Jokes Thread

I know this isn't really a joke, but I just got this from my friend yesterday. I literally fell off the chair laughing. Three times and counting. :lol: My mum, dad and a couple of their friends heard it tonight. They were all in tears. So here's the link:
How to describe an accident
 
^^ The link is kinda weird, it won't let me play. Or maybe I'm just really impatient. :lol: Man, I love the 2 questions joke, I nearly died. I dunno why, but I think its hilarious.
 
As we're on the topic of blondes, here's another blonde joke (and yes, I'm blonde :p )

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies 'I'm sorry, we dont do business with blondes.' So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said 'I would like to buy that T.V. please.' The store clerk, once again, replies 'Sorry, we dont do business with blondes.' The blonde replied 'How did you know I was blonde?'. The clerk says 'Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.'
 
OMG THATS HILLARIOUS!!! hahahahahaha

she hit him with a bible, LOL
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happy0002.gif
*giggle, giggle, THUD*

And now a blonde joke from me :p

How do you know a blonde's been at your computer?

There's whiteout all over the screen.
 
There are always the insult jokes. (If you don't mind.)

You're so ugly a blind man wouldn't marry you.
You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
You're so dumb you tried to drown a fish.
You're so stupide you were locked in a grocery store and died of starvation.

Dumb blonde joke: What did the blonde say when she opened up a box of Cheerios?
Ooh, look, doughnut seeds!
 
A blonde walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."

The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.

The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"

The blonde replies "It's a thermos."

He asks, "What does it do?"

She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

He then asks, "What do you have in there?"

"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
 
omg dynamo thats hillarious, lol, one i havent heard b4, and ive heard most blonde jokes, lol... not to mention i am a blonde :D
 
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordans."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
 
omg hahahahaha

george bush was at a primary skool helping in one of the english classes. he asked the class if anyone knew the meaning of tragety.

a little boy put his hand up and bush pointed to him, he began to speak "if my cousin who works on a farm falls off his tractor and rolls under wheel and gets squashed to death that would be a tragety"

bush quickly replies "no, that would be an accident, can anyone tell me what would be a tragety?"

a gurl puts her hadn up and speaks, "if our skool bus drove off the edge of a cliff and all on board were killed that would be a tragety"

bush once again replies quickley, "no, that would be a great loss, can anyone tell me a tragety?"

a boy at the back of the room puts his hand up, bush motions for him to speak and he does "if you and your wife were on air force one and got hit by friendly fire and both died, that would be a tragety"

"yes my boy you are right" bush said smiling, "now can you tell me why it would be a tragety?"

the boy smiled and said "well it wouldnt be an accident and it sure as hell wouldnt be a great F***ing loss!"

MUAHAHAHAHAHA i find it very amusing!
 
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordans."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!
Click to expand...

Goodness, I heard that ages ago and forgot about it. It left me in tears. :lol:
 
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