Re: Eric/Calleigh #27: Coffee Tastes Better With A Little Cu
I think Jerkley was her first "real" love. And I don't think she has ever had a relationship that didn't end badly and hurt her deeply. She learned to close off her emotions to protect herself, and right now she's trying to protect herself from losing her best friend because in her mind all relationships end badly. No one but Eric has ever truly just loved her or put her first like she deserves. I don't think she's ever had true unconditional love. She knows how she feels about Eric, but she also thinks she doesn't deserve that and he deserves someone better. Probably the first time in her life she had some semblance of peace and happiness was with Jerkley, so she thinks she can have that again and not lose her best friend. At this point the simple fact that she doesn't want to lose him is huge, because she's all but admitting that she needs him. And if she needs someone she will lose her control. At least in her mind. She's admitting things (or at least not denying) in bits and pieces. And as complex as she is, anything less would be an insult to the character. And Emily just kicks ass for the nuance she can give to the simplest thing.
This is one of my favorite songs, I had it on repeat for like 2/3s of the 4 hour drive from hell I had today. I got to go horseback riding so it was worth it but I was so stiff from driving I almost fell off in front of a National Champion. Anyway. This is "Save You" by Emilie Autumn and I think it's very telling of Calleigh's mental state right now.
How do I save you from a fate so sweet
As being torn to pieces by a loving hand
How do I save you from a voice so soft
As that which acquiesces to your each demand
How do I look upon the eyes I love
And send them down this path, I know it isn't right
How do I make you realize my love
That there is more to fear than strangers in the night
How do I save you
How do I set you free
Behind the curtain waits a darker world
If I can't make you leave
How can I save you from me
I think you've had enough experience
To differentiate between a heart of gold
And what you cradle in your gentle arms
Can you not recognize a soul already sold
How do I save you from the things I've been
I can't deny the past, it's written on my face
How do I save you from the mess you're in
When I can't make you leave this torturous embrace
I've been stuck on that all day. And part of a song that I was listening to that I think is Eric's mental state right now, well Eric's and that tiny spark in Calleigh's eyes when he offered to give up his job for her: April Showers by Sugarland:
Looking for an angel in these hills
Looking for a map to find what we left behind
Knowing that we will
Always end up right where we start
Cause I got time on my hands and hope in my heart
We both understand we weren't meant to be apart
April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open door
If I had one day I'd wish for two
One for me, baby, and one for you
And it would find you right where you are
With time on your hands and hope in your heart
We both understand we were written in the stars
April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open door
It's worth all the cost
Til I find what I lost in your eyes
And you realize
April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open
Wishing and hoping
Love leaves an open door
And on that note (bad pun sorry
) Im going to attempt to get some sleep. Thoughts? Am I insane?
