Favorite TV Show Quotes

Haha, Oh man I haven't watched the simpsons in like...years. lol. How I miss Homer. lol.

A few more friends quotes

Chandler: Do you ever wonder what hurts worse? Giving birth or getting kicked in the nuts?

****

Chandler: I am an excellent secret keeper
MOnica: Ok (rachel and monica walk away)
Joey: *walks over to chandler and whispers* Your gonna tell me later right?
Chandler: You already know

****

Joey: Has it always been purple?


Phoebe: Oh, look. He's her lobster
 
Speed Monkey *hugs* finally someone that loves FRIENDS as much as I do
I'll have to peruse my box set to get more qoutes later
but for now heres a little teaser



from "tow everyone finds out"
Chandler: i'm so glad we're about to have all the sex now
Later on he kisses Phoebe then stops himself
"alright alright alright.. I cant do this"
Phoebe: "and why not"
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica *monica comes out of the bathroom* Thats right I LOVE HER *turns to Monica* I Love you Mon
Monica: "I Love you to Chandler"
Phoebe: "Awww I just thought you were doing it I didnt know you were in love"
 
Can't resist. X3
Daily Show Quotes

Jon Stewart: See, I only make fun of people who I know would never come on the show.
Alec Baldwin: That's a long list.

Ed Helms: Oooh look, I'm a Democrat. I'm going to block your nomination. Oooh look, I'm a Republican. I'm going to block your blocking of the nomination. Oooh look, I'm Ted Kennedy. I have man boobies.

[about Hitler]
Rob Corddry: That guy was not likeable.

Jon Stewart: Earlier in the show I intimated that Julia Roberts was a speed junkie. That's not true. In real life, and don't hold this against her, she's a cannibal.

Jon Stewart: You were supposed to be here last week, but you had to cancel.
Natalie Portman: That's right. I got food poisoning.
Jon Stewart: Yeah. And you told me before the show that whenever you tell people that, they never ask you "How are you doing?"
Natalie Portman: That's right. They always say, "What did you eat?" instead. It's really selfish, you know?
Jon Stewart: Uh-huh, right. Anyway, the reason I brought it up is because you never told me what you ate.

Rob Corddry: [playing The Sims] How do we... steal a car and shoot some hookers?

Stephen Colbert: You're saying they [MSNBC] can say anything they want? They can say that Al Sharpton will carry Wyoming, that the ballot boxes will run red with the blood of the goat, that Hispanics are the new soccer moms, and no one questions that? There aren't any repercussions when they're wrong, nobody gets fired?
Jon Stewart: ...No.
Stephen Colbert: I gotta get one of those jobs.

Jon Stewart: As you know, we cater to a pretty young audience, so how does your message relate to young people?
Howard Dean: I think young people are interested in the environment and the economy because...
Jon Stewart: I'm sorry, I think we're speaking to a younger audience.
Howard Dean: Young people are interested in green grass, and not spending more money...
Jon Stewart: I think we need to go younger.
Howard Dean: OK... Cleanliness, and...
Jon Stewart: You know what, maybe you could just jangle your keys for a while...

Stephen Colbert: IMAX. You're familiar with the IMAX format if you're an elementary school student on a field trip or a college student on a mushroom trip.
 
Some from Keeping up appearances. I know it doesn't air here anymore, but I still like to watch re-runs when I can:

Hyacinth: Mind the pedestrian.
Michael the Vicar: Where?
Hyacinth: On the pavement.
Michael the Vicar: Isn't that where she's supposed to be.

Rose: Why is Onslow reading the Financial Times?
Onslow: I like to keep an eye on the economy. A bloke in my position has to wonder how long the country can afford him. If we don't get the economy right, people like me are gonna be in troublle!

Hyacinth: It's Bouquet! B-U-C-K-E-T!
Daisy: Father's missing.
Hyacinth: Missing? Of course he's not missing. I suspect he's just mislaid.
 
OMG! I love friends! And I sooo need to go and get the box sets! lol.

Rachel: Stupid cat that looks like a hand!

(later gunther has cat on the pillow and comes by to get its toys)

Gunther: So what is this some kind of rat or somethin?

*****

Chandler: *thanksgiving, to ross* You have Neveda twice
Ross: I know *eats turkey anyways

*****

Joey: Burts our code name
Chandler: We don't have a code name
Joey: Oh BURT BURT BURT!


*****

Chandler: Joey there was a little girl who lived here, but that was like 30 years ago and she died
Joey: *Looks scared*
Chandler: *laughs* I'm just kidding

and then there was the one with brad pitt that i think is hilarious, but I can't remember how that scene went at the table. lol.
 
Lovin_W_Moseley said:
Some from Keeping up appearances. I know it doesn't air here anymore, but I still like to watch re-runs when I can:

Hyacinth: Mind the pedestrian.
Michael the Vicar: Where?
Hyacinth: On the pavement.
Michael the Vicar: Isn't that where she's supposed to be.
Click to expand...
:lol: I used to love Kepping Up Appearances!

Here are a few from 'My Family' -

Susan: My mum's like a horror movie. If we all don't stick together, she'll pick us off one at a time.

Susan: Remember the goldfish?
Nick: It was an accident.
Susan: Nick. You put Alka-Seltzer in his bowl.
Nick: I thought he'd like a jacuzzi.

Ben: I promise on my children's lives.
Susan: So either way you win. :lol:

Michael: Nick, I gave you money for a film.
Nick: I know. I rented Stuart Little 2. I love that talking mouse.
Michael: I meant go to a film.

Roger: Hello, Ben.
Ben: I'm busy.
Roger: And I am in love.
Ben: Roger, you're always in love and I'm always busy. So unless things change, let's just accept that we have nothing new to say to each other, OK?


Ben: What are you doing?
Susan: Choosing some wool.
Ben: Good. What for?
Susan: I'm making a cardigan for Janey's baby.
Ben: Oh, good. Hang on, you can't knit.
Susan: Are you saying I'll make a bad grandmother?
Ben: No, I'm saying you'll make a bad cardigan.
 
The Simpsons

Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowdays. Please elminate 3.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat childern.

Marge: [On radio] Husband on murderous rampage! Send Help! Over.
Wiggum: Whew, Thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.

Wiggum: Now I'm going to need your address so we can come and arrest you. What is it?
Marge: Um.. 1..2..3 Fake Street.

Homer: What's a wedding? Websters dictionary descibes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

Wiggum: Un, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9...1...2

Leonard Nimoy: I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.
Leonard: Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: Of course I do. Weren't you one of the little rascals?

Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.

Wiggum: Fat Tony is the cancer of this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the... uh.. what cures cancer?

Bart: Take him away boys.
Wiggum: Hey, I'm the Police Chief here. Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What was that chief?
Wiggum: Do what the kid says.

Wiggum Do it for this adorable little puppy. Look at the puppy, Marge.
Marge: That's your hat.
Lou: She's good chief.

Ralph: That's my swingset. And that's my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. And this is where I met the Leprechaun.
Bart: Right, the Leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things!
 
Simpsons:

Audience: Boo! Boo!
Mr Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Mr Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans Moleman: I was saying "Boo-urns"

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Ralph: Mrs. Hoover, the worms jumped off the tray and went into my mouth and than i ate them, can i have some more.
Mrs. Hoover: No Ralph. Just go to sleep.
 
these are from veronica mars, quite possibly the best show on tv

-Mr.Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.
-Mr.Daniels: You know the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls. But do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan: *puts his hands together and looks up* Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.
-Veronica: Got any enemies you know about?
Wallace: Well, there's the Klan.

and from buffy
-Buffy: I now have my weapons categorized from A to Z, from "axe" to..."zee other axe".
-Xander: Being popular isn't so great. Or so I've read in books
-Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.
-Xander: Oooh gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.
-Oz: I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice.
Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Oz: I've been told that.
-Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A "bitca"?
-Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides "Doritos" and "chihuahua."
 
NCIS - Naval Criminal Investigation Service

Abby: I dunno. Guys have all kinds of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date so he can be all pumped.
[pause]
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby Sciuto: Does Tony know that YOU know?

Caitlin: Then we got our guy.
Gibbs: Nope. All we got is a pile of dead skin. Only thing you can use the DNA registry for is to identify a body.
Caitlin: Well, there has to be a way around that.
Gibbs: See, NOW you're thinking like an NCIS agent.

Tony: It's a bikini. Two piece.
Caitlin: A bottom. And a hat?
Tony: Puerto Rican?
Gibbs: Any chance you're gonna try that on?
Caitlin: You first!
Gibbs: Trust me. Not gonna fit.
Caitlin: Pigs. I work with pigs.

Caitlin: Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them?
Gibbs: I'd like to think it's me

Gibbs: Try and brand the cologne.
Abby Sciuto: Why, you want some?
Gibbs: Nope, don't use cologne. Women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy. That's probably why I don't... date many women

Ducky: I don't see Chanel No. 5.
Abby: Does anyone wear that anymore?
Ducky: My mother does.
Abby: Really.
Ducky: Ever since Marilyn Monroe confessed that Chanel No. 5 was all she wore to bed.
Abby: So... does your mother...
Ducky: Unfortunately, yes. Makes for terribly awkward slumber parties.
 
haha, Oh man I love NCIS

I have two from Will and Grace

Grace: *gasp* You want me out *gasp* Your in a robe *gasp* I smell orange juice *gasp* I have no idea what's going on!

*****

Karen: (to Jack) Listen, honey. I'm to tired *holds out hand* Bash your face against my palm
Jack: *sighs and smacks his cheek against Karen's hand*
 
More Will & Grace

I love this show SO MUCH, :)

Will: It's the annual sublime design competition, designers from all over the city showcase thier work get reviews from the biggest design critics. They pretty much decide who's hot and who's not, it's INSANELY competitive. Every year she takes a stab at it, and NEVER wins... She's like, the Susan Lucci of the design world.
*Grace runs in*
Grace: I CAN'T... IT'S NOT... IT WON'T... I'M SLEEPING... WAKE ME... NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!
*Grace runs into bedroom weeping*
Jack: *looks after her, shaking his head* Looks like another disappointing year for La-Lucci.

Grace: Ok, here's the Thanksgiving menu so far: apple pie, pumpkin pie, blueberry tart, and ice-cream roll. What am I missing?... Cake. We need cake.
Will: Did you take a bong hit before you wrote that?

Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

Grace: Look, Karen, I'm sorry, but taking care of children is a huge responsibility. It's more "Tickle Me, Elmo" and less..."Let's fill Elmo up with drugs and smuggle him across the border."

Karen: Where the hell have you been?
Rosario: Riding a llama in Neverland. Where do you think? I was cleaning.

Grace: That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy. You turn me on"! Not "One look at you proves I'm a queer"!

Karen: It's the oldest story in the book. Boy meets girl. Boy wants girl to do dominatrix film. Girls says, "Naked?" Boy says, "Yeah." Girl says, "No way." Boy says, "Okay how about you just wear this rubber dress and beat this old guy with a scrub brush?" Girl says, "How hard?"

Jack: I fooled around with Josh(Grace's boyfriend).
Grace: What?
Jack: Remember when I told you that there was something about Josh that I couldn't put my finger on? Well, I put my finger in it.
Will: There was a saying on the island. Mana Na Kalaka. Kana Makalui.
Grace: What does that mean?
Will: I don't know. I just can't believe you ended up with another gay guy.
 
More Simpsons quotes:

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
 
Full Metal Alchemist:

Ed: Who are you calling a short hyperactive midget!

Roy: When I become Fuerer all female personel will be required to wear mini-skirts! (for some reason I find this extremely hilarious)
 
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