Post something you can't say out loud.

There's a thread like this at a different message board, and it's GREAT for getting out a little stress, so I thought I'd share.

I'll start.

I just can't trust you anymore. You're so different from the person you used to be. And if you want to continue dating this guy and getting yourself into drugs and alcohol, I don't think I can be your friend anymore. I watched a friend turn into an alchoholic two years ago. I just can't go through that again. I didn't cry because I switched birth control pills like I told you. I cried because I feel angry, hurt, sad, and betrayed. Then there's something else, but I don't know what it is. I never know what it is, and that's why I always turned to a razor blade for advice in the past. But I don't think I'm going to do that this time; I promised myself that I was never going to be that person again. Never. But I'm scared I'm not going to be able to keep the promise with the way things are going right now.

 

Oh god! I'm home!

Okay...

Grow up! You can't just go around licking each other's faces all the time! And you sure as hell better not get that girl pregnant because you're not ready for a baby! You don't understand was a consequence is! You've had it easy all the this time and I want you to understand that there are consequences for your actions!

 

oo, me too

I am sick of all the double standards. Every time, it's about you. And when i do something similar, i get yelled at at every possible moment. I am sick of you continually bitching about everything, especially about what *** did. Stop making us take sides! It's not fair to us, and when we do go and hang out with her, all i hear is bitch bitch bitch. She's still my friend okay? And seriously, stop bitching about me when i don't hang out with you every waking second. I do have other friends, and sometimes, i want to go to the library. you know, to do work? and sometimes i just get sick of you always holding everything against me. And by the way, the circle of honesty doesn't work, because as soon as anyone tries to be honest, someone ends up crying, and everyone gets angry!

 

ok--I'll only post this if I get a chance to ask if these rants are against anyone at the board--cause that wouldn't be right. But under the presumption that it is someone offline.....

You're seriously really starting to get on my nerves. I know that there's not a whole lot that you can do but that doesn't give you license to piss people off intentionally. I can't stand the way you talk down about everyone when they're not around, like you're the best person in this entire family, like you don't have any faults. Well you're here, so obviously that isn't true! You're becoming a real agitation around here, talking about what's coming to you when Mom and Dad pass away, talking like you know what's right for everybody, you don't even know what's right for yourself, so just stop it.

Well the rest I can't say here, but--hey, that does release a lot of stress.

 

it certainly does...and my one wasn't about anyone on this board, it was about someone offline

 

These have been eating away at me for a while now, and they might be really long.

I know I did something stupid, but it was over a month ago and I wish you'd realise that I'm not usually like that!!! It was a stupid, ONE-TIME thing, and I made a big enough fool of myself, and put myself in enough danger that I know what an idiot I was!!! You and I were friends for 2 years, and in that time I thought you knew me, at least to some degree, and I thought you would be able to forgive me for one bad night. I also thought you'd be the kind of person who wouldn't forget about me. I understand that you're excited about what's going on in your life, it's great!!! And if it were me I'd be thrilled too. But you're letting it go to your head, and let me tell you, you were conceited enough to begin with!!! Lately, when I say hi to you, you've been acting like I'm not there. You're also joined at the hip with our other friend, which I understand. But I wish that you'd at least acknowledge my presence!!! It's funny. Almost everyone I know thinks you're perfect. And I thought so too for a while, but then you started treating me like a disposable friend, and that's NOT COOL. The one early release day, when everyone was going shopping for grad dresses(something you're supposed to do with your friends, not with your mom, like I ended up doing) and Christina asked if I was coming, was the worst. When I asked you if you guys were going, you told me no. Then later I found out you'd lied. That was the worst feeling I've had in a while. Eliza told me she knew it hurt because "I'd thought you were my friend." and you know what? I did!!! I really had thought you were my friend. But lately, it just doesn't seem that way. I've been crying myself to sleep over this a lot, and I've been spending my time at school trying to act like nothing's wrong, and it must be working, because I think I'm even more invisible to you then I was last week!!!

And a second one, shorter, and not as angry.

I can't say this out loud, even in my room when I'm all alone. But I love you. I know that you're my guy friend, and I know that I'm hopelessly average in your eyes, but ever since that first day in May of tenth grade(almost 2 years ago!) when you walked me home, I've been hopelessly, madly, and painfully in love. I've cried myself to sleep over you more times then I can count. I even worked up the courage to tell you that one day last year. You probably don't remember it. And you know what? Instead of hugging me and letting me down gently, like I hoped, you ripped my heart out. I didn't even get a chance to tell you. You told me you liked my best friend. I mean, didn't you realise how I felt when I stammered out a quick goodbye and ran to the bathroom? Didn't you realise that maybe I was hiding something? I've tried to move on, to realise that you're never going to love me back, but this is more then I've ever loved anyone before. At the risk ofbeing cheesy, I don't know how to quit you!!!

 

ooh good idea
I could go on so long with this and Most of you that know me know who it would be about (not anyone online so no worries there)


***********
I'm so sick of the way you treat the children we work with and the rest of us here You act as if you own the place when reality you're no higher up then I am Heck I have more seniourity over you
I also dont like the fact that You pick favorites Lord forbid we discipline someone You favor

 

I'm really sorry but I really don't want to be involved here. See, you're my brother's girlfriend and the last thing I want to be is a problem. The next time he's sleeping, please call him yourself. The guy is tired from work anyway but I understand. A woman's gotta see her man once in a while. Yes, I know, a bomb exploding in this very small house of ours will never wake him but my efforts are futile too. I don't want to spend every waking moment telling you where he's been, what he's doing, whether he's eaten. Just so you know, I'm really happy for you both and he have never been anymore happier with you. But please, I'm not a messenger. He has a cellphone which I'm sure is used so very often by him so that you two may talk all night long. Okay, I hope you understand.

*another one*

Just wanted to tell you that rain is pouring and I hope You make it stop by the end of this month. I know. That's very unlike me but c'mon, even I need some sunshine too. Rain is cool but all this water is making me dizzy. Please send me some sunshine. Thank You.

 

Don't think I don't remember. It might have been almost 10 years, but I remember every little thing. But don't worry, it's not like I ever told anyone, so you're safe. If YOU remember it at all.
I do and I'll never be able to forget. I tried to tell myself it was all just a dream; yet I never managed to convince myself of it. You probaly thought I was fast asleep. I was wide awake and I recall every eff-ing detail. I cried myself to sleep that night, while you were busy with my sister, your wife. And the next morning, when you asked to pass you something at the table and touched my thigh, I nearly lost it again.
Nobody ever noticed and I never told anyone. Not because I want to protect you, you don't deserve that. But because I don't want to inflict my pain on the rest of my family. I once nearly told my best friend, but she knows you. She would believe me if I told her, I'm not worried about that. She doesn't need to think about you the way I do.
Then again,what evidence do I have against you? There's nothing but my word against yours, and you've managed to talk your way out of other things, haven't you?!
I keep a close watch on your kids, too, and if I ever see any sign in them, you're going down, trust me.
The other day, in church, I met you again after a long, long time. I couldn't sleep for days before it. You know what? When I saw you, there was nothing there. Nothing at all. If anything, I pity you, but you don't even deserve that. And don't think I don't know why you brought your new girlfriend's kid along. You coward.
Because of what you did so long ago, I changed from the happy content girl I was to someone with a stain that will never go away, I might be alright on the outside, but my inside is a mess. I hate to think about what might lurk in the back of my mind, things I can't remember although they happened. That's why I don't search counseling. For now.
I really wished I was more religious. Then I could be certain that when your day comes, you rot in hell. Like you deserve it.

 

Some of these things are very intense. I hope it helps somewhat writing them down.

Here's mine.

I always pretend I don't miss you. Whenever they call your name I laugh and act like it doesn't hurt anymore. It was ages ago, you were ages ago and I'm fine. To the outside world I'm fine, I moved on. I became a whole new me, reinvented myself, I was finally free and full of selfconfidence and I didn't need you in my life to cheer me up when I was down. I tell people that I want you to be happy and I do, I'll always want you to be happy. But it hurts...whenever I see you with her it hurts. She's become everything I once was to you and I told you to go find that because I wanted to be free for once. I'm free now but somehow I don't really feel like the new person I thought I'd become. I just miss you.

 

Sometimes its like you have a split personality.
You totally ignore me and dont even bother to make the effort to talk to me - its like I'm just another thing for you to make jokes about.
But when you want something - you're as nice as you can possibly be to me and actually make the effort to make small talk - I wonder how long that will last?

 

i really would like this to get off my chest but i cant tellu the story its to bad its like against half of the board room rulz.... but i can tell u this one story

ok one day my friend came up to me and told me that she was going to ask the guy i was madly in love with out for me. so she went up to him right before gym and asked him. i was in another room waiting for the answer.so i got out of that room and asked my friend if she had askedhim that Question she said that she did. Then i went to the movies that same night.i just happened to glance over and i saw him. he was with my best friend. i pretended like i didnt see anything.i was soo temped not to look over there. but i did any way! and they were totally makeing out! i was soo pissed off i went over to my friend and dumped pop all over her. i was soo mad that night that i cryed myself to sleep. he went over to my locker the next day. and asked me why i did that i told him that she like totally betrayed me. he asked me why she betrayed me. i told him remember that day that my friend asked you out did she ask you out for me or for herself."herself" he said. i started to cry. he ask what was wrong i told him thatshe was sopposed to ask you out for me not herself! and i liked you alot and is there something i did that made her mad or is she just a b*tch geez. i thought she was my best friend! the next day he went up to her and told her how mad i was and what i said .she just sat back and laughed.and told him that it wasnt true. then he went over to her and gave her a big kiss on the cheek and looked at me. i went home that night and cryed and cryed and cryed than i thought of something crazy...cutting....i told myself that i would never do that and i didnt there was nothing for me to do about it. i couldnt tell my other friends they were always on her side whenever we got into an arguement so i had to keep it to myself forever untill now soo shhhhhh..jk

~someone

 

OK....

1. I know I drink too much, but I'm not gonna stop right now

2. If you're gonna be gay, be bloody gay cause I'm SICK of covering for the both of you

 

Ok, well I have a lot of stress BUILT UP FROM THE PAST MONTH OF KEEPING IT IN.. so here goes... (its about one of my friends)

Ok, you think I have NO CLUE about what you are talking about? I know exactly what you mean. You keep trying to look cool ; "HAHA SARA DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!" well, I know exactly what you mean and I don't know where you got the crazy idea that I didn't know. I hate how you don't hang out with me anymore. You used me to get your pathetic boyfriend, and now you don't even talk to me. You told so many people my one secret that I told you, that secret only slipped out and you told everyone. You've told me millions of your secrets and I've never breathed a word of any of them. I never trusted you. You've always trusted me. I tried trusting you, and you blew it. You think you're so cool because you're doing drugs, and you think that I don't know about it. WELL I KNOW, OK?

Ok, that made me feel better : ) .. slightly.

----------------------
~saraa_*

 

Funny, I'd think at almost 30yrs of age -I wouldve figured out life by now. All the things I've seen and done, all the so called 'real life' that I've lived. Sooner than most people have to, I might add. And yet I'm as sure about what I'm supposed to do with my life as I was 10 years ago. Hell we can go back 20yrs. I feel like a ghost. The only people I matter to are my kids and all they say they want is their father. So I ponder just giving them to him and disappearing. Falling right off the face of the earth. Dont think it'd really matter to anyone. How the hell is it possible to be surrounded by people but still feel completely alone?