CSI Fan Fiction Critique Group.

Since I've only been on the forum long enough to participate, take my opinion for what you think it's worth! I plan to participate as often as I can, which hopefully will be most weeks, but I'm bound to miss a few because life happens.

I think you have a good idea here, and I think participation will grow over time. It's always hard to get something new and different started. Sometimes people just want to watch and see how it goes for a bit first. Also, November and December are very busy months for most people -- you've got holidays, end of year deadlines at work, finals for students, etc... So, there may be people who have viewed this thread who have thought "Maybe after the beginning of the year."

Before I posted or decidced to join in your challenge last week, I read through the full thread and I like the format so far.

I personally like the critique format -- I read through other people's critiques to see what sort of thing you were looking for before I did one. I gather that the original several paragraph format was relaxed a bit judging by other's posts. I think some general guidelines about finding good things and things that need improved are good ideas, but as far as giving specifics, we all have different strengths. Some people may be better at discussing people's strengths and weaknesses in grammar and spelling, other people may be better with punctuation, and yet others may be better at pointing out things that really made a plot realistic or helping someone improve details in their plots. I think it's important that we realize that we can all improve our writing by critiquing and reading each other's critiques as well as having our own stories critiqued.

This is too long already, so I'll stop now! :rolleyes:
 
TQ: When reading fanfictions with flashbacks I expect the story to give some background into a subject that was never addressed or told in the show, or the story, itself. Such was the case with this week's story. We've never been told about Natalia's mother, nor would we know the reason for Natalia's melancholy in the story, if not for the flashback. I don't find flashbacks, those in fanfiction or the show itself, to be a distraction or an unnecessary stop. If anything, to some stories they are actually necessary. For this weeks story, without the flashback it would have been more hard to understand Natalia's melancholy, it would have been hard to feel the emotion coming from her, and the story would have fallen flat. A flashback should be central to the story, and not done for fluff. If the flashback had been about the happiness with Natalia and her sisters opening presents and singing Christmas carols and then oh her mom dies, end of flashback, it would not have had nearly the effect it did just giving us how her mother died, how Natalia felt, and the important element of the unopened gift.

That said...LeAnne-Duquesne...WOW. I'm speechless. I don't think I have adequate words for how much I liked the story, but I'll try my best. I guess I can start by saying I'm not a Natalia fan. And I'll admit to taking more time than usual to read the story and critique it, simply because it involved Natalia. But, you had me with the flashback. As I said above, it was necessary to the story, and without it the story would have been flat...it would have been "just another story".

I loved how you described the following:

The bright red tinsel that had hung above her mother’s bed had looked garish against its pale backdrop and the small gift wrapped in green paper had stood out on the table by the bed.
and

She had noticed her father weeping softly into a handkerchief, but it had become a normal part of his behavior by then so she had ignored it. She had tentatively reached out and brushed her mothers hand. It had still been warm, and with a child’s logic Natalia had assumed they had got it wrong.
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It was so easy to visualize it...to visualize the starkness of the red tinsel on a sterile white wall, not to mention how the green-wrapped package also stood out. Your descriptions were so vivid. Then Natalia's thoughts on how her father's weeping didn't faze her because he did it so often, and how as a child she thought her mother couldn't possibly be dead since her hand was still warm. Very realistic.

As I said in the TQ, the flashback in your story was absolutely necessary as it gave the background into why Natalia was feeling the emotions she was, and you did it so well...so well in fact that *I* had tears in my eyes! Think about it...I never really cared for Natalia, and because of how well you wrote this, I felt the sadness and the tears! There is something to be said for an author that can write a story where the reader can feel emotion when reading the story...be it laughter or tears. :)

Negative criticism, suggestions for future writings...none. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I have only praise for your story, and conclude with the hope that you will write more stories...much more.
 
TQ: The reason why I wrote the TQ the way I did is because I rarely ever see a light and happy story flash back to a light and happy time. Flashbacks, traditionally, tend to show the readers a much much darker time in the character’s history. Either they are happy now and remember another time that wasn’t so nice or they aren’t happy now and long for a time when they were. There are other variations though, I’ve seen stories where people are unhappy no matter how hard they try and that’s due to the fact that they had some overshadowing event in their past. Even though they are almost always giving some sort of negative depiction of the events that happen around them flashbacks are welcome in any story I’m reading. I happen to love taking a break from the story I’m reading and learn this totally separate, totally interesting, story. Besides they always give useful and pertinent information.


This story was very good. So good in fact that I’m worried I won’t have much of a critique to offer you. But I do very much intend to try. There were so many points of the story that just had me taken aback with awe and several times where I just had to sit back and take in what you had to say.

After she got home when she was sitting on the floor looking at the package. That just moved me in a way I can only try to explain. I lost my mother when I was 12 and I still struggle every day to remember the little things about her. I have trouble creating a concrete picture of her face in my mind when I try to remember her. I strain my mind as hard as I can and I can’t remember her laugh. Time takes it’s toll on all of our memories no matter how desperately we try to keep them. You really showed the struggle that we all go through when we’ve lost someone we care deeply for and a lot of time passes. It’s funny how we remember the hurt as clearly as day but some of the more pleasant things seem to slowly slip away from us. It’s a very real struggle and you tapped into it beautifully through Natalia.

Slipping away during a party to remember is something that I know I do a lot. It seems it’s the happiest times in our lives that bring back the hardest memories. I’ve been to countless holiday parties where I’ve been forced to stop and step away. Just listening to the hum of happiness from a far away place where nobody even really seems to realize I’ve gone. It almost feels like a physical manifestation of the emotions of myself in comparison with everyone else in the room. Sometimes you can’t help it... you’re too drawn to the outskirts of joy. I have a sneaking suspicion that the same thing overcame Natalia in the begining of the story. The sensation that you should be a silent observer as opposed to a participant is a strong one. Like I said... I’ve walked almost the exact same journey that you had Natalia walk in this story and the way you depicted it is stunning.

I do, however, after all of that have a few things I’d like to say in critique of your story. Well, of your author’s notes really. Every word you write becomes as much a part of the story as the story itself and you should be careful of what you have to say in author’s notes. Never belittle your story to the reader. If you say that “It was probably a better idea in theory” or however you worded it at the begining author’s note the readers are going to take that as the truth and are automatically going to be expecting it to be far less than it is. Also... don’t admit that your characters may seem unlike themselves. I know I’ve personally written stories where I felt I was off the mark and then been complimented on how well I did with characterization. And if you change the facts of the story or play into the absence of fact to benefit your cause that’s fine. Do it with confidence. If the person is going to take the time to read it... they’ll make up their own decision about if you were right or wrong weather or not you tell them it’s okay. So I guess what I’m saying is be confident. This was an amazing story. So... don’t second guess yourself in your summaries/author’s notes.

Overall this was an amazing story and if the only thing I felt the need to really pick on was you’re a/n then you’re in good shape. I look forward to seeing more critiques from you as well as lots and lots more stories.

-LLK


ETA

Critiques for this week's featured fic are due today. The next week's featured fic should be posted tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure that the deadline was today.

We've only recieved one critique other than the one I did. That's kinda pathetic... I mean... only one?

Also... I'm having trouble getting a fic to be featured next week. So if anyone has any back critiques and would like to be featured tomorrow please post your critique and PM me.

Howeverver Jennifer has first dibbs!

Uh...
 
I am going to do a critique for this week tonight! I'm sorry it's so late, but it's been a busy week. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still intending to participate.

Edit: Sorry for the delay, but here's my very late critique!


TQ I've read fanfics with flash-backs used in different ways. Most often, they seem to flash back to sad memories, but I've also seen them used to flash back to happier times that serve to accentuate the sadness of the present time in stories. On rare occasion, I think I've seen flash backs used to just add detail to the present in a story that wasn't particularly sad or angsty, but that doesn't seem to be the norm. I don't view flashbacks as a distraction, so much as an addition to the story, filling in detail in a more satisfying way than simply launching into a couple paragraphs of past-tense back story here and there. Emotion is generally conveyed much better through the flash back.

I really like your story! You really bring across the emotions that Natalia is feeling to the reader. This was a really remarkable story, and I can't think that there could possibly be much way that it could be improved on.

Although most of us haven't had the experience of losing a parent while we were very young, you've given the readers a small view into how she felt and how life changing that would be, especially when your other parent was so devastated that they weren't able to talk to you about it right away. You've also brought readers into the emotion very well by touching on other feelings we've had. Most of us have experienced the feeling of memories that have grown so old that they seem like they'll disappear if we really try to bring them into focus one more time. How much more that feeling would be magnified if the memory was a parent! And for me, I know there have been times when I've felt distanced at a holiday party and felt more like I was an observer looking on, viewing the party in a very detached way. It's usually a family history thing for me, but different reasons than Natalia had.

It was almost heartbreaking to think of her still harboring guilt that a 9-year old child would have had for not saying goodbye to her mother, when an outside observer would understand that it was too much for a 9-year old to handle and that a mother would have understood and not wanted her to live so long with that guilt. You really conveyed how intertwined her guilt is with her memories and that to her keeping the guilt is as important as keeping the gift still intact out of fear of losing the memories she has left.

The only thing that momentarily confused me slightly was when you mentioned that "...Natalia had assumed they had got it wrong." At that point, I was unclear that the nurse hadn't called her in urgently because her mother was very near death rather than actually having passed away. It's just a tiny thing, but I really couldn't find anything at all else to critique!

Also, in relation to the flash back, I think that was very well used. It made the story so much more complete that if you'd tried to explain it as back story mingled in with the present tense, if that makes sense.

Fantastic job!!
 
Hey guys :D
Thanks for the critiques, I really appreciate that you took the time to read my story and all.
Is a little late but I'm just answering the TQ because I'm too awake to got to sleep lolz.

TQ: When reading and writing fanfictions that utilize flashbacks to help tell the story what do you expect the story to depict? Have you grown accustomed to flashbacks bringing with them some sort of negative feeling? Do you find them a welcome distraction to the text around you or an unecessary stop in the flow of the story?

I usually enjoy reading stories which have flashbacks- except for when they are continuously added in every paragraph or so. I do find that distracting. If it's just one big flashback however I feel that sometimes they're necessary to make a story understandable. They are a good way to explain why a character is feeling the way they may be feeling in a story and help set the scene. Most of the flashbacks I have seen in fanfics tend to be negative, but that's possibly because I read a lot of angst and so don't really know. I'd think that a negative flashback might have more emotional impact than a positive one (but again that might just be the angst lover in me)
 
I'm bummed that I didn't get to participate last week--got swamped at work and missed all the fun! But I am looking forward to the next time we do the individual critiques. It sounds like it was a nice change of pace, and still constructive and a good time for everyone.

My contribution for this week:

TQ: When reading and writing fanfictions that utilize flashbacks to help tell the story what do you expect the story to depict? Have you grown accustomed to flashbacks bringing with them some sort of negative feeling? Do you find them a welcome distraction to the text around you or an unnecessary stop in the flow of the story?

Flashbacks in a story for me don’t necessarily mean something negative. I’ve read several fics where the story itself was positive and so was the flashback, and used this technique myself once or twice. Thinking about it, though, you’re right in that many authors use them either to bring in a negative feeling or to relieve the reader from a negative feeling as the character remembers a happier time. I don’t find them distracting, either, when the story is well written. There is an art to using flashbacks, and if the author doesn’t use them smoothly the story becomes disjointed and hard to read. But when done well flashbacks can really enhance a story.

Critique

Things to work on:
I can honestly say you have very little to work on as far as this story is concerned. In fact, the only thing that caught my attention was your use of punctuation, which isn’t even necessarily wrong. This is just the teacher’s red pen coming out, lol. For example, in the sentence

“Earlier on in the evening things had gone well, there had been a good turnout for the MDPD Christmas party and everyone had a chance to let their hair down and have some fun.”

you might have said

“Earlier on in the evening things had gone well—there had been a good turnout for the MDPD Christmas party and everyone had a chance to let their hair down and have some fun.”

or

“Earlier on in the evening things had gone well; there had been a good turnout for the MDPD Christmas party and everyone had a chance to let their hair down and have some fun.”

Things that are good:
So much about this story is good that I don’t know where to begin. Your style is straightforward and simple, making it very easy for the reader to actually read. I didn’t have to think while reading this, I just read. It’s the kind of thing my students and siblings (who are not what you’d call voracious readers) would like because you don’t have to work hard to enjoy the piece. The flashback was incorporated very smoothly, and definitely enhanced the emotions Natalia was feeling sitting in the bathroom stall. The progression of that emotion was timed perfectly, too—she didn’t break down too quickly, nor did her decent into sadness take a long time, either. It was all very real. I think the choice of Natalia was a wise one, also. It takes a strong character to pull off this storyline and they way you’ve written her she is both strong and in character. Well done!
 
I have just this very second got back and sat down to write this, so any mistakes, I apologize. I’m also sorry for the lack of detail in it. I won’t be on the ‘possible features list’. LLK already knows this ;)

TQ; Flashbacks are, for me, usually associated with the negative. Watch any crime show and the flash backs will be used to give more info to the audience about the crime, or show the victim in a negative situation. I see flashback, I prepare myself.

Critique:

Okay. That could have been me you were writing about there, and I promise I’ll try to get too attached. I can tell you now; people can only capture emotions like this if they have experienced them. Sitting down and thinking ‘right, this characters mum has died, and she’s upset about it’ will NOT make a story. Sitting down and relating your own real life experiences to a character will make it.

The only problem with this is your own voice often comes through. It is not a problem in this case because we don’t know much about Natalia’s parents, so it is believable. It wouldn’t have worked if you’d picked Calleigh or someone we know very well.

I have to say, this one affected me more than I dare admit. I myself lost my mom when I was 11 after she fought cancer for three years and I also have two younger sisters I had to bring up. Although everyone’s personal coping mechanisms for grief and trauma are different, you made Natalia’s very believable; and for that, I applaud you.

Grammatically, your piece was practically perfect. I noticed only a couple of errors, mainly to do with comma use. Nothing major at all.

The use of the flashback was well placed, but as something to try, maybe change the viewpoint next time to see how the effect changes. See if second person or first person changes the overall output of the flashback. I mean, it may not work, but it could be fun to play around with.

Also, again as something to try out, you could have added more detail to her thoughts. Really got inside her head and had a good swim around in her emotions, it felt as though you were grazing the surface and there was something more powerful within sometimes. Though, I understand with such an emotional piece, getting in deeper could be dangerous.
Really well done with this one, I’m proud of you!

Again, I apologies for my lack of coherence. I’m going to bed J
 
This week since all of the critiques were in too late for me to discuss being featured with any of our regular members I decided to do something a litttle different.

I'm going to be featuring an author from outside of our commnunity to be critiqued this week.

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CSI Critique Fanfiction #9: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Snickers, "Top Ten Sings You're in Love With..." Pair by: Bauerfreak.

Part 1: Top Ten Sings You're in Love With Nick Stokes.

Part 2:Top Ten Sings You're in Love With Sara Sidle.

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TQ: When reading or wirting a fanfiction how is it different telling (or reading) the story when knowing that the other side will also be (or has also been) told?

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Please everyone keep in mind that the critiques for this weeks' feature fanfics is this coming Saturday. The rotation hasn't changed and has been the same since the begining of the critique group. I apologize for being upset that everything came in so late because I do understnd that my critique wasn't in until yesterday either and I know that things do come up. But... I think we should all agree to try a little harder to have things in further in advanced. It makes it really hard for me to feature any new fics if I don't have any candidates... ya know?

So... critiques are due by Saturday.

Please note that the next critque fanfiction will be featured on Sunday, December 23, 2007.
 
I am one of the guilty ones that didn't get my critique in until today :( So to make up for it (and because I'll be driving 10 hours in the car on Saturday to go see the family) I'm posting mine now :D

TQ: When reading or writing a fanfiction how is it different telling (or reading) the story when knowing that the other side will also be (or has also been) told?

In writing two separate POVs I know that it’s important to make sure both sides match up. When I wrote the two sides of one story I was able to write the first POV just like any other fic, but when I went to write the second side I found myself re-reading the first over and over to make sure the two went together in all the places I wanted them to match. In reading these types of stories, I tend to do the same thing—read the first as any other story, then comb the second looking for similarities.

Critique

Things to work on:
The only point of contention I had with these fics was that they didn’t seem to mesh too closely with the character’s personality—they seemed a bit out of character, particularly Sara’s. The tone of that piece came across as more of a teenager, all peppy and optimistic, very “stoked” about her feelings for Nick, and that doesn’t track with what we know of Sara. Not to say that she couldn’t be that way, and Nick’s half of the story was much closer to what I know of his personality, but Sara’s side seemed a bit out there for her. There were also a typo or two (“are” instead of “air”) and a few sentences that weren’t complete sentences, but they were few and far between. The incomplete sentences even worked for the story because they blended well with the style of each piece.

Things that were good:
First of all, these were well-written fics, easy to read and so much fun! The style is like talking to a person that is very effervescent and it rubbed off on me while I was reading—I found myself smiling through both parts. The set-up is creative, and they way moments are pulled from a range of episodes and arranged this way took a lot of effort. I liked, too, that some of the “signs” involved non-episode events, so we get a look at how Nick and Sara’s feelings for each other affect not only their work but their personal lives, as well. I also liked that not all of the “signs” involved cute, fluffy moments. Some of them were run of the mill ordinary moments (Nick changing his shirt), and some of them were downright scary (Sara after the lab explosion, Nick being buried alive). It gave a bit more realism to both sides of the story, and I really enjoyed them. Nice job!
 
TQ: I can't vouch for how different it is to write a 2 sided story, but I can say it's quite different reading a 2 sided story vs one that isn't. When I read a 2 sided story I'll read the first character's side...oh what's the word?...cautiously, I guess...with a bit of reservation, knowing I'm going to be reading another character's side, view of how things happened, their perception of an incident. Then when reading the other character's side I read it more intently, looking for the differences in the two sides. Of course, this is not how I read other types of stories.

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Interesting format for a story, Bauerfreak. Its kind of a journal entry for both, not a story with a plot per se. As has been said, it was very easy to read, not mind boggling as some stories can be (very involved, complex).

I liked how some of the reasons corresponded with the other person's reason, and we got their individual perceptions of the same incident. Very nice! I also liked the "leather and lace" reason...something I would do! Another plus...bringing up Nick being buried alive as a reason for both. It brought out their feelings regarding the other when it happened. I don't remember a lab explosion so I'm not sure if that really happened. Could this have been after GSR? If so, I wouldn't have seen it as I stopped watching when that started.

Although I stopped watching this show when GSR started, I do remember enough of Sara Sidle to feel that some of her "journal entries" were a little out of character. I can't imagine Sara shopping at Macy's. Target maybe. She just never struck me as a 'high end' shopper. And her looking for the smell of his cologne at a crime scene, can't see that either, or her stopping what she's doing because she smelled it. Nor can I see her coquettishly acting like she can't pull the towel bar out of the wall...the Sara I remember would've done it herself, to spite all of the men around her. A love struck teenager yes, but not a tomboyish woman. But, as I've said, I haven't watched the show in a while, so I could be remembering things wrong.

As I said, this was an intersting format. Sure had me thinking of 10 reasons I'm in love with Adam Rodriguez!

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I know that things do come up. But... I think we should all agree to try a little harder to have things in further in advanced.
Click to expand...

To piggy back on what lostladyknight said...I'm the queen of 'things coming up', especially at this time of year. I honestly feel as if I'm behind the 8 ball on Christmas this year, not nearly ready and it's a week away. But, I made a committment to this forum so knowing that my schedule is tight and that as the week goes on I'll be even more busy, I made it a point to review this week's story early. I missed critiquing the 2nd story posted because I didn't set aside time and I don't want that to happen again. So, take my advice...get it done early if your week is bound to be busy.
 
TQ: When reading or writing a Fanfiction how is it different telling (or reading) the story when knowing that the other side will also be (or has also been) told?

I’ve never written a two sided story before, so I can’t comment on what it’s like to write it. As for reading, in some ways I enjoy it. It’s like in life, if you only hear one side of a story, you only get one persons interpretation of the matter, but hearing both sides allows the reader to come to an informed conclusion. The only problem I can contrive with this is that, by writing two opinions (which must be different because each character is individual) you may confuse details or not have the different views, different enough.

Critique:

The only criticism I have is that some of the parts (or numbers) seemed a little out or character, particularly in Sara’s. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is. After all, characterization is a very complex issue, but it was more of a general feel to the stories.

Couple of typing issues, but noting a fine tooth comb, or beta, can’t fix. So no biggie there, a great job in fact.

The story as a whole (I’m speaking about both parts) was incredibly amusing. I was laughing out loud at some of the bits. Strangely, it was the most humorous moments that were most in character.

I must say, I love the fluff! How strange of me! I’m usually an angst person (big time) but in this case, it worked really well. Probably because you kept it reasonable, and didn’t overload it.

I liked the format, ‘10 things’. I did something similar with a fic, starting each of my 9/10 sentences with ‘do you know…’. It works best with lighthearted fics and I think you picked the right format here.

Well done, Bauerfreak. LLK was right to recommend you.

Jodie xx
 
Sorry for the double post. But I've had a spare half an hour and decided to post the winner of last weeks TQ now, rather than next time.

TQ: When reading and writing fanfictions that utilize flashbacks to help tell the story what do you expect the story to depict? Have you grown accustomed to flashbacks bringing with them some sort of negative feeling? Do you find them a welcome distraction to the text around you or an unnecessary stop in the flow of the story?

Winner: Zelda49

Flashbacks in a story for me don’t necessarily mean something negative. I’ve read several fics where the story itself was positive and so was the flashback, and used this technique myself once or twice. Thinking about it, though, you’re right in that many authors use them either to bring in a negative feeling or to relieve the reader from a negative feeling as the character remembers a happier time. I don’t find them distracting, either, when the story is well written. There is an art to using flashbacks, and if the author doesn’t use them smoothly the story becomes disjointed and hard to read. But when done well flashbacks can really enhance a story.


Well done Zelda, and to the rest. You all had fabulous views this week. :D
 
TQ: When reading or writing a Fanfiction how is it different telling (or reading) the story when knowing that the other side will also be (or has also been) told?[/i]

I find it really interesting when reading fics like this, because you get to see the opinions and thoughts of both of the characters and it works really well when the two interlink (as with this story). I like 2 sided fics especially if they can both be read as single fics as well (but that might just be a personal preference) I've never written one, and don't intend to any time soon- I'd probably get confused.

Critique:

I'll start by saying I don't really watch LV all that much, but I have seen enough to know that characters, and Sara/nick would be my 'ship' if I watched it enough.

I really like the fluffy-ness of these two fics. Reading through them both gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. I enjoyed reading Nick's POV especially, I feel you got his character really nicely.

The style and set up of these fics was really good, it felt like you were having a conversation with that person, rather than just reading it. I liked that some of the 'signs' were linked and we got to see each of the sides of the story. The format worked really well because the fic was so happy and cute.

You had a couple of little spelling errors that were probably typos but they certainly didn't take anything away from the story.

The one thing I'm going to pick up on is that Sara to me seemed a little out of character. I never imagined her having many friends outside of her work, or that she would be shopping in places like Macy's.

However, because this fic was so sweet, and great to read, any characterisation problem is kind of minor and an angstyish Sara wouldn't really have fitted (and I don't really watch much LV so I could be wrong)

Overall i really enjoyed reading this fic, I don't normally read fics in this particular format, but you did a really great job :D Well done

LeAnne x
 
TQ: When reading or wirting a fanfiction how is it different telling (or reading) the story when knowing that the other side will also be (or has also been) told?

When writing, you have to keep both sides of the story in mind as you write so that you can create the sense of comparison and contrast and keep the story coordinated. While you want to show people’s different perceptions, it’s important to make sure that factual details remain consistent and that you include enough factual details to ensure the reader can tie events together easily in their mind. In reading two points of view, I read with the conscious knowledge that there will be another point of view and with curiosity about how the other person viewed events. Sometimes I’ll go back and compare the two accounts, depending on the story.

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I have to say up front that I had a hard time getting with the feeling of these fics at first because neither one really matched well with the Nick and Sara characters that live in my mind. I felt almost as though these were snapshots of both characters at different points in their lives, Sara as a giggly teenager and Nick, as he put it, as a frat boy. Yet, that didn’t feel right, either, because they wouldn’t have had shared experiences at that point in their lives, and I especially can’t see Sara as ever having been someone who would have been so open and exuberant or say “He thinks I’m seeeeeexy. He wants to daaaaaaate me.“ Most of Nick’s version seems closer to capturing his character, though possibly at a younger time in his life.

If I separate myself from my own views and feelings about the characters, though, the stories themselves are light hearted and fun to read. I liked the fact that there was no effort made to have point and counterpoint for each and every memory or sign, but that enough of them were opposite views of the same memories to show how well the characters meshed, or would if they let their feelings be known. The overall style used worked very well for this pair of stories. Doing the numbered list with personal memories in between made the transitions from point to point much lighter and easier than writing this in a more rigid prose style would have.

There was a good mixture of humor and seriousness. The idea that Nick would deliberately wear an ugly shirt that his grandma gave him just to get a reaction from Sara made me laugh. And his thoughts about Sara being a mother and how he’s realized that he wants to settle down and more specifically settle down with her quite touching. It was also a little bittersweet that despite the fact that she loves Nick, Sara’s main reason for wanting to be with him was driven by the need to be needed more so than the need just to be with someone who loved her back.

There were only a couple of small spelling/word errors that I saw, but nothing major at all.

One thing that has been interesting about all these fanfics in this critique group is that it shows how different each person’s impression of characters can be.

P.S. Apologies if the spacing between sentences is wonky. Cut and paste from Word messed them up once, but when I fixed them, some of them changed after I did a preview post and edit cycle. :rolleyes:
 
I'm going to try to get a critque up this week guys but I broke my own rule and didn't do it right away. Now I'm really worried about having the time to do it. I don't think I will.

Also... since I'll only be able to be on for ten or fifteen minutes at a time would anyone who has already critqued like to be featured next week? Please PM me if you happen to be interested...
 
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