I can't say this out loud because the only choices I have right now are telling it to my dad, the girl who also likes Kansas, or the girl who's heard the whole story already. And witnessed it. Hahaha.
I went to my friend Lexi's barbecue, along with a few of our other friends, plus her cousin, Ian, who happens to be my friend Carissa's boyfriend, and his friend, Kansas. His real name is Ben, but he goes by Kansas. Anyway, I thought he was cute and funny and all that jazz, but I didn't think he liked me back. Well, we were sitting together on Lexi's hammock and he leaned back and put his legs across my lap. It was fine for a while, but then I got really cold and I laid next to him on the hammock. He said he didn't mind, I put my head on his chest and tried (somewhat unsuccessfully) to keep my arms to myself. At one point, I let my hand touch the ground beneath the hammock, and that's when I realized he had his arm around me. I think my heart actually did skip a beat. I brought my hand back up to the hammock and rested it near his. I lightly touched his thumb with mine and he moved his hand closer. Slooooowly, my hand made its way into his. I was feeling pretty confident then, so I put my other hand on his chest. It was amazingly comfortable to lie there swinging and listening to his heart beat. Lol, nobody could figure out why I was so quiet, but if I'd said anything, I wouldn't have been able to hear his pulse. I looked up to his face and I had an urge to touch it for some reason, but I settled for his neck. I slid my hand up his chest to the back of his neck, until my fingers were just barely in his hair. OHGOD, he made THE sexiest expression in the world. I could get off for weeks on that expression alone. That's also the point when I was veery aware that his legs were between mine. It's a good thing it was dark by that time, it might've been a liiittle awkward for everyone else there. LOL. A little while later, he asked me to load my phone number and email and stuff on his cell phone, and I felt like we were actually a couple; he had his arms around me and was explaining to me how to use his cell phone. It was just.. really nice. Not long afterward, Lexi's mom yelled outside that my dad was there. I was bummed, but I got up because I figured my dad would be pissed if he found out I acted romantic toward a guy I'd just met. Before I went inside, I kissed him on the cheek. He said he would call me after he got home from work today (and actually, he called me last night, but we didn't talk long because I couldn't understand him on his cell phone) and I smiled and walked away. We hadn't gotten a chance to clean up and Lexi and Carissa were coming to my house, so Lexi's mom was talking to my dad and offered to take all of us to my house after we were done cleaning. I practically jumped out of my skin and said how I'd feel so guilty if I didn't stay to clean up, which is true, but I acted a little more dramatic about it. My dad said yes. I walked back into the yard and after we were done picking everything up, we talked a while. Carissa and Ian had their arms around each other. Kansas and I were standing there looking a little awkward, but then I moved closer to him and he put his hand on my hip. I gave him a smirk, then put my arms around his neck and pulled him close. He pulled me up against him and before I knew it, we were kissing. I don't even know who initiated it, but it was absolutely incredible. There was no tongue, but it was long and his hands were on me, and I just didn't want it to end, ever. It didn't even matter that Carissa and Ian were watching us, once he touched me, the world seemed to fade away. We walked to his car while Carissa and Ian were saying good-bye. He turned on the radio and what song was he listening to? "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big and Rich. It's my latest song addiction. LOVE. We sang along to it together, and it was just so much fun. I never thought I'd feel so connected and comfortable around someone I'd just met. More unbelievably, I had enough self confidence to talk to someone I was interested in and put myself out there, and that the person actually liked me back. I feel like I just took a drug cocktail, I'm so nauseatingly happy.