s rules. There is no problem with double posting in reasonable time (in this particular thread I expect it), but posting another post 20 minutes later when the first post could have been edited can be considered spamming, especially when I have mentioned this before numerous times to the same poster.
 
Sorry- I had replied to needmorecsi top ten, and than put in another top ten - didn't realize that I was double posting :( will be more careful in the future- ;)
 
Top Ten Reasons I Love America


10. Even after 225 years, it still has that new-country smell (Operation Specialist, Ron Morris)

9. Some of our best presidents were American (Lieutenant Jr. Grade, Erica Munzinger)

8. You're never more than 200 feet from a Dunkin' Donuts (Fire Controlmen 2nd Class, Nick Pavlinek)

7. Name one other country with an ex-wrestler for a governor (Gunner's Mate 1st Class, Paul Tialavea)

6. Years of scientific research have made it possible for us to have our eyeglasses ready in about an hour (Yeoman Seamen, Jeremiah Mason)

5. What other country has both a South Dakota and a North Dakota? (Cryptologic Technician Maintenance 2nd Class, Jason Halvorsen)

4. If somebody ever teachers a chimp to drive a car, it'll probably be an American (Electronics Technician 1st Class, Shawn Goodwin)

3. The uniforms look damn good (Damage Controlmen 2nd Class, James Laban)

2. None of our current or former leaders live in a cave (Gunner's Mate 3rd Class, Elijah Muse)

1. Where else could a geek like Letterman get his own show? (Electronics Technician 3rd Class, Gregory Allen Davis II)
 
TOP TEN DUMB GUY IDEAS FOR LOWERING GAS PRICES

10--Make all the roads go downhill :lol:

9--Chaper self-service price if you pump the oil and refine it yourself :rolleyes:

8--Gas comes from dinosaurs, so we all need more dinosaurs :lol:

7--Invade Iraq :D :D :D

6--Give Cheney a sawed-off shotgun and have him stick up an Exxon Station :eek:

5--Tax cuts for the rich :(

4--Get Bush and those Middle East folks to straighten everything out on Oprah-- FUNNY :lol:

3--Jet packs for everyone :confused:

2--Gas only costs 12 cents a gallon in Venezuela--so drive to Venezuela for gas :eek:

1--Get tubby genius Al Gore to figure it out :lol:
 
Top Ten Signs Your New College Roommate is Nuts


10. Walks around campus wearing nothing but a spiral notebook

9. He orders Big Macs with extra condoms

8. Whenever you put up a college pennant, he takes it down and eats it

7. Keeps reminiscing about the time he was married to Larry King for a semester

6. His personal web site: www.killmyroommate.com

5. He keeps cutting the eyes out of your Hanson poster

4. Claims to be majoring in something called "gettin' some"

3. His GPA's lower than his blood alcohol level

2. He says he wants to sleep on top, but you don't have bunk beds

1. Has his S.A.T. scores tattooed on his forehead
 
TOP TEN THINGS YOU'RE LIKELY TO HEAR IN A MEETING WITH LES MOONVES


10--Just had a great idea for next seasons Survivor- with Regis :lol:

9--What's the name of that actor who plays Dan Rather on the news? :eek:

8--If it's an idea for a Tony Danza show-I don't want to hear it :D

7--Okay grandpa I'll try to bring back 'Diagnosis Murder" :rolleyes:

6--That reminds me of something Saddam said once when we were water skiing together :devil:

5-I'm the most powerful guy named Les in the world :mad:

4--Last week, at Castro's Grammy party, he let me beat a political prisoner :confused:

3--Hey, that's funny, can I send that to Bette? :lol:

2--Forgive me if I don't get up--I pulled a muscle laughing at last week's "America's Got Talent" :D

1--You got a problem with me? :eek:
 
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying Egg Nog


10. "Am I feeling sufficiently noggy today?"

9. "What's the best egg-to-nog ratio?"

8. "I have high cholesterol -- is there egg white nog?"

7. "What other disgusting egg-based beverages could I try?"

6. "Has this egg nog been approved by the Nogmaster General?"

5. "Is egg my best choice of nog?"

4. "Which one's the egg nog that all the rappers drink?"

3. "Do I really feel like drinking this crap?"

2. "What would Jesus drink?"

1. "How long will this stuff keep in my spider hole?"
 
TOP TEN WAYS I'M CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY-BY DAVES MOM

10--Cocktails with my Scientology pals :p

9--Tuning in CBS at 11:30 to watch my favorite talk show host Rdgis Philbin :D

8--Doing what everybody else in America is doing "sweating" :(

7--Updating my blog :eek:

6--Telling my grandkids about the good old days when gas cost only $3.00 a gallon :mad:

5--Waxing the Buick with Daves old hairpieces :lol:

4--Scratching off lottery tickets :p

3--Enjoying the pleasure of looking younger than my son :lol:

2--Wasting my time doing this :lol:

1--Actually, Dave my Birthday was yesterday :rolleyes:
 
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