Jokes Thread

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand.

This virus is called Worm Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest pub. Purchase the antidote known as Work Isolator & Neutralizer Extractor (WINE).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

Update: After extensive testing it has been concluded that Best Equivalent Extractor Remedy (BEER) may be substituted for WINE, but may require a more generous application.
 
winkeyboard.jpg
 
Computer-register.jpg


(Aircraft panel monitor)

"Your trial period has expired!

Please register to continue using this software."
 
Q: Why did the man get fired from the banana factory?
A: Because he threw out al the bent onces.

I was on the phone with my friend and I decieded to pull out a magazene from when I was a little kid called "Highlights" and read all the jokes. We were in tears from laughing so hard, they were super corny (That was one of them)
 
In California, it is getting harder and harder to determine a person's gender.
Consider this, taken from the March 25, 2006 issue of the Bakersfield Californian, attributed to Peter Hecht of the Sacramento Bee: "Out of the 40 women in the Senate, only two were female: Rose Ann Vuich, who became the first woman elected to the Senate in 1976, and Diane Watson, elected in 1978."
 
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean-(also Irishmen), were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.-

Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over".
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said,"No, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What,?- he had two arseholes???" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes...."
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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancee and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry".
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?"
"I don't like her."
 
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