(Scene cuts back to BBPD HQ where we see Bass staring angrily at the suspect whose face we haven't seen yet.) Bass: Awright. We know you're cheap--you've got that kind of a reputation for it, and we know you've got a temper as well. So quit jutting around and answer the question. Why did you go in and make a huge scene at the Anchor National Bank last month? (Camera Angle changes to reveal... MR. KRABS!) Mr. Krabs: Captain Bass, ye hafta believe me! I wasn't tryin' to cause any trouble. Those shysters were ripping me off though! They kept on charging extra *service charges* on me business account because me balance kept on going below some minimum requirement. I got mad and withdrew all the money, but forgot to tell them I was closin' the account. Next thing I know, the put a service fee on me account, then charged an NSF fee for the service fee, then an NSF fee for that NSF fee and so on! The thing could have gone on infinitely if I hadn't'a gone in there. They still closed and charged off me account, but the debt collection agency they sold it to for ten dollars belonged to me brother-in-law! I showed them!!! Bass: Your story sounds reasonable Mr. Krabs, but how do we know that you didn't decide to come back, break into the bank's vault from the outside using your BIG MEATY CLAWS and help yourself to the money? Mr. Krabs: I could do that?!?!?!? I never thought of that one! (Bass shoots him a dirty look) I mean, I didn't do that! Bass: A likely story! (Cat Willows comes in with a bunch of evidence.) Cat: Actually, it's a true story. There were no claw marks matching Mr. Krabs anywhere at the bank or any of the other break ins. Krabs may be a cheapskate and loves money more than his foster daughter Pearl, but in this case, he's not a thief. Bass: What about the matter of the egg Mr. Krabs stole from CLAMU? Mr. Krabs: I had a choice of paying a $500.00 fine or doing three weeks in the pokey. Bass: And did you take it *in the pokey* while you were there? Mr. Krabs: (eyes narrow) I don't like what ye're implyin', Captain Bass!!! (Cat gets in between the two of them) Cat: Mr. Krabs you're free to go. Mr. Krabs: Thank ye, Miz Willows. It's lunch rush over at the Krusty Krab and I need to make sure Spongebob and Squidward haven't burned it down! (Krabs totters out the door.) Bass: Well, we lost our best suspect, so now it's back to square one! Cat: Greg found fish scales in some of the mess at Anchor National. He's running them through AFISc right now. Bass: Well, that's good news at least. Cat: (shakes her head) Mr. Krabs used to come into the Medusa club back when I worked there. Bass: (smirks) Oh really? Did you give him a dance? Cat: By Neptune NO! He was too cheap to pay for a table dance, let alone a lap dance in the VIP room. We used to always send the new dancers his way as an object lesson. He'd always ask them for change from a dollar! Bass: And he's probably the reason why they charge a cover charge and a 2 drink minimum over there... so I've heard. Cat: You got it, Jim! See, you really are a good detective!
(Scene cuts to one of the labs where we see Nick running AFISc looking for matches on the prints on the Fish Scales. The system's been running a while and it's getting no hits.) Nick: I wish there was something we could do besides wait on results. Dang it! (Det. Surfia Curtis, a blond fishwoman, pokes her head into the lab on cue.) Det. Surfia Curtis: Hey Nick. You and Haddock working the Marlin double-homicide? Nick: Yep. Haddock's in court testifying on another case right now and I'm holding down the fort while waiting on AFISc. Surfia: I've been digging into some 911 center records. Did you know that Jesse or Sally Marlin had called the police a number of times on their neighbors during the past couple of years? Nick: (Cocks his head) Really? Suspiscion of domestic violence or disturbing the peace. Surfia: The latter. The neighbors are a group of young Barracudas that have been renting the house from an absentee Landlord in Ukulele bottom. They play loud rock music all hours of the night, lots of beer bottles showing up in and around the trash cans, the usual. Nick: Sounds like a frat house in the middle of suburbia. Surfia: Pretty much, Nick-O. Suffice it to say, these fellows are piscines of interest. You wanna come out for a f2f? Nick: Sure. It beats waiting for AFISc to get a hit at this point. (Nick grabs his BBPD-CSI flack vest and walks on out with Surfia)
(Surfia and Nick arrive later at the residence next to the Marlin's. It looks like a crash pad for a group of college boys. There's lots of beer bottles in the yard, several souped up boatmobiles parked all over the lawn, a sofa sitting on the porch, and loud rock music coming from ouf of the windows.) Barracuda Boy #1: Dude, that so totally rocked! Barracuda Boy #2: No joke, man! That dumb, fat Starfish is so freaking funny when we've gotten him drunk!!! Barracuda Boy #1: Yeah, man! I just wish he wouldn't call that Nerdy Square friend of his over to pick him up. (Surfia and Nick make their presence known) Nick: Excuse me fellas. (flashes his ID) I'm Nick Sturgeon, BBPD Crime Lab and this is Detective Surfia Curtis with BBPD. Surfia: We're investigating a homicide. Your next door neighbors to be specific. Barracuda Boy #1: Dude, that was a bummer. I was stuck in that massive traffic jam some Maniac caused the day that happened. I didn't make it back until after the police were there. Baracuda Boy #2: Yeah man. I heard screaming and banging--thought that Marlin man was beating his wife or something. Nick: Did that couple argue a lot? Barracuda Boy #1: Not with eachother, usually. Most of the time they were coming over here, telling us to turn down the music and crap like that. Barracuda Boy #2: He was a total flatliner, man! A real party pooper. But now that he's gone, nobody's telling us to turn it down no more! WHOO HOO!!! Surfia: Oh really? You think that your right to play loud music matters more than the lives of your neighbors? Barracuda Boy #1: No way, man! We didn't like his griping and moaning about the music, but we didn't want him dead. Nick: Is everyone who lives here around now? Barracuda Boy #2: Yeah. What of it? Nick: All of you are persons of interest in this case. Now, each of you can give us a scale sample and tell me where you were on the day and night in question, or Surfia and I can call in the Paddy wagon and haul all of you in pending our receiving a warrant. Surfia: Please, give me a reason to call 'em in! (The two Barracuda Boys look apprehensive at this point.)
(Catfish Willows is in her office doing paperwork with a grimace as Greg Sandshark comes in, excited.) Greg: I think you'll be happy to know the scales we got at Anchor National got a hit on AFISc. Cat: Judging by that smile, it was a good hit. Greg: Yes, indeedy! (Puts a profile down on her desk) Paul Perchins is his name and small time fraud is his game. He received various payouts from nuisance lawsuits for slip and fall type stuff, but got too greedy when he sued Squilliam Fancyson over damage to his hearing at Fancyson's Dirigible Casino. Cat: Isn't that the one with the big face of Squilliam on the front with a view-deck in his Unibrow? Greg: That is correct! Suffice it to say, when Perchins' fraud was discovered, Fancyson wasted no time in pressing charges. Perchins did 2 years at the minimum security facility over in Mussel Shoals before getting out for good behavior. He's leasing an apartment over behind the Sea Needle. O'Reefy's waiting to catch him when he comes home. Cat: Well, his MO is more Fraud than B&E, but still... he may have made some contacts inside that might be up to a bigger score. Greg: My thoughts exactly!
(Cut scenes of the BB skyline kick in. We see a run down neighborhood with the Sea Needle in the back ground. Det. Sgt. O'Reefy's massive bulk is parked next to his boatmobile and a guy fish in a cheap suit trying to look important and not succeeding. A Crime Lab S.U.B. pulls up and Catfish Willows gets out.) Cat: Thanks for waiting, Sgt. O'Reefy. O'Reefy: My pleasure, Cat. Dis here's Paul Perchins. Mr. Perchins, we got some questions to ask ya, and Ms. Willows here is gonna get a few other things from ya too! Perchins: I know my rights, Copper! O'Reefy: Only 'cuz ya had 'em read to ya so many times, punk! Cat: Catfish Willows (Pulls out her badge) Bikini Bottom Crime Lab. Perchins: You don't look like a criminologist! You look like a Showgirl. (O'Reefy smacks Perchin's behind the head.) O'Reefy: Mind yer manners, bub! She's a lady, and she's a million times smarter than you'll ever be! Perchins: (Mumbles) Sorry, ma'am. Cat: (Nods thanks to O'Reefy) Mr. Perchins, we found your scales at a crime scene over on Nautica Drive. We matched them in the AFISc database. You've recently gotten out of prison after committing multiple cases of fraud against various businesses. Perchins: And I'd've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that Fancy-pants Squid!!! O'Reefy: Dat attitude ain't gonna help your case, bub. (To Cat) What say we take him down to the station and put him in the cooler fer a bit, hah? Cat: Mr. Perchins, if you cooperate, it would strongly help your claim of innocence. If you don't, well, these crimes are grand larceny. O'Reefy: Not a white-dorsal-fin crime, bub! It's Grand Larceny and B&E, which means you get sent to pound-me-in-the-tailfin hard prison if yer found guilty! Perchins: (Thinks a bit) I was over at the Anchor National Bank on Nautica a couple of days ago. But I wasn't trying to break in, rob it or nothing. I was over by the ATM, trying to find someone charitable that would give me a couple'a sand dollars for a cup of SeaStar's coffee. That's it! Nothing else! (O'Reefy looks at Cat, and she nods back to him.) O'Reefy: Tanks fer yer... cooperation, Perchins. We'll coroborate yer story... but don't leave town! Perchins: I got no money for gas! I'm not going anywhere! (He stomps off to his tenament) Cat: The Scales were found close to the ATM. Greg's working with Archie Koi on the videotape from the ATM camera. We'll see if his story matchces up or not. O'Reefy: Right, Cat.
(Several cut scenes bring us back to BBPD HQ and the Crime lab where we see Nick Sturgeon running comparisons on scale samples he got from the Barracuda Boyz through AFISc. He's sipping on a cup of coffee when his shell phone rings.) Nick: Nick Sturgeon. Sara Sailfish: (Voice) Hey THPPPPPTH! Nick! How the THPPPPPPPTH! are ya? Nick: (looks quizzical) Sara? Is that you? I'm having a hard time hearing you. There's some static on your end. (Scene cuts to Rock Bottom where we see Sara Sailfish outside of a hotel with Mac Angler, Gills Grunion and a few other odd assortment of deep sea below the light zone fish along with a crime scene including a luminescent gel style chalk mark showing where a DB was.) Sara: (Shakes her head) Sorry, Nick. I've been speaking Rock Bottom dialect for a while and I got stuck. How're things back in Bikini Bottom? Nick: Busy as usual. I'm waiting on some AFISc results from this Maniac Murder case Haddock and I've been working. How're things in Rock Bottom? Sara: Well, there was a murder at the conference, so Grunion and I are helping our counters here in Rock Bottom. You oughta meet this Mac Angler guy--he's pretty cool. Nick: Well, I don't think Grunion is gonna want to bring me to any conferences with him any time soon. I'm not pretty enough! Sara: (Shakes her head) O-THPPPPTH!-Kay, Nicky! (Suddenly the computer beeps and shows "Possible Match" on screen) Nick: I gotta go, babe. I just got a hit on AFISc. Let me know how it all turns out. Sara: I will. See ya, Nick! (They hang up) (Nick wheels his chair around to the screen and begins checking subtle details as Haddock comes in, wearing a coat and tie.) Haddock: It's always better to be an expert witness than a defendant when you're in court, but not THAT much better. How's our case coming? Nick: Surfia and I chased down a lead and got some scales to run through AFISc. One of them produced a potential match and I'm evaluating it now... Haddock: You the fish, bro!
(The camera shows shots of the two fish scales. POTENTIAL MATCH shows on the screen. The camera zooms in on subtle detail and one of the images gets rotated. Camera cuts back out to Nick grinning.) Nick: We have a winner! Haddock: (Takes a good look and grunts approvingly) Billy Barracuda, come on down! You're up for the interrogation on "The Suspect is WRONG!" (Cut scenes kick in again. Skyline shots move to the neighborood level to the crash house of the Barracuda Boyz. Nick, Haddock, Surfia and a pair of Uniformed officers show up at the door and Surfia knocks insistently.) Barracuda Boy: (Voice) Hey, man! What's the password? Haddock: (Gestures to the Uniforms to go around the back) BBPD, with a warrant! Barracuda Boy #2: (Voice, muffled) Barnacles! (Louder) Who's it for, man? Surfia: Billy Barracuda! Now open up or we'll get the ram! (The door opens and Nick, Haddock and Surfia reach for their weapons. Barracuda Boy #1 from the earlier scene opens the door, cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. He sees the guns and turns white) Barracuda Boy #1: WHOA! HEY! I'm just havin' a beer here, man! Surfia: Are you Billy Barracuda? Barracuda Boy #1; Nah, Lady! I'm Bobby Barracuda (He whips out a West Bikini Bottom University ID. The camera zooms in to show it expired 3 years ago, but the picture matches this fish.) Nick: So where's Billy? Bobby Barracuda: He ain't here man! He's probably workin' at the pizza joint tonight. (Haddock begins sniffing around) Haddock: Speaking of joints--I smell a trace of Sea-Weed. How's that for probably cause, Surfia? Surfia: Sounds good to me. (The two uniforms come from around the back with Baracuda Boy #2 in cuffs.) Uniformed Officer #1: We caught this piece of flotsam sneaking out the back and trying to jump over the fence. Uniformed Officer #2: He was too high to get enough of a grip to climb it. (The uniforms pat Barracuda Boy #2 down and then take out his wallet. They hand it to Haddock Brown who inspects it and shakes his head.) Haddock: Billy, Billy, Billy. You should know not to sneak out the back door when the cops show up. It's covered EVERY single time. Surfia: (To the Uniforms) You take these two downtown after you clear this house. The telltale scent of Sea-weed smoke combined with this mental giant trying to escape gives us all we need to do a full search of this house. Billy Barracuda: Figures the Fuzz would find someway to go after someone just enjoying themselves. Freaking Fascists!!! Nick: And now we see the reason it's also called dope!
(Catfish Willows comes into the video lab to see Greg Sandshark and Archie Koi playing on a Fintendo™ video game. She stops and pauses to observe their melee, making an "Aha!" face.) Archie Koi: You're going down, Sandshark! Greg Sandshark: No way, Koi-boy! I got you right where I want you! Triple combo! Hoo-hah!!! (Cat clears her throat, startling Greg and Archie, making them abruptly stop playing.) Cat: You know what Grunion would do to you two if he caught you playing Fintendo™ on the job?!?! Greg: Uh yeah! Sorry Cat! Archie: (obsequiously) You know, we *just* finished going through the ATM tapes. We have Mr Perchins on camera. Greg: Got it on the machine right here. (Gestures to the computer, hits a couple of keye and the screen lights up) (Camera shifts to the monitor. We see a fairly clear, black and white image of people using the ATM, and our suspect, Paul Perchins approaching them, making a sad face and holding out his hand. Only one or two customers are charitable, most either angrily give him the brush-off or push him away.) Cat: Well, this matches his story. Is this all those tapes got us? Archie: We figured you'd ask that. We found something very interesting here. (Archie hits a few more keys and then we see another batch of tape that's now showing night-time video.) Archie: Let's compensate on the contrast and we see... (The monitor shows a couple of fish-men, in ski-masks and gloves on their fins, using a jackhammer to open up the wall by the ATM. Then the camera shorts out and picks up again the next day.) Cat: Judging by the time stamp, it was about 45 minutes after Perchins was hitting people up. Greg: And Mr. Fisher told us that the ATM camera wire ran through the wall that was violated, which explains the short and the time jump. Cat: Good work you two. Archie, let's see if you can get any more detail on those two perps with the jackhammer. {Archie nods and gets back to work.)
(Cat is in her office looking a bit vexed as she finishes paperwork. Her shell phone rings.) Cat: Catfish willows. Voice: (Sounds like a pre-teen girl) Mom: it's Findsey. Are we still going to the movie tonight. (Cat looks at her watch.) Cat: If I can get this paperwork done and there's no other incidents this shift, I don't see why not. Findsey: Can I get a *definate* "yes"? Cat: Honey, you know I want to, but I can't because you never know what's going to happen! Crime doesn't stop so I can go to the movies. Findsey: (Pouts) Fine. (hangs up) (Cat clicks off and holds her fin to her head as if having a headache.) (A beat later, Greg Sandshark enters her office, sliding a la Kramer with some papers in his fin.) Greg: Hel-looooo! Why the long face? Cat: You'd better have some good news for me or you'll be sliding back out of here on your dorsal fin! Greg: (taken aback) Ouch! Who spawned in your Kelpo Flakes this morning? Cat: Sorry, Greg. I've got other stuff chapping my tailfin. What do you have for me? Greg: Boulabase Construction reported a couple of jackhammers and a pneumatic drill stolen from the construction site of that new Casino last week. One of them had some interesting marks on the end. Cat: Go on. Greg: The foreman, fortunately, had some items that had been on the business end of those jackhammers and it enabled me and Codges to make some comparisons and... we have a match! Cat: Those guys in the video look like construction workers and obviously knew how to handle a jackhammer. Greg: You thinking we need to go pay another visit to Boulabase construction again? Cat: You read my mind, Greggo.