Favorite TV Show Quotes

I love the simpsons one! I have another simpson one!
(Homer and Lisa are painting houses together and Homer paints on the side of the house:)

Homer: If Bart can be El Barto, I'm going to be: El Homo :lol: I still laugh at that, even though I've seen it like six times.

One from That 70's Show:

Jackie: Please, I'm like the bottle. You need a 12 step program to get over me!
 
Oh man I can't believe nobody has posted anything from Seinfeld yet :lol:. Here are some of my many favourites:

George Costanza: I just don't see what purpose is it going to serve your going? I mean, you think dead people care who's at the funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral. It's not like she's hanging out in the back going, "I can't believe Jerry didn't show up".
Elaine: Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that?
George Costanza: If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway?

Gary Fogel: Good for you, Jack!

George Costanza: [Kramer has just vomited on Susan] I never should have brought her up there. Should have known better. I should have seen it coming, I didn't see it coming.
Jerry: I think she saw it coming.

Cosmo Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George Costanza: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.
Cosmo Kramer: OK, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got money?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got anything on the horizon?
George Costanza: Uh, no.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George Costanza: I like to get the Daily News.

George Costanza: Let me ask you something... What do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
George Costanza: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. There's never a letup, It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more, but the more you get out, the more it keeps coming. And then the bar code reader breaks. And then it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day.
Jerry: All right, all right.

George Costanza: You're really moving to California?
Cosmo Kramer: [points to his head] Up here, I'm already gone.

Cosmo Kramer: They're trying to screw with your head.
Jerry: Now why would a junior high school want to screw with my head?
Cosmo Kramer: Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? I don't know.

[about a free sub card]
Elaine: It's like a bad movie but you want to finish it.
Jerry: No, you walk out.
Elaine: It's like a bad book but you want to get to the end.
Jerry: No, you wait for the movie.

Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?

George Costanza: In high school it was always "Bonjour, le George", "How's it going le George?", "Hey, let's stuff le George in le locker".

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jerry: Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.
Newman: I love broccoli. It's good for you.
Jerry: Really? Then maybe you'd like to have a piece?
Newman: Gladly.
[Newman spits it out]
Newman: Vile weed.

George Costanza: Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?
Jerry: Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.

Cosmo Kramer: Well, our rickshaw is gone. We strapped it to a homeless guy and he bolted.
Jerry: Well, you know, 80% of all homeless rickshaw businesses fail within the first six months.
Cosmo Kramer: [to Newman] We should've got some collateral from him. Like his bag of cans, or his... other bag of cans.

[Elaine changes the presets on Puddy's car]
George Costanza: So did you give that radio the ol' switcheroo?
Elaine: I did.
Jerry: And the Christian rock?
Elaine: Resurrected.

Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[hangs up phone]

Cosmo Kramer: I'm at the corner of 1st and 1st... How can the same street intersect with itself? It must be at the nexus of the universe.

Elaine: I got shooshed during Desperado.
Jerry: Desperado? And you're still dating him? I'll tell you who sounds a little desperado...

George Costanza: Why would I spend seven dollars to see a movie that I could watch on TV?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, why go to a fine restaurant, when you can just stick something in the microwave? Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill?

Jackie Chiles: [speaking at a rapid clip, about one sentence per second] You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on?
 
madgeorge said:
Fawlty Towers!!!

If you haven't seen "Fawlty Towers" I DEMAND that you run, not walk, immediatly to the nearest video store and rent the complete set on DVD(they only ever made 12 episodes, :(:(:() because NOBODY should have to live without Fawlty Towers' amazing humour.
Click to expand...

Omg.... I love Fawlty Towers. I own the Series on DVD X3. Ah, the nazi one...
Anyhoo:

Frasier:
Fraiser: You know.. know one quite knows when death's cold hand is going to come knocking at your door.
[Knocking on his door]
Frasier: Niles, will you get that?
Niles: I will certaintly NOT!

Clone High:
Tom Green: So some of you may have been mean to a kid with ADD. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag.

Van Gogh: Am I on speaker-phone?
Gandhi: Hey, everyone, would Gandhi put someone on speaker-phone?
Partygoers: NOOOOOOOO.
Van Gogh: Gandhi, how could you?
Gandhi: Hey, Gandhi's anti-violence, not anti-comedy

Mr. Butlertron: I'm sorry, Wesley, you have ADD.
Gandhi: Am I... dying?
Mr. Butlertron: No, you have ADD - Attention deficit disorder, also you have ADHD, its hyperactive cousin.

Mr. Butlertron: Shouldn't you be saving some of this money instead of having me gold-plated and lowered?
Scudworth: Stop getting all up in my business, Mr. B. I saw the first two-thirds of the MC Hammer Behind the Music, and if there's one thing I learned about money, it's that it never runs out.
 
Here are a few from The Simpsons which crack me up!

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: That guy impressed me and I am not easily impressed. Wow. A blue car!.

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you!
Homer: Go home.

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch! :lol:
 
I also love This Simpsons quote:

Homer: I'm just trying to build that Stairway to heaven that Jesus sang of.
Ned: That was Led Zeppelin!
 
One of my favorite ones if from Buffy.

Xander: "I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide till it goes away."

And I always liked this exhange:
Cordelia: "Why do all these terrible things always happen to me?"
Xander: "*cough* karma *cough*"

And one of my favorite Friends quotes is when they talk about peeing on each other.
Joey: "That's right! I stepped up and I'd pee on anyone of you if I had to!" :lol:
 
Oh that is one of my most favorite friends episodes! That is hilarious!

Another red dwarf one:

Listers bad conscience(about Lister): Another great idea from the people that brought you beeeer milkshakes!
 
buffy's mother asking about her night out at the club

Mother: will there be boys at the club?
buffy: no mom, it's a nun club
 
That '70s Show:

Steven Hyde: Okay. All right. Do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence, and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell into your yard, and your dog Yogi came out of the house and bit me twice on the ass?
Michael Kelso: [laughing] Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Steven Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Michael Kelso: Yeah, you did. You bled AND you cried.
Steven Hyde: And you laughed, man. A lot. While I was bleeding... You see my point?
Michael Kelso: Yeah: it's funny when friends get hurt.
Steven Hyde: Close enough.
 
I love that Friends ep
also from that ep Monica cursing at the Jellyfish is CLASSIC (and I still use that Usually *cursing at my computer using the same words she did)
and then Joey just matterfactly "You're gonna have to pee on her"
 
Family Guy

Peter Griffin: Holy crip, he's a crapple!

Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Futurama

Freewaterfall Jr.: You can't own property man!
Farnsworth: Yes I can! But that's because I'm not a penniless hippie like you!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm feeling the Captain's Itch.
Kif Kroker: I'll get the powder, sir.

Narrator: You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man 'round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.
Clyde Smith: [Smith is run over by a car, then awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins] Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven!
[wins again]
Clyde Smith: A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in HELL!
Sebastian Cabot: No, Mr. Smith. You are not in heaven or hell. You are on an airplane!
[unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it]
Clyde Smith: There's a gremlin destroying the plane. You gotta believe me!
Sebastian Cabot: Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!
[Pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection indeed looks like Hitler]
Clyde Smith: No!
[turns to a woman sitting next to him]
Clyde Smith: Eva Braun! Help me!
[the woman pulls off a mask, revealing the head of a fly]
Clyde Smith: A-a-ah!
Bender: Saw it coming.
 
Man, I LOVE futurama!

I have one from Will and Grace

Karen: Oh Jackie, your a shallow, simple minded, concieted common whore, and that's why we're soulmates!
 
Oh man, I have a bunch of Friends quotes that I love

Joey: Hey look! I'm chandler can I BE wearing anymore clothes

****

Phoebe: Oh no, I've got the humus, I've got the humus

****

Ross: So who was on my bed?
Monica: OH! OH! OH! OH! You were my midnight mystery kisser!
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel!
Monica: You were my first kiss EVER!
Chandler: What did I marry into!?!

*****

Ross: (eating the triffle rachel made) It taste like feet

***

Chandler: Then there was definate...cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First the do one side and go up and then the other side, Ross tell him that's how they do pants.
Ross: Yes, yes it is. IN PRISION!

***

Ross: The lotion and the powder have seemed to make some kind of a paste

****

Chandler: (after getting rid of crazy eddie the roomate) He's standing outside holding a human head! He is standing outside holding a human head!

******

Ross: Gunther 6 glasses!
Gunther: You want me to join you?
Ross: *looks around* Oh, sorry. I thought Joey was here

*****

(I know this one is simple but I say it all the time)

Monica: I know!

***

Chandler: OH COME ON!

Rachel: Ah, Salmon skin roll

*****

Monica: It was either this or no bunny at all
Chandler: NO bunny at all! Always no bunny at all!


...And that's all I can think of right now. Give me a couple days and I'll have some more. lol.
 
The Simpsons - Homer Quotes

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

*CLASSIC HOMER*

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
 
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