Favorite TV Show Quotes

Futurama

Fry: Hey, whatcha' watchin'?
Bender: [hastily turning off the TV] Uh, nothin'!
Leela: Was that a cooking show?
Bender: No, of course not! It was, uh... porno! Yeah, that's it!
Leela: [turning the TV back on] Bender! I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
Bender: Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long...
Fry: It's okay Bender, I like cooking too.
Bender: Pansy.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: If it is alien, we must destroy it.
Kif Kroker: Umm, not me sir...
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Right. Nobody destroy Kif. Unless you have to.

Amy Wong: [crying] We're trying our best!
Bender: [yelling] Your best is an idiot!

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: It's a little experiment that might win me the Nobel Prize.
Leela: In which field?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I don't care - they all pay the same.

Captain Zapp Brannigan: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.
[Suddenly thoughtful]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

Hermes Conrad: I don't want you to worry about your jobs while you're away. That's why I'm firing you now.

Kif Kroker: Mix these mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching!
 
I forgot this one, this is one of my favorites from Buffy and I actually use it when I don't like somebody :lol:

Cordelia: All I can think of, it could have me!
Xander: We can dream.

I love that one, it's a dry Chandler kind of humor that I love.
 
Family Guy

Brian: What happened to James Woods?
Peter: He was having trouble catching stuff in his mouth. What happened to your girlfriend?
Brian: Same problem.
Peter and Brian together: WHOA!!!

Stewie: Excellent, the mind control device is nearing completion!
Lois: Stewie, no toys at the table. (Takes mind control device.)
Stewie: Damn you vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.
Lois: Don't pout now sweetie, when you were born the doctor told us you were the happiest newborn he'd ever delivered.
Stewie: But of course. That was my victory day! The fruition of my deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarion bastille! Return the device woman!
Lois: No toys, Stewie.
Stewie: Very well then. But mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance shall come.

Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert."

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

CSI

Gil Grissom: I just got a page from James Watson.
Nick Stokes: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg?
Greg Sanders: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day.
Nick Stokes: What have you been doing all day?

Gil Grissom: Where's your enthusiasm?
Greg Sanders: Whenever I find a match in here, my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Gil Grissom: Out there means a pay cut.
Greg Sanders: I'm not about the money.
 
Gotta love Family guy my favorite one would have to be "Peter those are cheerios."

1 from Friends

Chandler: *runs into Monica's apartment* Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

Rachel: No....but don't worry there still there
 
Simpsons:

Hutz: I rest my case.
Judge: You rest your case?
Hutz: What? Oh no, I thought that was just a figure of speech. CASE CLOSED.

Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah ... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law ... talkin' ... guy.

Leonard Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No

Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens.

Boston Legal:

Judge Robert Sanders: Mr Foreman, the jury has reached a unanimous verdict?
Foreman: Yeah, Judge, guilty.
Judge Robert Sanders: Wait ‘til I ask you. Now. What say you?
Alan Shore: Suspense is killing me.
 
Boy Meets World

(eric is talking to corey about why he should be corey's best man)

Eric: Because I'm stronger then he is

Corey: So...

Eric: And i'll give you the For He's a Jolly Good Fellow Dance (picks up corey and starts to sing)

Corey: Eric! Look what you did! (curtains in his dorm room are on fire)

Eric: (turns around) The curtain are on fire, the curtains are on fire

(firemen chop down door with axe)

Eric: There choppin up the dorm room, their choppin up the dorm room

Corey: My brother is a moooron!

Eric: Which nobody can denie!
 
speedmonkey2 said:
Boy Meets World

(eric is talking to corey about why he should be corey's best man)

Eric: Because I'm stronger then he is

Corey: So...

Eric: And i'll give you the For He's a Jolly Good Fellow Dance (picks up corey and starts to sing)

Corey: Eric! Look what you did! (curtains in his dorm room are on fire)

Eric: (turns around) The curtain are on fire, the curtains are on fire

(firemen chop down door with axe)

Eric: There choppin up the dorm room, their choppin up the dorm room

Corey: My brother is a moooron!

Eric: Which nobody can denie!
Click to expand...
another Favorite Line of mine (I use to Love that show and Eric was Yummy)
 
haha yeah. I watch it every day at 1 on abc family and every night at 1...well morning lol. On disney channel...because I have no life. lol.

I loved it when Morgan ate all the marshmellow's out of the lucky charms....

Morgan: I've been up since six o' clock!
Amy: Come on lets get you upstairs before the coma hits
Morgan: Coma? Coma? coma, coma coma! I've been up since 6:00!

****

Eric: Fenny! Fenny! Fe e e eny!
Mr. Feeny: I love the feeny call!

***

(corey and shaum messed with the school newspaper and instead of mr. Fenie it says Mr. Wenie)

Morgan: Wenie! It says Wenie!

******


(eric, Corey, Amy and Alan are having a water gun fight, Morgan is sitting on the kitchen counter calling 911)

Morgan:....My dad just shot the neighbohr...mommy what's our address!


God, I love that show!
 
Futurama

Craterface: HI! I'm craterface! Welcome to Luna Park! I'll have to confiscate you alcohol sir.
Bender: Better mascots than you have tried! [sticks bottle in Craterfaces eye]
Craterface: At least I still have my self respect! [Laughs then cries]

Fry: That's not an astronaut! It's a TV comedian. And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Fry: Hell no! If I stopped to think ahead, I wouldn't be Emperor. And I wouldn't even be in the year 3000. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the Octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the ocotpus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then winter came and the grasshopper died and the Octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

AND! For no reason at ALL! The entire Robot Devil song.

Bender: Aw Crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?
Beezlebot: Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em. We'll find ways to stimulate that smell. What a sorry fella, rolled up in smoke like a panetela, here on level one of Robot Hell! [Bender Falls through Trapdoor]
Beezlebot: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating. So is forgin phony IOU's. Let's let lady luck decide, what kind of torture's justified. I'm pit boss here on level two. [Talking] Ooh! Deep fried Robot!
Bender: Just Tell me why...
Beezlebot: Please read this 55 Page warrant.
Bender: There must be worse robots than I...
Beezlebot: We checked around and there really aren't!
Bender: Then Please let me explain. My crimes were merely boyish pranks.
Beezlebot: You stole from Boy Scouts, Nuns, and Banks!
Bender: Aw, Don't blame me, blame my upbringing!
Beezlebot: Please stop sinning while I'm singing! [Kicks Bender through a hole]
Beezlebot: Selling bootleg tapes is wrong. Musicians need that income to survive.
Beastie Boys: Hey Bender gonna make some noise! Eith your harddrive scratched by the Beastie Boys! That's Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on level 5! [Slide Scene]
Fry: I don't feel well...
Leela: It's up to us to rescue him.
Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell...
Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin.
Fry: Maybe he's back at the Motel...
Leela: Come on Fry, don't be scared. I'm sure at least one of us will be spared. So just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide! [Cut to Bender]
Beezlebot: Fencing Diamonds, fixing cockfights, publishing indecent magazines. You'll pay for every crime. Knee deep in electric slime. You'll suffer 'til the end of time, enduring tortures, Most of which Rhyme! Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
 
Family Guy

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.

Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You bastard

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."
 
Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Ashlee: Its so exciting that Hilary is moving out. When will I be able to move out daddy?

Phillip: *smiles and grabs Ashlee's hand* Honey you know expressions like 'When Hell freeze's over', 'When the cows come home', 'When Donkey's fly', *stops smiling* Pick one


*******

Spongebob

Spongebob: OH MY GOD A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top