Nick Song Fic Ch #8 - "Angel"- Now up!

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Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Midnight today is fine. :) (she says, knowing full well that her own fic isn't finished either!) :lol: I am sending the ones that I already have to Egeria so she can get started on putting them up, so latecomers are okay.
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Happy Birthday, Nicksfriend!

I'll have mine done, I was able to work on it last night! Yay!
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Okay, just sent it to Smokey, didn't have time to go over and correct all my mistake so bad me....but I thank you guys for your birthday wishes so now I have to go and get ready, going out to dinner to celebrate with my family, look forward to reading a lot of great stories tomorrow!!:):):)
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Happy Birthday, Nicksfriend! Hope you get some cake! :lol:

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For anyone still working on a story or thinking about it, it looks like it will be sometime tomorrow evening before the site is up, so you still have time to get it in. :)
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Smokey said:
Happy Birthday, Nicksfriend! Hope you get some cake! :lol:

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For anyone still working on a story or thinking about it, it looks like it will be sometime tomorrow evening before the site is up, so you still have time to get it in. :)
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Thank you and this cat reminded me of this cat...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeoT66v4EHg&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fnew.music.yahoo.com%2Fblogs%2Fvideogaga%2F27228%2Fkeyboard-cat-gets-served-piano-cat-is-the-new-internet-star%2F&feature=player_embedded

I am very excited about reading some new stories today...glad to have Nickyfan back with us for a while. patiently awaiting hte site to be up...this evening...Thanks again Egeria! and Smokey!!!
 
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Re: Nick Fic Song Challenge #4 - "The Eleventh Commandment"- Now Open!

Nick Fic Song Challenge
Round Four


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Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the fourth round of the Nick Fic Song Challenge! Thanks to everyone who participated! :) The stories are up for you to read on our beautiful site created for us by Egeria, complete with a homepage and links to individual challenge pages! Great job! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! :)

(Please remember to clear your cache before clicking on the page link.)
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Here are a few guidelines for reading and reviewing:

1. Remember, for now the stories are anonymous. Please do not reveal which story you wrote. We will unveil the authors in a few days.

2. Story authors/participants - Please leave feedback for each story. That's why we're doing this...so we can learn from each other and improve as we go along. And because this is anonymous for now, please remember to leave some feedback for your own story too. :)

3. Lurkers - You are most welcome to read and review the stories too! We just ask that you follow and respect the guidelines here as well. The exception is that you may leave reviews for as few or as many stories as you like. (Authors - Please do not take offense if a lurker reviews only one or two stories or does not review yours.)

4. Please make your feedback as positive and constructive as possible. Constructive means that it's meant to be helpful and it's said in a nice way. There will be zero tolerance for meanness here from anyone.

5. Please try to make your feedback a little more than just "Good job" or "Nice story". We all look forward to hearing some thoughtful input on our work. :) And for now let's focus on the content of the story more so than the format, grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. For some people this is their first fic and/or English may not be their first language, and those are all things that a good beta could fix if this weren't a challenge. :)

6. Feedback should be posted here in this thread and can be done all in one post or in several posts.

7. Remember, we aren't voting for favorites on this or anything. We're just reading, reviewing, and enjoying! :)

8. Attention readers! Feedback posts will probably contain spoilers. If you do not want to be spoiled, do not read the feedback until after you read the stories.

One last note...due to the nature of this song, some of the stories may contain references to child abuse. Warnings are on the home page and individual stories as warranted.


And now, what you've all been waiting for...the fourth Nick Fic Song Challenge! This is a link to the homepage, so just click on the banner for this round and you'll be there!
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Note: If you see an error in your story or any problems on the page, please PM Egeria ASAP.
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

Woo-hoo! Excited to get started reading the fics! :D

Egeria, I wanted to say that I really love how you did the text on the banners for the stories. The text looks engraved and it's a really neat effect. :)

Honor Thy Child- Nick as a cybercop... that's a new idea. I like it. :) The woman turning in the tape for revenge... Like the saying no honor among thieves, I guess that's true for all kinds of criminals. Nick's reaction to the headmaster's crimes is exactly how I'd expect Nick to react. Love how you used the line from the song the fic. The end brought tears to my eyes with the letter to Nick from the girl's mother.

Faith- Nick not being able to stand hearing the little girl crying and picking her up to quiet and calm her. I loved that he gave her a name and a great name he chose. It was so sad what happened to her. Gosh that epilogue made me cry.

The Eleventh Commandment Is - Wow, that's an interesting and unique take on the theme. Didn't expect that one. Good job. Love Brass' words at the end. :)

Spiderman- Aww that was heart-breaking as he hopes for Spiderman to come and save him. Poor little guy. I like how he felt safe when his dad got home and how his dad knew something was very wrong when he saw all the spiderman stuff in the trash. I love that after all those years Nick realized he needed closure and finally told Cisco what happened that night when he was a little boy.

For The Children- Woah! Nick's outburst had my jaw dropping just like those of his co-workers. I like how you used the words of the song in the fic as part of Riley's and later, Catherine's thoughts and then in Nick's words. I think Nick's words at the end is what a lot of people ask. I've thought the same things after hearing cases on the news that involved people hurting their children or other people's children. Those words of Nick's were very powerful.

Still Smoldering- First of all, love the line about Nick's tongue. I like how the kid turned Nick's question back on him. How intuitive that boy was knowing that the same thing had happened to Nick. And I like that at the end, Nick decided to call his mom.

Tell God- What a sad way for that case to end. And poor Nicky having to see the little boy die right in front of him. and the little boy's words to Nick before he passed made me cry. I like what Nick whispered in the boy's ear.

Thoughts of a Mother- Nicky's traumatic event of his childhood through his mother's eyes... nice touch. Love that she pretty much knew what happened to him without him ever having to say the words. The picture you painted of him as a little boy going into his parents room with his bear and blanket was very vivid. Love her calling him at the end just to tell him she loves him. :)

Silver Lining-Heartbreaking cases for Nick to deal with. First the girl who was abused by her dad and then the baby who was addicted and abandonded by its mom and now a little boy who has been abused by his mother. And then the nurse snapping at Nick and Nick having to explain himself for something he had no control over. Poor Nicky. He was sweet with the little boy though.

Everyone did an excellent job with the theme. I enjoyed reading all of the stories.
 
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Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

Honour Thy Child ...First of all, excellent story, great flow and interesting plot!. I like Nick as a cybercop. He did well, but we knew he would. I could relate to the line:]And with Sara Sidle returning to the team, he’d felt out of sorts, ignored, unappreciated. I hope in reality that is not the case but good line!


I like Archie lending him a helping hand with the case, they have a good brother type relationship. Archie is such a sweetie!

Really appreciated the end, the letter from the mother, sometimes money does talk and in so many cases, that is the saddest fact to any family that is split apart. Good job!


Faith ...First sentence gave me a picture of Nick that I would love to see more often, him arriving to a crime, seeing the effect of the case start to already wear on his sensitive psyche, I really like!.

Excellent imagery, I can see the little girl, Faith, and I can almost hear her cries, excellent writing.

The epilogue of course done me in, I am now trying to type with blurred vision. Very well done!

The Eleventh Commandment IS....My mouth just dropped....this was a big twist and it was very interesting. Those were some bad butt kids....Oh my Gosh! That was entertainment guys!!!!Great job! Wow!

Spiderman ...This was sweet, and its about time Nick finally told his father. Well done. I could imagine a child that was as traumatized associating it to whatever was the closest to him, his hero Spiderman just happened to have to take the brunt of what happened that night to our Nicky. Great story!

Still Smoldering.. It seems almost strange that one's mother would not recognizd the sudden changes in a child or question them at least. That is a sad point...and the little boy felt he had to take care of it on his own....even sadder. This was great writing...and I really liked the ending.All I could think...It's about time Nick! Excellent!

For the Children...As a God loving person for many years ...I too have wondered why He never mentioned the children in the ten commandments...but I guess He assumed that people had common sense...that children should be loved...Not abused, guess he didn't know how some would turn out...evil is evil.

I think it was great that nice patient Nick has a impatient side..especially when it comes to children. Way to go Nick!

Nicely written...the writer shows me that they have a lot of passion for the safety of children with how they word certain phrases. I liked how this story flowed, without ever leaving the confined space of the conference room, I was totally engrossed. Excellent!

Thoughts of a Mother...Nice...I hope she beat the sitter thoroughly and had her jailed if she really knew what happened to her baby or even suspected it.... Just had to throw that in there...I do love the mother's touch and the descriptions were very vivid, especially of a little fellow carrying around his prized teddy bear.And, I ,as a mother do the photo albums too for my children so I really liked that added piece. Very nice!

Silver Lining..Best line of this challenge:Family looks out for each other...You danged right they do!

And I love how he still confides in his best friend...Rick! Job well done!

Great stories this time around...a little sadder than usual challenge story but very good indeed! Thanks to Egeria and Smokey for all of their hard work!
 
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Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

GregNickRyanFan said:
Egeria, I wanted to say that I really love how you did the text on the banners for the stories. The text looks engraved and it's a really neat effect. :)
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Aw thanks! Just thought I'd try something new :D

Just wanted to let everyone know I finally got around to updating the last challenge (#3 - The Change) to include names of authors, and review pages. If you posted your story elsewhere and want to include a link on your review page please pm me.
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

Honor Thy Child: I really liked the idea of a special team that handles these horrible cases.

This line made me chuckle: "And with Sara Sidle returning to the team, he’d felt out of sorts, ignored, unappreciated."

You showed Nick's determination nicely and his discomfort with the things he was watching and having to endure.

The letter from the mother was definitely needed to show Nick that has hard as it is what he's doing is important and does matter.

Faith: That poor girl....Nick was right she never had a chance. But at least she felt a moment of safety thanks to Nick. Your description of "Faith" in the filthy dress and her hair.....pretty vivid.

The Eleventh Commandment IS: That was some family. I probably would have been just has confused as Nick was during that interview. You really set the scene early on as Nick and Greg arrived. Nice job.

Spiderman: Awesome...really awesome....you got me all teary eyed at the end. I've wondered if Nick would ever eventually tell his family about that night...and you've given us that here. Love the use of the nicknames throughout the whole story it really shows the great relationship Nick and his dad have.

For The Children: I wish Nick would blow up more often....is that horrible of me? It sort of reminds me of the blow up between Warrick and Nick in "Invisible Evidence". the uncomfortable silences and glances around after each time Nick spoke his mind was really great

Still Smouldering: “Did you tell your mom?” Holy crap! I guess kids do say the darndest things.

Amazing story....of course Nick was able to get him to open up. And of course he calls his mama.

Tell God: Wow another kids say the darndest things addition. Really vivid image of the paramedics running out to throw up. Love that Nick never got to tie his laces.

I'll finish up tomorrow...my eyes need a break
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

Honour thy Child - I like Nick's strength and resolve in this new direction his career has taken him. I wonder how long it will last though? Might be worth a sequel. ;) I'm glad he got some positive feedback from the mother. Too often, I think, work like his goes without thanks. People just take it for granted that it's their job to help people.

Faith - Very descriptive beginning! Puts the reader right there at the scene. Good, realistic dialogue between Warrick and Nick at the scene. "Like lifting a dirty feather." Excellent! I love the images of Nick holding the little girl. I can definitely see it in my mind and could see it on the show.
Awwww....Super Dave. :( More realistic dialogue and actions between Nick and Brass at the next scene. Very poignant final scene, of course. I think it's done very well. It's very effective. I love the memory of Nick holding her and talking to her. In case you were you trying to make me cry, you succeeded!

The Eleventh Commandment IS - I love the twist in this one! How the parents actually ARE honoring their children, and how it backfires on them. It has a very eerie feeling about it...almost like it's another world where children rule. The dialogue here, especially Jackson's, is very good...very creative. Nice job!

Spiderman - That was really heartbreaking. :( The whole Spiderman thing at the beginning. I hate things like that...poor little innocent kid gets everything ripped away from him in one fell swoop. I've known a kid like that...30 years later...and you hit the nail on the head. I think it's a really creative twist here to have Nick's dad comforting him instead of his mother. Same with the ending...how he tells his dad first.

For the Children - I like seeing how the cases affected each of the CSIs and how Catherine knew she had to deal with it delicately. I'm surprised we haven't seen a reaction like this from Nick yet on the show. It's a very realistic response to everything he's had to deal with. "The voices of the lost children urged him forward"...very nice!

Still Smoldering - I like how Nick could just sense what had happened to the boy, and the boy could sense it in Nick. It's like when one has been through something like, they can feel its presence in another person too. I also like the little bit of tension between Nick and Brass. And yeah...Nick's finally going to tell his mom. Taking his own advice. That's nice. :)

Tell God - This is another one that was just heartbreaking to me. You have a great way of describing a scene and the feelings of the characters in it. I can see it in my mind as though it were an episode. The child hearing God's voice...again, I've seen that...you really captured it well. Another tear jerker. :(

Thoughts of a Mother - I love this one! Jillian's love for her son is so obvious and so sweet. The image of little Nick and his teddy bear is just too precious for words. The description of her "rounds" that she made each night with kids is great...really gives insight into what it was like growing up in the Stokes home. I love how you say she already knew what had happened...he told her with his eyes. That's brilliant! And earlier how you described his eyes as "shining like little suns" on his first day of school. Your story made me cry too, but in a different way. :)

Silver Lining - I love how Nick took to his "new" son so instantly and so comfortably, like he was always meant to be his father. It's great that Nick's family helped him out too. I think this one could be the basis for a longer, more detailed fic. :)

I think everyone did a great job with this challenge! Thanks for taking it on! I know it was a difficult subject to deal with, but I think it forced a lot of us into writing something we might not have otherwise tried to write about.
 
Re: Nick Fic Song Ch #4 - "11th Commandment"-Stories Up, Feedback Welc

Continuing on...

Thoughts of A Mother: Enjoyed that you used Nick's mother as the point of view. I really liked the use of Nick's eyes, how his mother always knew what he was thinking or wanted to say all from his eyes.

Silver Lining: Aww, Nick is a daddy. Really nice touch of Nick going to visit Warrick's grave and "telling" Warrick about Parker. And mentioning Eli was also really sweet. I do hope Parker and Eli become friends like Nick and Rick were.
 
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