I wrote all this yesterday, I try to remember everything what I put yesterday. I do it in Roka's way
You Know You're Finnish When...
Clothes
You usually wear just something "sporty" and sneakers. No need to be new and after the fashion, just something like that. (I'd add something else but I don't know the word in English. Kind of bag that you can keep around your waist, I think were popular in the 80s. Finns never go on vacation without those)
Food
Nothing fancy foreing food. Just potatoes and then fish or meat. And of course enough salt. Ryebread is the only real bread. And the most important vegetable is a sausage. With beer usually. Coffee can also be considered as food. You never miss a coffee break and you refuse to do anything before you get your first mug (see, not a cup...a mug) of coffee.
Cell phones
Since Nokia is Finnish, every Finn needs a cell phone. Or two. You never go anywhere without it and never turn the sound off in cinemas, theatres, libraries etc.
When it rings/you call someone, remember to talk so loud that everyone in 100m radius hears your conversation.
Capital area
Living in Helsinki or that area, be rude to everyone who is outsider. Esp stupid tourists, who ask stupid things.
Social Situations
When greeting, just a cold handshake. No kissing or the cheek or hugging like other Europeans - that's just... being too close the other person. You need to keep your distance. And NEVER look into the eyes. Just stare floor/ground.
In the morning, you don't have to say full word "huomenta" ( morning), just leave the vowels off and just
mumble "hmnt". Never talk to strangers in places such as an elevator.
Public transportation
If you are a driver, be rude and look like you couldn't care less or look like you are forced to be there.
Always sit by the window and put your stuff next to you on the bench so no stranger would sit there. If you do not have any bags, plain gloves are just fine. If for some reason, bus/tram/train is so full (or in train someone has seat next to you) grab your stuff and keep it in your lap and stare out of window. Don't say a word. Don't even look at the person next to you. Well, you can take a quick glace now and then but remember to look suspicious. No matter how long and boring the journey is - do not talk to strangers.
Foreigners
Be suspicious. They are probably planning something bad.
Bars and parties
You don't know what "moderate drinking" is. When you drink, you drink as much as can. If you feel sick, just throw up and go to buy a new drink. Or if you feel sick, but don't throw up... just fingers to your throat should work.
When getting out of the bar, go to the kiosk to buy some grillfood. It's a must. You can throw it up later on. Pick on a fight in a queue if possible.
Passing out. You can pass out in many places. In some corner in the bar or on your way to home to bush, bench or similar. ALso, cinema or hairdresse stairs are good places to "have a nap" at 5am. Sleep all you want, unless police comes to wake you up. Or you wake up by some strangers who ask first "are you ok?" and then invite you to the "party where's free booze"
Languages
As a Finnish speaking, you have been forced to study Swedish at school which is "gay language". Actually, everyone who speaks it are either gay or weird. You always insult Swedish with the word "gay" and with some other goood Finnish words. In best case they understand what you say and beat the crap out of you.
As a Swedish speaking Finn, you refuse to learn Finnish because it's your right to use Swedish and get service in Swedish. You insult the "stupid Finnish speaking people, who refuse to learn/study Swedish" and think you are "upper class" when compared to Finnish speaking people and many times better than them
(btw, Swedish speaking people are 6% of Finns)
When it comes to English, you love to speak English, but don't care about the pronouncing. You don't even want to improve your skills. You are happy with the something that well call "Tankero English", which is famous all over the Europe because of Finnish politicians.
Speaking
As mentioned before, you don't talk unless it's neccessary. And you say only what needed, nothing extra. You take time when telling something, even take a little pause between your sentences. If some stupid people starts to talk when you are having a pause (usually foreigners, who think you've finished) give them a look that could kill them. They are stupid for not knowing you were still continuing.
This old chainletter also gives up the all good stereotypes
You've Been Too Long in Finland, when...
Eta: from that site, this is my fave (as I said about it in my post)
Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
And the other one about "peel a potatoe"
