What are some of your favorite CSI:Miami Quotes?

Discussion in 'CSI: Miami' started by iluv_ryan, Feb 14, 2007.

  1. cainesugar

    cainesugar Coroner

    Jan 22, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Just saw 'Cross Jurisdictions,' and I'm pretty sure it's my new favorite episode. It was very different, yet very funny, and just fun! I was on the edge of my seat, and enjoyed it more that any other Miami episode, aside from 'Body Count'. Maybe it's just season1. The quotes were hilarious, one after another.

    Horatio: Bet it felt cold when you picked it up.
    Girl: No, no hot.
    Horatio: Mhm.
    Girl: You're tricking me.
    Horatio: You're too smart for that.

    Calleigh: Oh, by the way, Calleigh Duquense, don't ask me how to spell it, Southern.
    Cath: Catherine Willows, Southern. Nevada.
    Horatio: *laughs*

    Horatio: Lemme ask you something. When you're home alone, do you lock the bathroom door?
    Cath: I don't even know you.

    Grissom: Uh, what's going on there, I thought you guys were meeting the feds.
    Cath: We are, they picked the place.
    Horatio: *looking around The Shore Club*

    Calleigh: Where was this guy?
    Speed: He's right there in the lobby. Got his little head-phone on, his little tie.

    Cath: I don't understand, why didn't the feds put this out on NCIC?
    Calleigh: Because they're feds.

    Calleigh comes up to Horatio and speaks to him in Spanish. Horatio responds.
    Dennis: What'd she just say to you?
    Horatio: She just said that you need to learn the language.

    Speed: The only way to ourswim a gator is to swim faster than the guy next to you. Isn't that right Delko?
    Delko: I used to have a partner.

    Speed paces on the dock, Delko surfaces.
    Delko: HA!
    Speed: Delko, you've been down there for forty five minutes. You know the level of bacteria in the water, you could get all sorts of infections...what'dya got?
    Delko: Water pistol. *laughs* One water-logged Baretta Knockoff.
    Speed; Suspect's personal gun?
    Delko: That's it.
    Speed: Congratulations.
    Delko: I'll put it over the wires that, uh, he's not carrying that toress anymore.
    Speed: Do that and take a shower.

    Horatio: How's your colleague Grissom doing on the aroma angle?
    Cath: I'm sure he's making progress, but Grissom rarely says anything till he's good and ready.
    Horatio: Ah, smart man.
    (Now we know the origin of Horatio's mysteriousness :lol:)

    Cath: You say that like it means something.
    Horatio: Well honey on it's own is just honey but you add plastric wrap and it's...uh...a...different sort of situation.

    Cath: Yum. So this is where he got the idea.
    Horatio: Yup.

    Performer: Some guys like to lick it off.
    Horatio: Really. I'm partial to a swab, myself.

    Cath: Ready honey?
    Horatio: Coming dear.

    Det.: Miami is pulling cars out of canals, chasing leads, deepreading the kid, and you guys are flipping through textbooks.
    Grissom: This is how I work.
    (Because Miami is like an action movie, with Super-H!)
    Det.: Tuburculosis, sianide poisoning, endochronology.
    Grissom: I'm following my nasino.

    Speed: So H, when was the last time you were in Hives?
    Horatio: I was there opening night.
    Speed: Really, I, uh...didn't see you there.
    Horatio: I was...VIP.

    Best episode ever, had me in a laughing fit. :lol:
  2. Need4Speed

    Need4Speed Coroner

    Mar 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    yeah i know!!!! and Speed was shaved!!!!!!! his face was shaved i couldn't believe it!!!! i personally like him with the stubble :D but yes that was an awesome epp one of the funniest i've ever seen!!! and that is the only ep of CSI: vegas that i've ever seen. and the only reason i saw it in the first place was becaus that's were we get the very first look at what H,Eric, Calleigh, and Speed we like in the begining.

    oh and after that whole Eric finding the gun in the water scene. i like the part where after Speed says Do that and take a shower Eric says "nice shoes" why i have no idea but it was funny :lol:
  3. that_girl1

    that_girl1 Coroner

    Mar 5, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Speed looked soo young in Cross Jurisdictions!!
    all of the cast looked young
    well except for David!!:lol:
  4. Boa_Vista_Fan

    Boa_Vista_Fan Rookie

    May 18, 2006
    Likes Received:
    I found some more of my favorite quotes. :) These are from Episode 1.01: Golden Parachute.

    Megan: NTSB is on the way in. They’re gonna want updates. Slight logistics, weather, eyewitness reports.
    Speedle: Welcome back, Megan. I didn’t know you were gonna be in this week.
    Megan: Any survivors?
    Speedle: [shakes head] Nothin’ new.
    Megan: They’ll be found in the first few hours if we find them at all. How we doing on safety?
    Speedle: We got it covered.
    [They start walking.]
    Megan: This is a level-two biohazard site. We should be taking precautions.
    [Cut to Horatio and Calleigh walking.]
    Horatio: All search personnel should have tyvexx overalls on, double gloves, masks, and decontamination after every shift.
    [Cut back to Megan and Speedle.]
    Megan: Everyone doses up on antibiotics. Water’s full of blood-borne pathogens and bacteria from body decomp and not to mention six thousand pounds of jet-A fuel.
    [Cut back to Horatio and Calleigh.]
    Horatio: No shift should last more than twenty minutes. No food or water on site.
    [Cut back to Megan and Speedle.]
    Megan: They won’t be able to eat out there. Spray from the airboat props will cause decontamination.
    [Cut back to Horatio and Calleigh. They stop walking.]
    Horatio: We’re treating this as a crime scene, which means no object too small. Any doubts, bag it, tag it.
    Calleigh: All right.
    [Calleigh leaves. Horatio looks over at Megan. Cut back to Megan and Speedle. Megan sees Horatio then turns back to Speedle.]
    Megan: See if you can find me a copy of the flight plan?
    [Megan walks away from Speedle. He stares blankly at her.]
    Speedle: It’s nice to see you, too.

    Calleigh: Looks like a medium caliber. Maybe a thirty-two or a thirty-eight.
    Horatio: And the bullet may still be lodged in the fuselage. You think we can find it?
    Calleigh: Does Elvis wear a white jumpsuit?

    [In the autopsy theater. Alexx is examining a corpse.]
    Alexx: [to the corpse] How did you get so far away from your friends? Did you fall out of that plane? Is that how you ended up all alone out there? All by yourself? In more ways than one, I’ll bet. Only woman on board… that couldn’t have been easy.

    Alexx: We also found traces of fluoxetine. She was on Prozac.
    Megan: Who isn’t?

    NTSB Technician: Never seen one of those before.
    Calleigh: This old thing?
    NTSB Technician: Yeah.
    Calleigh: It’s a borescope. The swamp boys use it for a sneak and peek. [wiggles it in front of him] I think it’s kind of cute.

    NTSB Technician: Oh, I heard of you. You’re the, uh, the bullet girl, right?
    Calleigh: What does that make you? Airplane boy?

    Speedle: You ran a chemical profile on her hair?
    Megan: Mmm-hmm. Trace elements can generally be found in the follicles. Luckily she was a brunette.
    Speedle: Right. Dark hair stores higher concentrations of most contaminants.
    Megan: Mmm-hmm. Nice thing about hair is it grows at an even rate. About a half an inch per month.
    Speedle: Gives us a nice timeline.
    Megan: she had been using anti-depressants for the past year. Prozac and Zoloft. Six months ago, she smoked some pot.
    Speedle: And they say blondes have more fun.

    [Speedle and Eric are examining evidence. Speedle looks up and sees Megan arguing with Horatio in the hallway.]
    Speedle: That can’t be good.
    [Eric looks up and at Megan and Horatio.]
    Eric: What does she think she can waltz in here after six months of being gone and just take over?
    Speedle: You know… You’re an ass.
    Eric: What did I say?!
  5. Finch

    Finch Funnier in Enochian Super Moderator

    Jul 30, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Great quotes everyone. :D

    Along with 'Golden Parachute', I loved that entire last conversation that you pointed out, Boa_Vista_Fan. :D Especially:

    Speed: She just lost her husband, what do they give her, two weeks off? She needed a little bit of time, big deal.
    Delko: Oh...I didn't know.
    Speed: Well there's a lot you don't know.

    :lol: One of my favorite quotes.
  6. CSIFray

    CSIFray Lab Technician

    Apr 8, 2007
    Likes Received:
    I love Cross Jurisdictions... You put Cath with the CSI: Miami team and you have yourself one hell of a party
  7. Grissom_Mad

    Grissom_Mad Rookie

    Aug 12, 2005
    Likes Received:
    I thought that ep was brill. Lol. I need to put that on my iPod. Lol.
  8. Need4Speed

    Need4Speed Coroner

    Mar 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    i love that ep!!!! i also love the convo in Breathless...

    SPEED:What do you got there, Delko?
    ERIC: Spear guns.
    CALLEIGH: I'll trade you some stale caviar for some of those nifty spear guns.
    ERIC: I hate fish eggs.
    SPEED: Hey, Megan, did you miss me?
    ERIC: She actually forgot your name. (Calleigh smiles.) Two of us working together, we swabbed every spear and knife from that competition, and on this one here we found traces of human tissue.
    MEGAN: Spear gun belongs to Ignacio Paez, our Cuban diver.
    ERIC: (smugly) So, we've got a murder weapon and a suspect. What have you
    (Eric looks up from his clipboard at Speed. Speed picks up the purple see-through underwear and holds it up. He clears his throat.)
    SPEED:(deadpans) I have a murder weapon of a different sort.
    (Eric chuckles.)
    SPEED: The DNA results confirm that they're Nikki Olson's.
    CALLEIGH: And inside the intimate part of her intimates, a pubic hair from our victim, Noel Peach.
    SPEED: And the impression on his chest matches this bra clasp.
    (Speed holds up the matching purple see-through bra.)

    :lol: i just love this scene!! it's hilarious!!!!!! it made me laugh for weeks..Speed with those underwear and Bra!!!! HAHAHA!!! :lol:

    oh and this one!!! it's also from Breathless

    (Speed appears from just outside the cabana holding up a woman's lacy bra by the straps.)
    SPEED: I don't know what the latin name for this is.
    CALLEIGH: (suppresses a smile) No such luck. Roman women wore leather straps.
    (Calleigh steps out of the cabana.)
    SPEED: Must have been some hell of a party.
  9. CSIFray

    CSIFray Lab Technician

    Apr 8, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Cooper: She's hot.
    Ryan: She's a case against the first amendment.

    Ryan: New mafia, my ass!

    I like those qoutes... I love Ryan's reaction about Erika

    Alexx(to Erika): Get that camera off my body!

    Ah, I loved the meaness towards her for some wierd reason

    Eric: Steve carry a cell phone?
    Natalia: He's a model, he probably lived on one.

    I just thought that line was funny...
  10. ForgottnEvidence

    ForgottnEvidence Police Officer

    Apr 9, 2007
    Likes Received:
    I just remebered this one from the epi "Shock" when Ryan and Cal went to go talk to Brandon at the pool and he is sitting on a beach chair with that girl who was practically on top of him.

    Brandon: April and I totally have each other's backs.
    Ryan: And fronts, apparently.

    I was laughing so hard! :lol:

  11. Need4Speed

    Need4Speed Coroner

    Mar 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    haha me too!!!! and i this one from Evidence of Things Unseen..

    Speed: You ever date a stripper?
    Eric: well i wouldn't call it dating...

    Ha ha it just makes me wonder what he called it?? :devil:
  12. Need4Speed

    Need4Speed Coroner

    Mar 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    oh i love this one!!! from Bait. it made me think of the verizon comercials :D

    Eric:*talking into transmitter* Can you hear me now?......good
    *ladies are walikg by giggling and talking* *he holds up his hand to silence them*
    Eric:*to ladies*uhhh...*to transmitter* can you hear me now?.....very good. ok i'm moving another 75ft.*he keeps walking*
    Girl #1: he's a wacko
    Eric:thanks laides.....
    Girl #2:a cute wacko

    it went something like that but it just cracked me up!!!!!! :lol:
  13. that_girl1

    that_girl1 Coroner

    Mar 5, 2007
    Likes Received:
    o0o0 yea i was watchjing that episode yesterday !!
    i was totally laughing at that part!!
  14. Need4Speed

    Need4Speed Coroner

    Mar 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    oh i love, love, love this one!!!!!!!!!

    it's from Forced Entry

    Det. Bernstein: No signs of forced entry.
    H: *staring at the guy* Oh ... I wouldn't be too sure about that.

    i just laughed uncontrollably because H was talking about the guy and not the house!!!!! and i was like oh man that must have hurt.

    and this is a good one from Dispo Day

    H:this cocaine did not come from Haiti.
    Speed: not unless Haiti's in the middle of our crimelab.

    and these are great!!!!! most of them have Speedisms in them I love Speed!! he's awesome!!!

    Jim Tigerfish: What the hell is this?
    Speed:That's a warrant to search the premises.
    Jim:For what?
    Speed:For items looted from an air-crash site. What'd you think, you were going to sell them on e-bay?
    (Golden Parachute)

    Calleigh: And Moreno's wife said he liked to stay up late and watch tv. My guess is he got jumped right in the middle of Letterman.
    Speed:'Top ten ways to get your head blown off.'
    (Losing Face)

    Calleigh:French lace -- from the window at the Moreno house. It's also used on high-end toupees. It gives a more natural look to the hairline.
    Speed:Lace on a rug.
    Calleigh: Uh-huh.
    Speed: Well, shoot me if it comes to that.
    (Losing Face)

    Megan:Thin epidermis, lots of blood vessels and the sebaceous glands are separate from the hair follicles. We're talking penis-- tore off.
    Megan: You might want to get a good hold of yourself.
    Speed: Why?
    Megan: Still have to chop it up; confirm it's Paul's.
    Speed:Oh ...
    (Just One Kiss) i just loved Speed's expression!!!!! it was so funny!!!!

    Eric:Engines on that baby cost more than your car.
    Speed:Maybe more than your car.
    (Camp Fear)

    haha i get that one because his ducati probably cost way more that both Eric's car and that engine :D

    Speed:I love hotel rooms. Body fluids everywhere.
    (Double Cap)

    This has got to be one of my favs!!!!

    Speed:Sir, can you read the yellow tape right there? It says 'crime scene.'
    Ted Zink: Hey, I got permit to be here.
    Speed: Oh ... you got a permit.
    Ted: Yeah, that's right. From parks and rec.
    Speed: Well ... I'm going to let you tell that to the family of the girl that got murdered here last night.
    Ted: Whoa, hold on ...
    Speed: I'm going to let you tell them that we can't process this crime scene because you have a permit for a party.
    Ted:You misunderstood me ...
    Speed: Then I'm going to arrest your cheap, tequila-pushing ass and have you spend the night in lockup with all the drunk-and-disorderlies, and you can smell the vomit of the fraternity boys.
    Ted: You know what? Maybe I-I ... maybe I should just wait until you're finished.
    Speed: That's a capital idea, Ted.
    (Spring Break)

    Alexx: Please don't tell me we just gave a body away to a complete stranger.
    Speed: Alexx, we just gave the...
    Alexx: Timmy, I know.
    (Witness to Murder)

    haha she called him Timmy :D

    Speed:You need some help?
    Alexx: Nah. I could undress a dead man in my sleep.
    Speed:Leaving that one alone.
    (Not Landing)

    i just love Speed's expression to that :D
  15. Boa_Vista_Fan

    Boa_Vista_Fan Rookie

    May 18, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Man, I'm just going down the line with these episodes... Haha.

    Anyway, here's some quotes from Episode 1.02: Wet Foot/Dry Foot.

    [Alexx is looking into the mouth of a dead shark who ate the victim.]
    Alexx: I think we’re going to need a bigger body bag.

    Mark: What kind of boat are you guys looking for?
    Speedle: The kind that has blood in it.

    Horatio: Speed.
    Speedle: Yeah.
    Horatio: What does it say on the stern?
    Speedle: “Luna Nueva.” Moon new.
    Eric: [yells at Tim] It’s new moon!

    Calleigh: Why fill in the number? Why not just sand it all the way down?
    Speedle: I don’t know, maybe it’s a guy thing.
    Calleigh: What, they’ll add on or they’ll cover up but they won’t mess with the chassis?
    Speedle: You know what? You’re scaring me.
    [Calleigh goes quiet. Speedle messes with the digital image of an ID number.]
    Speedle: Okay, we manipulate the pixels in gray scale and…
    [The number underneath is revealed.]
    Calleigh: The hull was built in 1972.
    Speedle: Do you want to do this?
    Calleigh: No. It’s a guy thing.

    [Eric is in the trace lab. Tim heads for the trace lab. Horatio enters the trace lab. From the other door, Megan walks into the lab.]
    Speedle: …Who community beeped?
    Horatio: That was me.

    [Speedle sits in the A/V lab going through security tapes. Eric walks in.]
    Eric: Yo!
    Speedle: [monotone] Yo.
    Eric: What’s this?
    [Eric sits on the desk behind Speedle and looks at what he’s looking at.]
    Speedle: Megan.

    [Horatio, Megan, and Adell pull up in front of a house in a Cuban neighborhood. The neighbors stand outside the house, protesting.]
    Horatio: The only place in the country you have to negotiate with the community before you serve the warrant.

    Horatio: Locard’s Theory. Primary transfer.
    Eric: Kind of like going to the bathroom. You can never wipe enough.

    I loved the "community beeped" one. :D

Share This Page