MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
I miss the more frequent updates but if you have to take your time, do it. But I still want more soon lol.
My First CSI story. CSI: Own Risk
- Thread starter RIPTimSpeedle
- Start date
RIPTimSpeedle
Witness
There is a small apartment building. It's empty of people but the place is a little bit messy. There is a three seater sofa against the fire escape window and the wallpaper at the top of the room is pealing back. There are a couple of glasses on the table and some dirty clothing on the floor. there is large wooden set of drawers on the left wall to the right is a opening that heads into the kitchen. There is two doors on the left hand wall one leads into the Bathroom and the other to a messed up bedroom. There is a knock on the door. Through the door comes the sound of Jim Brass's voice.
BRASS: Police open up the door!
After about two seconds the door comes open as the apartment owner opens the door with his own key. Jim Brass already has his weapon in his hand. Nick Stokes and Calleigh Duquesne are right behind Brass with two officers behind them. Brass enters into the apartment as the two police walk in between Nick and Calleigh and pull their weapons they follow Brass as he checks the apartment out. Brass checks the main room is clear then walks over with the two officers over to the bathroom door. one of the officers pushes it open as Brass and the other officer aim inside. The bathroom is empty. They turn round heading over and swing their weapons round into the kitchen. Empty too. The two officers both turn aiming for the bedroom they head over with Brass right behind them. The officer pushes the door open as they check inside the room is empty. Brass turns round putting his weapon in his holster looking over at Nick and Calleigh.
BRASS: It's clear.
NICK: Thanks Brass.
CALLEIGH: Now if you gentlemen could please excuse us. We have a messy apartment to process.
Both the two officers turn to each other and look over at Calleigh they begin to head out putting their weapons away. As they spoke to each other. Brass shouts over to them.
BRASS: I want both of you outside the door. And you don't move.
Nick and Calleigh walk inside. Calleigh has her latex gloves already on as she sets her feild kit down. Nick Stokes walks over to the table and sets his kit down. He pulls out a set of Latex gloves out of his jacket and puts them on. Brass walks up to the doorway then stops turning round. He watches both the CSI's work. Calleigh flicks her pen light on and begins looking round the drawers. Nick pulls out his little light and flashes it over the glasses on the table. Calleigh turns round after finding nothing at the drawers. She flashes her light into the bathroom and spots a yellow wet substance on the floor next to the toliet. She gets a swab from her feild kit and walks into the bathroom. She crouches down taking a swab of the yellow substance. She turns round standing up and flashing her light round the rest of the bathroom.
CALLEIGH: Why can't you men seem to hit the toliet?
NICK: Not all men hit the floor!
Brass looks round the messy apartment.
BRASS: Hey Nicky i thought you CSI's were meant to be neat.
NICK: Hey my house looks like the the best suite in the hotel Plaza compared to this place.
Nick spots a print on one of the glasses. He gets out his fingerprint brush and powder and begins dusting the print as Calleigh comes out she see's a pair of jeans on the floor and picks them up. She begins to go through the pockets.
CALLEIGH: Interesting!
As Nick finishes dusting the finger print Calleigh pulls out a wet ball of paper. She goes over to her kit and pulls out a brown paper bag and puts the wet paper into it. Nick is lifting the print with a tape lifter. Just as Nick puts the tape lift into his kit Calleigh shines her light on the bottom of the drawers and spots a bit of paper sticking out from under the drawers. She looks over at Nick.
CALLEIGH: Can you just me a hand with this?
Nick comes over and grabs the side of the drawer unit and lifts it up as Calleigh reaches her hand under and pulls out a set of rolled papers. She turns away from the drawers as Nick puts it down. She unrolls the papers as Nick looks over her shoulder and Brass walks over. All three of them look at the plans. They are the plans of the whole of Las Vegas tunnel systems.
CALLEIGH: So what do you think?
Suddenly there is a noise behind all three of them. A low whistling noise. Brass pulls his weapon instantly and begins to walk towards the bedroom door. Nick quickly pulling his weapon and going second while Calleigh pulls her weapon taking up the rear. They all head into the bedroom and Brass nods to Nick and Calleigh at the large wardrobe on the back wall. Brass and Nick take a door each with their weapons up as Calleigh stands in the middle. Both Nick and Brass pull the doors open to find a wardrobe filled with clothes and nothing else. There is a noise to their right and they all swing round as the breeze blows in through the slightly open window next to another set of drawers. They all put their weapons away and begin to head back to the front room.
BRASS: Police open up the door!
After about two seconds the door comes open as the apartment owner opens the door with his own key. Jim Brass already has his weapon in his hand. Nick Stokes and Calleigh Duquesne are right behind Brass with two officers behind them. Brass enters into the apartment as the two police walk in between Nick and Calleigh and pull their weapons they follow Brass as he checks the apartment out. Brass checks the main room is clear then walks over with the two officers over to the bathroom door. one of the officers pushes it open as Brass and the other officer aim inside. The bathroom is empty. They turn round heading over and swing their weapons round into the kitchen. Empty too. The two officers both turn aiming for the bedroom they head over with Brass right behind them. The officer pushes the door open as they check inside the room is empty. Brass turns round putting his weapon in his holster looking over at Nick and Calleigh.
BRASS: It's clear.
NICK: Thanks Brass.
CALLEIGH: Now if you gentlemen could please excuse us. We have a messy apartment to process.
Both the two officers turn to each other and look over at Calleigh they begin to head out putting their weapons away. As they spoke to each other. Brass shouts over to them.
BRASS: I want both of you outside the door. And you don't move.
Nick and Calleigh walk inside. Calleigh has her latex gloves already on as she sets her feild kit down. Nick Stokes walks over to the table and sets his kit down. He pulls out a set of Latex gloves out of his jacket and puts them on. Brass walks up to the doorway then stops turning round. He watches both the CSI's work. Calleigh flicks her pen light on and begins looking round the drawers. Nick pulls out his little light and flashes it over the glasses on the table. Calleigh turns round after finding nothing at the drawers. She flashes her light into the bathroom and spots a yellow wet substance on the floor next to the toliet. She gets a swab from her feild kit and walks into the bathroom. She crouches down taking a swab of the yellow substance. She turns round standing up and flashing her light round the rest of the bathroom.
CALLEIGH: Why can't you men seem to hit the toliet?
NICK: Not all men hit the floor!
Brass looks round the messy apartment.
BRASS: Hey Nicky i thought you CSI's were meant to be neat.
NICK: Hey my house looks like the the best suite in the hotel Plaza compared to this place.
Nick spots a print on one of the glasses. He gets out his fingerprint brush and powder and begins dusting the print as Calleigh comes out she see's a pair of jeans on the floor and picks them up. She begins to go through the pockets.
CALLEIGH: Interesting!
As Nick finishes dusting the finger print Calleigh pulls out a wet ball of paper. She goes over to her kit and pulls out a brown paper bag and puts the wet paper into it. Nick is lifting the print with a tape lifter. Just as Nick puts the tape lift into his kit Calleigh shines her light on the bottom of the drawers and spots a bit of paper sticking out from under the drawers. She looks over at Nick.
CALLEIGH: Can you just me a hand with this?
Nick comes over and grabs the side of the drawer unit and lifts it up as Calleigh reaches her hand under and pulls out a set of rolled papers. She turns away from the drawers as Nick puts it down. She unrolls the papers as Nick looks over her shoulder and Brass walks over. All three of them look at the plans. They are the plans of the whole of Las Vegas tunnel systems.
CALLEIGH: So what do you think?
Suddenly there is a noise behind all three of them. A low whistling noise. Brass pulls his weapon instantly and begins to walk towards the bedroom door. Nick quickly pulling his weapon and going second while Calleigh pulls her weapon taking up the rear. They all head into the bedroom and Brass nods to Nick and Calleigh at the large wardrobe on the back wall. Brass and Nick take a door each with their weapons up as Calleigh stands in the middle. Both Nick and Brass pull the doors open to find a wardrobe filled with clothes and nothing else. There is a noise to their right and they all swing round as the breeze blows in through the slightly open window next to another set of drawers. They all put their weapons away and begin to head back to the front room.
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
Please post more soon! And I liked the part about guys hitting the floor lol.
ButterFlied92
Lab Technician
Excellent chapter, as always, and the comic relief about the guys and the toilet was funny. And the rush about the whistling noise was good, keep it up!
Really great chapter. 
I loved the bit about the toilet. It set aside the drama for a bit of light-hearted humor. - Don't be afraid to try your hand at it some more in the future, humour always helps to de-stress a story after the initial impact of an event.
I also liked near the end, with the whistling noise which turned out to be a harmless breeze. Misleading suspense worked really well for this chapter. You're doing a really great, job, so keep up the good work!
I loved the bit about the toilet. It set aside the drama for a bit of light-hearted humor. - Don't be afraid to try your hand at it some more in the future, humour always helps to de-stress a story after the initial impact of an event.
I also liked near the end, with the whistling noise which turned out to be a harmless breeze. Misleading suspense worked really well for this chapter. You're doing a really great, job, so keep up the good work!
RIPTimSpeedle
Witness
Below the streets of Las Vegas in the large water tunnels Greg Sanders and Sara Sidle are both hanging in the tunnel. They are chained together round there waists and are both slumped over. However there is another chain coming off the one that has them tied together that leads up to the roof of the tunnel and is stuck into the ceiling of the tunnel. The chain is holding both their body weights as their legs are bent at the knees touching the floor of the tunnel. They are both out cold. The chain is looped round them four times. Their hands are chained behind their backs. Behind Sara there is a wall that has been built recently. To block the water flow completely. Their feet are in the water as the water is half way up their shoes. The tunnel system itself is a dark grey colour. The smell from down there is quite a strong foul smell. There is bits of branches and leaves moving in the water round their shoes.
Greg begins to slowly come round. His eyes take a couple of seconds to focus in the darkness of the tunnel. He then lifts his head and looks round. He tries to move his arms but can't. He puts his feet on the floor straighting out his legs as he looks down at the chains round him. He hears a low moan behind him and looks over his shoulder to see Sara Sidle chained up. They are chained back to back. Sara begins to come round.
GREG: Hey Sara! Sara?
SIDLE: Yeah?
GREG: Are you ok?
SIDLE: Yeah am ok!
GREG: Where the hell are we?
Sara looks round the tunnel they are in and works out where they are.
SIDLE: We are in the Las Vegas water tunnel systems.
GREG: Can you move?
SIDLE: No! My hands are chained!
GREG: I always wanted to be chained by you not with you.
SIDLE: Greg! This is really no time for jokes!
GREG: Right. So who is doing this? And why is he keeping us down here?
SIDLE: I don't know!
GREG: Maybe he had no other place to hide us!
SIDLE: Very doubtful. How did he catch you?
GREG: I don't know!
SIDLE: What is the last thing you remember doing?
GREG: Processing the crime scene with Warrick. what about you?
SIDLE: He jumped me in my house!
GREG: Well we should be ok right? I mean Grissom has probiably got Warrick, Cath and Nick all looking for us right now. As long as this guy doesn't come back we should be ok right?
Sara looks round and see's the brick wall infront of her. The wall goes up to the top of the tunnel. The plan clicks in Sara's mind. Sara begins to get worried and starts sturggling with the chains.
GREG: What is it? What is wrong?
SIDLE: Greg he's not coming back.
GREG: Finally a bit of luck!
SIDLE: No Greg. He has left us down here to drown!
Both Greg and Sara begin struggling with the chains trying to get the chains off them. But it's no use the chains are on tightly. They are trapped down there. And on the next down pour of rain they will be killed.
Greg begins to slowly come round. His eyes take a couple of seconds to focus in the darkness of the tunnel. He then lifts his head and looks round. He tries to move his arms but can't. He puts his feet on the floor straighting out his legs as he looks down at the chains round him. He hears a low moan behind him and looks over his shoulder to see Sara Sidle chained up. They are chained back to back. Sara begins to come round.
GREG: Hey Sara! Sara?
SIDLE: Yeah?
GREG: Are you ok?
SIDLE: Yeah am ok!
GREG: Where the hell are we?
Sara looks round the tunnel they are in and works out where they are.
SIDLE: We are in the Las Vegas water tunnel systems.
GREG: Can you move?
SIDLE: No! My hands are chained!
GREG: I always wanted to be chained by you not with you.
SIDLE: Greg! This is really no time for jokes!
GREG: Right. So who is doing this? And why is he keeping us down here?
SIDLE: I don't know!
GREG: Maybe he had no other place to hide us!
SIDLE: Very doubtful. How did he catch you?
GREG: I don't know!
SIDLE: What is the last thing you remember doing?
GREG: Processing the crime scene with Warrick. what about you?
SIDLE: He jumped me in my house!
GREG: Well we should be ok right? I mean Grissom has probiably got Warrick, Cath and Nick all looking for us right now. As long as this guy doesn't come back we should be ok right?
Sara looks round and see's the brick wall infront of her. The wall goes up to the top of the tunnel. The plan clicks in Sara's mind. Sara begins to get worried and starts sturggling with the chains.
GREG: What is it? What is wrong?
SIDLE: Greg he's not coming back.
GREG: Finally a bit of luck!
SIDLE: No Greg. He has left us down here to drown!
Both Greg and Sara begin struggling with the chains trying to get the chains off them. But it's no use the chains are on tightly. They are trapped down there. And on the next down pour of rain they will be killed.
MacsGirlMel
Mac's Personal Assistant
Post more soon, so we can find out about Cath and Warrick
ButterFlied92
Lab Technician
Oh no, no no no! Sara and Greg just can't die! Kill Cath off if you have a lust for death!(Seriously sorry if I offended any Cath fans, but I can't stand her!) Excellent, I like how he's differing between plans, and when and where will he strike again?
*duhn duhn duhn! dramatic sounds kick in as lights black out*
*duhn duhn duhn! dramatic sounds kick in as lights black out*
cocoa_girl18
Pathologist
wow this is killing me sara cant die.... and so does greg..
hope they find them in time...
hope they find them in time...
Nice suspense, keeping them in separate locations or is it that we believe they are in separate locations when they might not actually be? intrigue, suspense, a touch of humor to offset any over drama, while keeping the drama front an center. Step by step an account of the characters in small ways gives off the cliffhanger effect.
As to how long between stories, you are doing good, keep up the pace if its rushed it won't have what it needs to make a good story. But if its taken with time and care it will definitly show. Doing good.
As to how long between stories, you are doing good, keep up the pace if its rushed it won't have what it needs to make a good story. But if its taken with time and care it will definitly show. Doing good.
Really great job pulling off the suspense. You're doing wonderfully, and the story gets more interesting each time I read it! You have just about every element that a story can have, and it makes it that much more fun to read.
Really good job, keep it up!
Really good job, keep it up!
RIPTimSpeedle
Witness
Hi. Sorry about the break in scenes but i have just started at a new job and have had writers block for a while. Should have a scene on by end of the weekend.